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BERTH A»D 

BOOK  STOKE 

140   PACIFK    /JrT 
CAi. 


MR.  Louis  MINTZ  WHAT  COMES  TO  WORK  BY  Us. 


POTASH    & 
PE  R  L  M  UTTER 


THEIR  COPARTNERSHIP  VENTURES 
AND  ADVENTURES 


BY 

MONTAGUE  GLASS  ' 


ILLUSTRATED 


GROSSET    &     DUN  LAP 

PUBLISHERS  ::  NEWYORK. 


Copyright,   1909,  by  The  Curtis  Publishing  Company 
Copyright,  1910,  by  Howard  E.  Altemus 
Copyrighted  1911,  by  Doubleday,  Page  &  Company. 


THE  COUNTRY  LIFE  PRESS,  GARDEN  CITY,  N.  Y. 


URL 
SRLF 


Potash  &  Perlmutter 


CHAPTEB  I 

*<"^L  TO,  siree,  sir,"  Abe  Potash  exclaimed  as  he 
I  ^y  drew  a  check  to  the  order  of  his  attorney 
for  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  "I  would 
positively  go  it  alone  from  now  on  till  I  die,  Noble- 
stone.  I  got  my  stomach  full  with  Pincus  Vesell 
already,  and  if  Andrew  Carnegie  would  come  to  me 
and  tell  me  he  wants  to  go  with  me  as  partners  to- 
gether in  the  cloak  and  suit  business,  I  would  say 
'No,'  so  sick  and  tired  of  partners  I  am." 

For  the  twentieth  time  he  examined  the  dissolu- 
tion agreement  which  had  ended  the  firm  of  Vesell 
&  Potash,  and  then  he  sighed  heavily  and  placed  the 
document  in  his  breast  pocket. 

"Cost  me  enough,  Noblestone,  I  could  assure 
you,"  he  said. 

"A  hundred  and  fifty  ain't  much,  Potash,  for  a  big 
lawyer  like  Feldman,"  Noblestone  commented. 

Abe  flipped  his  fingers  in  a  gesture  of  deprecation. 

"That  is  the  least,  Noblestone,"  he  rejoined. 
"First  and  last  I  bet  you  I  am  out  five  thousand  dol- 
lars on  Vesell.  That  feller  got  an  idee  that  there 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

ain't  nothing  to  the  cloak  and  suit  business  but  auc- 
tion pinochle  and  taking  out-of-town  customers  to 
the  theayter.  Hard  work  is  something  which  he 
don't  know  nothing  about  at  all.  He  should  of  been 
in  the  brokering  business." 

"The  brokering  business  ain't  such  a  cinch 
neither,"  Noblestone  retorted  with  some  show  of 
indignation.  "A  feller  what's  in  the  brokering 
business  has  got  his  troubles,  too,  Potash.  Here  I've 
been  trying  to  find  an  opening  for  a  bright  young 
feller  with  five  thousand  dollars  cash,  y'understand, 
and  also  there  ain't  a  better  designer  in  the  business, 
y'understand,  and  I  couldn't  do  a  thing  with  the 
proposition.  Always  everybody  turns  me  down. 
Either  they  got  a  partner  already  or  they're  like 
yourself,  Potash,  they  just  got  through  with  a  part- 
ner which  done  'em  up  good." 

"If  you  think  Pincus  Vesell  done  me  up  good,  No- 
blestone," Potash  said,  "you  are  mistaken.  I  got 
better  judgment  as  to  let  a  lowlife  like  him  get  into 
me,  Noblestone.  I  lost  money  by  him,  y'understand, 
but  at  the  same  time  he  didn't  make  nothing  neither. 
Vesell  is  one  of  them  fellers  what  you  hear  about 
which  is  nobody's  enemy  but  his  own." 

"The  way  he  talks  to  me,  Potash,"  Noblestone  re- 
plied, "he  ain't  such  friends  to  you  neither." 

"He  hates  me  worser  as  poison,"  Abe  declared 
fervently,  "but  that  ain't  neither  here  nor  there,  No- 
blestone. I'm  content  he  should  be  my  enemy. 
He's  the  kind  of  feller  what  if  we  would  part  friends, 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

he  would  come  back  every  week  and  touch  me  for 
five  dollars  yet.  The  feller  ain't  got  no  money  and 
he  ain't  got  no  judgment  neither." 

"But  here  is  a  young  feller  which  he  got  lots  of 
common  sense  and  five  thousand  dollars  cash,"  No- 
blestone  went  on.  "Only  one  thing  which  he  ain't 
got." 

Abe  nodded. 

"I  seen  lots  of  them  fellers  in  my  time, 
Noblestone,"  he  said.  "Everything  about  'em  is 
all  right  excepting  one  thing  and  that's  always  a 
killer." 

"Well,  this  one  thing  ain't  a  killer  at  all,"  Noble- 
stone  rejoined,  "he  knows  the  cloak  and  suit  busi- 
ness from  A  to  Z,  and  he 's  a  first-class  A  number  one 
feller  for  the  inside,  Potash,  but  he  ain't  no  sales- 
man. ' ' 

"So  long  as  he's  good  on  the  inside,  Noblestone," 
Abe  said,  "it  don't  do  no  harm  if  he  ain't  a  salesman, 
because  there's  lots  of  fellers  in  the  cloak  and  suit 
business  which  calls  themselves  drummers,  y 'under- 
stand. Every  week  regular  they  turn  in  an  expense 
account  as  big  as  a  doctor 's  bill  already,  and  not  only 
they  ain't  salesmen,  Noblestone,  but  they  don't  know 
enough  about  the  inside  work  to  get  a  job  as  assistant 
shipping  clerk." 

"Well,  Harry  Federmann  ain't  that  kind, 
Potash,"  Noblestone  went  on.  "He's  been  a  cutter 
and  a  designer  and  everything  you  could  think  of  in 
the  cloak  and  suit  business.  Also  the  feller's  got 

9 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

good  backing.  He's  married  to  old  man  Zudrowsky 's 
daughter  and  certainly  them  people  would  give  him 
a  whole  lot  of  help." 

"What  people  do  you  mean!"  Abe  asked. 

"Zudrowsky  &  Cohen, "  Noblestone  answered. 
"Do  you  know  'em,  Potash?" 

Abe  laughed  raucously. 

"Do  I  know  'em?"  he  said.  "A  question!  Them 
people  got  a  reputation  among  the  trade  which  you 
wouldn't  believe  at  all.  Yes,  Noblestone,  if  I  would 
take  it  another  partner,  y 'understand,  I  would  as  lief 
get  a  feller  what's  got  the  backing  of  a  couple  of  them 
cut-throats  up  in  Sing  Sing,  so  much  do  I  think  of 
Zudrowsky  &  Cohen." 

"All  I  got  to  say  to  that,  Potash,  is  that  you  don't 
know  them  people,  otherwise  you  wouldn't  talk  that 
way." 

"Maybe  I  don't  know  'em  as  good  as  some  con- 
cerns know  'em,  Noblestone,  but  that's  because  I 
was  pretty  lucky.  Leon  Sammet  tells  me  he 
wouldn't  trust  'em  with  the  wrapping  paper  on  a 
C.  0.  D.  shipment  of  two  dollars." 

Noblestone  rose  to  his  feet  and  assumed  an  atti- 
tude of  what  he  believed  to  be  injured  dignity. 

"I  hear  enough  from  you,  Potash,"  he  said,  "and 
some  day  you  will  be  sorry  you  talk  that  way  about 
a  concern  like  Zudrowsky  &  Cohen.  If  you  couldn't 
say  nothing  good  about  'em,  you  should  shut  up 
your  mouth." 

"I  could  say  one  thing  good  about  'em,  Noble- 

10 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

stone,"  Abe  retorted,  as  the  business  broker  opened 
the  store  door.  "They  ain't  ashamed  of  a  couple  of 
good  old-time  names  like  Zudrowsky  &  Cohen." 

This  was  an  allusion  to  the  circumstance  that 
Philip  Noblestone  had  once  been  Pesach  Edel- 
stein,  and  the  resounding  bang  with  which  the 
broker  closed  the  door  behind  him,  was  gratifying 
evidence  to  Abe  that  his  parting  shot  had  found  its 
target. 

"Well,  Noblestone,"  Zudrowsky  cried,  as  the 
broker  entered  the  show  room  of  Zudrowsky  & 
Cohen,  "what  did  he  say?" 

"He  says  he  wouldn't  consider  it  at  all,"  Noble- 
stone  answered.  "He  ain't  in  no  condition  to  talk 
about  it  anyway,  because  he  feels  too  sore  about  his 
old  partner,  Pincus  Vesell.  That  feller  done  him  up 
to  the  tune  of  ten  thousand  dollars." 

In  Noblestone 's  scheme  of  ethics,  to  multiply  a 
fact  by  two  was  to  speak  the  truth  unadorned. 

"S 'enough,  Noblestone,"  Zudrowsky  cried.  "If 
Potash  lost  so  much  money  as  all  that,  I  wouldn't 
consider  him  at  all.  One  thing  you  got  to  re- 
member, Noblestone.  Me,  I  am  putting  up  five 
thousand  dollars  for  Harry  Federmann,  and  what 
that  feller  don't  know  about  business,  Noble- 
stone,  you  could  take  it  from  me,  would  make  even 
you  a  millionaire,  if  you  would  only  got  it  in  your 
head." 

Noblestone     felt     keenly     the     doubtfulness     of 

Zudrowsky 's    compliment,    but    for   a   lack   of   a 

11 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTEE 

suitable  rejoinder  lie  contented  himself  by  nodding 
gravely. 

"So  I  wouldn't  want  Mm  to  tie  up  with  a  feller 
like  Potash,  what  gets  done  up  so  easy  for  ten  thou- 
sand dollars, ' '  Zudrowsky  went  on.  * l  What  I  would 
like,  Noblestone,  is  that  Harry  should  go  as  partners 
together  with  some  decent,  respectable  feller  which 
got  it  good  experience  in  the  cloak  business  and 
wouldn't  be  careless  with  my  five  thousand  dollars. 
I  needn  't  to  tell  you,  Noblestone,  if  I  would  let  Harry 
get  his  hands  on  it,  I  might  as  well  kiss  myself  good- 
bye with  that  five  thousand  dollars." 

Noblestone  waggled  his  head  from  side  to  side  and 
made  inarticulate  expressions  of  sympathy  through 
his  nose. 

"How  could  you  marry  off  your  daughter  to  a 
schafskopf  like  Federmann?"  he  asked. 

1  'It  was  a  love  match,  Noblestone,"  Zudrowsky 
explained.  ' '  She  falls  in  love  with  him,  and  he  falls 
in  love  with  her.  So  naturally  he  ain't  no  business 
man,  y 'understand,  because  you  know  as  well  as  I 
do,  Noblestone,  a  business  man  ain't  got  no  time  to 
fool  away  on  such  nonsense." 

"Sure,  I  know,"  Noblestone  agreed.  "But  what 
makes  Federmann  so  dumb?  He's  been  in  the  cloak 
and  suit  business  all  his  life,  ain't  he?" 

"What's  that  got  to  do  with  it?"  Zudrowsky  ex- 
claimed. "Cohen  and  me  got  these  here  fixtures  for 
fifteen  years  already,  and  you  could  more  expect 
them  tables  and  racks  they  should  know  the  cloak 

12 


POTASH   &  PEHLMUTTEK 

and  suit  business  as  Harry  Federmann.  They  ain't 
neither  of  'em  got  no  brains,  Noblestone,  and  that's 
what  I  want  you  to  get  for  Harry, — some  young  fel- 
ler with  brains,  even  though  he  ain't  worth  much 
money." 

"Believe  me,  Mr.  Zudrowsky,"  Noblestone  re- 
plied. "It  ain't  such  an  easy  matter  these  times  to 
find  a  young  feller  with  brains  what  ain't  got  no 
money,  Mr.  Zudrowsky,  and  such  young  fellers  don't 
need  no  partners  neither.  And,  anyhow,  Mr.  Zud- 
rowsky, what  is  five  thousand  dollars  for  an  induce- 
ment to  a  business  man?  When  I  would  go  around 
and  tell  my  clients  I  got  a  young  feller  with  five 
thousand  dollars  what  wants  to  go  in  the  cloak 
and  suit  business,  they  laugh  at  me.  In  the  cloak 
and  suit  business  five  thousand  dollars  goes  no 
ways. '  * 

"Five  thousand  ain't  much  if  you  are  going  to 
open  up  as  a  new  beginner,  Noblestone,"  Zud- 
rowsky replied,  "but  if  you  got  a  going  concern, 
y 'understand,  five  thousand  dollars  is  always  five 
thousand  dollars.  There's  lots  of  business  men  what 
is  short  of  money  all  the  time,  Noblestone.  Couldn't 
you  find  it  maybe  a  young  feller  which  is  already 
established  in  business,  y 'understand,  and  what 
needs  doch  a  little  money?" 

Noblestone  slapped  his  thigh. 

"I  got  it!"  he  said.  "I'll  go  around  and  see  Sam 
Feder  of  the  Kosciusko  Bank. ' ' 

Half  an  hour  later  Noblestone  sat  in  the  first  vice- 
is 


president's  office  at  the  Kosciusko  Bank,  and  re- 
quested that  executive  officer  to  favor  him  with  the 
names  of  a  few  good  business  men,  who  would  appre- 
ciate a  partner  with  five  thousand  dollars. 

"I'll  tell  you  the  truth,  Noblestone,"  Mr.  Feder 
Said,  "we  turn  down  so  many  people  here  every  day, 
that  it's  a  pretty  hard  thing  for  me  to  remember 
any  particular  name.  Most  of  'em  is  good  for  noth- 
ing, either  for  your  purpose  or  for  ours,  Noblestone. 
The  idee  they  got  about  business  is  that  they  should 
sell  goods  at  any  price.  In  figuring  the  cost  of  the 
output,  they  reckon  labor,  so  much;  material,  so 
much;  and  they  don't  take  no  account  of  rent,  light, 
power,  insurance  and  so  forth.  The  consequence  is, 
they  lose  money  all  the  time ;  and  they  put  their  com- 
petitors in  bad  too,  because  they  make  'em  meet  their 
fool  prices.  The  whole  trade  is  cut  up  by  them  fel- 
lers and  sooner  as  recommend  one  for  a  partner  for 
your  client,  I'd  advise  him  to  take  his  money  and 
play  the  ponies  with  it. ' ' 

At  this  juncture  a  boy  entered  and  handed  Mr. 
Feder  a  card. 

"Tell  him  to  come  right  in,"  Feder  said,  and  then 
he  turned  to  Noblestone.  "You  got  to  excuse  me 
for  a  few  minutes,  Noblestone,  and  I'll  see  you  just 
as  soon  as  I  get  through." 

As  Noblestone  left  the  first  vice-president's  office, 
he  encountered  Feder 's  visitor,  who  wore  an  air  of 
furtive  apprehension  characteristic  of  a  man  making 
his  initial  visit  to  a  pawn  shop.  Noblestone  waited 

14 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

on  the  bench  outside  for  perhaps  ten  minutes,  when 
Mr.  Feder 's  visitor  emerged,  a  trifle  red  in  the  face. 

''That's  my  terms,  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  Feder  said. 

'  *  "Well,  if  I  would  got  to  accept  such  a  proposition 
like  that,  Mr.  Feder,"  the  visitor  declared,  "I 
would  sooner  bust  up  first.  That's  all  I  got  to 
say. ' ' 

He  jammed  his  hat  down  on  his  head  and  made 
for  the  door. 

"Now,  Mr.  Noblestone,  I  am  ready  for  you," 
Feder  cried,  but  his  summons  fell  on  deaf  ears,  for 
Noblestone  was  in  quick  pursuit  of  the  vanishing 
Perlmutter.  Noblestone  overtook  him  at  the  corner 
and  touched  his  elbow. 

"How  do  you  do,  Mr.  Perlmutter!"  he  exclaimed. 

Perlmutter  stopped  short  and  wheeled  around. 

"Huh?"  he  said. 

"This  is  Mr.  Sol  Perlmutter,  ain't  it?"  Noblestone 
asked. 

"No,  it  ain't,"  Perlmutter  replied.  "My  name 
is  Morris  Perlmutter,  and  the  pair  of  real  gold  eye- 
glasses which  you  just  picked  up  and  would  let  me 
have  as  a  bargain  for  fifty  cents,  ain't  no  use  to  me 
neither. ' ' 

"I  ain't  picked  up  no  eye-glasses,"  Noblestone 
said. 

"No?"  Morris  Perlmutter  rejoined.  "Well,  I 
don't  want  to  buy  no  blue  white  diamond  ring 
neither,  y 'understand,  so  if  it's  all  the  same  to  you  I 
got  business  to  attend  to." 

15 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

"So  do  I,"  ISToblestone  went  on,  "and  this  is  what 
it  is.    Also  my  name  is  there  too. '  ' 

He  showed  Morris  a  card,  which  read  as  follows : 


TELEPHONE  CONNECTION  REAL  ESTATE  A  INSURANCE 

IN  ALL  ITS  BRANCHES 


PHILIP  NOBLESTONE 

BUSINESS  BROKER 

G  ET    A 
PARTNER 

594  EAST  HOUSTON  STREET  NEW  YORK 


"Don't  discount  them  good  accounts,  Mr.  Perl- 
mutter,"  he  added,  "it  ain't  necessary." 

"Who  told  you  I  want  to  discount  some  ac- 
counts?" Morris  asked. 

"If  I  see  a  feller  in  a  dentist's  chair,"  Nohlestone 
answered,  "I  don't  need  to  be  told  he's  got  the  tooth- 
ache already." 

After  this  Morris  was  easily  persuaded  to  accept 
Noblestone's  invitation  to  drink  a  cup  of  coffee,  and 
they  retired  immediately  to  a  neighboring  bakery 
and  lunch  room. 

"Yes,  Mr.  Noblestone,"  Morris  said,  consulting 
the  card.  "I  give  you  right  about  Feder.  That 
feller  is  worser  as  a  dentist.  He's  a  bloodsucker. 
Fifteen  hundred  dollars  gilt-edged  accounts  I  offer 

16 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

him  as  security  for  twelve  hundred,  and  when  I  get 
through  with  paying  DeWitt  C.  Feinholtz,  his  son- 
in-law,  what  is  the  bank's  lawyer,  there  wouldn't  be 
enough  left  from  that  twelve  hundred  dollars  to  pay 
off  my  operators. " 

"That's  the  way  it  is  when  a  feller's  short  of 
money,"  Noblestone  said.  "Now,  if  you  would  got 
it  a  partner  with  backing,  y 'understand,  you 
wouldn't  never  got  to  be  short  again." 

With  this  introductory  sentence,  Noblestone 
launched  out  upon  a  series  of  persuasive  arguments, 
which  only  ended  when  Morris  Perlmutter  had 
promised  to  lunch  with  Zudrowsky,  Harry  Feder- 
mann  and  Noblestone  at  Wasserbauer's  Cafe 
and  Eestaurant  the  following  afternoon  at  one 
o  'clock. 

For  the  remainder  of  the  day,  Philip  Noblestone 
interviewed  as  much  of  the  cloak  and  suit  trade  as 
he  could  cover,  with  respect  to  Morris  Perlmutter 's 
antecedents,  and  the  result  was  entirely  satisfactory. 
He  ascertained  that  Morris  had  worked  his  way  up 
from  shipping  clerk,  through  the  various  grades, 
until  he  had  reached  the  comparative  eminence  of 
head  cutter,  and  his  only  failing  was  that  he  had  em- 
barked in  business  with  less  capital  than  experience. 
At  first  he  had  met  with  moderate  success,  but  a  dull 
season  in  the  cloak  trade  had  temporarily  embar- 
rassed him,  and  the  consensus  of  opinion  among  his 
competitors  was  that  he  had  a  growing  business  but 
was  over-extended. 

17 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

Thus  when  Noblestone  repaired  to  the  office  of 
Zudrowsky  &  Cohen  at  closing  time  that  afternoon, 
he  fairly  outdid  himself  extolling  Morris  Perlmut- 
ter's  merits,  and  he  presented  so  high  colored  a  pic- 
ture that  Zudrowsky  deprecated  the  business 
broker's  enthusiasm. 

"Say,  looky  here,  Noblestone,"  he  said,  "enough's 
enough.  All  I  want  is  a  partner  for  my  son-in-law 
which  would  got  common  sense  and  a  little  judg- 
ment. That's  all.  I  don't  expect  no  miracles, 
y 'understand,  and  the  way  I  understand  it  from  you, 
this  feller  Morris  Perlmutter  is  got  a  business  head 
like  Andrew  Carnegie  already  and  a  shape  like  John 
Drew." 

' '  I  never  mentioned  his  name  because  I  don 't  know 
that  feller  at  all, ' '  Noblestone  protested.  '  *  But  Perl- 
mutter  is  a  fine  business  man,  Mr.  Zudrowsky,  and 
he's  a  swell  dresser,  too." 

"A  feller  what  goes  to  a  bank  looking  for  accom- 
modations," Zudrowsky  replied,  "naturally  don't 
put  on  his  oldest  clothes,  y 'understand,  but  anyhow, 
Noblestone,  if  you  would  be  around  here  at  half  past 
twelve  to-morrow,  I  will  see  that  Harry  gets  here 
too,  and  we  will  go  down  to  Wasserbauer's  and  meet 
the  feller." 

It  was  precisely  one  o'clock  the  following  day 
when  Morris  Perlmutter  seated  himself  at  a  table  in 
the  rear  of  Wasserbauer's  Cafe  and  Restaurant. 

"Yes,  sir,  right  away!"  Louis,  the  waiter,  cried, 
as  he  deposited  a  plate  of  dill  pickles  on  the  adjoin- 

18 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

ing  table,  at  which  sat  a  stout  middle-aged  person 
with  a  napkin  tucked  in  his  neck. 

"Koenigsberger  Klops  is  good  to-day,  Mr. 
Potash,"  Louis  announced. 

" Pushing  the  stickers,  Louis,  ain't  it?"  the  man 
at  the  next  table  said.  "You  couldn't  get  me  to  eat 
no  chopped  meat  which  customers  left  on  their  plates 
last  week  already.  I  never  believe  in  buying  sec- 
onds, Louis.  Give  me  a  piece  of  roast  beef,  well 
done,  and  a  baked  potato." 

"Eight  away,  Mr.  Potash,"  Louis  said,  as  he 
passed  on  to  Perlmutter's  table.  "Now,  sir,  what 
could  I  do  for  you?" 

"Me,  I  am  waiting  here  for  somebody,"  Morris 
replied.  "Bring  me  a  glass  of  water  and  we  will 
give  our  order  later." 

"Eight  away!"  said  Louis,  and  hustled  off  to  fill 
Abe  Potash's  order,  whereat  Abe  selected  a  dill 
pickle  to  beguile  the  tedium  of  waiting.  He  grasped 
it  firmly  between  his  thumb  and  finger,  and  neatly 
bisected  it  with  his  teeth.  Simultaneously  the 
pickle  squirted,  and  about  a  quarter  of  a  pint  of 
the  acid  juice  struck  Morris  Perlmutter  in  the  right 
eye. 

"Excuse  me,"  Abe  cried.    "Excuse  me." 

"S'all  right,"  Morris  replied.  "I  seen  what  you 
was  doing  and  I  should  of  ordered  an  umbrella  in- 
stead of  a  glass  of  water  already. ' ' 

Abe  laughed  uproariously. 

"Dill  pickles  is  uncertain  like  Paris  fashions,"  he 

19 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

commented.  "  You  could  never  tell  what  they  would 
do  next." 

"I  bet  yer,"  Morris  replied.  "Last  year  people 
was  buying  silks  like  they  was  crazy,  y 'understand, 
and  this  year  you  would  think  silks  was  poison.  A 
buyer  wouldn't  touch  'em  at  all,  and  that's  the  way 
it  goes." 

Abe  rose  with  the  napkin  tucked  in  his  neck,  and 
carrying  the  dish  of  dill  pickles  with  him,  he  sat 
down  at  Morris'  table,  to  which  Louis  brought  the 
roast  beef  a  moment  later. 

"I  seen  you  was  in  the  cloak  and  suit  business  as 
soon  as  I  looked  at  you,"  Abe  said.  "I  guess  I'll 
eat  here  till  your  friends  come." 

"Go  ahead/'  Morris  replied.  "It's  already  quar- 
ter past  one,  and  if  them  fellers  don't  come  soon, 
I'm  going  to  eat,  too." 

"What's  the  use  waiting?"  Abe  said.  "Eat  any- 
how. This  roast  beef  is  fine.  Try  some  of  it  on 
me." 

"Why  should  I  stick  you  for  my  lunch?"  Morris 
rejoined.  "I  see  them  suckers  ain't  going  to  show 
up  at  all,  so  I  guess  I'll  take  a  sandwich  and  a  cup 
of  coffee." 

He  motioned  to  Louis. 

"Right  away!"  Louis  cried.  "Yes,  sir,  we  got 
some  nice  Koenigsberger  Klops  to-day  mit  Kartoffel 
Kloes." 

"What  d'ye  take  this  gentleman  for,  anyway, 
Louis  ? ' '  Abe  asked.  ' '  A  garbage  can  ?  Give  him  a 

20 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

nice  slice  of  roast  beef  well  done  and  a  baked  potato. 
Also  bring  two  cups  of  coffee  and  give  it  the  checks 
to  me." 

By  a  quarter  to  two  Abe  and  Morris  had  passed 
from  business  matters  to  family  affairs,  and  after 
they  had  exchanged  cigars  and  the  conversation  had 
reached  a  stage  where  Morris  had  just  accepted  an 
invitation  to  dine  at  Abe's  house,  Noblestone  and 
Zudrowsky  entered,  with  Harry  Federmann  bring- 
ing up  in  the  rear.  Harry  was  evidently  in  disfavor, 
and  his  weak,  blond  face  wore  the  crestfallen  look 
of  a  whipped  child,  for  he  had  been  so  occupied  with 
his  billing  and  cooing  up  town,  that  he  had  forgot- 
ten his  business  engagement. 

"Hallo,  Mr.  Perlmutter, "  Noblestone  cried,  and 
then  he  caught  sight  of  Morris'  companion  and  the 
remains  of  their  generous  meal.  "I  thought  you 
was  going  to  take  lunch  with  us." 

"Do  I  got  to  starve,  Mr.  Who's- this — I  lost  your 
card — just  because  I  was  fool  enough  to  take  up  your 
proposition  yesterday?  I  should  of  known  better 
in  the  first  place." 

"But  this  here  young  feller,  Mr.  Federmann,  got 
detained  uptown,"  Zudrowsky  explained.  "His 
wife  got  took  suddenly  sick." 

"Why,  she  may  have  to  have  an  operation,"  No- 
blestone said  in  a  sudden  burst  of  imaginative  en- 
thusiasm. 

"You  should  tell  your  troubles  to  a  doctor,"  Abe 
said,  rising  from  the  table.  "And  besides,  Noble- 

»— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  21 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

stone,  Mr.  Perlmutter  don't  want  no  partner  just 
now. ' ' 

"But,"  Perlmutter  began,  "but,  Mr.  Potash " 

"That  is  to  say,"  Abe  interrupted,  "he  don't  want 
a  partner  with  no  business  experience.  Me,  I  got 
business  experience,  as  you  know,  Mr.  Noblestone, 
and  so  we  fixed  it  up  we  would  go  as  partners  to- 
gether, provided  after  we  look  each  other  up  every- 
thing is  all  right." 

He  looked  inquiringly  at  Perlmutter,  who  nodded 
in  reply. 

"And  if  everything  is  all  right,"  Perlmutter  said, 
"we  will  start  up  next  week." 

"Under  the  firm  name,"  Abe  added,  "of  Potash  & 
Perlmutter." 

CHAPTER  II 

IN  less  than  ten  days  the  new  firm  of  Potash  & 
Perlmutter  were  doing  business  in  Abe 
Potash's  old  quarters  on  White  Street  with  the 
addition  of  the  loft  on  the  second  floor.  Abe  had 
occupied  the  grade  floor  of  an  old-fashioned  build- 
ing, and  agreeable  to  Morris'  suggestion  the  manu- 
facturing and  cutting  departments  were  transferred 
to  the  second  floor,  leaving  Abe's  old  quarters  for 
showroom,  office  and  shipping  purposes.  It  was 
further  arranged  that  Abe's  share  of  the  copartner- 
ship work  should  be  the  selling  end  and  that  Morris 
should  take  charge  of  the  manufacturing.  Both 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

partners  supervised  the  accounting  and  credit  de- 
partment with  the  competent  assistance  of  Miss  R. 
Cohen,  who  had  served  the  firm  of  Vesell  &  Potash 
in  the  same  capacity. 

For  more  than  a  year  Morris  acted  as  designer, 
and  with  one  or  two  unfortunate  exceptions,  the 
styles  he  originated  had  been  entirely  satisfactory 
to  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  growing  trade. 

The  one  or  two  unfortunate  exceptions,  however, 
had  been  a  source  of  some  loss  to  the  firm.  First, 
there  were  the  tourists '  coats  which  cost  Potash  & 
Perlmutter  one  thousand  dollars ;  then  came  the  pur- 
ple directoires;  total,  two  thousand  dollars  charged 
off  to  profit  and  loss  on  the  firm's  books. 

"No,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  when  his  partner  spoke 
of  a  new  model,  which  he  termed  the  Long  Branch 
Coatee,  "I  don't  like  that  name.  Anyhow,  Maw- 
russ, I  got  it  in  my  mind  we  should  hire  a  designer. 
While  I  figure  it  that  you  don 't  cost  us  nothing  ex- 
tra, Mawruss,  a  couple  of  stickers  like  them  tourists 
and  that  directoire  model  puts  us  in  the  hole  two 
thousand  dollars.  On  the  other  hand,  Mawruss,  if 
we  get  a  good  designer,  Mawruss,  all  we  pay  him  is 
two  thousand  a  year  and  we're  through." 

1 '  I  know,  Abe, ' '  Morris  replied, 1 1  but  designers  can 
turn  out  stickers,  too." 

"Sure,  they  can,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "but 
they  got  a  job  to  look  out  for,  Mawruss,  while  you 
are  one  of  the  bosses  here,  whether  you  turn  out 
stickers  or  not.  No,  Mawruss,  I  got  enough  of  stick- 

23 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

ers  already.  I'm  going  to  look  out  for  a  good,  live 
designer,  a  smart  young  feller  like  Louis  Grossman, 
what  works  for  Sammet  Brothers.  I  bet  you  they 
done  an  increased  business  of  twenty  per  cent,  with 
that  young  feller's  designs.  I  met  Ike  Gotthelf, 
buyer  for  Horowitz  &  Finkelbein,  and  he  tells  me  he 
gave  Sammet  Brothers  a  two-thousand-dollar  order 
a  couple  of  weeks  ago,  including  a  hundred  and 
twenty-two  garments  of  that  new-style  they  got  out, 
which  they  call  the  Arverne  Sacque,  one  of  Louis 
Grossman's  new  models." 

"Is  that  so?"  said  Morris.  "Well,  you  know 
what  I  would  do  if  I  was  you,  Abe?  I'd  see  Louis 
Grossman  and  offer  him  ten  dollars  a  week  more  than 
Sammet  Brothers  pays  him,  and  the  first  thing  you 
know  he'd  be  working  for  us  and  not  for  Sammet 
Brothers. ' ' 

"You  got  a  great  head,  Mawruss,"  Abe  rejoined 
ironically.  "You  got  the  same  idee  all  of  a  sudden 
what  I  think  about  a  week  ago  already.  I  seen  Louis 
Grossman  yesterday,  and  offered  him  fifteen,  not 
ten." 

"And  what  did  he  say?" 

"He  says  he's  working  by  Sammet  Brothers  under 
a  contract,  Mawruss,  what  don't  expire  for  a  year 
yet,  and  they're  holding  up  a  quarter  of  his  wages 
under  the  contract,  which  he  is  to  forfeit  if  he  don't 
work  it  out." 

"Don't  you  believe  it,  Abe,"  Morris  broke  in, 
"He's  standing  out  for  more  money." 

24 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"Is  he? "  said  Abe  with  some  heat.  "Well,  I  seen 
the  contract,  Mawruss,  so  either  I'm  a  liar  or  not, 
Mawruss,  ain't  it?" 

Here  they  were  interrupted  by  the  entrance  of  a 
customer,  Ike  Herzog,  of  the  Bon  Ton  Credit  Out- 
fitting Company. 

"Ah,  Mr.  Herzog!"  Abe  cried,  rising  to  his  feet 
and  extending  both  hands  in  greeting.  ' '  Glad  to  see 
you.  Ain't  it  a  fine  weather?" 

Mr.  Herzog  grunted  in  reply. 

"Potash,"  he  said,  "when  I  give  you  that  order 
last  week,  I  don't  know  whether  I  didn't  buy  a  big 
lot  of  your  style  fifty-nine-ten,  ain't  it?" 

"Yes,  you  did,"  said  Abe. 

"Well,"  said  Herzog,  "I  want  to  cancel  that  part 
of  the  order." 

"Cancel  it!"  Abe  cried.  "Why,  what's  the  mat- 
ter with  them  garments?  Ain't  the  samples  made 
up  right?" 

"Sure,  they're  made  up  right,"  said  Herzog, 
"only  I  seen  something  what  I  like  better.  It's 
about  the  same  style,  only  more  attractive.  I  mean 
Sammet  Brothers'  style  forty-one-fifty — their  new 
Arverne  Sacque.'" 

"Mr.  Herzog!"  Abe  cried. 

Herzog  raised  a  protesting  palm. 

"Now,  Potash,"  he  said,  "you  know  whatever  I 
buy  in  staples  you  get  the  preference;  but  when  any- 
body's got  a  specialty  like  that  Arverne  Sacque, 
what's  the  use  of  talking?" 

25 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

He  shook  hands  cordially. 

"I'll  be  around  to  see  you  in  about  a  week,"  he 
said,  and  the  next  moment  the  door  closed  behind 
him. 

"Well,  Mawruss,  that  settles  it,"  said  Abe,  put- 
ting on  his  hat.  "When  we  lose  a  good  customer 
like  Ike  Herzog,  I  gets  busy  right  away." 

"Where  are  you  going,  Abe?"  Morris  asked. 

Abe  struggled  into  his  overcoat  and  seized  his 
umbrella. 

"Round  to  Sammet  Brothers,"  he  replied.  "I'm 
going  to  get  that  young  feller  away  from  them  if  I 
got  to  pay  'em  a  thousand  dollars  to  boot." 

Leon  Sammet,  head  of  the  copartnership  of  Sam- 
met  Brothers,  sat  in  the  firm's  sample  room  and 
puffed  gloomily  at  a  Wheeling  stogy.  His  brother, 
Barney  Sammet,  stood  beside  him  reading  aloud 
from  a  letter  which  he  held  in  his  hand. 

"  'Gents,'  "  he  said,  "  'your  shipment  of  the  four- 
teenth instant  to  hand,  and  in  reply  will  say  we  ain  't 
satisfied  with  nothing  but  style  forty-one-fifty.  Our 
Miss  Kenny  is  a  perfect  thirty-six,  and  she  can't 
breathe  in  them  Empires  style  3022,  in  sizes  36,  38  OT 
40.  What  is  the  matter  with  you,  anyway  ?  We  are 
returning  them  via  Eagle  Dispatch.  We  are  yours 
truly,  The  Boston  Store,  Horowitz  &  Finkelbein, 
Proprietors.'  " 

"Yes,  Barney,"  Leon  commented,  "that's  a  de- 
signer for  you,  that  Louis  Grossman.  His  Arverne 
Sacques  is  all  right,  Barney,  but  the  rest  is  nix.  He's 

26 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

a  one  garment  man.  Tell  Miss  Aaronstamm  to  bring 
in  her  book.  I  want  to  send  them  Boston  Store  peo- 
ple a  letter." 

A  moment  later  Miss  Aaronstamm  entered,  and 
sat  down  at  a  sample  table. 

" Write  to  the  Boston  Store,"  Leon  Sammet  said. 
"  'Horowitz  &  Finkelbein,  Proprietors,  Gents' — got 
that?  'We  received  your  favor  of  the  eighteenth  in- 
stant, and  in  reply  would  say  we  don't  accept  no 
styles  what  you  return.'  Got  that?  'If  your  Miss 
Kenny  can't  breathe  in  them  garments  that  ain't  our 
fault.  They  wasn't  made  to  breathe  in;  they  was 
made  to  sell.  You  say  she  is  a  perfect  thirty-six. 
How  do  we  know  that?  We  ain't  never  measured 
her,  and  we  don't  believe  you  have,  neither.  Any- 
way, we  ain't  taking  back  no  goods  what  we  sold 
once.  Yours  truly.'  That's  all,  Miss  Aaronstamm. 
I  guess  that'll  fix  'em.  What,  Barney?" 

Barney  nodded  gloomily. 

"I  tell  you,  Barney,"  Leon  went  on,  "I  wish  I 
never  seen  that  Louis  Grossman.  He  certainly  got 
into  us  good  and  proper." 

"I  don't  know,  Leon,"  said  Barney.  "That 
Arverne  Sacque  was  a  record  seller. ' ' 

"Arverne  Sacque!"  Leon  cried.  "That's  all 
everybody  says.  We  can't  make  a  million  dollars 
out  of  one  garment  alone,  Barney.  We  can't  even 
make  expenses.  I'm  afraid  we'll  go  in  the  hole 
over  ten  thousand  dollars  if  we  don't  get  rid  of 
him." 

27 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

' '  But  we  can 't  get  rid  of  him, ' '  said  Barney.  ' '  We 
got  a  contract  with  him." 

''Don't  I  know  it?"  said  Leon,  sadly.  ''Ain't  I 
paid  Henry  D.  Feldman  a  hundred  dollars  for  draw- 
ing it  up?  He's  got  us,  Barney.  Louis  Grossman's 
got  us  and  no  mistake.  Well,  I  got  to  go  up  to  the 
cutting-room  and  see  what  he's  doing  now,  Barney. 
He  can  spoil  more  piece-goods  in  an  hour  than  I  can 
buy  in  a  week." 

He  rose  wearily  to  his  feet  and  was  half-way  to  the 
stairs  in  the  rear  of  the  store  when  Abe  Potash  en- 
tered. 

"Hallo,  Leon!"  Abe  called.  "Don't  be  in  a  rush. 
I  want  to  talk  to  you." 

Leon  returned  to  the  show-room  and  shook 
hands  limply  with  Abe.  It  was  a  competitor's,  not 
a  customer's,  shake. 

"Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "how's  business?" 

"If  we  got  a  good  designer  like  you  got,  Leon," 
Abe  replied,  "we  would " 

"A  good   designer!"   Barney  broke  in.    "Why 


His  involuntary  disclaimer  ended  almost  where  it 
began  with  a  furtive,  though  painful,  kick  from  his 
elder  brother. 

"A  good  designer,  Abe,"  Leon  went  on  hastily, 
"is  a  big  asset,  and  Louis  Grossman  is  a  first-class 
A  Number  One  designer.  We  done  a  tremendous 
spring  business  through  Louis.  I  suppose  you 
heard  about  our  style  forty-one-fifty?" 

28 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

Abe  nodded. 

"Them  Arverne  Sacques,"  he  said.  "Yes,  I 
heard  about  it  from  everybody  I  meet.  He  must  be 
a  gold-mine,  that  Louis  Grossman." 

"He  is,"  Leon  continued.  "Our  other  styles,  too, 
he  turns  out  wonderful.  Our  Empire  models  what 
he  designs  for  us,  Abe,  I  assure  you  is  also  making 
a  tremendous  sensation.  You  ought  to  see  the  letter 
we  got  this  morning  from  Horowitz  &  Finkelbein." 

Barney  blew  his  nose  with  a  loud  snort. 

"I  guess  I'll  go  upstairs,  and  see  what  the  boys 
is  doing  in  the  cutting-room,  Leon,"  he  said,  and 
made  a  hasty  exit. 

"Not  that  Louis  Grossman  ain't  a  good  cutting- 
room  foreman,  too,  Abe,"  said  Leon,  "but  we're  just 
getting  in  some  new  piece-goods  and  Barney  wants 
to  check  'em  off.  But  I  ain't  asked  you  yet  what 
we  can  do  for  you?  A  recommendation,  maybe? 
Our  credit  files  is  open  to  you,  Abe." 

Abe  pushed  his  hat  back  from  his  forehead  and 
mopped  his  brow.  Then  he  sat  down  and  lit  a  cigar. 

"Leon,"  he  commenced,  "what's  the  use  of  mak- 
ing a  lot  of  talk  about  it.  I'm  going  to  talk  to  you 
man  to  man,  Leon,  and  no  monkey-business  about  it 
nor  nothing.  I'm  going  to  be  plain  and  straightfor- 
ward, Leon,  and  tell  it  to  you  right  from  the  start 
what  I  want.  I  don't  believe  in  no  beating  bushes 
around,  Leon,  and  when  I  say  a  thing  I  mean  it.  I 
got  to  talk  right  out,  Leon.  That's  the  kind  of  man 
I  am." 

29 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

1 '  All  right,  Abe, ' '  Leon  said.  ' '  Don 't  spring  it  on 
me  too  sudden,  though." 

"Well,"  Abe  continued,  "it's  this  way." 

He  gave  one  last  puff  at  his  cigar. 

"Leon,"  he  said,  "how  much  will  you  take  for 
Louis  Grossman?" 

' '  Take ! ' '  Leon  shouted.   ' '  Take !   Why,  Abe ' ' 

He  stopped  suddenly,  and,  recovering  his  com- 
posure just  in  the  nick  of  time,  remained  silent. 

"I  know,  Leon,  he's  a  valuable  man,"  Abe  said 
earnestly,  "but  I'm  willing  to  be  fair,  Leon.  Of 
course  I  ain't  a  hog,  and  I  don't  think  you  are." 

"No,  I  ain't,"  Leon  replied  quite  calmly;  "I  ain't 
a  hog,  and  so  I  say  I  wouldn't  take  nothing  for  him, 
Abe,  because,  Abe,  if  I  told  you  what  I  would  take  for 
him,  Abe,  then,  maybe,  you  might  have  reason  for 
calling  me  a  hog. ' ' 

"Oh,  no,  I  wouldn't,  Leon,"  Abe  protested.  "I 
told  you  I  know  he's  a  valuable  man,  so  I  want  you 
should  name  a  price." 

"7  should  name  a  price!"  Leon  cried.  "Why, 
Abe,  I'm  surprised  at  you.  If  I  go  to  a  man  to  sell 
something  what  I  like  to  get  rid  of  it,  and  he  don't 
want,  then  I  name  the  price.  But  if  a  man  comes  to 
me  to  buy  something  what  I  want  to  keep,  and 
what  he's  got  to  have,  Abe,  then  lie  names  the  price. 
Ain't  it?" 

Abe  looked  critically  at  the  end  of  his  smoldering 
cigar. 

"Well,  Leon,"  he  said  at  length,  "if  I  must  name 

30 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

a  price,  I  suppose  I  must.  Now  I  know  you  will 
think  me  crazy,  Leon,  but  I  want  to  get  a  good  de- 
signer bad,  Leon,  and  so  I  say" — here  he  paused  to 
note  the  effect — "five  hundred  dollars.11 

Leon  held  out  his  hand. 

"I  guess  you  got  to  excuse  me,  Abe,"  he  said. 
"I'd  like  it  first  rate  to  stay  here  and  visit  with  you 
all  morning  but  I  got  work  to  do,  and  so  I  hope  you'll 
excuse  me." 

"Seven  hundred  and  fifty,"  Abe  said. 

"Fifteen  hundred  dollars,"  Leon  replied  quite 
firmly. 

For  twenty  minutes  Abe's  figure  rose  and  Leon's 
fell  until  they  finally  met  at  ten  hundred  thirty-three, 
thirty-three. 

"He's  worth  it,  Abe,  believe  me,"  said  Leon,  as 
they  shook  hands  on  the  bargain.  "And  now  let's  fix 
it  up  right  away." 

Half  an  hour  later,  Abe,  Louis  Grossman  and  Leon 
Sammet  entered  the  spacious  law  offices  of  Henry  D. 
Feldman,  who  bears  the  same  advisory  relation  to  the 
cloak  and  suit  trade  as  Judge  Gary  did  to  the  steel 
and  iron  business. 

The  drawing  of  the  necessary  papers  occupied  the 
better  part  of  the  day  and  it  was  not  until  three 
o  'clock  in  the  afternoon  that  the  transaction  was  com- 
plete. By  its  terms  Sammet  Brothers  in  considera- 
tion of  $1,033.33  paid  by  Potash  &  Perlmutter,  re- 
leased Louis  Grossman  from  his  contract,  and  Louis 
entered  into  a  new  agreement  with  Potash  &  Perl- 
si 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

mutter  at  an  advance  of  a  thousand  a  year  over  the 
compensation  paid  him  by  Sammet  Brothers.  In 
addition  he  was  to  receive  frojn  Potash  &  Perlmut- 
ter  five  per  cent,  of  the  profits  of  their  business,  pay- 
able weekly,  the  arrangement  to  be  in  force  for  one 
year,  during  which  time  neither  employer  nor  em- 
ployee could  be  rid  one  of  the  other  save  by  mutual 
consent. 

"It  comes  high,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  to  his  part- 
ner, after  he  had  returned  to  the  store,  "but  I  guess 
Louis's  worth  it." 

"I  hope  so,"  Morris  replied.  "Now  we  can  make 
up  some  of  them  Arverne  Sacques." 

"No,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,  "I'm  sorry  to 
say  we  can't,  because,  by  the  agreement  what 
Henry  D.  Feldman  drew  up,  Sammet  Brothers 
has  the  sole  right  to  make  up  and  sell  the  Arverne 
Sacques;  but  I  seen  to  it,  Mawruss,  that  we  got 
the  right  to  make  up  and  sell  every  other  gar- 
ment what  Louis  Grossman  originated  for  them 
this  season." 

He  smiled  triumphantly  at  his  partner. 

"And,"  he  concluded,  "he's  coming  to  work  Mon- 
day morning." 

At  the  end  of  three  disillusionizing  weeks  Abe 
Potash  and  Morris  Perlmutter  sat  in  the  show-room 
of  their  place  of  business.  Abe 's  hat  was  tilted  over 
his  eyes  and  he  whistled  a  tuneless  air.  Morris  was 
biting  his  nails. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  at  length,  "when  we're 

a* 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

stuck  we're  stuck;  ain't  it?  What's  the  use  of  sit- 
ting here  like  a  couple  of  mummies;  ain't  it?" 

Morris  ceased  biting  his  nails. 

"Yes,  Abe,"  he  said,  "ten  hundred  and  thirty- 
three,  thirty-three  for  a  designer  what  couldn't  de- 
sign paper-bags  for  a  delicatessen  store.  I  believe 
he  must  have  took  lessons  in  designing  from  a  cor- 
respondence school." 

"Believe  me,  Mawruss,  he  learned  it  by  tele- 
phone," Abe  replied.  "But  cussing  him  out  won't 
do  no  good,  Mawruss.  The  thing  to  do  now  is  to  get 
busy  and  turn  out  some  garments  what  we  can  sell. 
Them  masquerade  costumes  what  he  gets  up  you 
couldn't  sell  to  a  five-and-ten-cent  store." 

"All  right,"  Morris  said.  "Let's  have  another 
designer  and  leave  Louis  to  do  the  cutting." 

"Another  designer!"  Abe  exclaimed.  "No,  Maw- 
russ, you're  a  good  enough  designer  for  me.  I  al- 
ways said  it,  Mawruss,  you  're  a  first-class  A  Number 
One  designer." 

Thus  encouraged,  Morris  once  more  took  up  the 
work  of  the  firm's  designing,  and  he  labored  with  the 
energy  of  despair,  for  the  season  was  far  spent.  At 
length  he  evolved  four  models  that  made  Abe's  eyes 
fairly  bulge. 

"That's  snappy  stuff,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  as  he 
examined  the  completed  samples  one  morning.  "I 
bet  yer  they  sell  like  hot  cakes. ' ' 

Abe's  prophecy  more  than  justified  itself,  and  in 
ten  days  they  were  completely  swamped  with  orders. 

33 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

Abe  and  Morris  went  around  wearing  smiles  that 
only  relaxed  when  they  remembered  Louis  Grossman 
and  his  hide-bound  agreement,  under  which  he  drew 
five  per  cent,  of  the  firm 's  profits  and  sixty  dollars  a 
week. 

"Anyhow,  Mawruss,  we'll  get  some  return  from 
Louis  Grossman,"  Abe  said.  "I  advertised  in  the 
Daily  Cloak  and  Suit  Record  yesterday  them  four 
styles  of  yours  as  the  four  best  sellers  of  the  season, 
originated  by  the  creator  of  the  Arverne  Sacque. 
Ike  Herzog  was  in  the  first  thing  this  morning  and 
bought  two  big  lots  of  each  one  of  the  models.  Ike's 
a  great  admirer  of  Louis  Grossman,  Mawruss.  I  bet 
yer  when  Sammet  Brothers  saw  that  ad  they  went 
crazy;  ain't  it?" 

"But,"  Morris  protested,  "why  should  Louis 
Grossman  get  the  credit  for  my  work?" 

"Because,  Mawruss,  you  know  them  Arverne 
Sacques  is  the  best  sellers  put  out  in  the  cloak 
and  suit  business  this  year,"  Abe  replied.  "And 
besides,  Mawruss,  we  may  be  suckers,  but  that 
ain't  no  reason  why  Sammet  Brothers  should 
know  it." 

"Don't  worry,  Abe,"  said  Morris;  "they  know 
they  stuck  us  good  and  plenty  when  they  released 
Louis  Grossman." 

"Do  they?"  Abe  rejoined.  "Well,  they  don't 
know  it  unless  you  told  'em.  Louis  Grossman  won't 
tell  'em  and  I  didn't  tell  'em  when  I  met  Leon  and 
Barney  at  lunch  to-day." 

34 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

"What  did  you  tell  'em?"  Morris  asked,  some- 
what alarmed. 

"I  told  'em,  Mawruss,  that  the  season  is  compara- 
tively young  yet,  but  we  already  made  from  ten  to 
twenty  per  cent,  more  sales  by  our  new  designer.  I 
told  Leon  them  new  styles  what  Louis  Grossman  got 
up  for  us  is  selling  so  big  we  can't  put  'em  out  fast 
enough. ' ' 

"And  what  did  Leon  say?"  Morris  asked. 

"He  didn't  say  nothing,"  Abe  replied,  "but  he 
looked  like  his  best  customer  had  busted  up  on  him. 
Then  I  showed  him  the  order  what  we  got  from  Ike 
Herzog,  and  he  started  in  right  away  to  call  Barney 
down  for  going  home  early  the  day  before.  I  tell 
you,  Mawruss,  he  was  all  broke  up. ' ' 

"I  know,  Abe,"  Morris  commented,  "that's  all 
right,  too,  but,  all  the  same,  we  ain't  got  much  of  a 
laugh  on  them  two  boys,  so  long  as  Louis  Grossman 
loafs  away  upstairs  drawing  sixty  dollars  a  week  and 
five  per  cent,  of  the  profits. ' ' 

"Well,"  Abe  replied,  "what  are  you  going  to  do 
about  it?  Henry  D.  Feldman  drew  up  the  contract, 
and  you  know,  Mawruss,  contracts  what  Henry  D. 
Feldman  makes  nobody  can  break." 

"Can't  they!"  Morris  cried.  "Well,  if  Henry 
D.  Feldman  made  it  can't  Henry  D.  Feldman 
break  it?  What  good  is  the  lawyer,  anyhow,  what 
can't  get  us  out  of  the  contract  what  he  fixed  up 
himself?" 

Abe  pondered  over  the  situation  for  five  minutes. 

35 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"You're  right,  Mawruss,"  lie  said  at  length;  "I'll 
go  and  see  Henry  D.  Feldman  the  first  thing  to- 
morrow  morning." 

The  next  morning  Leon  Sammet  sat  at  his  roll- 
top  desk  in  his  private  office,  while  Barney  went  over 
the  morning  mail. 

"Hallo,"  Barney  cried,  "here's  a  check  from 
Horowitz  &  Finkelbein  for  the  full  amount  of  their 
bill,  Leon.  I  guess  they  thought  better  of  that  re- 
turn shipment  they  made  of  them  bum  garments  that 
Louis  Grossman  designed.  They  ain't  made  no  de- 
duction on  account  of  it." 

"Bum  garments,  nothing,"  Leon  commented. 
"Them  garments  was  all  right,  Barney.  I  guess  we 
didn't  know  how  to  treat  Louis  Grossman  when  he 
worked  by  us.  Look  at  the  big  success  he's  making 
by  Potash  &  Perlmutter.  I  bet  yer  they're  five 
thousand  ahead  on  the  season's  sales  already.  "We 
thought  they  was  suckers  when  they  paid  us  ten 
thirty-three,  thirty-three  for  him,  but  I  guess  the  shoe 
pinches  on  the  other  foot,  Barney.  I  wish  we  had 
him  back,  that's  all.  Them  four  new  designs  what 
he  made  for  Potash  &  Perlmutter  is  tremendous  suc- 
cesses. What  did  he  done  for  us,  Barney?  One  gar- 
ment, the  Arverne  Sacque,  and  I  bet  yer  them  four 
styles  will  put  the  Arverne  Sacque  clean  out  of  busi- 
ness." 

"Well,  Leon,"  said  Barney,  "you  traded  him  off 
so  smart,  why  don't  you  get  him  back?  Why  don't 
you  see  him,  Leon?" 

36 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

'  *  I  did  see  him, ' '  said  Leon.  '  *  I  called  at  his  house 
last  night." 

"And  what  did  he  say?"  Barney  asked. 

"He  said  he's  under  contract,  as  you  know,  with 
Potash  &  Perlmutter,  and  that  if  we  can  get  him  out 
of  it  he's  only  too  glad  to  come  back  to  us.  But 
Henry  D.  Feldman  drew  up  that  contract,  Barney, 
and  you  know  as  well  as  I  do,  Barney,  that  what 
Henry  D.  Feldman  draws  up  is  drawn  up  for  keeps, 
ain't  itT" 

"There's  loopholes  in  every  contract,  Leon,"  said 
Barney,  "and  a  smart  lawyer  like  Henry  D.  Feldman 
can  find  'em  out  quick  enough.  Why  don't  you  go 
right  round  and  see  Henry  D.  Feldman?  Maybe  he 
can  fix  it  so  as  to  get  Louis  back  here." 

Leon  shut  down  his  roll-top  desk  and  seized  his  hat. 

"That's  a  good  idea,  Barney,"  he  said.  "I  guess 
I  '11  take  your  advice. ' ' 

It  is  not  so  much  to  know  the  law,  ran  Henry  D. 
Feldman 's  motto,  paraphrasing  a  famous  dictum  of 
Judge  Sharswood,  as  to  look,  act  and  talk  as  though 
you  knew  it.  To  this  end  Mr.  Feldman  seldom  em- 
ployed a  word  of  one  syllable,  if  it  had  a  synonym  of 
three  or  four  syllables,  and  such  phrases  as  res  gesta, 
scienter,  and  lex  fori  delicti  were  the  very  life  of  his 
conversation  with  clients. 

"The  information  which  you  now  disclose,  Mr. 
Sammet,"  he  said,  after  Leon  had  made  known  his 
predicament,  "is  all  obiter  dicta." 

Leon  blushed.    He  imagined  this  to  be  somewhat 

3— 'Potash  &  Perlmutter.  37 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

harsh  criticism  of  the  innocent  statement  that  he 
thought  Potash  &  Perlmutter  could  be  bluffed  into 
releasing  Louis  Grossman. 

"Imprimis,"  Mr.  Feldman  went  on,  "I  have  not 
been  consulted  by  Mr.  Grossman  about  what  he  de- 
sires done  in  the  matter,  but,  speaking  ex  cathedra,  I 
am  of  the  opinion  that  some  method  might  be  devised 
for  rescinding  the  contract." 

"You  mean  we  can  get  Potash  &  Perlmutter  to  re- 
lease him?" 

"Precisely,"  said  Mr.  Feldman,  "and  in  a  very 
elementary  and  efficacious  fashion." 

"Well,  I  ain't  prepared  to  pay  so  much  money  at 
once,"  said  Leon. 

Now,  when  it  came  to  money  matters,  Henry  D. 
Feldman 's  language  could  be  colloquial  to  the  point 
of  slang. 

"What's  biting  you  now?"  he  said.  "I  ain't  go- 
ing to  charge  you  too  much.  Leave  it  to  me,  and  if 
I  deliver  the  goods  it  will  cost  you  two  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars." 

Leon  sighed  heavily,  but  he  intended  getting  Louis 
back  at  all  costs,  not,  however,  to  exceed  ten  thirty- 
three,  thirty-three. 

"Well,  I  ain't  kicking  none  if  you  can  manage  it," 
he  replied.  ' '  Tell  us  how  to  go  about  it. '  * 

Straightway  Mr.  Feldman  unfolded  a  scheme 
which,  stripped  of  its  technical  phraseology,  was  sim- 
plicity itself.  He  rightly  conjectured  that  the  most 
burdensome  feature  of  the  contract,  so  far  as  Potash 

38 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

&  Perlmutter  were  concerned,  was  the  five  per  cent, 
share  of  the  profits  that  fell  to  Louis  Grossman  each 
week.  He  therefore  suggested  that  Louis  approach 
Abe  Potash  and  request  that,  instead  of  five  per  cent, 
of  the  profits,  he  be  paid  a  definite  sum  each  week, 
for  the  cloak  and  suit  business  has  its  dull  spells  be- 
tween seasons,  when  profits  occasionally  turn  to 
losses.  Thus  Louis  could  advance  as  a  reason  that 
he  would  feel  safer  if  he  be  paid,  say,  twenty  dollars 
a  week  the  year  round  in  lieu  of  his  uncertain  share 
of  the  profits. 

"Abe  Potash  will  jump  at  that,"  Leon  commented. 

"I  anticipate  that  he  will,"  Mr.  Feldman  went  on, 
* '  and  then,  after  he  has  paid  Mr.  Grossman  the  first 
week's  installment  it  will  constitute  a  recission  of 
the  old  contract  and  a  substitution  of  a  new  one, 
which  will  be  a  contract  of  hiring  from  week  to  week. 
At  the  conclusion  of  the  first  week  their  contractual 
relations  can  be  severed  at  the  option  of  either 
party." 

"But  I  don't  want  them  to  do  nothing  like  that," 
Leon  said.  "I  just  want  Louis  to  quit  his  job  with 
Potash  &  Perlmutter  and  come  and  work  by  us." 

"Look  a-here,  Sammet,"  Feldman  broke  in  impa- 
tiently. "I  can't  waste  a  whole  morning  talking  to 
a  boob  that  don't  understand  the  English  Ian* 
guage.  You're  wise  to  the  part  about  Louis  Gross- 
man asking  for  twenty  dollars  a  week  steady,  instead 
of  his  share  of  the  proceeds,  ain't  you?" 

Leon  nodded. 

39 


POTASH  &   PERLMUTTER 

'  *  Then  if  Potash  falls  for  it, ' '  Feldman  concluded, 
"as  soon  as  Grossman  gets  the  first  twenty  out  of  him 
he  can  throw  up  his  job  on  the  spot.  See!" 

Leon  nodded  again. 

"Then  clear  out  of  this,"  said  Feldman  and 
pushed  a  button  on  his  desk  to  inform  the  office-boy 
that  he  was  ready  for  the  next  client. 

As  Leon  passed  through  the  outer  office  he  encoun- 
tered Ike  Herzog  of  the  Bon  Ton  Credit  Outfitting 
Company,  who  was  solacing  himself  with  the  Daily 
Cloak  and  Suit  Record  in  the  interval  of  his  waiting. 

"Good  morning,  Mr.  Herzog,"  Leon  exclaimed. 
'  *  So  you  got  your  troubles,  too. ' ' 

"I  ain't  got  no  troubles,  Leon,"  Ike  Herzog  said, 
"but  I  got  to  use  a  lawyer  in  my  business  once  in 
awhile.  Just  now  I  'm  enlarging  my  place,  and  I  got 
contracts  to  make  and  new  people  to  hire.  I  hope 
you  ain't  got  no  law  suits  nor  nothing. ' ' 

"Law  suits  ain't  in  my  line,  Mr.  Herzog,"  Leon 
said.  "Once  in  awhile  I  change  my  working  people, 
too.  That's  why  I  come  here." 

' '  Sometimes  you  change  'em  for  the  worse,  Leon, ' ' 
Herzog  commented,  indicating  Abe  Potash's  effective 
ad  with  a  stubby  forefinger.  "You  certainly  made  a 
mistake  when  you  got  rid  of  Louis  Grossman.  He 's 
turning  out  some  elegant  stuff  for  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter.  ' ' 

Leon  nodded  gloomily. 

"Well,  we  all  make  mistakes,  Mr.  Herzog,"  he 
said,  "and  that's  why  we  got  to  come  here." 

40 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

"That's  so,"  Herzog  agreed,  as  Leon  opened  the 
door.  "I  hope  I  ain't  making  no  mistake  in  what 
I'm  going  to  do." 

"I  hope  not,"  Leon  said  as  he  passed  out. 
"Good  morning." 

Ike  Herzog 's  interview  with  Henry  D.  Feldman 
was  short  and  very  much  to  his  satisfaction,  for  when 
he  emerged  from  Feldman 's  sanctum,  to  find  Abe 
Potash  waiting  without,  he  could  not  forbear  a  broad 
smile.  Abe  nodded  perfunctorily  and  a  moment 
later  was  closeted  with  the  oracle. 

"Mr.  Feldman,"  he  said,  "I  come  to  ask  you  an 
advice,  and  as  I'm  pretty  busy  this  morning,  do  me 
the  favor  and  leave  out  all  them  caveat  emptors." 

"Sure  thing,"  Feldman  replied.  "Tell  me  all 
about  it." 

"Well,  then,  Mr.  Feldman,"  said  Abe,  "I  want  to 
get  rid  of  Louis  Grossman." 

Mr.  Feldman  almost  jumped  out  of  his  chair. 

"I  want  to  fire  Louis  Grossman,"  Abe  repeated. 
' '  You  remember  that  you  drew  me  up  a  burglar-proof 
contract  between  him  and  us  a  few  weeks  ago,  and 
now  I  want  you  to  be  the  burglar  and  bust  it  up  for 
me." 

Feldman  touched  the  button  on  his  desk." 

"Bring  me  the  draft  of  the  contract  between 
Potash  &  Perlmutter  and  Louis  Grossman  that  I 
dictated  last  month,"  he  said  to  the  boy  who  an- 
swered. 

In   a   few  minutes  the  boy  returned  with  a  large 

41 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

envelope.  He  was  instructed  never  to  come  back 
empty-handed  when  asked  to  bring  anything,  and, 
in  this  instance  the  envelope  held  six  sheets  of 
folded  legal  cap,  some  of  which  contained  the  score 
of  a  pinochle  game,  played  after  office  hours  on  Satur- 
day afternoon  between  the  managing  clerk  and  the 
process-server. 

Feldman  put  the  envelope  in  his  pocket  and  retired 
to  a  remote  corner  of  the  room.  There  he  examined 
the  contents  of  the  envelope  and,  knitting  his  brows 
into  an  impressive  frown,  he  took  from  the  well- 
stocked  shelves  that  lined  the  walls  book  after  book 
of  digests  and  reports.  Occasionally  he  made  notes 
on  the  back  of  the  envelope,  and  after  the  space  of 
half  an  hour  he  returned  to  his  chair  and  prepared  to 
deliver  himself  of  a  weighty  opinion. 

"In  the  first  place, "  he  said,  "this  man  Grossman 
ain't  incompetent  in  his  work,  is  he?" 

"Incompetent!"  Abe  exclaimed.  "Oh,  no,  he 
ain't  incompetent.  He's  competent  enough  to  sue  us 
for  five  thousand  dollars  after  we  fire  him,  if  that's 
what  you  mean. ' ' 

"Then  I  take  it  that  you  don't  want  to  discharge 
him  for  incompetence  and  risk  a  law  suit,"  Mr. 
Feldman  went  on.  "Now,  before  we  go  on,  how 
much  does  his  share  of  your  profits  amount  to  each 
week!" 

"About  thirty  dollars  in  the  busy  season,"  Abe 
replied. 

' ' Then  here 's  your  scheme, ' '  said  Feldman.     "You 

42 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

go  to  Grossman  and  say:  'Look  a-here,  Grossman, 
this  business  of  figuring  out  profits  each  week  is  a 
troublesome  piece  of  bookkeeping.  Suppose  we  call 
your  share  of  the  profits  forty  dollars  a  week  and  let 
it  go  at  thai*  D'ye  suppose  Grossman  would  take 
it?" 

" Would  a  cat  eat  liver?"  said  Abe. 

"Well,  then,"  Feldman  now  concluded,  "after 
Grossman  accepts  the  offer,  and  you  pay  him  the  first 
installment  of  forty  dollars  you're  substituting  a  new 
weekly  contract  in  place  of  the  old  yearly  one,  and 
you  can  fire  Grossman  just  as  soon  as  you  have  a 
mind  to." 

"But  suppose  he  sues  me,  anyhow?"  said  Abe. 

"If  he  does,"  Feldman  replied.  "I  won't  charge 
you  a  cent;  otherwise  it'll  be  two  hundred  and  fifty 
dollars. ' ' 

He  touched  the  bell  in  token  of  dismissal. 

1 '  This  fellow,  Grossman,  is  certainly  a  big  money- 
maker," he  said  to  himself,  after  Abe  had  gone,  "/or 
me." 

The  following  Saturday  Abe  sat  in  the  showroom 
making  up  the  weekly  payroll,  and  with  his  own  hand 
he  drew  a  check  to  the  order  of  Louis  Grossman  for 
forty  dollars. 

1 1  Mawruss, ' '  he  said,  ' '  do  me  the  favor  and  go  up- 
stairs to  Louis  Grossman.  You  know  what  to  say  to 
him." 

"Why  should  /  go,  Abe?"  Morris  said.  "You 
know  the  whole  plan.  You  saw  Feldman." 

43 


"But  it  don't  look  well  for  me,"  Abe  rejoined. 
"Do  me  the  favor  and  go  yourself." 

Morris  shrugged  his  shoulders  and  departed,  while 
Abe  turned  to  the  pages  of  the  Daily  Cloak  and  Suit 
Record  to  bridge  over  the  anxious  period  of  Morris' 
absence.  The  first  item  that  struck  his  eye  ap- 
peared under  the  heading,  "Alterations  and  Im- 
provements. ' ' 

"The  Bon  Ton  Credit  Outfitting  Company,  Isaac 
Herzog,  Proprietor,"  it  read,  "is  about  to  open  a 
manufacturing  department,  aiid  will,  on  and  after 
June  1,  do  all  its  own  manufacturing  and  alterations 
in  the  enlarged  store  premises,  Nos.  5940,  5942  and 
5946  Second  Avenue." 

Abe  laid  down  the  paper  with  a  sigh. 

"There's  where  we  lose  another  good  customer," 
he  said  as  Morris  returned.  A  wide  grin  was  spread 
over  Morris'  face. 

"Well,  Mawruss?"  Abe  asked. 

"Yes,  Abe,"  Morris  replied.  "Ten  hundred  and 
thirty-three,  thirty-three  you  paid  for  him.  And 
now  you  must  pay  him  forty  dollars  a  week.  I  ain't 
so  generous,  Abe,  believe  me.  I  settled  with  him  for 
twenty-seven-fifty.  ' ' 

"Well,  Mawruss,  it's  only  for  one  week,"  Abe 
protested. 

"I  know,"  said  Morris,  "but  why  should  he  get  the 
benefit  of  it?" 

"Did  you  have  much  of  a  time  getting  him  to  take 
it?"  Abe  asked. 

44 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

''It  was  like  this,"  Morris  explained.  "I  told  him 
what  you  said  about  a  lump  sum  in  place  of  profits 
and  asked  him  to  name  his  price,  and  the  first  thing 
he  says  was  twenty-seven-fifty." 

"And  you  let  him  have  it  for  that!"  Abe  cried. 
' '  You  're  a  business  man,  Mawruss,  I  must  say.  I  bet 
yer  he  would  have  took  twenty-five." 

He  tore  up  the  check  for  forty  dollars  and  drew  a 
new  one  for  twenty-seven-fifty. 

"Here,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "take  it  up  to  him  like 
a  good  feller." 

It  was  precisely  noon  when  Morris  delivered  the 
check  to  Louis  Grossman,  and  it  was  one  o  'clock  when 
Louis  went  out  to  lunch. 

Three  o'clock  struck  before  Abe  first  noted  his 
absence. 

"Ain't  that  feller  come  back  from  his  dinner  yet, 
Mawruss?"  he  asked. 

"No,"  Morris  replied.  "I  wonder  what  can  be 
keeping  him.  He  generally  takes  half  an  hour  for 
his  dinner." 

At  this  juncture  the  telephone  bell  rang  in  the  rear 
of  the  store  and  Abe  answered  it. 

"Hello,"  he  said;  "yes,  this  is  Potash  &  Perlmut- 
ter.  Oh,  hello,  Leon,  what  can  we  do  for  you!" 

"I  want  to  speak  to  Louis  Grossman.  Can  you 
call  him  to  the  'phone!"  Leon  said. 

"Louis  ain't  in,"  Abe  said.  "Do  you  want  to 
leave  a  message  for  him ! ' ' 

"Well,"  Leon  hesitated,  "the  fact  is — we  had  an 

45 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

appointment  with  him  for  two  o  'clock  over  here,  and 
he  ain  't  showed  up  yet. '  ' 

"Appointment  with  Louis!"  Abe  said.  "Why, 
what  should  you  have  an  appointment  with  Louis  for, 
Leon?" 

"Well,"  Leon  stammered,  "I — now — got  to  see 
him — now — about  them  Arverne  Sacques. ' ' 

"  Oh ! "  Abe  said.  '  *  I  understand.  Well,  he  went 
to  lunch  about  twelve  o  'clock,  and  he  ain 't  come  back 
yet.  Is  there  anything  what  we  can  do  for  you, 
Leon?" 

But  Sammet  had  hung  up  the  receiver  without 
waiting  for  further  conversation. 

At  four  o  'clock  the  telephone  rang  again,  and  once 
more  Abe  answered  it. 

"Hello,"  he  said.  "Yes,  this  is  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter.  Oh !  hello,  Leon !  What  can  we  do  for  you 
now?" 

"Abe,"  Leon  said,  "Louis  ain't  showed  up  yet. 
Has  he  showed  up  at  your  place  yet?" 

"No,  he  ain't,  Leon,"  Abe  replied.  "You  seem 
mighty  anxious  to  see  him.  Why,  what  for  should 
I.  try  to  prevent  him  speaking  to  you?  He  ain't  here, 
I  tell  you.  All  right,  Leon;  then  I'm  a  liar." 

He  hung  up  the  receiver  with  a  bang,  and  an  hour 
later  when  Morris  and  he  locked  up  the  place,  Louis ' 
absence  remained  a  complete  mystery  to  his  employ- 
ers. 

On  Monday  morning  Abe  and  Morris  opened  the 
store  at  seven-thirty,  and  while  Morris  examined  the 

40 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

mail,  Abe  took  Tip  the  Daily  Cloak  and  Suit  Record 
;ind  scanned  the  business-trouble  column.  There 
tfere  no  failures  of  personal  or  firm  interest  to  Abe, 
*o  he  passed  on  to  the  new-business  column.  The 
first  item  caused  him  to  gasp,  and  he  almost  swal- 
lowed the  butt  of  his  cigar.  It  read : 

A  partnership  has  this  day  been  formed  between  Isaac  Herzog 
and  Louis  Grossman,  to  carry  on  the  business  of  the  Bon  Ton 
Credit  Outfitting  Company,  under  the  same  firm  name.  It  is 
understood  that  Mr.  Grossman  will  have  charge  of  the  designing 
and  manufacturing  end  of  the  concern. 

He  handed  the  paper  over  to  Morris  and  lit  a  fresh 
cigar. 

"Another  sucker  for  Louis  Grossman,"  he  said, 
"and  I  bet  yer  Henry  D.  Feldman  drew  up  the  co- 
partnership papers." 


CHAPTER  HI 

WHEN  Mr.  Siegmund  Lowenstein,  proprietor 
of    the    0 'Gorman-Henderson    Dry-Goods 
Company    of    Galveston,    Texas,    entered 
Potash  &  Perlmutter's  show-room,  he  expected  to 
give  only  a  small  order.     Mr.  Lowenstein  usually 
transacted  his  business  with  Abe  Potash,  who  was 
rather  conservative  in  matters  of  credit  extension, 
more  especially  since  Mr.  Lowenstein  was  reputed  to 
play  auction  pinochle  with  poor  judgment  and  for 
high  stakes. 

47 


POTASH  &   PERLMUTTEB 

Therefore,  Mr.  Lowenstein  intended  to  buy  a  few 
staples,  specialties  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter,  and  to 
reserve  the  balance  of  his  spring  orders  for  other 
dealers  who  entertained  more  liberal  credit  notions 
than  did  Abe  Potash.  Much  to  his  gratification, 
however,  he  was  greeted  by  Morris  Perlmutter. 

"Ah,  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  he  said;  "glad  to  see  you. 
Is  Mr.  Potash  in?" 

"He's  home,  sick,  to-day,"  Morris  replied. 

Mr.  Lowenstein  clucked  sympathetically. 

"You  don't  say  so,"  he  murmured.  "That's  too 
bad.  What  seems  to  be  the  trouble?" 

"He's  been  feeling  mean  all  the  winter,"  Morris 
replied.  "The  doctor  says  he  needs  a  rest." 

"That's  always  the  way  with  them  hard-working 
fellers,"  Mr.  Lowenstein  went  on.  "I'm  feeling 
pretty  sick  myself,  I  assure  you,  Mr.  Perlmutter. 
I've  been  working  early  and  late  in  my  store.  We 
never  put  in  such  a  season  before,  and  we  done  a  phe- 
nomenal holiday  business.  We  took  stock  last  week 
and  we're  quite  cleaned  out.  I  bet  you  we  ain't  got 
stuck  a  single  garment  in  any  line — cloaks,  suits, 
clothing  or  furs." 

"I'm  glad  to  hear  it,"  Morris  said. 

"And  we  expect  this  season  will  be  a  cracker  jack, 
too,"  he  continued.  "I  had  to  give  a  few  emergency 
orders  to  jobbers  down  South  before  I  left  Galveston, 
we  had  such  an  early  rush  of  spring  trade." 

"Is  that  so?"  Morris  commented.  "I  wish  we 
could  say  the  same  in  New  York. ' ' 

48 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

"You  don't  tell  me!"  Mr.  Lowenstein  rejoined. 
"Why,  I  was  over  by  Garfunkel  and  Levy  just  now, 
and  Mr.  Levy  says  lie  is  almost  too  busy.  I  looked 
over  their  line  and  I  may  place  an  order  with  them, 
although  they  ain't  got  too  good  an  assortment,  Mr. 
Perlmutter. ' ' 

"Far  be  it  from  me  to  knock  a  competitor's  line, 
Mr.  Lowenstein,"  Morris  commented,  "but  I  hon- 
estly think  they  get  their  designers  off  of  Ellis 
Island." 

"Well,"  Mr.  Lowenstein  conceded,  "of  course  I 
don't  say  they  got  so  good  an  assortment  what  you 
have,  Mr.  Perlmutter,  but  they  got  a  liberal  credit 
policy." 

"Why,  what's  the  matter  with  our  credit  policy?" 
Morris  asked. 

"Nothing,"  Mr.  Lowenstein  replied.  "Only  a 
merchant  like  me,  what  wants  to  enlarge  his 
business,  needs  a  little  better  terms  than  thirty 
days.  Ain't  it?  I'm  improving  my  departments 
all  the  time,  and  I  got  to  buy  more  fixtures,  lay 
in  a  better  stock  and  even  build  a  new  wing  to 
my  store  building.  All  this  costs  money,  Mr. 
Perlmutter,  as  you  know,  and  contractors  must 
be  paid  strictly  for  cash.  Under  the  circum- 
stances, I  need  ready  money,  and,  naturally,  the 
house  what  gives  me  the  most  generous  credit  gets 
my  biggest  order." 

"Excuse  me  for  a  moment,"  Morris  broke  in,  "I 
think  I  hear  the  telephone." 

49 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

He  walked  to  the  rear  of  the  store,  where  the  tele- 
phone bell  had  been  trilling  impatiently. 

' 'Hello,'*  he  said,  taking  the  receiver  off  the  hook. 

" Hello,"  said  a  voice  from  the  other  end  of  the 
line.  "Is  this  Potash  &  Perlnmtter V ' 

"It  is,"  said  Morris. 

"Well,  this  is  Garfunkel  &  Levy,"  the  voice  went 
on.  "We  understand  Mr.  Lowenstein,  of  Galveston, 
is  in  your  store.  Will  you  please  and  call  him  to  the 
'phone  for  a  minute1?" 

"This  ain't  no  public  pay  station,"  Morris  cried. 
"And  besides,  Mr.  Lowenstein  just  left  here." 

He  banged  the  receiver  onto  the  hook  and  returned 
at  once  to  the  front  of  the  store. 

"Now,  Mr.  Lownstein,"  he  said,  "what  can  I  do 
for  you?" 

And  two  hours  later  Mr.  Lowenstein  left  the  store 
with  the  duplicate  of  a  twenty-four-hundred-dollar 
order  in  his  pocket,  deliveries  to  commence  within 
five  days ;  terms,  ninety  days  net. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  said  the  next  day  as  his  part- 
ner, Abe  Potash,  entered  the  show-room,  "how  are 
you  feeling  to-day!" 

"Mean,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "I  feel  mean. 
The  doctor  says  I  need  a  rest.  He  says  I  got  to  go 
away  to  the  country  or  I  will  maybe  break  down. ' ' 

"Is  that  so?"  said  Morris,  deeply  concerned. 
"Well,  then,  you'd  better  go  right  away,  before  you 
get  real  serious  sick.  Why  not  fix  it  so  you  can  go 
away  to-morrow  yet?" 

so 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

<;  To-morrow!"  Abe  exclaimed.  "It  don't  go  so 
quick  as  all  that,  Mawruss.  You  can't  believe  every- 
thing the  doctors  tell  you.  I  ain't  exactly  dead  yet, 
Mawruss.  I'm  like  the  feller  what  everybody  says  is 
going  to  fail,  Mawruss.  They  give  him  till  after 
Christmas  to  bust  up,  and  then  he  does  a  fine  holiday 
trade,  and  the  first  thing  you  know,  Mawruss,  he's 
buying  real  estate.  No,  Mawruss,  I  feel  pretty 
mean,  I  admit,  but  I  think  a  good  two-thousand-dollar 
order  would  put  me  all  right  again,  and  so  long  as 
we  wouldn't  have  no  more  trouble  with  designers, 
Mawruss,  I  guess  I  would  stay  right  too." 

"Well,  if  that's  the  case,"  said  Morris,  beaming 
all  over,  ' '  I  guess  I  can  fix  you  up.  Siegmund  Low- 
enstein,  of  Galveston,  was  in  here  yesterday,  and  I 
sold  him  a  twenty-four-hundred-dollar  order,  includ- 
ing them  forty-twenty-two's,  and  you  know  as  well 
as  I  do,  Abe,  them  forty-twenty-two's  is  stickers. 
We  got  'em  in  stock  now  over  two  months,  ever  since 
Abe  Magnus,  of  Nashville,  turned  'em  back  on  us." 

Abe's  reception  of  the  news  was  somewhat  dis- 
appointing to  Morris.  He  showed  no  elation,  but 
selected  a  slightly-damaged  cigar  from  the  K.  to  O. 
first  and  second  credit  customers'  box,  and  lit  it  de- 
liberately before  replying. 

"How  much  was  that  last  order  he  give  us,  Maw- 
russ?" lie  asked. 

"Four  hundred  dollars,"  Morris  replied. 

"And  what  terms'?"  Abe  continued. 

"Five  off,  thirty  days." 

51 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"And  what  terms  did  you  quote  him  yesterday?" 
asked  Abe  inexorably. 

"Ninety  days,  net,"  Morris  murmured. 

Abe  puffed  vigorously  at  his  cigar,  and  there  was 
a  long  and  significant  silence. 

"I  should  think,  Abe,"  Morris  said  at  length,  "the 
doctor  wouldn't  let  you  smoke  cigars  if  you  was 
nearly  breaking  down." 

"So  long  as  you  sell  twenty-four  hundred  dollars 
at  ninety  days  to  a  crook  and  a  gambler  like  Sieg- 
mund  Lowenstein,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,  "one 
cigar  more  or  less  won't  hurt  me.  If  I  can  stand  a 
piece  of  news  like  that,  Mawruss,  I  guess  I  can  stand 
anything.  Why  didn't  you  give  him  thirty  days' 
dating,  too,  Mawruss?" 

At  once  Morris  plunged  into  a  long  account  of  the 
circumstances  attending  the  giving  of  Mr.  Lowen- 
stein's  order,  including  the  telephone  message  from 
Garfunkel  &  Levy,  and  at  its  conclusion  Abe  grew 
somewhat  mollified. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "we  took  the  order  and 
I  suppose  we  got  to  ship  it.  When  you  deal  with  a 
gambler  like  Lowenstein  you  got  to  take  a  gambler 's 
chance.  Anyhow,  I  ain't  going  to  worry  about  it, 
Mawruss.  Next  week  I'm  going  away  for  a  fort- 
night." 

"Where  are  you  going,  Abe?"  Morris  asked. 

"To  Dotyville,  Pennsylvania,"  Abe  replied.  "We 
leave  next  Saturday.  In  the  meantime  I  ain't  going- 
to  worry,  Mawruss." 

52 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

"That's  right,  Abe,"  said  Morris, 

"Sure  it's  right,"  Abe  rejoined.  "I'm  going  to 
leave  you  to  do  the  worrying,  and  in  the  meantime  I 
guess  I'll  look  after  getting  out  them  forty-twenty- 
two's.  Them  forty-twenty-two's — them  plum-color 
Empires  was  your  idee,  Mawruss.  You  said  they'd 
make  a  hit  with  the  Southern  trade,  Mawruss,  and  I 
hope  they  do,  Mawruss,  for,  if  they  don't,  there  ain't 
much  chance  of  our  getting  paid  for  them. ' ' 

A  week  later  Abe  Potash  and  his  wife  left  for 
Dotyville,  Pennsylvania,  and  two  days  afterward 
Morris  received  the  following  letter: 

DOTY'S  UNION  HOUSE, 

Dotyville,  Pennsylvania. 
Dear  Morris: 

How  is  things  in  the  store?  We  got  here  the  day  before 
yesterday  and  I  have  got  enough  already.  It  is  a  dead  town. 
The  food  what  they  give  us  reminds  me  when  Pincus  Vesell  & 
me  was  partners  together  as  new  beginners  and  I  was  making 
southern  trips  by  dollar  and  a  half  a  day  houses  American  plan. 
The  man  Doty  what  keeps  the  hotel  also  runs  the  general  store 
also.  He  says  a  fellow  by  the  name  of  Levy  used  to  run  it  but 
he  couldnt  make  it  go;  he  made  a  failure  of  it.  I  tried  to  sell 
him  a  few  garments  but  he  claims  to  be  overstocked  at  present 
and  I  believe  him.  I  seen  some  styles  what  he  tries  to  get  rid 
of  it  what  me  &  Pincus  Vesell  made  up  in  small  lots  way  before 
the  Spanish  war  already.  It  is  a  dead  town.  Me  and  Rosie  leave 
tonight  for  Pittsburg  and  we  are  going  to  stay  with  Rosies 
brother  in  law  Hyman  Margolius.  Write  us  how  things  is  going 
in  the  store  to  the  Outlet  Auction  House  Hyman  Margolius  prop 
2132  4  &  6  North  Potter  Ave  Pittsburg  Pa.  You  should  see  that 
Miss  Cohen  billed  them  4022s  on  date  we  packed  them  as  Gold- 

4—  Potash  &  Perlmutter.  53 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

man  the  shipping  clerk  forgot  to  give  them  to  Arrow  Dispatch 
•when  they  called.  That  aint  our  fault  Morris.  Write  and  tell 
me  how  things  is  going  in  the  store  and  dont  forget  to  tell  Miss 
Cohen  about  the  bill  to  S.  Lowenstein  as  above 

Yours  Truly 

A.  POTASH. 
P.  S.  How  is  things  in  the  store? 

During  the  first  three  days  of  Abe  Potash's  vaca- 
tion he  had  traveled  by  local  train  one  hundred  and 
twenty  miles  to  Dotyville,  and  unpacked  and  packed 
two  trunks  under  the  shrill  and  captious  supervision 
of  Mrs.  Potash.  Then  followed  a  tiresome  journey 
to  Pittsburgh  with  two  changes  of  cars,  and  finally, 
on  the  morning  of  the  fourth  day,  at  seven-thirty 
sharp,  he  accompanied  Hyman  Margolius  to  the  lat- 
ter 's  place  of  business. 

There  he  took  off  his  coat  and  helped  Hyman  and 
his  staff  of  assistants  to  pile  up  and  mark  for  auction 
a  large  consignment  of  clothing.  After  this,  he 
called  off  the  lot  numbers  while  Hyman  checked  them 
in  a  first  draft  of  a  printed  catalogue,  and  at  one 
o'clock,  with  hands  and  face  all  grimy  from  contact 
with  the  ill-dyed  satinets  of  which  the  clothing  was 
manufactured,  he  partook  of  a  substantial  luncheon 
at  Bleistift's  Restaurant  and  Lunch-Room. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Hyman  said,  "how  do  you  like  the 
auction  business  so  far  as  you  gone  yet?" 

"It's  a  good,  live  business,  Hymie,"  Abe  replied; 
"but,  the  way  it  works  out,  it  ain't  always  on  the 
square.  A  fellow  what  wants  to  do  his  creditors  buys 

54 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

goods  in  New  York,  we'll  say,  for  his  business  in— 
Galveston,  we'll  say,  and  then  when  he  gets  the  goods 
he  don't  even  bother  to  unpack  'em,  Hymie,  but  ships 
'em  right  away  to  you.  And  you  examine  'em,  and 
if  they're  all  0.  K.,  why,  you  send  him  a  check  for 
about  half  what  it  costs  to  manufacture  'em.  Then 
he  pockets  the  check,  Hymie,  and  ten  days  later 
busts  up  on  the  poor  sucker  what  sold  him  the 
goods  in  New  York  at  ninety  days.  Ain't  that  right, 
Hymie?" 

"Why,  that's  the  funniest  thing  you  ever  seen!" 
Hyman  exclaimed. 

"What's  the  funniest  thing  I  ever  seen,  Hymie  I" 

"You  talking  about  Galveston,  for  instance." 

Abe  turned  pale  and  choked  on  a  piece  of  ros- 
braten. 

"What  d'ye  mean?"  he  gasped. 

"Why,"  said  Hyman,  "I  just  received  a  consign- 
ment of  garments  from  a  feller  called  Lowenstein  in 
Galveston.  He  wrote  me  he  was  overstocked." 

"Overstocked?"  Abe  cried.  "Overstocked?  What 
color  was  them  garments!" 

"Why,  they  was  a  kind  of  plum  color,"  said 
Hyman. 

Abe  put  his  hand  to  his  throat  and  eased  his  collar. 

"And  did  you  send  him  a  check  for  'em  yet?"  he 
croaked. 

"Not  yet,"  said  Hyman. 

Abe  grabbed  him  by  the  collar. 

' l  Come ! "  he  said.     * '  Come  quick  by  a  lawyer ! ' ' 

55 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTER 

"What  for?"  Hyman  asked.  "You're  pulling 
that  coat  all  out  of  shape  yet." 

"I'll  buy  you  another  one,"  Abe  cried.  "Them 
plum-color  garments  is  mine,  and  I  want  to  get  'em 
back", 

Hyman  paid  the  bill,  and  on  their  way  down  the 
street  they  passed  a  telegraph  office. 

"Wait,"  Abe  cried,  "I  must  send  Mawruss  a 
wire. ' ' 

He  entered  and  seized  a  telegraph  f  brm,  which  he 
addressed  to  Potash  &  Perlmutter. 

"Don't  ship  no  more  goods  to  Lowenstein,  Morris. 
Will  explain  by  letter  to-night,"  he  wrote. 

"Now,  Hymie,"  he  said  after  he  had  paid  for  the 
dispatch,  "we  go  by  your  lawyer." 

Five  minutes  later  they  were  closeted  with  Max 
Marcus,  senior  member  of  the  firm  of  Marcus,  Wein- 
schenck  &  Grab,  and  a  lodge  brother  of  Hymie  Mar- 
golius.  Max  made  a  specialty  of  amputation  cases. 
He  was  accustomed  to  cashing  missing  arms  and  legs 
at  a  thousand  dollars  apiece  for  the  victims  of  rolling- 
mill  and  railway  accidents,  and  when  the  sympathetic 
jury  brought  in  their  generous  verdict  Max  paid  the 
expert  witnesses  and  pocketed  the  net  proceeds. 
These  rarely  fell  below  five  thousand  dollars. 

"Sit  down,  Hymie.  Glad  to  see  you,  Mr.  Potash," 
Max  said,  stroking  a  small  gray  mustache  with  a  five- 
carat  diamond  ring.  "What  can  I  do  for  you?11 

1 1 1  got  some  goods  belonging  to  Mr.  Potash  what  a 
fellow  called  Lowenstein  in  Galveston,  Texas, 

5* 


shipped  me, ' '  said  Hymie, ' '  and  Mr.  Potash  wants  to 
get  'em  back." 

"Replevin,  hey?"  Max  said.  "That's  a  little  out 
of  my  line,  but  I  guess  I  can  fix  you  up. ' '  He  rang 
for  a  stenographer.  "Take  this  down,"  he  said  to 
her,  and  turned  to  Abe  Potash.  "Now,  tell  us  the 
facts." 

Abe  recounted  the  tale  Mr.  Lowenstein  had  related 
to  Morris  Perlmutter,  by  which  Lowenstein  made  it 
appear  that  he  was  completely  out  of  stock.  Next, 
Hyman  Margolius  produced  Siegmund  Lowenstein 's 
letter  which  declared  that  Lowenstein  was  disposing 
of  the  Empire  cloaks  because  he  was  overstocked. 

"S 'enough, "  Max  declared.  "Tell,  Mr.  Wein- 
schenck  to  work  it  up  into  an  affidavit, ' '  he  continued 
to  the  stenographer,  "and  bring  us  in  a  jurat." 

A  moment  later  she  returned  with  a  sheet  of  legal 
cap,  on  the  top  of  which  was  typewritten : 1 1  Sworn  to 
before  me  this  first  day  of  April,  1904." 

"Sign  opposite  the  brace,"  said  Max,  pushing  the 
paper  at  Abe,  and  Abe  scrawled  his  name  where  indi- 
cated. 

"Now,  hold  up  your  right  hand,"  said  Max,  and 
Abe  obeyed. 

"Do  you  solemnly  swear  that  the  affidavit  sub- 
scribed by  you  is  true  1 ' '  Max  went  on. 

"What  affidavit?"  Abe  asked. 

<  <  Why,  the  one  Weinschenck  is  going  to  draw  when 
he  comes  back  from  lunch,  of  course,"  Max  replied. 

"Sure  it's  true,"  said  Abe. 

57 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"All  right, "  Max  concluded  briskly. 

"Now  give  me  a  check  for  fifty  dollars  for  my  fees, 
five  dollars  for  a  surety  company  bond,  and  five  dol- 
lars sheriff's  fees,  and  I'll  get  out  a  replevin  order 
on  the  strength  of  that  affidavit  in  half  an  hour,  and 
have  a  deputy  around  to  the  store  at  three  o  'clock  to 
transfer  the  goods  from  Hymie  to  you." 

' '  Sixty  dollars  is  pretty  high  for  a  little  thing  like 
that,  ain't  it,  Max?"  said  Hymie. 

"High?"  Max  cried  indignantly.  "High?  Why, 
if  you  wasn't  a  lodge  brother  of  mine,  Hymie,  I 
wouldn't  have  stirred  a  hand  for  less  than  a  hun- 
dred." 

Thus  rebuked,  Abe  paid  over  the  sixty  dollars,  and 
Hymie  and  he  went  back  to  the  store.  Precisely  at 
three  a  deputy  sheriff  entered  the  front  door  and 
flashed  a  gold  badge  as  big  as  a  dinner-plate.  His 
stay  was  brief,  and  in  five  minutes  he  had  relieved 
Abe  of  all  his  spare  cigars  and  departed,  leaving  only 
a  certified  copy  of  the  replevin  order  and  a  strong 
smell  of  whisky  to  signalize  the  transfer  of  the  Em- 
pire gowns  from  Hymie  to  Abe. 

Hardly  had  he  banged  the  door  behind  him  when  a 
messenger  boy  entered  and  handed  a  telegram  to 
Abe. 

"Ain't  shipped  no  goods  but  the  4022 's,"  it  read. 
"Have  wired  Lowenntein  to  return  the  4022s.  MOR- 
RIS. ' ' 

"Fine!  Fine!"  Abe  exclaimed.  He  tipped  the 
boy  a  dime  and  was  about  to  acquaint  Hyman  with 

58 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

the  good  news,  when  another  messenger  boy  entered 
and  delivered  a  second  telegram  to  Abe.  It  read  as 
follows : 

"Lowenstein  wires  he  insists  on  delivery  entire 
order  complete,  otherwise  he  will  sue.  What  shall  I 
wire  him?  MORRIS." 

Abe  seized  his  hat  and  dashed  down  the  street  to 
the  telegraph  office. 

' '  Gimme  a  blank, ' '  he  said  to  the  operator,  who 
handed  him  a  whole  padful.  For  the  next  twenty 
minutes  Abe  scribbled  and  tore  up  by  turns  until  he 
finally  evolved  a  satisfactory  missive.  This  he 
handed  to  the  operator,  who  read  it  with  a  broad  grin 
and  passed  it  back  at  once. 

"Wot  d'ye  take  me  for?"  he  said.  "A  bum? 
Dere  's  ladies  in  de  main  office. ' ' 

Abe  glared  at  the  operator  and  began  again. 

"Here,"  he  said  to  the  operator  after  another 
quarter  of  an  hour  of  scribbling  and  tearing  up, 
"send  this." 

It  was  in  the  following  form : 

Don't  send  no  more  goods  to  Lowenstein 
"         "     "       "      wires  "   nobody 

"Fourteen  words,"  the  operator  said.  "Fifty- 
four  cents." 

"What's  that?"  Abe  cried.  "What  yer  trying  to 
do?  Make  money  on  me?  That  ain't  no  fourteen 
words.  That's  nine  words." 

59 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"It  is,  hey?"  the  operator  rejoined.  "Quit  yer 
kiddin'.  Dat's  fourteen  words.  Ditto  marks  don't 
go,  see?" 

"  You  're  a  fresh  young  feller,"  said  Abe,  paying 
over  fifty-four  cents,  "and  I  got  a  good  mind  to 
report  you  to  the  head  office. ' ' 

The  operator  laughed  raucously. 

"G'wan!"  he  said.  "Beat  it,  or  I'll  sick  de  cops 
onter  yer.  It's  agin  the  law  to  cuss  in  Pittsburgh, 
even  by  telegraft." 

When  Abe  returned  to  the  Outlet  Auction  House's 
store  Hyman  was  busy  stacking  up  the  plum-color 
gowns  in  piles  convenient  for  shipping. 

"Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "I  thought  you  was  here 
for  a  vacation.  "You're  doing  some  pretty  tall 
hustling  for  a  sick  man,  I  must  say." 

"I'll  tell  you  the  truth,  Hymie,"  Abe  replied,  "I 
ain't  got  no  time  to  be  sick.  It  ain't  half -past  three 
yet,  and  I  guess  I'll  take  a  couple  of  them  garments 
and  see  what  I  can  do  with  the  jobbing  and  retail 
trade  in  this  here  town." 

"Don't  you  think  you'd  better  take  it  easy  for  a 
while,  Abe?"  Hyman  suggested. 

"I  am  taking  it  easy,"  said  Abe.  "So  long  as  I 
ain't  working  I'm  resting,  ain't  it,  Hymie?  And  you 
know  as  well  as  I  do,  Hymie,  selling  goods  never  was 
work  to  me.  It's  a  pleasure,  Hymie,  I  assure  you." 

He  placed  two  of  the  plum-colored  Empire  gowns 
under  his  arm,  and  thrusting  his  hat  firmly  on  the 
back  of  his  head  made  straight  for  the  dry-goods 

so 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

district.  Two  hours  later  he  returned,  wearing  a 
broad  smile  that  threatened  to  engulf  his  stubby 
black  mustache  between  his  nose  and  his  chin.  , 

"Hymie,"  he  said,  "I'm  sorry  I  got  to  disturb 
that  nice  pile  you  made  of  them  garments.  I'll  get 
right  to  work  myself  and  assort  the  sizes." 

"Why,  what's  the  trouble  now,  Abe?"  Hyman 
asked. 

"I  disposed  of  'em,  Hymie,"  Abe  replied.  Two 
hundred  to  Hamburg  and  Weiss.  Three  hundred  to 
the  Capitol  Credit  Outfitting  Company,  and  five 
hundred  to  Feinroth  and  Pearl. ' ' 

"Hold  on  there,  Abe!"  Hymie  exclaimed.  "You 
only  got  six  hundred,  and  you  sold  a  thousand  gar- 
ments. ' ' 

"I  know,  Hymie,"  said  Abe,  "but  I'm  going  home 
to-morrow,  and  I  got  a  month  in  which  to  ship  the 
balance. ' ' 

"Going  home?"  Hyman  cried. 

"Sure,"  said  Abe.  "I  had  a  good  long  vacation, 
and  now  I  got  to  get  down  to  business. ' ' 

One  morning,  two  weeks  later,  Abe  sat  with  his 
feet  cocked  up  on  his  desk  in  the  show-room  of 
Potash  &  Perlmutter's  spacious  cloak  and  suit  es- 
tablishment. Between  his  teeth  he  held  a  fine  Pitts- 
burgh cheroot  at  an  angle  of  about  ninety-five 
degrees  to  his  protruding  under-lip,  and  he  perused 
with  relish  the  business-trouble  column  of  the  Daily 
Cloak  and  Suit  Record. 

"Now,  what  do  you  think  of  that?"  he  exclaimed. 

to 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"What  do  I  think  of  what,  Abet"  Morris  in- 
quired. 

For  answer  Abe  thrust  the  paper  toward  his  part- 
ner with  one  hand,  and  indicated  a  scare  headline 
with  the  other. 

"Fraudulent  Bankruptcy  in  Galveston,"  it  read. 
"A  petition  in  bankruptcy  was  filed  yesterday 
against  Siegmund  Lowenstein,  doing  business  as  the 
0 'Gorman-Henderson  Dry-Goods  Company,  in  Gal- 
veston, Texas.  When  the  Federal  receiver  took 
charge  of  the  bankrupt's  premises  they  were  appar- 
ently swept  clean  of  stock  and  fixtures.  It  is  under- 
stood that  Lowenstein  has  fled  to  Matamoros,  Mexico, 
where  his  wife  preceded  him  some  two  weeks  ago. 
The  liabilities  are  estimated  at  fifty  thousand  dollars, 
and  the  only  asset  is  the  store  building,  which  is 
valued  at  ten  thousand  dollars  and  is  subject  to  mort- 
gages aggregating  about  the  same  amount.  The 
majority  of  the  creditors  are  in  New  York  City  and 
Boston." 

Morris  returned  the  paper  to  his  partner  without 
comment. 

"You  see,  Mawruss,"  said  Abe,  as  he  lit  a  fresh 
cheroot.  "Sometimes  it  pays  to  be  sick.  Ain't  it?" 


62 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 


CHAPTER  IV 

""V  TEVER  no  more,  Mawruss,"  said  Abe  Potash 
I^U  to  his  partner  as  they  sat  in  the  show-room 
of  their  spacious  cloak  and  suit  establish- 
ment one  week  after  Abe's  return  from  Pittsburgh. 
"Never  no  more,  Mawruss,  because  it  ain't  good 
policy.  This  is  strictly  a  wholesale  business,  and  if 
once  we  sell  a  friend  one  garment  that  friend  brings 
a  friend,  and  that  friend  brings  also  a  friend,  and  the 
first  thing  you  know,  Mawruss,  we  are  doing  a  big 
retail  business  at  a  net  loss  of  fifty  cents  a  garment. ' ' 

"But  this  ain't  a  friend,  Abe,"  Morris  protested. 
"It's  my  wife's  servant-girl.  She  seen  one  of  them 
samples,  style  forty-twenty-two,  them  plum-color 
Empires  what  I  took  it  home  to  show  M.  Garfunkel 
on  my  way  down  yesterday,  and  now  she's  crazy  to 
have  one.  If  she  don't  get  one  my  Minnie  is  afraid 
she'll  leave." 

"All  right,"  Abe  said,  "let  her  leave.  If  my 
Rosie  can  cook  herself  and  wash  herself,  Mawruss,  I 
guess  it  won't  hurt  your  Minnie.  Let  her  try  doing 
her  own  work  for  a  while,  Mawruss.  I  guess  it'll  do 
her  good." 

"But,  anyhow,  Abe,  I  told  the  girl  to  come  down 
this  morning  and  I'd  give  her  one  for  two  dollars, 
and  I  guess  she'll  be  here  most  any  time  now." 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  said  Abe,  "this  once  is  all  right, 

63 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

but  never  no  more.  We  ain't  doing  a  cloak  and  suit 
business  for  the  servant-girl  trade. " 

Further  discussion  was  prevented  by  the  entrance 
of  the  retail  customer  herself.  Morris  jumped 
quickly  to  his  feet  and  conducted  her  to  the  rear  of 
the  store,  while  Abe  silently  sought  refuge  in  the 
cutting-room  upstairs. 

"What  size  do  you  think  you  wear,  Lina?"  Morris 
asked. 

' '  Big, '  >  Lina  replied.    ' l  Fat. ' ' 

"Yes,  I  know,"  Morris  said,  "but  what  size?" 

"Very  fat,"  Lina  replied.  She  was  a  Lithuanian 
and  her  generous  figure  had  never  known  the  refining 
influence  of  a  corset  until  she  had  landed  at  Ellis 
Island  two  years  before. 

4  *  That  'a  the  biggest  I  got,  Lina, ' '  Morris  said,  pro- 
ducing the  largest-size  garment  in  stock.  ' '  Maybe  if 
you  try  it  on  over  your  dress  you'll  get  some  idea  of 
whether  it's  big  enough." 

Lina  struggled  feet  first  into  the  gown,  which 
buttoned  down  the  back,  and  for  five  minutes 
Morris  labored  with  clenched  teeth  to  fasten  it  for 
her. 

"That's  a  fine  fit,"  he  said,  as  he  concluded  his 
task.  He  led  her  toward  the  mirror  in  the  front  of 
the  show-room  just  as  M.  Garfunkel  entered  the  store 
door. 

"Hallo,  Mawruss,"  he  cried.  "What's  this?  A 
new  cloak  model  you  got?" 

Morris  blushed,  while  Lina  and  M.  Garfunkel  both 

64 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

made  a  critical  examination  of  the  garment's  eccen- 
tric fit. 

"Why,  that's  one  of  them  forty-twenty-two's  what 
I  ordered  a  lot  of  this  morning,  Mawruss.  Ain  't  it ! " 

Morris  gazed  ruefully  at  the  plum-color  gown  and 
nodded. 

"Then  don't  ship  that  order  till  you  hear  from 
me,"  M.  Garfunkel  said.  "I  guess  I  got  to  hustle 
right  along." 

"Don't  be  in  a  hurry,  Mr.  Garfunkel,"  Morris 
cried.  "You  ain't  come  in  the  store  just  to  tell  me 
that,  have  you?" 

"Yes,  I  have,"  said  Garfunkel,  his  eye  still  glued 
to  Lina's  bulging  figure.  "That's  all  what  I  come 
for.  I'll  write  you  this  afternoon." 

He  slammed  the  door  behind  him  and  Morris 
turned  to  the  unbuttoning  of  the  half-smothered  Lina. 

"That'll  be  two  dollars  for  you,  Lina,"  he  said, 
?<and  I  guess  it'll  be  about  four  hundred  for  us." 

At  seven  the  next  morning,  when  Abe  came  down 
the  street  from  the  subway,  a  bareheaded  girl  sat  on 
the  short  flight  of  steps  leading  to  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter's  store  door.  As  Abe  approached,  the  girl 
rose  and  nodded,  whereat  Abe  scowled. 

"If  a  job  you  want  it,"  he  said,  "you  should  go 
round  to  the  back  door  and  wait  till  the  foreman 
comes. ' ' 

"Me  no  want  job,"  she  said.     "Me  coosin." 

"Cousin!"  Abe  cried.     "Whose  cousin?" 

"Lina's  coosin,"  said  the  girl.     She  held  out  her 

65 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

hand  and,  opening  it,  disclosed  a  two-dollar  bill  all 
damp  and  wrinkled.  "Me  want  dress  like  Lina." 

"What!"  Abe  cried.     "So  soon  already!" 

"Lina  got  nice  red  dress.  She  show  it  me  last 
night, ' '  the  girl  said.  Me  got  one,  too. '  ' 

She  smiled  affably,  and  for  the  first  time  Abe  no- 
ticed the  smooth,  fair  hair,  the  oval  face  and  the  slen- 
der, girlish  figure  that  seemed  made  for  an  Empire 
gown.  Then,  of  course,  there  was  the  two-dollar  bill 
and  its  promise  of  a  cash  sale,  which  always  makes 
a  strong  appeal  to  a  credit-harried  mind  like  Abe's. 
'  *  Oh,  well, ' '  he  said  with  a  sigh,  leading  the  way  to 
the  rack  of  Empire  gowns  in  the  rear  of  the  store, 
"if  I  must  I  suppose  I  must." 

He  selected  the  smallest  gown  in  stock  and  handed 
it  to  her. 

"If  you  can  get  into  that  by  your  own  self  you 
can  have  it  for  two  dollars,"  he  said,  pocketing  the 
crumpled  bill.  "I  don't  button  up  nothing  for 
nobody. ' ' 

He  gathered  up  the  mail  from  the  letter-box  and 
carried  it  to  the  show-room.  There  was  a  generous 
pile  of  correspondence,  and  the  very  first  letter  that 
came  to  his  hand  bore  the  legend,  "The  Paris. 
Cloaks,  Suits  and  Millinery.  M.  Garfunkel,  Prop." 
Abe  mumbled  to  himself  as  he  tore  it  open. 

"I  bet  yer  he  claims  a  shortage  in  delivery,  when 
we  ain't  even  shipped  him  the  goods  yet,"  he  said, 
and  commenced  to  read  the  letter;  "I  bet  yer  he " 

He  froze  into  horrified  silence  as  his  protruding 

66 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

eyes  took  in  the  import  of  M.  Garfunkel  's  note.  Then 
he  jumped  from  his  chair  and  ran  into  the  store, 
where  the  new  retail  customer  was  primping  in  front 
of  the  mirror. 

' '  Out, ' '  he  yelled,  * '  out  of  my  store. ' ' 

She  turned  from  the  fascinating  picture  in  the 
looking-glass  to  behold  the  enraged  Abe  brandishing 
the  letter  like  a  missile,  and  with  one  terrified  shriek 
she  made  for  the  door  and  dashed  wildly  toward  the 
corner. 

Morris  was  smoking  an  after-breakfast  cigar  as 
he  strolled  leisurely  from  the  subway,  and  when  he 
turned  into  White  Street  Abe  was  still  standing  on 
the  doorstep. 

"What's  the  matter?"  Morris  asked. 

"Matter!"  Abe  cried.  "Matter!  Nothing's  the 
matter.  Everything's  fine  and  dandy.  Just  look  at 
that  letter,  Mawruss.  That's  all." 

Morris  took  the  proffered  note  and  opened  it  at 
once. 

"Gents,"  it  read.  "Your  Mr.  Perlmutter  sold  us 
them  plum-color  Empires  this  morning,  and  he  said 
they  was  all  the  thing  on  Fifth  Avenue.  Now,  gents, 
we  sell  to  the  First  Avenue  trade,  like  what  was  in 
your  store  this  afternoon  when  our  Mr.  Garfunkel 
called,  and  our  Mr.  Garfunkel  seen  enough  already. 
Please  cancel  the  order.  Your  Mr.  Perlmutter  will 
understand.  Truly  yours,  The  Paris.  M.  Gar- 
funkel, Prop." 

M.  Garfunkel  lived  in  a  stylish  apartment  on  One 

67 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTER 

Hundred  and  Eighteenth  Street.  His  family  con- 
sisted of  himself,  Mrs.  Garfunkel,  three  children  and 
a  Lithuanian  maid  named  Anna,  and  it  was  a  source 
of  wonder  to  the  neighbors  that  a  girl  so  slight  in 
frame  could  perform  the  menial  duties  of  so  large  a 
household.  She  cooked,  washed  and  sewed  for  the 
entire  family  with  such  cheerfulness  and  application 
that  Mrs.  Garfunkel  deemed  her  a  treasure  and 
left  to  her  discretion  almost  every  domestic  detail. 
Thus  Anna  always  rose  at  six  and  immediately 
awakened  Mr.  Garfunkel,  for  M.  Garfunkel 's  break- 
fast was  an  immovable  feast,  scheduled  for  half- 
past  six. 

But  on  the  morning  after  he  had  purchased  the 
plum-color  gowns  from  Potash  &  Perlmutter  it  was 
nearly  eight  before  he  awoke,  and  when  he  entered 
the  dining-room,  instead  of  the  two  fried  eggs,  the 
sausage  and  the  coffee  which  usually  greeted  him, 
there  were  spread  on  the  table  only  the  evening 
papers,  a  brimming  ash-tray  and  a  torn  envelope 
bearing  the  score  of  last  night's  pinochle  game. 

He  was  about  to  return  to  the  bedroom  and  report 
Anna's  disappearance  when  a  key  rattled  in  the  hall 
door  and  Anna  herself  entered.  Her  cheeks  were 
flushed  and  her  hair  was  blown  about  her  face  in  un- 
becoming disorder.  Nevertheless,  she  smiled  the 
triumphant  smile  of  the  well-dressed. 

''Me  late,"  she  said,  but  Garfunkel  forgot  all  about 
his  lost  breakfast  hour  when  he  beheld  the  plum-color 
Empire. 

M 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"Why,"  he  gasped,  "that's  one  of  them  forty- 
twenty-two 's  I  ordered  yesterday." 

Anna  lifted  both  her  arms  the  better  to  display  the 
gown's  perfection,  and  Garfunkel  examined  it  with 
the  eye  of  an  expert. 

"Let's  see  the  back,"  he  said.  "That  looks  great 
on  you,  Anna." 

He  spun  her  round  and  round  in  his  anxiety  to 
view  the  gown  from  all  angles. 

"I  must  have  been  crazy  to  cancel  that  order,"  he 
went  on.  "Where  did  you  get  it,  Anna?" 

"Me  buy  from  Potash  &  Perlmutter,"  she  said. 
"My  coosin  Lina  works  by  Mr.  Perlmutter.  She 
gets  one  yesterday  for  two  dollar.  Me  see  it  last 
night  and  like  it.  So  me  get  up  five  o  'clock  this  morn- 
ing and  go  downtown  and  buy  one  for  two  dollar, 
too." 

M.  Garfunkel  made  a  rapid  mental  calculation, 
while  Anna  left  to  prepare  the  belated  breakfast. 

He  estimated  that  Anna  had  paid  a  little  less  for 
her  retail  purchase  than  the  price  Potash  &  Perlmut- 
ter had  quoted  to  him  for  hundred  lots. 

"They're  worth  it,  too,"  he  said  to  himself. 
"Potash  &  Perlmutter  is  a  couple  of  pretty  soft  suck- 
ers to  be  selling  goods  below  cost  to  servant-girls.  I 
always  thought  Abe  Potash  was  a  pretty  hard  nut,  but 
I  guess  I'll  be  able  to  do  business  with  'em,  after 
all." 

At  half -past  ten  M.  Garfunkel  entered  the  store  of 
Potash  &  Perlmutter  and  greeted  Abe  with  a  smile 

I— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  69 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

that  blended  apology,  friendliness  and  ingratiation 
in  what  M.  Garf  unkel  deemed  to  be  just  the  right  pro- 
portions. Abe  glared  in  response. 

"Well,  Abe,"  M.  Garf  unkel  cried,  "ain't  it  a  fine 
weather  ? ' ' 

"Is  it!"  Abe  replied.  "I  don't  worry  about  the 
kind  of  weather  it  is  when  I  gets  cancelations,  Mr. 
Garf  unkel.  What  for  you  cancel  that  order,  Mr. 
Garf  unkel?" 

M.  Garfunkel  raised  a  protesting  palm. 

"Now,  Abe,'"  he  said,  "if  you  was  to  go  into  a 
house  what  you  bought  goods  off  of  and  seen  a  gar- 
ment you  just  hear  is  all  the  rage  on  Fifth  Avenue 
being  tried  on  by  a  cow " 

"A  cow!"  Abe  said.  "I  want  to  tell  you  some- 
thing, Mr.  Garfunkel.  That  lady  what  you  see  try- 
ing on  them  Empires  was  Mawruss '  girl  what  works 
by  his  wife,  and  while  she  ain't  no  Lillian  Russell  nor 
nothing  like  that,  y 'understand,  if  you  think  you 
should  get  out  of  taking  them  goods  by  calling  her  a 
cow  you  are  mistaken." 

The  qualities  of  ingratiation  and  friendliness  de- 
parted from  M.  Garf  unkel 's  smile,  leaving  it  wholly 
apologetic. 

"Well,  Abe,  as  a  matter  of  fact,"  he  said,  "I  ain't 
canceled  that  order  altogether  absolutely,  y 'under- 
stand. Maybe  if  you  make  inducements  I  might  re- 
consider it." 

"Inducements!"  Abe  cried.  "Inducements  is 
nix.  Them  gowns  costs  us  three  dollars  apiece,  and 

70 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

we  give  'em  to  you  for  three-ten.  If  we  make  any  in- 
ducements we  land  in  the  poorhouse.  Ain't  it?" 

"Oh,  the  price  is  all  right,"  M.  Garfunkel  pro- 
tested, "but  the  terms  is  too  strict.  I  can't  buy  all 
my  goods  at  ten  days.  Sammet  Brothers  gives  me  a 
line  at  sixty  and  ninety  days,  and  so  I  do  most  of  my 
business  with  them.  Now  if  I  could  get  the  same 
terms  by  you,  Abe,  I  should  consider  your  line  ahead 
of  Sammet  Brothers'." 

"Excuse  me,"  Abe  interrupted.  "I  think  I  hear 
the  telephone  ringing. ' ' 

He  walked  to  the  rear  of  the  store,  where  the  tele- 
phone bell  was  jingling. 

"Miss  Cohen,"  he  said  to  the  bookkeeper  as  he 
passed  the  office,  "answer  the  'phone.  I'm  going 
upstairs  to  speak  to  Mr.  Perlmutter." 

He  proceeded  to  the  cutting-room,  where  Morris 
was  superintending  the  unpacking  of  piece-goods. 

"Mawruss,"  he  said,  "M.  Garfunkel  is  down- 
stairs, and  he  says  he  will  reconsider  the  cancelation 
and  give  it  us  a  big  order  if  we  let  him  have  better 
terms.  What  d'ye  say,  Mawruss!" 

Morris  remained  silent  for  a  minute. 

"Take  a  chance,  Abe,"  he  said  at  length.  "He 
can't  bust  up  on  us  by  the  first  bill.  Can  he?" 

"No,"  Abe  agreed  hesitatingly,  "but  he  might, 
Mawruss?" 

"Sure  he  might,"  said  Morris,  "but  if  we  don't 
take  no  chances,  Abe,  we  might  as  well  go  out  of  the 
cloak  and  suit  business.  Sell  him  all  he  wants,  Abe." 

71 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

"I'll  sell  him  all  he  can  pay  for,  Mawruss,"  said 
Abe,  "and  I  guess  that  ain't  over  a  thousand  dol- 
lars." 

He  returned  to  the  first  floor,  where  M.  Garfunkel 
eagerly  awaited  him,  and  produced  a  box  of  the  firm 's 
K.  to  M.  first  and  second  credit  customers'  cigars. 

"Have  a  smoke,  Mr.  Garfunkel,"  he  said. 

M.  Garfunkel  selected  a  cigar  with  care  and  sat 
down. 

"Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "that  was  a  long  talk  you 
had  over  the  telephone." 

"Sure  it  was,"  Abe  replied.  "The  cashier  of  the 
Kosciusko  Bank  on  Grand  Street  rang  me  up.  He 
discounts  some  of  our  accounts  what  we  sell 
responsible  people,  and  he  asks  me  that  in  future 
I  get  regular  statements  from  all  my  customers — 
those  that  I  want  to  discount  their  accounts  in 
particular. ' ' 

M.  Garfunkel  nodded  slowly. 

"Statements — you  shall  have  it,  Abe,"  he  said, 
"but  I  may  as  well  tell  you  that  it's  foolish  to  dis- 
count bills  what  you  sell  me.  I  sometimes  discount 
them  myself.  I'll  send  you  a  statement,  anyhow. 
Now  let's  look  at  your  line,  Abe.  I  wasted  enough 
time  already." 

For  the  next  hour  M.  Garfunkel  pawed  over  Potash 
&  Perlmutter's  stock,  and  when  he  finally  took  leave 
of  Abe  he  had  negotiated  an  order  of  a  thousand  dol- 
lars ;  terms,  sixty  days  net. 

The  statement  of  M.  Garfunkel 's  financial  condi 

72 


tion,  which  arrived  the  following  day,  more  than  sat- 
isfied Morris  Perlmutter  and,  had  it  not  been  quite  so 
glowing  in  character,  it  might  even  have  satisfied  Abe 
Potash. 

"I  don't  know,  Mawruss,"  he  said;  "some  things 
looks  too  good  to  be  true,  Mawruss,  and  I  guess  this 
is  one  of  them/' 

"Always  you  must  worry,  Abe,"  Morris  rejoined. 
"If  Vanderbilt  and  Astor  was  partners  together  in 
the  cloak  and  suit  business,  and  you  sold  'em  a  cou- 
ple of  hundred  dollars'  goods,  Abe,  you'd  worry 
yourself  sick  till  you  got  a  check.  I  bet  yer  Gar- 
funkel  discounts  his  bill  already." 

Morris '  prophecy  proved  to  be  true,  for  at  the  end 
of  four  weeks  M.  Garfunkel  called  at  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter's  store  and  paid  his  sixty-day  account  with 
the  usual  discount  of  ten  per  cent.  Moreover,  he  gave 
them  another  order  for  two  thousand  dollars'  worth 
of  goods  at  the  same  terms. 

In  this  instance,  however,  full  fifty-nine  days 
elapsed  without  word  from  M.  Garfunkel,  and  on  the 
morning  of  the  sixtieth  day  Abe  entered  the  store 
bearing  every  appearance  of  anxiety. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "what's  the  matter 
now?  You  look  like  you  was  worried." 

"I  bet  yer  I'm  worried,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied. 

"Well,  what's  the  use  of  worrying!"  he  rejoined. 
"M.  Garfunkel 's  account  ain't  due  till  to-day." 

"Always  M.  Garfunkel!"  Abe  cried.  "M.  Gar- 
funkel don't  worry  me  much,  Mawruss.  I'd  like  to 

73 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEK 

see  a  check  from  Mm,  too,  Mawruss,  but  I  ain't  wast- 
ing no  time  on  him.  My  Eosie  is  sick. ' ' 

' '  Sick ! ' '  Morris  exclaimed.  ' '  That 's  too  bad,  Abe. 
"What  seems  to  be  the  trouble?" 

' '  She  got  the  rheumatism  in  her  shoulder, ' '  Abe  re- 
plied, ' '  and  she  tries  to  get  a  girl  by  intelligent  offices 
to  help  her  out,  but  it  ain't  no  use.  It  breaks  her  all 
up  to  get  a  girl,  Mawruss.  Fifteen  years  already  she 
cooks  herself  and  washes  herself,  and  now  she 's  got  to 
get  a  girl,  Mawruss,  but"  she  can't  get  one." 

Morris  clucked  sympathetically. 

"Maybe  that  girl  of  yours,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went 
on  as  though  making  an  innocent  suggestion,  "what 
we  sell  the  forty-twenty-two  to,  maybe  she  got  a  sis- 
ter or  a  cousin  maybe,  what  wants  a  job,  Mawruss." 

"I'll  telephone  my  Minnie  right  away,"  Morris 
said,  and  as  he  turned  to  do  so  M.  Garfunkel  entered. 
Abe  and  Morris  rushed  forward  to  greet  him.  Each 
seized  a  hand  and,  patting  him  on  the  back,  escorted 
him  to  the  show-room. 

"First  thing"  M.  Garfunkel  said,  "here  is  a  check 
for  the  current  bill." 

"No  hurry,"  Abe  and  Morris  exclaimed,  with  what 
the  musical  critics  call  splendid  attack. 

"Now  that  that's  out  of  the  way,"  M.  Garfunkel 
went  on,  "I  want  to  give  you  another  order.  Only 
thing  is,  Mawruss,  you  know  as  well  as  I  do  that  in 
the  installment  cloak  and  suit  business  a  feller  needs 
a  lot  of  capital.  Ain  't  it  ?  " 

Morris  nodded. 

74 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

"And  if  lie  buys  goods  only  for  cash  or  thirty  or 
sixty  days,  Abe,"  M.  Garfunkel  continued,  "he  some- 
times gets  pretty  cramped  for  money,  because  his 
own  customers  takes  a  long  time  to  pay  up.  Ain't 
it!" 

Abe  nodded,  too. 

"Well,  then,"  M.  Garfunkel  concluded,  "I'll  give 
you  boys  a  fine  order,  but  this  time  it's  got  to  be  ninety 
days." 

Abe  puffed  hard  on  his  cigar,  and  Morris  loosened 
his  collar,  which  had  become  suddenly  tight. 

"I  always  paid  prompt  my  bills.  Ain't  it?"  M. 
Garfunkel  asked. 

"Sure,  Mr.  Garfunkel,"  Abe  replied.  "That  you 
did  do  it.  But  ninety  days  is  three  months,  and  our- 
selves we  got  to  pay  our  bills  in  thirty  days." 

* '  However, ' '  Morris  broke  in, ' '  that  is  neither  there 
nor  here.  A  good  customer  is  a  good  customer,  Abe, 
and  so  I'm  agreeable." 

This  put  the  proposition  squarely  up  to  Abe,  and 
he  found  it  a  difficult  matter  to  refuse  credit  to  a  cus- 
tomer whose  check  for  two  thousand  dollars  was  even 
then  reposing  in  Abe's  waistcoat  pocket. 

"All  right,"  Abe  said.  "Go  ahead  and  pick  out 
your  goods." 

For  two  solid  hours  M.  Garfunkel  went  over 
Potash  &  Perlmutter's  line  and,  selecting  hundred 
lots  of  their  choicest  styles,  bought  a  three-thousand- 
dollar  order. 

"We  ain't  got  but  half  of  them  styles  in  stock," 

75 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEE 

said  Morris,  "but  we  can  make  'em  up  right 
away. ' ' 

"Then,  them  goods  what  you  got  in  stock,  Maw- 
russ,"  said  Garfunkel,  "I  must  have  prompt  by  to- 
morrow, and  the  others  in  ten  days." 

"That's  all  right,"  Morris  replied,  and  when  M. 
Garfunkel  left  the  store  Abe  and  Morris  immediately 
set  about  the  assorting  of  the  ordered  stock. 

"Look  a-here,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "I  thought 
you  was  going  to  see  about  that  girl  for  my  Eosie. ' ' 

"Why,  so  I  was,  Abe,"  Morris  replied;  "I'll  at- 
tend to  it  right  away." 

He  went  to  the  telephone  and  rang  up  his  wife,  and 
five  minutes  later  returned  to  the  front  of  the  store. 

"Ain't  that  the  funniest  thing,  Abe,"  he  said. 
"My  Minnie  speaks  to  the  girl,  and  the  girl  says  she 
got  a  cousin  what's  just  going  to  quit  her  job,  Abe. 
She  '11  be  the  very  girl  for  your  Eosie. ' ' 

"I  don't  know,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "My 
Eosie  is  a  particular  woman.  She  don't  want  no  girl 
what's  got  fired  for  being  dirty  or  something  like 
that,  Mawruss.  We  first  want  to  get  a  report  on  her 
and  find  out  what  she  gets  fired  for. ' ' 

"You're  right,  Abe,"  Morris  said.  "I'll  find  out 
from  Lina  to-night. ' ' 

Once  more  they  fell  to  their  task  of  assorting  and 
packing  the  major  part  of  Garfunkel 's  order,  and 
by  six  o  'clock  over  fifteen  hundred  dollars '  worth  of 
goods  was  ready  for  delivery. 

"We'll  ship  them  to-morrow,"  Abe  said,  as  they 

76 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

commenced  to  lock  up  for  the  night,  "and  don't  for- 
get about  that  girl,  Mawruss." 

On  his  way  downtown  the  next  morning  Abe  met 
Leon  Sammet,  senior  member  of  the  firm  of  Sammet 
Brothers.  Between  Abe  and  Leon  existed  the  nomi- 
nal truce  of  competition,  which  in  the  cloak  and  suit 
trade  implies  that  while  they  cheerfully  exchanged 
credit  information  from  their  office  files  they  main- 
tained a  constant  guerilla  warfare  for  the  capture  of 
each  other's  customers. 

Now,  M.  Garfunkel  had  been  a  particularly  strong 
customer  of  Sammet  Brothers,  and  since  Abe  as- 
sumed that  M.  Garfunkel  had  dropped  Sammet 
Brothers  in  favor  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter  his  man- 
ner toward  Leon  was  bland  and  apologetic. 

"Well,  Leon,"  he  said,  "how's  business?" 

Leon's  face  wrinkled  into  a  smile. 

"It  could  be  better,  of  course,  Abe,"  he  said,  "but 
we  done  a  tremendous  spring  trade,  anyhow,  even 
though  we  ain't  got  no  more  that  sucker  Louis  Gross- 
man working  for  us.  We  shipped  a  couple  of 
three-thousand-dollar  orders  last  week.  One  of  'em 
to  Strauss,  Kami  &  Baum,  of  Fresno." 

These  were  old  customers  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter, 
and  Abe  winced. 

"They  was  old  customers  of  ours,  Leon,"  he  said, 
"but  they  done  such  a  cheap  class  of  trade  we 
couldn't  cut  our  line  enough  to  please  'em." 

"Is  that  so?"  Leon  rejoined.  "Maybe  M.  Gar- 
funkel was  an  old  customer  of  yours,  too,  Abe." 

77 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

* '  M.  Garf unkel  ? ' '  Abe  cried.  1 1  Was  M.  Garf  unkel 
the  other?" 

"He  certainly  was,"  Leon  boasted.  "We  shipped 
him  three  thousand  dollars.  One  of  our  best  cus- 
tomers, Abe.  Always  pays  to  the  day." 

For  the  remainder  of  the  subway  journey  Abe  was 
quite  unresponsive  to  Leon's  jibes,  a  condition  which 
Leon  attributed  to  chagrin,  and  as  they  parted  at 
Canal  Street  Leon  could  not  forbear  a  final  gloat. 

"I  suppose,  Abe,  M.  Garf  unkel  does  too  cheap  a 
class  of  trade  to  suit  you,  also.  Ain't  it?"  he  said. 

Abe  made  no  reply,  and  as  he  walked  south  toward 
White  Street  Max  Lapidus,  of  Lapidus  &  Elenbogen, 
another  and  a  smaller  competitor,  bumped  into  him. 

"Hallo,  Abe,"  Max  said.  "What's  that  Leon 
Sammet  was  saying  just  now  about  M.  Garf  unkel?" 

'  *  Oh,  M.  Garf  unkel  is  a  good  customer  of  his, ' '  Abe 
replied  cautiously;  "so  he  claims." 

"Don't  you  believe  it,"  said  Max.  "M.  Gar- 
funkel  told  me  himself  he  used  to  do  some  business 
with  Sammet  Brothers,  but  he  don't  do  it  no  more. 
We  done  a  big  business  with  M.  Garfunkel  our- 
selves. ' ' 

"So?"  Abe  commented. 

"We  sold  him  a  couple  of  thousand  dollars  at 
ninety  days  last  week,"  Lapidus  went  on.  "He's 
elegant  pay,  Abe.  We  sold  him  a  good-size  order 
every  couple  of  months  this  season,  and  he  pays 
prompt  to  the  day.  Once  he  discounted  his  bill." 

"Is  that  so?"  Abe  said,  as  they  reached  the  front 

78 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

of  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  store.  "Glad  to  hear  M. 
Garfunkel  is  so  busy.  Good-morning,  Max." 

Morris  Perlmutter  met  him  at  the  door. 

"Hallo,  Abe,"  he  cried.  "What's  the  matter? 
You  look  pale.  Is  Eosie  worse?" 

Abe  shook  his  head. 

' '  Mawruss, ' '  he  said,  *  *  did  you  ship  them  goods  to 
M.  Garfunkel  yet?" 

4  *  They  '11  be  out  in  ten  minutes, ' '  Morris  replied. 

"Hold  'em  for  a  while  till  I  telephone  over  to 
Klinger  &  Klein, ' '  Abe  said. 

"What  you  looking  for,  Abe?"  Morris  asked. 
"More  information?  You  know  as  well  as  I  do,  Abe, 
that  Klinger  &  Klein  is  so  conservative  they  wouldn  't 
sell  Andrew  Carnegie  unless  they  got  a  certified  check 
in  advance." 

"That's  all  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  rejoined. 
"Maybe  they  wouldn't  sell  Andrew  Carnegie,  but  if 
I  ain't  mistaken  they  did  sell  M.  Garfunkel.  Every- 
body sold  him,  even  Lapidus  &  Elenbogen.  So  I 
guess  I'll  telephone  'em." 

"Well,  wait  a  bit,  Abe,"  Morris  cried.  "My  Min- 
nie 's  girl  Lina  is  here  with  her  cousin.  I  brought  'em 
down  this  morning  so  you  could  talk  to  her  yourself. ' ' 

"All  right,"  Abe  replied.  "Tell  'em  to  come  into 
the  show-room." 

A  moment  later  Lina  and  her  cousin  Anna  entered 
the  show-room.  Both  were  arrayed  in  Potash  & 
Perlmutter's  style  forty-twenty-two,  but  while  Lina 
wore  a  green  hat  approximating  the  hue  of  early 

79 


spring  foliage,  Anna's  head-covering  was  yellow 
with  just  a  few  crimson-lake  roses — about  eight  large 
ones — on  the  side. 

1 '  Close  the  window,  Mawruss, ' '  said  Abe.  ' '  There 's 
so  much  noise  coming  from  outside  I  can't  hear  my- 
self think." 

"The  window  is  closed,  Abe,"  Morris  replied. 
' l  It 's  your  imagination. ' ' 

"Well,  then,  which  one  is  which,  Mawruss?"  Abe 
asked. 

"The  roses  is  Anna,"  Morris  said.  "Anna,  you 
want  to  work  by  Mr.  Potash's  lady!" 

"Sure  she  does,"  Abe  broke  in.  "Only  I  want  to 
ask  you  a  few  questions  before  I  hire  you.  Who  did 
you  work  by  before,  Anna?" 

Anna  hung  her  head  and  simpered. 

"Mister  M.  Garfunkel,"  she  murmured. 

"Is  that  so?"  Morris  exclaimed.  "Why,  he's  a 
good  customer  of  ours." 

"Don't  butt  in,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said.  "And  what 
did  you  leave  him  for,  Anna?" 

"Me  don't  leave  them,"  Anna  replied.  "Mrs. 
Garfunkel  is  fine  lady.  Mister  Garfunkel,  too. 
They  leave  me.  They  goin'  away  next  month,  out  to 
the  country." 

"Moving  out  to  the  country,  hey?"  said  Abe.  He 
was  outwardly  calm,  but  his  eyes  glittered.  "What 
country  ? ' ' 

Anna  turned  to  her  cousin  Lina  and  spoke  a  few 
words  of  Lithuanian. 

80 


"She  say  she  don't  remember,"  Lina  explained, 
"but  she  say  is  something  sounds  like  'canned 
goods '. ' ' 

' '  Canned  goods  ? ' '  Morris  murmured. 

Abe  bit  the  ends  of  his  mustache  for  a  moment,  and 
then  he  leaped  to  his  feet. 

"Canada!"  he  yelled,  and  Lina  nodded  vigorously. 

He  darted  out  of  the  show-roorn  and  ran  to  the  tele- 
phone. In  ten  minutes  he  returned,  his  face  bathed 
in  perspiration. 

"Anna,"  he  croaked,  "you  come  to  work  by  me. 
Yes?  How  much  you  get  by  that — that  M.  Gar- 
funkel?" 

"Twenty  dollars  a  month,"  Anna  replied. 

"All  right,  we'll  pay  you  twenty-two,"  he  said. 
"You're  cheap  at  the  price.  So  I  expect  you  this 
evening." 

He  turned  to  his  partner  after  the  girls  had  gone. 

"Mawruss,"  he  said,  "put  them  goods  for  M.  Gar- 
funkel  back  in  stock.  I  rung  up  Klinger  &  Klein  and 
they  sold  him  four  thousand.  I  also  rung  up  the  Per- 
fection Cloak  and  Suit  Company — also  four  thou- 
sand ;  Margolius  &  Fried — two  thousand ;  Levy,  Mar- 
tin &  Co. — three  thousand,  and  so  on.  The  way  I 
figure  it,  he  must  of  bought  a  hundred  thousand  dol- 
lars '  worth  of  goods,  all  in  the  last  few  days,  and  all 
at  ninety  days  net.  He  couldn't  get  a  quarter  of  the 
goods  in  that  First  Avenue  building  of  his,  Mawruss, 
so  where  is  the  rest !  Auction  houses,  Mawruss,  north, 
south,  east  and  west,  and  I  bet  yer  he  got  the  advance 

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POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

checks  for  each  consignment  deposited  in  Montreal 
right  now.  I  bet  yer  he  didn't  even  unpack  the  cases 
before  he  reshipped.  Tell  Miss  Cohen  to  come  in  and 
bring  her  book." 

When  Miss  Cohen  took  her  seat  Abe  rose  and 
cleared  his  throat  for  an  epistle  worthy  of  the  occa- 
sion. 

"The  Paris.  M.  Garfunkel,  Proprietor,"  he  said. 

1 '  Gents :  Owing  to  circumstances  which  has  arose 

No.  Wait  a  bit." 

He  cleared  his  throat  more  vigorously. 

"The  Paris.  M.  Garfunkel,  Proprietor,"  he  said. 
"Gents:  Owing  to  the  fact  that  the  £7-nited  States 
bankruptcy  laws  don't  go  nowheres  except  in  the 
Z7-nited  States,  we  are  obliged  to  cancel  the  order 
what  you  give  us.  Thanking  you  for  past  favors  and 
hoping  to  do  a  strictly-cash  business  with  you  in  the 
future,  we  are  truly  yours,  Potash  &  Perlmutter." 

Miss  Cohen  shut  her  book  and  arose. 

"Wait  a  bit,  Miss  Cohen.  I  ain't  through  yet," 
Abe  said.  He  tilted  backward  and  forward  on  his 
toes  for  a  moment. 

"P.  S.,"  he  concluded.  "We  hope  you'll  like  it  in 
Canada." 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 


CHAPTER  V 

"^  |  ^HINGS  goes  pretty  smooth  for  us  lately, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  Potash  remarked,  shortly 
after  M.  Garfunkel's  failure.  "I  guess  we 
are  due  for  a  schlag  somewheres,  ain't  it?" 

"Always  you  got  to  kick,"  Morris  cried.  "If  you 
would  only  listen  to  what  I  got  to  say  oncet  in  a  while, 
Abe,  things  would  always  go  smooth." 

Abe  emitted  a  raucous  laugh. 

"Sure,  I  know,"  he  said,  "like  this  here  tenement 
house  proposition  you  was  talking  to  me  about,  Maw- 
russ. You  ain't  content  we  should  have  our  troubles 
in  the  cloak  and  suit  business,  Mawruss,  you  got  to 
go  outside  yet  and  find  'em.  You  got  to  go  into  the 
real  estate  business  too." 

" Real-estaters  ain't  got  no  such  trouble  like  we 
got  it,  Abe,"  Morris  retorted.  "There  ain't  no  sea- 
sons in  real  estate,  Abe.  A  tenement  house  this  year 
is  like  a  tenement  house  last  year,  Abe,  also  the  year 
before.  They  ain't  wearing  stripes  in  tenement 
houses  one  year,  Abe,  and  solid  colors  the  next.  All 
you  do  when  you  got  a  tenement  house,  Abe,  is  to  go 
round  and  collect  the  rents,  and  when  you  got  a  cus- 
tomer for  it  you  don't  have  to  draw  no  report  on  him. 
Spot  cash,  he  pays  it,  Abe,  or  else  you  get  a  mortgage 
as  security." 

"You   talk   like  Scheuer  Blumenkrohn,  Mawruss, 

83 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

when  he  comes  round  here  last  year  and  wants  to 
swap  it  two  lots  in  Ozone  Grove,  Long  Island,  for  a 
couple  of  hundred  misses'  reefers,"  Abe  replied, 
"When  I  speculate,  Mawruss,  I  take  a  hand  at  auc- 
tion pinochle. ' ' 

"This  ain't  no  speculation,  Abe,"  said  Morris. 
"This  is  an  investment.  I  seen  the  house,  Abe,  six 
stories  and  basement  stores,  and  you  couldn't  get  an- 
other tenant  into  it  with  a  shoehorn.  It  brings  in  a 
fine  income,  Abe." 

"Well,  if  that's  the  case,  Mawruss,"  Abe  rejoined, 
"why  does  Harris  Rabin  want  to  sell  it!  Houses 
ain't  like  cloaks  and  suits,  Mawruss,  you  admit  it 
yourself.  We  sell  goods  because  we  don't  get  no  in- 
come by  keepin'  'em.  If  we  have  our  store  full  with 
cloaks,  Mawruss,  and  they  brought  in  a  good  income 
while  they  was  in  here,  Mawruss,  I  wouldn't  want  to 
sell  'em,  Mawruss;  I'd  want  to  keep  'em." 

"Sure,"  Morris  replied.  "But  if  the  income  was 
only  four  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  a  month,  and  next 
month  you  got  a  daughter  what  was  getting  married 
to  Alec  Goldwasser,  drummer  for  Klinger  &  Klein, 
and  you  got  to  give  Alec  a  couple  of  thousand  dollars 
with  her,  but  you  don 't  have  no  ready  cash,  then,  Abe; 
you'd  sell  them  cloaks,  and  so  that's  why  Harris 
Rabin  wants  to  sell  the  house." 

"I  want  to  tell  you  something,  Mawruss,"  Abe  re- 
plied. "Harris  Rabin  could  sell  a  phonograft  to  a 
deef-and-dummy.  He  could  sell  moving  pictures  to 
a  home  for  the  blind,  Mawruss.  He  could  also  sell 

84 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

anything  he  wanted  to  anybody,  Mawruss,  for  you 
know  as  well  as  I  do,  Mawruss,  Harris  Eabin  is  a 
first-class,  A-number-one  salesman.  And  so,  if  he 
wants  to  sell  his  house  so  cheap  there's  lots  of  real- 
estaters  what  know  a  bargain  in  houses  when  they 
see  it.  "We  don't,  Mawruss.  We  ain't  real- 
estaters.  "We're  in  the  cloak  and  suit  business, 
and  why  should  Harris  Rabin  be  looking  for  us  to 
buy  his  house?" 

"He  ain't  looking  for  us,  Abe,"  Morris  went  on. 
"That's  just  the  point.  I  was  by  Harris  Rabin's 
house  last  night,  and  I  seen  no  less  than  three  real- 
estaters  there.  They  all  want  that  house,  Abe,  and 
if  they  want  it,  why  shouldn't  we?  Ike  Magnus 
makes  Harris  an  offer  of  forty-eight  thousand  five 
hundred  while  I  was  sitting  there  already,  but  Harris 
wants  forty-nine  for  it.  I  bet  yer,  Abe,  we  could  get 
it  for  forty-eight  seven-fifty — three  thousand  cash 
above  the  mortgages." 

' '  I  suppose,  Mawruss,  you  got  three  thousand  lying 
loose  around  your  pants'  pocket.  What?" 

"Three  thousand  to  a  firm  like  us  is  nothing,  Abe. 
I  bet  yer  I  could  go  in  and  see  Feder  of  the  Kosciusko 
Bank  and  get  it  for  the  asking.  We  ain't  so  poor, 
Abe,  but  what  we  can  buy  a  bargain  when  we  see  it." 

Abe  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"Well,  Mawruss,  if  I  got  to  hear  about  Harris 
Rabin's  house  for  the  rest  of  my  life,  all  right.  I'm 
agreeable,  Mawruss;  only,  don't  ask  me  to  go  to  no 
lawyers'  offices  nor  nothing,  Mawruss.  There's 

9~Pot*sh  &  Perlmutter.  85 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

enough  to  do  in  the  store,  Mawruss,  without  both  of 
us  loafing  around  lawyers '  offices. ' ' 

A  more  grudging  acquiescence  than  this  would 
have  satisfied  Morris,  and,  without  pausing  for  a 
cigar,  he  put  on  his  hat  and  made  straight  for  Harris 
Rabin's  place  of  business.  The  Equinox  Clothing 
Company  of  which  Harris  Rabin  was  president, 
board  of  directors  and  sole  stockholder,  occupied  the 
third  loft  of  a  building  on  Walker  Street.  There  was 
no  elevator,  and  as  Morris  walked  upstairs  he  en- 
countered Ike  Magnus  at  the  first  landing. 

"Hallo,  Mawruss!"  Ike  cried.  "Are  you  buying 
clothing  now?  I  thought  you  was  in  the  cloak  and 
suit  business.'* 

"Whatever  business  I'm  in,  Ike,"  Morris  replied, 
"I'm  in  my  own  business,  Ike;  and  what  is  somebody 
else's  business  ain't  my  business,  Ike.  That's  the 
way  I  feel  about  it. ' ' 

He  plodded  slowly  up  the  next  flight,  and  there 
stood  Samuel  Michaelson,  another  real-estate  opera- 
tor. 

"Ah,  Mr.  Perlmutter!"  Samuel  exclaimed.  "You 
get  around  to  see  the  clothing  trade  once  in  a  while, 
too.  Ain't  it?" 

"I  get  around  to  see  all  sorts  of  trade,  Mr.  Michael- 
son,"  Morris  rejoined.  "I  got  to  get  around  and 
hustle  to  make  a  living,  Mr.  Michaelson,  because,  Mr. 
Michaelson,  I  can't  make  no  living  by  loafing  around 
street  corners  and  buildings,  Mr.  Michaelson." 

"Don't  mention  it,"  said  Mr.  Michaelson  as  Mor- 
se 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

ris  started  up  the  last  flight.  When  he  entered  the 
Equinox  Clothing  Company's  office  the  clang  of  the 
bell  drowned  ouf  the  last  words  of  Marks  Henoch- 
stein's  sentence.  Mr.  Henochstein,  another  member 
of  the  real-estate  fraternity,  was  in  intimate  confer- 
ence with  Harris  Eabin. 

"I  think  we  got  him  going,"  he  was  saying.  "My 
wife  seen  Mrs.  Perlmutter  at  a  Kaffeeklatsch  yester- 
day, and  she  told  her  I  made  you  an  offer  of  forty- 
eight  four-fifty  for  the  house.  Last  night  when  he 
came  around  to  your  place  I  told  him  the  house  ain't 
no  bargain  for  any  one  what  ain't  a  real-estater,  y  'un- 
derstand, and  he  gets  quite  mad  about  it.  Also,  I 
watched  him  when  Ike  Magnus  tells  you  he  would  give 
forty-eight  five  for  it,  and  he  turned  pale.  If  he " 

At  this  juncture  the  doorbell  rang  and  Morris  en- 
tered. 

"No,  siree,  sir,"  Harris  Eabin  bawled.  "Forty- 
nine  thousand  is  my  figure,  and  that  ain't  forty-eight 
nine  ninety-nine  neither." 

Here  he  recognized  Morris  Perlmutter  with  an 
elaborate  start  and  extended  his  hand  in  greeting. 

"Hallo,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "Them  real-estaters 
pester  the  life  out  of  a  feller.  'Tain't  no  use  your 
hanging  around  here,  Henochstein,"  he  called  in 
sterner  tones.  ' '  When  I  make  up  my  mind  I  make  up 
my  mind,  and  that's  all  there  is  to  it." 

Henochstein  turned  in  crestfallen  silence  and 
passed  slowly  out  of  the  room. 

"Them  sharks  ain't  satisfied  that  you're  giving 

87 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

away  a  house,  Mawruss,"  Harris  went  on.  "They 
want  it  yon  should  let  'em  have  coupons  and  trading 
stamps  with  it." 

"How  much  did  he  offer  you?"  Morris  asked. 

"Forty-eight  five-fifty,"  Harris  Rabin  replied. 
"That  feller's  got  a  nerve  like  a  horse." 

' '  Oh,  I  don 't  know,  ' '  Morris  murmured.  ' '  Forty- 
eight  five-fifty  is  a  good  price  for  the  house,  Harris." 

"Is  it!"  Harris  cried.  "Well,  maybe  you  think 
so,  but  you  ain't  such  a  Criterion." 

Morris  was  visibly  offended  at  so  harsh  a  rejoinder. 

"I  know  I  ain't,  Harris,"  he  said.  "If  I  was  I 
wouldn  't  be  here,  Harris.  I  come  here  like  a  friend, 
not  like  one  of  them — them — fellers  what  you  talk 
about.  If  it  wasn't  that  my  Minnie  is  such  a  friend 
to  your  daughter  Miriam  I  shouldn't  bother  myself; 
but,  knowing  Alec  Goldwasser  as  I  do,  and  being  a 
friend  of  yours  always  up  to  now,  Harris,  I  come  to 
you  and  say  I  will  give  you  forty-eight  six  hundred 
for  the  house,  and  that  is  my  last  word." 

Harris  Rabin  laughed  aloud. 

1  i  Jokes  you  are  making  it,  Mawruss, ' '  he  said.  ' '  A 
joke  is  a  joke,  but  when  a  feller  got  all  the  trouble 
what  I  got  it,  as  you  know,  Mawruss,  he  got  a  hard 
time  seeing  a  joke,  Mawruss. ' ' 

"That  ain't  no  joke,  Harris,"  Morris  replied. 
"That's  an  offer,  and  I  can  sit  right  down  now  and 
make  a  memorandum  if  you  want  it,  and  pay  you 
fifty  dollars  as  a  binder." 

"I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do,  Mawruss,"  Harris  said. 

m 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"You  raised  Henochstein  fifty  dollars,  so  I'll  come 
down  fifty  dollars,  and  that'll  be  forty-eight  thousand 
nine  hundred  and  fifty. ' ' 

He  grew  suddenly  excited  and  grabbed  Morris  by 
the  arm. 

"Don't  let's  waste  no  time  about  it,"  he  cried. 
"What's  the  use  of  memorandums?  We  go  right 
away  by  Henry  D.  Feldman  and  fix  up  the  contract. ' ' 

"Hold  on."  Morris  said  with  a  stare  that  blended 
frigidity  and  surprise  in  just  the  right  proportions. 
"I  ain't  said  nothing  about  forty-eight  nine-fifty. 
What  I  said  was  forty-eight  six." 

"You  don't  mean  that,  Mawruss,"  Harris  replied. 
"You  mean  forty-eight  nine." 

Morris  saw  that  the  psychological  moment  had  ar- 
rived. 

"Look-y  here,  now,  Harris,"  he  said.  "Forty- 
eight  six  from  forty-eight  nine  is  three  hundred. 
Ain't  it?" 

Harris  nodded. 

"Then,"  Morris  announced,  "we'll  split  the  dif- 
ference and  make  it  forty-eight  seven-fifty." 

For  one  thoughtful  moment  Harris  remained  silent, 
and  then  he  clapped  his  hand  into  that  of  Morris. 

"Done! "he  cried. 

Twenty  days  elapsed,  during  which  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter  took  title  to  Harris  Rabin's  house  and  paid 
the  balance  of  the  purchase  price,  moieties  of  which 
found  their  way  into  the  pockets  of  Magnus,  Michael- 
son  and  Henochstein.  At  length,  the  first  of  the 

89 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

month  arrived  and  Abe  and  Morris  left  txie  store  early 
so  that  they  might  collect  the  rents  of  their  real  prop- 
erty. 

"7  seen  the  house,  Abe,  and  you  seen  the  house," 
Morris  said  as  they  turned  the  corner  of  the  crowded 
East  Side  street  on  which  their  property  fronted, 
"but  you  can't  tell  nothing  from  looking  at  a 
property,  Abe.  When  you  get  the  rents,  Abe, 
that's  when  you  find  it  out  that  you  got  a  fine  prop- 
erty, Abe." 

He  led  the  way  up  the  front  stoop  of  the  tenement 
and  knocked  at  the  first  door  on  the  left-hand  side. 
There  was  no  response. 

"They  must  be  out    Ain't  it?"  Abe  suggested. 

Morris  faced  about  and  knocked  on  the  opposite 
door,  with  a  similar  lack  of  response. 

"I  guess  they  go  out  to  work  and  lock  up  their 
rooms,"  Morris  explained.  "We  should  have  came 
here  after  seven  o  'clock. ' ' 

They  walked  to  the  end  of  the  hall  and  knocked  on 
the  door  of  one  of  the  two  rear  apartments. 

"Come!"  said  a  female  voice. 

Morris  opened  the  door  and  they  entered. 

"We've  come  for  the  rent,"  he  said.  "Him  and 
me  is  the  new  landlords." 

The  tenant  excused  herself  while  she  retired  to  one 
of  the  inner  rooms  and  explored  her  person  for  the 
money.  Then  she  handed  Morris  ten  greasy  one- 
dollar  bills. 

*  *  What 's  this  T ' '  Morris  cried.    * '  I  thought  the  rear 

90 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

rooms  were  fourteen  dollars  a  month.  I  saw  the 
receipts  made  out  last  month." 

The  tenant  grinned  fiendishly. 

"Sure  you  did,"  she  replied.  " We've  been  get- 
ting all  kinds  of  receipts.  Oncet  we  got  a  receipt 
for  eighteen  dollars,  when  dere  was  some  vacancies  in 
de  house,  but  one  of  de  syndicate  says  he'd  get  some 
more  of  dem  'professional'  tenants,  because  it  didn't 
look  so  good  to  a  feller  what  comes  snooping  around 
for  to  buy  the  house,  to  see  such  high  rents." 

"  Syndicate  ?"  Abe  murmured.  "Professional 
tenants?" 

"Sure,"  the  tenant  replied.  "Dere  was  four  to 
de  syndicate.  Magnus  was  one.  Sumpin  about  a 
hen  was  de  other,  and  den  dere  was  dis  here  Eabin 
and  a  guy  called  Michaelson." 

"And  what  is  this  about  professional  tenants?" 
Morris  croaked. 

"Oh,  dere  was  twenty-four  families  in  de  house, 
includin'  de  housekeeper,"  the  tenant  replied. 
"Eighteen  of  'em  was  professionals,  and  when  de 
syndicate  sold  youse  de  house  de  professionals  moved 
up  to  a  house  on  Fourt'  Street  what  de  syndicate 
owns." 

Abe  pulled  his  hat  over  his  eyes  and  thrust  his 
hands  into  his  trousers'  pockets. 

"S 'enough,  lady,"  he  said;  "I  heard  enough  al- 
ready. ' ' 

He  turned  to  Morris. 

' '  Yes,  Mawruss, ' '  he  said  bitterly.     ' '  You  're  right. 

91 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTEE 

There  ain't  no  seasons  in  real  estate  nor  in  suckers 
neither,  Mawruss.  You  can  catch  'em  every  day  in 
the  year,  Mawruss.  I'm  going  home,  but  if  you  need 
an  express  wagon  to  carry  away  them  rents,  Maw- 
russ, there's  a  livery  stable  around  the  corner." 

It  was  at  least  a  week  before  Abe  could  bring  him- 
self to  address  his  partner,  save  in  the  gruffest 
monosyllables;  but  an  unusual  rush  of  spring  cus- 
tomers brought  about  a  reconciliation,  and  Abe  and 
Morris  forgot  their  real-estate  venture  in  the  recep- 
tion of  out-of-town  trade.  In  the  conduct  of  their 
business  Morris  devoted  himself  to  manufacturing 
and  shipping  the  goods,  while  Abe  attended  to  the 
selling  end.  Twice  a  year  Abe  made  a  long  trip  to 
the  West  or  South,  with  shorter  trips  down  East  be- 
tween times,  and  he  never  tired  of  reminding  his 
partner  how  overworked  he,  Abe,  was. 

"I  got  my  hands  full,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  after  he 
had  greeted  half  a  dozen  Western  customers ;  '  *  I  got 
enough  to  do  here,  Mawruss,  without  running  around 
the  country.  We  ought  to  do  what  other  houses 
does,  Mawruss.  We  ought  to  get  a  good  salesman. 
We  got  three  thousand  dollars  to  throw  away  on  real 
estate,  Mawruss;  why  don't  we  make  an  investment 
like  Sammet  Brothers  made  it?  Why  don't  we  in- 
vest in  a  cracker  jack,  A-number-one  salesman?" 

"I  ain't  stopping  you,  Abe,"  Morris  replied. 
"Why  don't  we?  Klinger  &  Klein  has  a  good  boy, 
Alec  Goldwasser.  He  done  a  big  trade  for  'em,  Abe, 
and  they  don't  pay  him  much,  neither." 

92 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

"Alec  Goldwasser!"  Abe  cried.  ''I'm  surprised 
to  hear  you,  Mawruss,  you  should  talk  that  way.  We 
paid  Alec  Goldwasser  enough  already,  Mawruss.  We 
paid  him  that  two  thousand  dollars  what  he  got  with 
Miriam  Rabin." 

Morris  looked  guilty. 

' '  Ain  't  I  told  you  yet,  Abe  t "  he  said.  '  *  I  thought 
I  told  you." 

"You  ain't  told  me  nothing,"  said  Abe. 

"Why,  Alec  Goldwasser  and  Miriam  Rabin  ain't 
engaged  no  longer.  The  way  my  Minnie  tells  me, 
Rabin  says  he  don't  want  his  daughter  should  marry 
a  man  without  a  business  of  his  own,  so  the  match  is 
off." 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  commented,  "you  can't 
make  me  feel  bad  by  telling  me  that.  But  anyhow,  I 
don't  see  no  medals  on  Alec  Goldwasser  as  a  sales- 
man, neither.  He  ain't  such  a  salesman  what  we 
want  it,  Mawruss." 

"All  right,"  Morris  replied.  "It's  you  what  goes 
on  the  road,  not  me,  and  you  meet  all  the  drummers. 
Suggest  somebody  yourself." 

Abe  pondered  for  a  moment. 

"There's  Louis  Mintz,"  he  said  finally.  "He 
works  by  Sammet  Brothers.  He's  a  high-priced 
man,  Mawruss,  but  he's  worth  it." 

"Sure  he's  worth  it,"  Morris  rejoined,  "and  he 
knows  it,  too.  I  bet  yer  he's  making  five  thousand 
a  year  by  Sammet  Brothers. ' ' 

"I  know  it,"  said  Abe,  "but  his  contract  expires  in 

93 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

a  month  from  now,  and  it  ain't  no  cinch  to  work  for 
Sammet  Brothers,  neither,  Mawruss.  I  bet  yer 
Louis'  got  throat  trouble,  talking  into  a  customer 
them  garments  what  Leon  Sammet  makes  up,  and 
Louis'  pretty  well  liked  in  the  trade,  too,  Mawruss." 

"Well,  why  don't  you  see  him,  Abe!" 

"I'll  tell  you  the  truth,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied. 
"I  did  see  him.  I  offered  him  all  what  Sammet 
Brothers  gives  him,  and  I  told  him  we  make  a 
better  line  for  the  price,  but  it  ain't  no  use. 
Louis  says  a  salesman's  got  to  work  hard  any- 
how, so  he  may  as  well  work  a  little  harder,  and 
he  says,  too,  it  spoils  a  man's  trade  when  he  makes 
changes. ' ' 

Here  a  customer  entered  the  store  and  Abe  was 
busy  for  more  than  half  an  hour.  At  the  end  of  that 
time  the  customer  departed  and  Morris  returned  to 
the  show-room. 

"Abe,"  he  said,  "I  got  an  idea." 

Abe  looked  up. 

"More  real  estate?"  he  asked. 

"Not  more  real  estate,  Abe,"  Morris  corrected, 
"but  the  same  real  estate.  When  we're  stuck  we're 
stuck,  Abe,  ain't  it?" 

Abe  nodded. 

"So  I  got  an  idea,"  Morris  went  on,  "that  we  go 
to  Louis  and  tell  him  we  give  him  the  same  money 
what  Sammet  Brothers  give  him,  only  we  give  him  a 
bonus. ' ' 

'  *  A  bonus ! ' '  Abe  cried.     '  *  How  much  of  a  bonus  ? ' ' 

94 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEPv 

"A  big  bonus,  Abe,"  Morris  replied.  "We'll  give 
him  the  house. ' ' 

Abe  remained  silent. 

"It'll  look  big,  anyhow,"  Morris  continued. 

"Look  big!"  Abe  exclaimed.  "It  is  big.  It's 
three  thousand  dollars." 

"Well,  you  can't  reckon  stickers  by  what  they 
cost,"  Morris  explained.  "It's  what  they'll  sell 
for." 

"You're  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  commented  bit- 
terly. "And  that  house  wouldn't  sell  for  Con- 
federate money.  I'll  see  Louis  Mintz  to-night." 

Abe  saw  Louis  that  very  evening,  and  they  met  by 
appointment  at  the  store  ten  days  later.  In  the 
meantime  Louis  had  inspected  the  house,  and  when 
he  entered  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  show-room  his  face 
wore  none  too  cheerful  an  expression. 

"Well,  Louis,"  Abe  cried,  "you  come  to  tell  us  it's 
all  right.  Ain't  it?" 

Louis  shook  his  head. 

"Abe,"  he  said,  "the  old  saying  is  you  should 
never  look  at  a  horse's  teeth  what  somebody  gives 
you,  but  that  house  is  pretty  near  vacant. ' ' 

"What  of  it?"  Abe  asked.  "It's  a  fine  house, 
ain't  it?" 

"Sure,  it's  a  fine  house,"  Louis  agreed.  "But 
what  good  is  a  fine  house  if  you  can't  rent  it?  You 
can't  eat  it,  can  you?" 

"No,"  Morris  replied,  "but  you  can  sell  it." 

"Well,"  Louis  admitted,  "selling  houses  ain't  in 

95 


my  line?  Maybe  if  I  knew  enough  about  it  I  could 
sell  it." 

"But  there's  real-estaters  what  knows  all  about 
selling  a  house, ' '  Morris  began. 

"You  bet  there  is,"  Abe  interrupted  savagely. 

"And  you  could  get  a  real-estater  to  sell  it  for 
you,"  Morris  concluded  with  malevolent  glance  at 
his  partner. 

Louis  consulted  a  list  of  the  tenants  which  he  had 
made. 

"I'll  think  it  over,"  he  said,  "and  let  you  know 
to-morrow. ' ' 

The  next  day  he  greeted  Abe  and  Morris  more  cor- 
dially. 

"I  thought  it  over,  Abe,"  he  said,  "and  I  guess  it'll 
be  all  right." 

"Fine!"  Abe  cried.  "Let's  go  down  and  see 
Henry  D.  Feldman  right  away." 

Just  as  a  congenital  dislocation  of  the  hipbone 
suggests  the  name  of  Doctor  Lorenz,  so  the  slightest 
dislocation  of  the  cloak  and  suit  business  immediately 
calls  for  Henry  D.  Feldman.  No  cloak  and  suit 
bankruptcy  would  be  complete  without  his  name  as 
attorney,  either  for  the  petitioning  creditors  or  the 
bankrupt,  and  no  action  for  breach  of  contract  of  em- 
ployment on  the  part  of  a  designer  or  a  salesman 
could  successfully  go  to  the  jury  unless  Henry  D. 
Feldman  wept  crocodile  tears  over  the  summing  up 
of  the  plaintiff's  case. 

In  the  art  of  drawing  agreements  relative  to  the 

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POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

cloak  and  suit  trade  in  all  its  phases  of  buying,  sell- 
ing, employing  or  renting,  he  was  a  virtuoso,  and  his 
income  was  that  of  six  Supreme  Court  judges  rolled 
into  one.  For  the  rest,  he  was  of  impressive,  clean- 
shaven appearance,  and  he  was  of  the  opinion  that  a 
liberal  sprinkling  of  Latin  phrases  rendered  his  con- 
versation more  pleasing  to  his  clients. 

Louis  and  Abe  were  ushered  into  his  office  only 
after  half  an  hour's  waiting  at  the  end  of  a  line  of 
six  clients,  and  they  wasted  no  time  in  stating  their 
business. 

1  'Mr.  Feldman,"  Abe  murmured,  "this  is  Mr. 
Louis  Mintz  what  comes  to  work  by  us  as  a  sales- 
man. ' ' 

"Mr.  Mintz,"  Mr.  Feldman  said,  "you  are  to  be 
congratulated.  Potash  &  Perlmutter  have  a  reputa- 
tion in  the  trade  nulli  secundum,  and  it  is  generally 
admitted  that  the  goods  they  produce  are  summa  cum 
laude." 

"We  make  fall  and  winter  goods,  too,"  Abe  ex- 
plained. "All  kinds  of  garments,  Mr.  Feldman.  I 
don 't  want  to  give  Louis  no  wrong  impression.  He 's 
got  to  handle  lightweights  as  well  as  heavyweights, 
too." 

Mr.  Feldman  stared  blankly  at  Abe  and  then  con- 
tinued: "No  doubt  you  have  quite  settled  on  the 
terms. ' ' 

"We've  talked  it  all  over,"  said  Louis,  "and  this 
is  what  it  is." 

He  then  specified  the  salary  and  commission  to  be 

97 


paid,  and  engaged  Mr.  Feldman  to  draw  the  deed 
for  the  tenement  house. 

"And  how  long  is  this  contract  to  last?"  Feldman 
asked. 

"For  five  years,'*  Abe  replied. 

"Five  years  nothing,"  said  Louis.  "I  wouldn't 
work  for  no  one  on  a  five  years '  contract.  One  year 
is  what  I  want  it." 

"One  year!"  Abe  cried.  "Why,  Louis,  that  ain't 
no  way  to  talk.  In  one  year  you  'd  just  about  get  well 
enough  acquainted  with  our  trade — of  course,  I'm 
only  talking,  y 'understand — to  cop  it  out  for  some 
other  house  what  would  pay  you  a  couple  of  hundred 
more.  No,  Louis,  I  think  it  ought  to  be  for  five 
years." 

' '  Of  course,  if  you  think  I  'm  the  kind  what  takes  a 
job  to  cop  out  the  firm's  trade,  Abe,"  Louis  com- 
menced, "why " 

"I'm  only  saying  for  the  sake  of  argument,"  Abe 
hastened  to  explain.  "I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do, 
Louis :  I  '11  make  it  two  years,  and  at  the  end  of  that 
time  if  you  want  to  quit  you  can  do  it;  only,  you 
should  agree  not  to  work  as  salesman  for  no  other 
house  for  the  space  of  one  year  afterward  or  you  can 
go  on  working  for  us  for  one  year  afterward.  How 's 
that?" 

"I  think  that's  eminently  fair,"  Mr.  Feldman 
broke  in  hurriedly.  "You  can't  refuse  those  terms, 
Mr.  Mintz.  Mr.  Potash  will  sign  for  his  partner,  I 
apprehend,  and  then  Mr.  Perlmutter  will  be  bound 

98 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

under  the  principle  of  qui  fecit  per  dlium  fecit  per 
se." 

No  one  could  stand  up  against  such  a  flood  of  Latin, 
and  Louis  nodded. 

"All  right,"  he  said.    "Let  her  go  that  way." 

Mr.  Feldman  immediately  rang  for  a  stenographer. 

"Come  back  to-morrow  at  four  o'clock,"  he  said. 
"I  shall  send  a  clerk  with  the  deed  to  be  signed  by 
Mrs.  Potash  and  Mrs.  Perlmutter  to-night." 

The  next  afternoon,  at  half  an  hour  after  the  ap- 
pointed time,  the  contract  was  executed  and  the  deed 
delivered  to  Louis  Mintz,  and  on  the  first  of  the  fol- 
lowing month  Louis  entered  upon  his  new  employ- 
ment. 

Louis'  first  season  with  his  new  employers  was 
fraught  with  good  results  for  Potash  &  Perlmutter, 
who  reaped  large  profits  from  Louis'  salesmanship; 
but  for  Louis  it  had  been  somewhat  disappointing. 

"I  never  see  nothing  like  it,"  he  complained  to 
Abe.  "That  tenement  house  is  like  a  summer  hotel 
— people  coming  and  going  all  the  time;  and  every 
time  a  tenant  moves  yet  I  got  to  pay  for  painting  and 
repapering  the  rooms.  You  certainly  stuck  me  good 
on  that  house." 

"Stuck  you!"  Abe  cried.  "We  didn't  stuck  you, 
Louis.  We  just  give  you  the  house  as  a  bonus.  If 
it  don't  rent  well,  Louis,  you  ought  to  sell  it." 

"Don't  I  know  I  ought  to  sell  it?"  Louis  cried; 
"but  who's  going  to  buy  it!  Eeal-estater  after  real- 
estater  comes  to  look  at  it,  and  it  all  amounts  to  nix. 

99 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

They    wouldn't    take    the    house    for    the    mort- 
gages." 

For  nearly  a  year  and  a  half  Louis  and  Abe  re- 
peated this  conversation  every  time  Louis  came  back 
from  the  road,  and  on  the  days  when  Louis  paid  in- 
terest on  mortgages  and  premiums  on  fire  insurance 
he  grew  positively  tearful. 

''Why  don't  you  pay  me  what  I  am  short  from 
paying  carrying  charges  on  that  property?"  Louis 
asked  one  day.  ''And  I'll  give  you  the  house  back." 

Abe  laughed. 

"You  should  make  that  proposition  to  the  feller 
what  sold  us  the  house,"  Abe  said  jocularly. 

"Any  one  what  sold  that  house  once,  Abe,"  Louis 
rejoined,  "don't  want  it  back  again." 

At  length,  when  Louis  was  absent  on  a  business 
trip  some  three  months  before  the  expiration  of  his 
contract,  Abe  approached  Morris  in  the  show-room 
and  mooted  the  subject  of  taking  back  the  house. 

' '  That  house  is  a  sticker,  Mawruss, ' '  he  said,  ' '  and 
we  certainly  shouldn't  let  Louis  suffer  by  it.  The 
boy  done  well  by  us,  and  we  don't  want  to  lose 
him." 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  replied,  "the  way  I  look  at 
it,  we  should  wait  till  his  time  is  pretty  near  up. 
Maybe  he  will  renew  the  contract  without  our  taking 
back  the  house,  Abe;  but  if  the  worst  comes  to  the 
worst,  Abe,  we  give  him  what  he  spent  on  the  house 
and  take  it  back,  providing  he  renews  the  contract  for 
a  couple  of  years.  Ain't  it?" 

100 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

Abe  nodded  doubtfully. 

"Maybe  you're  right,  Mawruss,"  he  said;  "but 
the  boy  done  good  for  us,  Mawruss.  We  made  it  a 
big  profit  by  him  this  year  already,  and  I  don 't  want 
him  to  think  that  we  ain't  doing  the  right  thing  by 
him." 

"Since  when  was  you  so  soft-hearted,  Abe?" 
Morris  asked  satirically ;  and  when  Louis  came  back 
from  the  road,  a  week  later,  no  mention  was  made  of 
the  house  until  Louis  himself  broached  the  topic. 

"Look'y  here,  Abe,"  Louis  said,  "what  are  you 
going  to  do  for  me  about  that  house  ?  Counting  the 
rent  I  collected  and  the  money  I  laid  out  for  carrying 
charges,  I'm  in  the  hole  eight  hundred  and  fifty  dol- 
lars already." 

"Do  for  you,  Louis!"  Morris  replied.  "Why, 
what  can  we  do  for  you?  Why  don't  you  fix  it  up 
like  this,  Louis?  Why  don't  you  make  one  last  cam- 
paign among  the  real-estaters,  and  then  if  you  don't 
succeed  maybe  we  can  do  something." 

"That's  right,  Louis,"  Abe  said.  "Just  try  it 
and  see  what  comes  of  it." 

Then  Abe  handed  Louis  a  cigar  and  dismissed  the 
subject,  which  never  again  arose  until  Louis  was  on 
his  final  trip. 

"Ain't  it  funny,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  the  morn- 
ing of  Louis'  expected  return — "ain't  it  funny  he 
ain't  mentioned  that  house  to  us  since  we  spoke  to 
him  the  last  time  he  was  home  ? ' ' 

"I  know  it,"  Morris  replied,  "but  you  needn't 

*— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  101 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

worry,  Abe.  It  says  in  the  contract  that  Louis  can't 
take  a  job  as  salesman  with  any  other  house  till  one 
year  is  up,  and  the  boy  can't  afford  to  stay  loafing 
around  for  a  whole  year. ' ' 

Abe  nodded,  and  as  he  turned  to  look  up  the  con- 
tract in  the  safe  the  store  door  opened  and  Louis  him- 
self entered. 

" Hallo,  Louis,"  Abe  cried.  "Glad  to  see  you, 
Louis.  Another  good  trip?" 

Louis  nodded,  and  they  all  passed  into  the  show- 
room. 

"Well,  you're  going  to  make  many  more  of  them 
for  us  before  you're  through,  Louis,"  Abe  said. 

Louis  grunted,  and  Abe  and  Morris  exchanged  dis- 
quieting glances. 

"You  know,  Louis,"  Morris  said  in  the  dulcet  ac- 
cents of  the  sucking  dove,  "your  contract  is  up  next 
week,  and  Abe  and  me  was  talking  about  it  the  other 
day,  Louis,  and  about  the  house,  too,  and  we  says  we 
should  do  something  about  that  house,  Louis,  and  so 
we'll  make  another  contract  for  about,  say,  three 
years,  and  we'll  fix  it  up  about  the  house  when  we  all 
sign  the  contract,  Louis.  We  meant  to  take  back  the 
house  all  the  time,  Louis.  We  was  only  kidding  you 
along,  Louis,"  he  continued. 

' ;  So  you  was  only  kidding  me  along  when  you  told 
me  to  see  them  real-estaters,  hey?"  Louis  demanded. 

"Sure,"  Abe  and  Morris  replied. 

"Then  you  was  the  ones  what  got  kidded,"  Louis 
said,  "for  the  last  time  I  was  in  town  I  took  your 

102 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

advice.  Do  you  know  a  feller  called  Michaelson? 
And  two  other  fellers  by  the  name  of  Henochstein 
and  Magnus  T" 

Abe  nodded. 

1 '  Well,  them  three  fellers  took  that  house  off  of  my 
hands  and  paid  me  six  hundred  dollars  to  boot,  over 
and  above  the  seven  hundred  and  fifty  I  sunk  in  it." 

Abe  and  Morris  puffed  vigorously  at  their  cigars. 

"And  what's  more,"  Louis  went  on,  "they  intro- 
duced me  to  Harris  Rabin,  of  the  Equinox  Cloth- 
ing Company.  I  guess  you  know  him,  too,  don't 
you?" 

Morris  admitted  sullenly  that  he  did. 

' '  He 's  got  a  daughter,  Miss  Miriam  Rabin, ' '  Louis 
concluded.  "Her  and  me  is  going  to  announce  our 
engagement  in  next  Sunday's  Herald." 

He  paused  and  watched  Morris  and  Abe,  to  see  the 
news  sink  in. 

"And  as  soon  as  we're  married,"  he  said,  "back 
to  the  road  for  mine,  but  not  with  Potash  &  Perlmut- 
ter." 

"I  guess  you're  mistaken,  Louis,"  Abe  cried.  "I 
guess  you  got  a  contract  with  us  what  will  stop  you 
going  on  the  road  for  another  year  yet." 

"Back  up,  Abe,"  Louis  said.  "That  there  con- 
tract says  I  can 't  work  as  a  salesman  for  any  other 
house  for  a  year.  But  Rabin  and  me  is  going  as  part- 
ners together  in  the  cloak  and  suit  business,  and  if 
there's  anything  in  that  contract  about  me  not  sell- 
ing cloaks  as  my  own  boss  I'll  eat  it." 

103 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

Abe  went  to  the  safe  for  the  contract.  At  last  he 
found  it,  and  after  reading  it  over  he  handed  it  to 
Morris. 

1 '  You  eat  it,  Mawruss, ' '  he  said.   ' '  Louis  is  right. ' ' 


CHAPTER  VI 

"    4    FTER  all,  Mawruss/'  Abe  declared  as  he 

r\  glanced  over  the  columns  of  the  Daily  Cloak 
and  Suit  Record,  "after  all  a  feller  feels 
more  satisfied  when  he  could  see  the  customers  him- 
self and  find  out  just  exactly  how  they  do  business, 
y 'understand.  Maybe  the  way  we  lost  Louis  Mintz 
wasn't  such  a  bad  thing  anyhow,  Mawruss.  I  bet 
yer  if  Louis  would  of  been  selling  goods  for  us,  Maw- 
russ, we  would  of  been  in  that  Cohen  &  Schondorf 
business  too.  Me,  I  am  different,  Mawruss.  So 
soon  as  I  went  in  that  store,  Mawruss,  I  could  see  that 
them  fellers  was  in  bad.  I'm  very  funny  that  way, 
Mawruss. ' ' 

"You  shouldn't  throw  no  bouquets  at  yourself  be- 
cause you  got  a  little  luck,  Abe, ' '  Morris  commented. 

"Some  people  calls  it  luck,  Mawruss,  but  I  call  it 
judgment,  y  'understand. ' ' 

"Sure,  I  know,"  Morris  continued,  "but  how  about 
Hymie  Kotzen,  Abe  ?  Always  you  said  it  that  feller 
got  lots  of  judgment,  Abe." 

"A  feller  could  got  so  much  judgment  as  Andrew 
Carnegie,"  Abe  retorted,  "and  oncet  in  a  while  he 

104 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

could  play  in  hard  luck  too.  Yes,  Mawruss,  Hymie 
Kotzen  is  certainly  playing  in  hard  luck." 

"Is  he?"  Morris  Perlmutter  replied.  "Well,  he 
don't  look  it  when  I  seen  him  in  the  Harlem  Winter 
Garden  last  night,  Abe.  Him  and  Mrs.  Kotzen  was 
eating  a  family  porterhouse  between  'em  with  tcham- 
panyer  wine  yet." 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "he  needs  it  tcham- 
panyer  wine,  Mawruss.  Last  month  I  seen  it  he  gets 
stung  two  thousand  by  Cohen  &  Schondorf,  and  to- 
day he's  chief  mourner  by  the  Ready  Pay  Store, 
Barnet  Fischman  proprietor.  Barney  stuck  him  for 
fifteen  hundred,  Mawruss,  so  I  guess  he  needs  it 
tchampanyer  wine  to  cheer  him  up." 

"Well,  maybe  he  needs  it  diamonds  to  cheer  him 
up,  also,  Abe, ' '  Morris  added.  *  *  That  feller  got  dia- 
monds on  him,  Abe,  like  'lectric  lights  on  the  front 
of  a  moving-picture  show." 

"Diamonds  never  harmed  nobody's  credit,  Maw- 
russ," Abe  rejoined.  "You  can  get  your  money  out 
of  diamonds  most  any  time,  Mawruss.  I  see  by  the 
papers  diamonds  increase  in  price  thirty  per  cent,  in 
six  months  already.  Yes,  Mawruss,  diamonds  goes 
up  every  day." 

"And  so  does  the  feller  what  wears  'em,  Abe," 
Morris  went  on.  * '  In  fact,  the  way  that  Hymie  Kot- 
zen does  business  I  shouldn't  be  surprised  if  he  goes 
up  any  day,  too.  Andrew  Carnegie  couldn't  stand  it 
the  failures  what  that  feller  gets  into,  Abe. ' ' 

"That's  just  hard  luck,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied; 

105 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"and  if  he  wears  it  diamonds,  Mawruss,  lie  paid  for 
'em  himself,  Mawruss,  and  he's  got  a  right  to  wear 
'em.  So  far  what  I  hear  it,  Mawruss.  he  never  stuck 
nobody  for  a  cent." 

"Oh,  Hymie  ain't  no  crook,  Abe,"  Morris  ad- 
mitted, "but  I  ain't  got  no  use  for  a  feller  wearing 
diamonds.  Diamonds  looks  good  on  women,  Abe, 
and  maybe  also  on  a  hotel-clerk  or  a  feller  what  runs 
a  restaurant,  Abe,  but  a  business  man  ain't  got  no 
right  wearing  diamonds." 

"Of  course,  Mawruss,  people's  got  their  likes  and 
dislikes,"  Abe  said;  "but  all  the  same  I  seen  it  many 
a  decent,  respectable  feller  with  a  good  business,  Abe, 
what  wants  a  little  accommodation  at  his  bank.  But 
he  gets  turned  down  just  because  he  goes  around 
looking  like  a  slob;  while  a  feller  what  can't  pay  his 
own  laundry  bill,  Mawruss,  has  no  trouble  getting  a 
thousand  dollars  because  the  second  vice-presi- 
dent is  buffaloed  already  by  a  stovepipe  hat,  a 
Prince  Albert  coat  and  a  four-carat  stone  with  a 
flaw  in  it." 

"Well,  a  four-carat  stone  wouldn't  affect  me  none, 
Abe,"  Morris  said,  "and  believe  me,  Abe,  Hymie 
Kotzen's  diamonds  don't  worry  me  none,  neither. 
All  I'm  troubling  about  now  is  that  I  got  an  appetite 
like  a  horse,  so  I  guess  I  '11  go  to  lunch. ' ' 

Abe  jumped  to  his  feet.  ' '  Give  me  a  chance  oncet 
in  a  while,  Mawruss,"  he  protested.  "Every  day 
comes  half-past  twelve  you  got  to  go  to  your  lunch. 
Ain't  I  got  no  stomach,  neither,  Mawruss?" 

106 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

"Oh,  go  ahead  if  you  want  to,"  Morris  grumbled, 
"only  don't  stay  all  day,  Abe.  Remember  there's 
other  people  wants  to  eat,  too,  Abe." 

"I  guess  the  shoe  pinches  on  the  other  foot  now, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  retorted  as  he  put  on  his  hat. 
"When  I  get  through  eating  I'll  be  back." 

He  walked  across  the  street  to  Wasserbauer  's  Cafe 
and  Eestaurant  and  seated  himself  at  his  favorite 
table. 

"Well,  Mr.  Potash,"  Louis,  the  waiter,  cried,  dust- 
ing off  the  tablecloth  with  a  red-and-white  towel, 
"some  nice  Metzelsuppe  to-day,  huh?" 

"No,  Louis,"  Abe  replied  as  he  took  a  dill  pickle 
from  a  dishful  on  the  table,  "I  guess  I  won't  have  no 
soup  to-day.  Give  me  some  geddnipftes  Kalbfteisch 
mit  Kartoffelklosse. ' ' 

"Eight  away  quick,  Mr.  Potash,"  said  Louis,  start- 
ing to  hurry  away. 

"Ain't  I  nobody  here,  Louis?"  cried  a  bass  voice 
at  the  table  behind  Abe.  "Do  I  sit  here  all  day?" 

"Ex-cuse  me,  Mr.  Kotzen,"  Louis  exclaimed. 
"Some  nice  roast  chicken  to-day,  Mr.  Kotzen?" 

"I'll  tell  you  what  I  want  it,  Louis,  not  you  me," 
Mr.  Kotzen  grunted.  "If  I  want  to  eat  it  roast 
chicken  I'll  say  so.  If  I  don't  I  won't." 

"Sure,  sure,"  Louis  cried,  rubbing  his  hands  in  a 
perfect  frenzy  of  apology. 

"Gimme  a  Schweizerkase  sandwich  and  a  cup  of 
coffee,"  Mr.  Kotzen  concluded,  "and  if  you  don't 
think  you  can  bring  it  back  here  in  half  an  hour, 

107 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

Louis,  let  me  know,  that's  all,  and  I'll  ask  Wasser 
bauer  if  he  can  help  you  out." 

Abe  had  started  on  his  second  dill  pickle,  and  he 
held  it  in  his  hand  as  he  turned  around  in  his  chair. 
" Hallo,  Hymie,"  he  said;  "ain't  you  feeling  good 
to-day?" 

"Oh,  hallo,  Abe,"  Kotzen  cried,  glancing  over; 
"why  don't  you  come  over  and  sit  at  my  table?" 

"I  guess  I  will,"  Abe  replied.  He  rose  to  his  feet 
with  his  napkin  tucked  into  his  collar  and,  carrying 
the  dish  of  dill  pickles  with  him,  he  moved  over  to 
Kotzen 's  table. 

"What's  the  matter,  Hymie?"  Abe  asked.  "You 
ain't  sick,  are  you?" 

"That  depends  what  you  call  it  sick,  Abe,"  Hymie 
replied.  "I  don't  got  to  see  no  doctor  exactly,  Abe, 
if  that's  what  you  mean.  But  that  Sam  Feder  by  the 
Kosciusko  Bank,  I  was  over  to  see  him  just  now,  and 
I  bet  you  he  makes  me  sick." 

"I  thought  you  always  got  along  pretty  good  with 
Sam,  Hymie, ' '  Abe  mumbled  through  a  mouthful  of 
dill  pickle. 

"So  I  do,"  said  Hymie;  "but  he  heard  it  some- 
thing about  this  here  Ready  Pay  Store  and  how  I'm 
in  it  for  fifteen  hundred,  and  also  this  Cohen  &  Schon- 
dorf  sticks  me  also,  and  he's  getting  anxious.  So, 
either  he  wants  me  I  should  give  him  over  a  couple 
of  accounts,  or  either  I  should  take  up  some  of  my 
paper.  Well,  you  know  Feder,  Abe.  He  don 't  want 
nothing  but  A  Number  One  concerns,  and  then  he  got 

108 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

the  bank's  lawyer  what  is  his  son-in-law,  De  Witt  C. 
Feinholz,  that  he  should  draw  up  the  papers ;  and  so 
it  goes.  I  got  it  bills  receivable  due  the  first  of  the 
month,  five  thousand  dollars  from  such  people  like 
Heller,  Blumenkrohn  &  Co.,  of  Cincinnati,  and  The 
Emporium,  Duluth,  all  gilt-edge  accounts,  Abe,  and 
why  should  I  lose  it  twenty  per  cent,  on  them,  ain't 
it?" 

"Sure,"  Abe  murmured. 

"Well,  that's  what  I  told  Feder,"  Hymie  went  on. 
"If  I  got  to  take  up  a  couple  of  thousand  dollars  I'll 
do  it.  But  running  a  big  plant  like  I  got  it,  Abe,  nat- 
urally it  makes  me  a  little  short." 

"Naturally,"  Abe  agreed.  He  scented  what  was 
•joining. 

"But  anyhow,  I  says  to  Feder,  I  got  it  lots  of 
friends  in  the  trade,  and  I  ain't  exactly  broke  yet, 
neither,  Abe." 

He  lifted  his  Swiss-cheese  sandwich  in  his  left  hand, 
holding  out  the  third  finger  the  better  to  display  a 
five-carat  stone,  while  Abe  devoted  himself  to  his 
veal. 

* '  Of  course,  Abe, ' '  Hymie  continued,  * '  on  the  first 
of  the  month — that's  only  two  weeks  already — things 
will  be  running  easy  for  me. ' ' 

He  looked  at  Abe  for  encouragement,  but  Abe's 
facial  expression  was  completely  hidden  by  veal  stew, 
fragments  of  which  were  clinging  to  his  eyebrows. 

"But,  naturally,  I'm  at  present  a  little  short," 
Hymie  croaked,  "and  so  I  thought  maybe  you  could 

109 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

help  me  out  with,  say  a  thousand  dollars  till  the  first 
of  the  month,  say." 

Abe  laid  down  his  knife  and  fork  and  massaged  his 
face  with  his  napkin. 

"For  my  part,  Hymie,"  he  said,  "you  should  have 
it  in  a  minute.  I  know  it  you  are  good  as  gold,  and 
if  you  say  that  you  will  pay  on  the  first  of  the  month 
a  U-nited  States  bond  ain  't  no  better. ' ' 

He  paused  impressively  and  laid  a  hand  on 
Hymie 's  knee. 

"Only,  Hymie,"  he  concluded,  "I  got  it  a  part- 
ner. Ain't  it?  And  you  know  Mawruss  Perlmutter, 
Hymie.  He's  a  pretty  hard  customer,  Hymie,  and 
if  I  was  to  draw  you  the  firm's  check  for  a  thousand, 
Hymie,  that  feller  would  have  a  receiver  by  the  court 
to-morrow  morning  already.  He's  a  holy  terror, 
Hymie,  believe  me." 

Hymie  sipped  gloomily  at  his  coffee. 

"But  Mawruss  Perlmutter  was  always  a  pretty 
good  friend  of  mine,  Abe, ' '  he  said.  * '  Why  shouldn't 
he  be  willing  to  give  it  me  if  you  are  agreeable? 
Ain't  it?  And,  anyhow,  Abe,  it  can't  do  no  harm  to 
ask  him." 

"Well,  Hymie,  he's  over  at  the  store  now,"  Abe 
replied.  ' '  Go  ahead  and  ask  him. ' ' 

"I  know  it  what  he'd  say  if  I  ask  him,  Abe.  He'd 
tell  me  I  should  see  you ;  but  you  say  I  should  see  him, 
and  then  I'm  up  in  the  air.  Ain't  it?" 

Abe  treated  himself  to  a  final  rubdown  with  the 
napkin  and  scrambled  to  his  feet. 

no 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

"All  right,  Hymie,"  he  said.  "If  you  want  me  1 
should  ask  him  I'll  ask  him." 

"Remember,  Abe,"  Hymie  said  as  Abe  turned 
away,  "only  till  the  first,  so  sure  what  I'm  sitting 
here.  I  '11  ring  you  up  in  a  quarter  of  an  hour. ' ' 

When  Abe  entered  the  firm's  show-room  five  min- 
utes later  he  found  Morris  consuming  the  last  of  some 
crullers  and  coffee  brought  in  from  a  near-by  bakery 
by  Jake,  the  shipping  clerk. 

"Well,  Abe,  maybe  you  think  that's  a  joke  you 
should  keep  me  here  a  couple  of  hours  already," 
Morris  said. 

"Many  a  time  I  got  to  say  that  to  you  already, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  rejoined.  "But,  anyhow,  I  didn't 
eat  it  so  much,  Mawruss.  It  was  Hymie  Kotzen  what 
keeps  me." 

"Hymie  Kotzen!"  Morris  cried.  "What  for 
should  he  keep  you,  Abe  ?  Blows  you  to  some  tcham- 
panyer  wine,  maybe?" 

"Tchampanyer  he  ain't  drinking  it  to-day,  Maw- 
russ, I  bet  yer,"  Abe  replied.  "He  wants  to  lend  it 
from  us  a  thousand  dollars. ' ' 

Morris  laughed  raucously. 

'  *  What  a  chance ! "  he  said. 

"Till  the  first  of  the  month,  Mawruss,"  Abe  con- 
tinued, * '  and  I  thought  maybe  we  would  let  him  have 
it." 

Morris  ceased  laughing  and  glared  at  Abe. 

"Tchampanyer  you  must  have  been  drinking  it, 
Abe,"  he  commented. 

ill 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

"Why  shouldn't  we  let  him  have  it,  Mawruss  ?" 
Abe  demanded.  "  Hymie 's  a  good  feller,  Mawruss, 
and  a  smart  business  man,  too." 

"Is  he?"  Morris  yelled.  "Well,  he  ain't  smart 
enough  to  keep  out  of  failures  like  Barney  Fisch- 
man's  and  Cohen  &  Schondorf's,  Abe,  but  he's  too 
smart  to  lend  it  us  a  thousand  dollars,  supposing  we 
was  short  for  a  couple  of  days.  No,  Abe,  I  heard  it 
enough  about  Hymie  Kotzen  already.  I  wouldn't 
positively  not  lend  him  nothing,  Abe,  and  that's 
flat." 

To  end  the  discussion  effectually  he  went  to  the 
cutting-room  upstairs  and  remained  there  when 
Hymie  rang  up. 

"It  ain't  no  use,  Hymie,"  Abe  said.  "Mawruss 
wouldn't  think  of  it.  We're  short  ourselves.  You've 
no  idee  what  trouble  we  got  it  with  some  of  our  col- 
lections." 

"But,  Abe,"  Hymie  protested,  "I  got  to  have  the 
money.  I  promised  Feder  I  would  give  it  him  this 
afternoon. ' ' 

Abe  remained  silent. 

"I  tell  you  what  I'll  do,  Abe,"  Hymie  insisted; 
"I'll  come  around  and  see  you." 

"It  won't  be  no  use,  Hymie,"  Abe  said,  but  Cen- 
tral was  his  only  auditor,  for  Hymie  had  hung  up  the 
receiver.  Indeed,  Abe  had  hardly  returned  to  the 
show-room  before  Hymie  entered  the  store  door. 

"Where's  Mawruss?"  he  asked. 

"Up  in  the  cutting-room,"  Abe  replied. 

112 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

"Good!"  Hymie  cried.  "Now  look'y  here,  Abe, 
I  got  a  proposition  to  make  it  to  you." 

He  tugged  at  the  diamond  ring  on  the  third  finger 
of  his  left  hand  and  laid  it  on  a  sample-table.  Then 
from  his  shirt-bosom  he  unscrewed  a  miniature 
locomotive  headlight,  which  he  deposited  beside  the 
ring. 

"See  them  stones,  Abe?"  he  continued.  "They 
oosted  it  me  one  thousand  three  hundred  dollars  dur- 
ing the  panic  already,  and  to-day  I  wouldn  't  take  two 
thousand  for  'em.  Now,  Abe,  you  sit  right  down  and 
write  me  out  a  check  for  a  thousand  dollars,  and  so 
help  me  I  should  never  stir  out  of  this  here  office,  Abe, 
if  I  ain't  on  the  spot  with  a  thousand  dollars  in  hand 
two  weeks  from  to-day,  Abe,  you  can  keep  them 
stones,  settings  and  all." 

Abe's  eyes  fairly  bulged  out  of  his  head  as  he 
looked  at  the  blazing  diamonds. 

"But,  Hymie,"  he  exclaimed,  "I  don't  want  your 
diamonds.  If  I  had  it  the  money  myself,  Hymie,  be- 
lieve me,  you  are  welcome  to  it  like  you  was  my  own 
brother." 

"I  know  all  about  that,  Abe,"  Hymie  replied,  "but 
you  ain  't  Mawruss,  and  if  you  got  such  a  regard  for 
me  what  you  claim  you  have,  Abe,  go  upstairs  and 
ask  Mawruss  Perlmutter  will  he  do  it  me  the  favor 
and  let  me  have  that  thousand  dollars  with  the  stones 
as  security." 

Without  further  parley  Abe  turned  and  left  the 
show-room. 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

"Mawruss,"  he  called  from  the  foot  of  the  stairs, 
"come  down  here  once.  I  want  to  show  you  some- 
thing." 

In  the  meantime  Hymie  pulled  down  the  shades  and 
turned  on  the  electric  lights.  Then  he  took  a  swatch 
of  black  velveteen  from  his  pocket  and  arranged 
it  over  the  sample-table  with  the  two  gems  in  its 
folds. 

"Hymie  Kotzen  is  inside  the  show-room,"  Abe  ex- 
plained when  Morris  appeared  in  answer  to  his  sum- 
mons. 

' '  Well,  what  have  I  got  to  do  with  Hymie  Kotzen  1 ' ' 
Morris  demanded. 

"Come  inside  and  speak  to  him,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
rejoined.  "He  won't  eat  you." 

"Maybe  you  think  I'm  scared  to  turn  him  down, 
Abe?"  Morris  concluded  as  he  led  the  way  to  the 
show-room.  ,  "Well,  I'll  show  you  different." 

"Hallo,  Mawruss,"  Hymie  cried.  "What's  the 
good  word?" 

Morris  grunted  an  inarticulate  greeting. 

"What  you  got  all  the  shades  down  for,  Abe?"  he 
asked. 

"Don't  touch  'em,"  Hymie  said.  "Just  you  have 
a  look  at  this  sample-table  first. ' ' 

Hymie  seized  Morris  by  the  arm  anu  turned  him 
around  until  he  faced  the  velveteen. 

"Ain't  them  peaches,  Mawruss?"  he  asked. 

Morris  stared  at  the  diamonds,  almost  hypnotized 
by  their  brilliancy. 

114 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

"Them  stones  belong  to  you,  Mawruss,"  Hymie 
went  on,  "if  I  don't  pay  you  inside  of  two  weeks 
the  thousand  dollars  what  you're  going  to  lend 
me." 

"We  ain't  going  to  lend  you  no  thousand  dollars, 
Hymie,"  Morris  said  at  last,  "because  we  ain't  got  it 
to  lend.  We  need  it  in  our  own  business,  Hymie,  and, 
besides,  you  got  the  wrong  idee.  We  ain't  no  pawn- 
brokers, Hymie;  we  are  in  the  cloak  and  suit  busi- 
ness. ' ' 

"Hymie  knows  it  all  about  that,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
broke  in,  "and  he  shows  he  ain't  no  crook,  neither. 
If  he 's  willing  to  trust  you  with  them  diamonds,  Maw- 
russ, we  should  be  willing  to  trust  him  with  a  thou- 
sand dollars.  Ain't  it?" 

"He  could  trust  me  with  the  diamonds,  Abe,  be- 
cause I  ain't  got  no  use  for  diamonds,"  Morris  re- 
plied. "If  anyone  gives  me  diamonds  that  I  should 
take  care  of  it  into  the  safe  they  go.  I  ain't  a  person 
what  sticks  diamonds  all  over  myself,  Abe,  and  I 
don't  buy  no  tchampanyer  wine  one  day  and  come 
around  trying  to  lend  it  from  people  a  thousand  dol- 
lars the  next  day,  Abe." 

"It  was  my  wife's  birthday,"  Hymie  explained; 
* '  and  if  I  got  to  spend  it  my  last  cent,  Mawruss,  I  al- 
ways buy  tchampanyer  on  my  wife's  birthday." 

"All  right,  Hymie, "  Morris  retorted ;  "if  you  think 
it  so  much  of  your  wife,  lend  it  from  her  a  thousand 
dollars. ' ' 

"Make  an  end,  make  an  end,"  Abe  cried;  "I 

115 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

hear  it  enough  already.  Put  them  diamonds  in  the 
safe  and  we  give  Hymie  a  check  for  a  thousand  dol- 
lars." 

Morris  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"All  right,  Abe,"  he  said.  "Do  what  you  please, 
but  remember  what  I  tell  it  you  now.  I  don't  know 
nothing  about  diamonds  and  I  don't  care  nothing 
about  diamonds,  and  if  it  should  be  that  we  got  to 
keep  it  the  diamonds  I  don't  want  nothing  to  do  with 
them.  All  I  want  it  is  my  share  of  the  thousand  dol- 
lars." 

He  turned  on  his  heel  and  banged  the  show-room 
door  behind  him,  while  Abe  pulled  up  the  shades  and 
Hymie  turned  off  the  lights. 

"That's  a  fine  crank  for  you,  Abe,"  Hymie  ex- 
claimed. 

Abe  said  nothing,  but  sat  down  and  wrote  out  a 
check  for  a  thousand  dollars. 

"I  hope  them  diamonds  is  worth  it,"  he  murmured, 
handing  the  check  to  Hymie. 

"If  they  ain't,"  Hymie  replied  as  he  made  for  the 
door,  "I'll  eat  'em,  Abe,  and  I  ain't  got  too  good  a 
di-gestion,  neither." 

At  intervals  of  fifteen  minutes  during  the  re- 
mainder of  the  afternoon  Morris  visited  the  safe  and 
inspected  the  diamonds  until  Abe  was  moved  to  criti- 
cise his  partner's  behavior. 

"Them  diamonds  ain't  going  to  run  away,  Maw- 
russ. ' ' 

"Maybe  they  will,  Abe,"  Morris  replied,  "if  we 

116 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

leave  the  safe  open  and  people  comes  in  and  out  all 
the  time." 

''So  far,  nobody  ain't  took  nothing  out  of  that  safe, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  retorted;  "but  if  you  want  to  lock 
the  safe  I'm  agreeable." 

"What  for  should  we  lock  the  safe?"  Morris 
asked.  ' f  We  are  all  the  time  getting  things  out  of  it 
what  we  need.  Ain't  it?  A  better  idee  I  got  it,  Abe, 
is  that  you  should  put  on  the  ring  and  I  will  wear 
the  pin,  or  you  wear  the  pin  and  I  will  put  on  the 
ring. ' ' 

"No,  siree,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "If  I  put  it 
on  a  big  pin  like  that  and  I  got  to  take  it  off  again 
in  a  week's  time  might  I  would  catch  a  cold  on  my 
chest,  maybe.  Besides,  I  ain't  built  for  diamonds, 
Mawruss.  So,  you  wear  'em  both,  Mawruss. ' ' 

Morris  forced  a  hollow  laugh. 

"Me  wear  'em,  Abe!"  he  exclaimed.  "No,  siree, 
Abe,  I  'm  not  the  kind  what  wears  diamonds.  I  leave 
that  to  sports  like  Hymie  Kotzen. ' ' 

Nevertheless,  he  placed  the  ring  on  the  third  finger 
of  his  left  hand,  with  the  stone  turned  in,  and  care- 
fully wrapping  up  the  pin  in  tissue-paper  he  placed 
it  in  his  waistcoat  pocket.  The  next  day  was  Wed- 
nesday, and  he  screwed  the  pin  into  his  shirt-front 
underneath  a  four-in-hand  scarf.  On  Thursday  he 
wore  the  ring  with  the  stone  exposed,  and  on  Friday 
he  discarded  the  four-in-hand  scarf  for  a  bow  tie  and 
shamelessly  flaunted  both  ring  and  pin. 

"Mawruss,"  Abe  commented  on  Saturday,  "must 

8— Potash  &  Perlmttttir.  il7 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

you  stick  out  your  little  finger  when  you  smoke  it  a 
cigar  ? ' ' 

" Habits  what  I  was  born  with,  Abe,"  Morris  re- 
plied. "I  can't  help  it  none." 

"Maybe  you  was  born  with  a  diamond  ring  on  your 
little  finger.  What?"  Abe  jeered. 

Morris  glared  at  his  partner. 

"If  you  think  that  I  enjoy  it  wearing  that  ring, 
Abe,"  he  declared,  "you  are  much  mistaken.  You 
got  us  to  take  these  here  diamonds,  Abe,  and  if  they 
got  stole  on  us,  Abe,  we  are  not  only  out  the  thousand 
dollars,  but  we  would  also  got  to  pay  it  so  much  more 
as  Hymie  Kotzen  would  sue  us  for  in  the  courts.  I 
got  to  wear  this  here  ring,  Abe,  and  that's  all  there 
is  to  it." 

He  walked  away  to  the  rear  of  the  store  with  the 
air  of  a  martyr,  while  Abe  gazed  after  him  in  silent 
admiration. 

Two  weeks  sped  quickly  by,  during  which  Morris 
safeguarded  the  diamonds  with  the  utmost  zest  and 
enjoyment,  and  at  length  the  settling  day  arrived. 
Morris  was  superintending  the  unpacking  of  piece 
goods  in  the  cutting-room  when  Abe  darted  up- 
stairs. 

"Mawruss,"  he  hissed,  "Hymie  Kotzen  is  down- 
stairs. ' ' 

By  a  feat  of  legerdemain  that  a  conjurer  might 
have  envied,  Morris  transferred  the  pin  and  ring  to 
his  waistcoat  pocket  and  followed  Abe  to  the  show- 
room. 

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POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

"Well,  Hymie,"  Morris  cried,  "we  thought  you 
would  be  prompt  on  the  day.  Ain't  it ? " 

Hymie  smiled  a  sickly  smirk  in  which  there  was  as 
little  mirth  as  there  was  friendliness. 

"You  got  another  think  coming,"  Hymie  replied. 

"What  d'ye  mean!"  Morris  exclaimed. 

"I'm  up  against  it,  boys,"  Hymie  explained.  "I 
expected  to  get  it  a  check  for  two  thousand  from 
Heller,  Blumenkrohn  this  morning." 

"And  didn't  it  come?"  Abe  asked. 

"Sure  it  come,"  Hymie  replied,  "but  it  was  only 
sixteen  hundred  and  twenty  dollars.  They  claim  it 
three  hundred  and  eighty  dollars  for  shortage  in  de- 
livery, so  I  returned  'em  the  check." 

"You  returned  'em  the  check,  Hymie f"  Morris 
cried.  "And  we  got  to  wait  for  our  thousand  dollars 
because  you  made  it  a  shortage  in  delivery. ' ' 

"I  didn't  make  no  shortage  in  delivery,"  Hymie 
declared. 

"Well,  Hymie,"  Abe  broke  in,  "you  say  it  your- 
self Heller,  Blumenkrohn  is  gilt-edge,  A  Number 
One  people.  They  ain't  going  to  claim  no  shortage 
if  there  wasn't  none,  Hymie." 

"I  guess  you  don't  know  Louis  Blumenkrohn, 
Abe,"  Hymie  retorted.  "He  claims  it  shortage  be- 
fore he  unpacks  the  goods  already." 

"Well,  what  has  that  got  to  do  with  us,  Hymie?" 
Morris  burst  out. 

"You  see  how  it  is,  boys,"  Hymie  explained;  "so  I 
got  to  ask  it  you  a  couple  of  weeks'  extension." 

lift 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"A  couple  of  weeks'  extension  is  nix,  Hymie,'1 
Abe  said,  and  Morris  nodded  his  head  in  approval. 

"Either  you  give  it  us  the  thousand,  Hymie,"  was 
Morris '  ultimatum, ' '  or  either  we  keep  the  diamonds, 
and  that's  all  there  is  to  it." 

"Now,  Mawruss,"  Hymie  protested,  "you  ain't 
going  to  shut  down  on  me  like  that!  Make  it  two 
weeks  more  and  I  '11  give  you  a  hundred  dollars  bonus 
and  interest  at  six  per  cent." 

Abe  shook  his  head.  "No,  Hymie,"  he  said 
firmly,  "we  ain't  no  loan  sharks.  If  you  got  to  get 
that  thousand  dollars  to-day  you  will  manage  it  some- 
how. So  that's  the  way  it  stands.  We  keep  open 
here  till  six  o'clock,  Hymie,  and  the  diamonds  will  be 
waiting  for  you  as  soon  so  you  bring  us  the  thousand 
dollars.  That's  all." 

There  was  a  note  of  finality  in  Abe's  tones  that 
made  Hymie  put  on  his  hat  and  leave  without  another 
word. 

"Yes,  Abe,"  Morris  commented  as  the  door  closed 
behind  Hymie,  "so  liberal  you  must  be  with  my 
money.  Ain't  I  told  you  from  the  very  start  that 
feller  is  a  lowlife?  Tchampanyer  he  must  drink  it 
on  his  wife's  birthday,  Abe,  and  also  he  got  to  wear  it 
diamonds,  Abe,  when  he  ain't  got  enough  money  to 
pay  his  laundry  bill  yet. ' ' 

"I  ain't  worrying,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "He 
ain't  going  to  let  us  keep  them  diamonds  for  a  thou- 
sand dollars,  Mawruss.  They're  worth  a  whole  lot 
more  as  that,  Mawruss." 

120 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

"I  don't  know  how  much  they're  worth,  Abe," 
Morris  grunted,  putting  on  his  hat,  "but  one  thing  I 
do  know;  I'm  going  across  the  street  to  get  a  shave; 
and  then  I'm  going  right  down  to  Sig  Pollak  on 
Maiden  Lane,  Abe,  and  I'll  find  out  just  how  much 
they  are  worth." 

A  moment  later  he  descended  the  basement  steps 
into  the  barber-shop  under  Wasserbauer 's  Cafe  and 
Eestaurant. 

"Hallo,  Mawruss,"  a  voice  cried  from  the  proprie- 
tor's chair.  "Ain't  it  a  hot  weather?" 

It  was  Sam  Feder,  vice-president  of  the  Kos- 
ciusko  Bank,  who  spoke.  He  was  midway  in  the 
divided  enjoyment  of  a  shampoo  and  a  large 
black  cigar,  while  an  electric  fan  oscillated  over 
his  head. 

"I  bet  yer  it's  hot,  Mr.  Feder,"  Morris  agreed, 
taking  off  his  coat. 

"Why  don't  you  take  your  vest  off,  too,  Maw- 
russ 1 ' '  Sam  Feder  suggested. 

"That's  a  good  idee,"  Morris  replied,  peeling  off 
his  waistcoat.  He  hung  it  next  to  his  coat  and  re- 
lapsed with  a  sigh  into  the  nearest  vacant  chair. 

"Just  once  around,  Phil,"  he  said  to  the  barber, 
and  closed  his  eyes  for  a  short  nap. 

When  he  woke  up  ten  minutes  later  Phil  was  spray- 
ing him  with  witch-hazel  while  the  proprietor  stood 
idly  in  front  of  the  mirror  and  curled  his  flowing 
black  mustache. 

"Don't  take  it  so  particular,  Phil,"  Morris  en- 

121 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

joined.  "I  ain't  got  it  all  day  to  sit  here  in  this 
chair. ' ' 

"All  right,  Mr.  Perlmutter,  all  right,"  Phil  cried, 
and  in  less  than  three  minutes,  powdered,  oiled 
and  combed,  Morris  climbed  out  of  the  chair. 
His  coat  was  in  waiting,  held  by  a  diminutive 
Italian  brushboy,  but  Morris  waved  his  hand  im- 
patiently. 

"My  vest,5"  he  demanded.  "I  don't  put  my  coat 
on  under  my  vest." 

The  brushboy  turned  to  the  vacant  row  of  hooks. 

"No  gotta  da  vest,"  he  said. 

"What!"  Morris  gasped. 

"You  didn'c  have  no  vest  on,  did  you,  Mr.  Perl- 
niutter?"  the  proprietor  asked. 

"Sure  I  had  a  vest,"  Morris  cried.  "Where  is 
it?" 

On  the  wall  hung  a  sign  which  advised  customers 
to  check  their  clothing  with  the  cashier  or  no  re- 
sponsibility would  be  assumed  by  the  management, 
and  it  was  to  this  notice  that  the  proprietor  pointed 
before  answering. 

"I  guess  somebody  must  have  pinched  it,"  he  re- 
plied nonchalantly. 

It  was  not  until  two  hours  after  the  disappearance 
of  his  waistcoat  that  Morris  returned  to  the  store.  In 
the  meantime  he  had  been  to  police  headquarters  and 
had  inserted  an  advertisement  in  three  daily  news- 
papers. Moreover  he  had  consulted  a  lawyer,  the 
eminent  Henry  D.  Feldman,  and  had  received  no  con- 

122 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

eolation  either  on  the  score  of  the  barber's  lia- 
bility to  Potash  &  Perlmutter  or  of  his  own  liability 
to  Kotzen. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "how  much  are  them 
diamonds  worth?" 

Then  he  looked  up  and  for  the  first  time  saw  his 
partner's  haggard  face. 

"Holy  smokes!"  he  cried.  "They're  winder- 
glass.  ' ' 

Morris  shook  his  head.  "I  wish  they  was,"  he 
croaked. 

"You  wish  they  was!"  Abe  repeated  in  accents 
of  amazement.  "What  d'ye  mean?" 

"Somebody  pinched  'em  on  me,"  Morris  replied. 

"What!"  Abe  shouted. 

"S-sh,"  Morris  hissed  as  the  door  opened.  It  was 
Hymie  Kotzen  who  entered. 

"Well,  boys,"  he  cried,  "every  cloud  is  silver- 
plated.  Ain't  it?  No  sooner  did  I  get  back  to  my 
store  than  I  get  a  letter  from  Henry  D.  Feldman  that 
Cohen  &  Schondorf  want  to  settle  for  forty  cents 
cash.  On  the  head  of  that,  mind  you,  in  comes  Ru- 
dolph Heller  from  Cincinnati,  and  when  I  tell  him 
about  the  check  what  they  sent  it  me  he  fixes  it  up  on 
the  spot." 

He  beamed  at  Abe  and  Morris. 

"So,  bring  out  them  diamonds,  boys,"  he  con- 
cluded, "and  we'll  settle  up  C.  O.  D." 

He  pulled  a  roll  of  bills  from  his  pocket  and  toyed 
with  them,  but  neither  Abe  nor  Morris  stirred. 

123 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

"What's  the  hurry,  Hymie?"  Abe  asked  feebly. 

"What's  the  hurry,  Abe!"  Hymie  repeated. 
"Well,  ain't  that  a  fine  question  for  you  to  ask  it  of 
me!  Don't  sit  there  like  a  dummy,  Abe.  Get  the 
diamonds  and  we'll  fix  it  up." 

"But  wouldn't  to-morrow  do  as  well?"  Morris 
asked. 

Hymie  sat  back  and  eyed  Morris  suspiciously. 

"What  are  you  trying  to  do,  Mawruss?"  he  asked. 
"Make  jokes  with  me?" 

"I  ain't  making  no  jokes,  Hymie,"  Morris  replied. 
"The  fact  is,  Hymie,  we  got  it  the  diamonds,  now — 
in  our — now — safety-deposit  box,  and  it  ain't  con- 
venient to  get  at  it  now. ' ' 

"Oh,  it  ain't,  ain't  it?"  Hymie  cried.  "Well,  it's 
got  to  be  convenient ;  so,  Abe,  you  get  a  move  on  you 
and  go  down  to  them  safety-deposit  vaults  and  fetch 
them." 

"Let  Mawruss  fetch  'em,"  Abe  replied  wearily. 
"The  safety  deposit  is  his  idee,  Hymie,  not  mine." 

Hymie  turned  to  Morris.  "Go  ahead,  Mawruss," 
he  said,  "you  fetch  'em." 

"I  was  only  stringing  you,  Hymie,"  Morris 
croaked.  "We  ain't  got  'em  in  no  safety-deposit 
vault  at  all." 

' '  That  settles  it, ' '  Hymie  cried,  jumping  to  his  feet 
and  jamming  his  hat  down  with  both  hands. 

"Where  you  going,  Hymie?"  Abe  called  after  him. 

"For  a  policeman,"  Hymie  said.  "I  want  them 
diamonds  and  I'm  going  to  have  'em,  too." 

124 


POTASH  &   PERLMUTTER 

Morris  ran  to  the  store  door  and  grabbed  Hymie 
by  the  coattails. 

"Wait  a  minute,"  he  yelled.  "Hymie,  I'm  sur- 
prised at  you  that  you  should  act  that  way. ' ' 

Hymie  stopped  short. 

"I  ain't  acting,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "It's  you 
what's  acting.  All  I  want  it  is  you  should  give  me 
my  ring  and  pin,  and  I  am  satisfied  to  pay  you  the 
thousand  dollars." 

They  returned  to  the  show-room  and  once  more  sat 
down. 

"I'll  tell  you  the  truth,  Hymie,"  Morris  said  at 
last.  "I  loaned  them  diamonds  to  somebody,  and 
that's  the  way  it  is." 

"You  loaned  'em  to  somebody!"  Hymie  cried, 
jumping  once  more  to  his  feet.  "My  diamonds  you 
loaned  it,  Mawruss?  Well,  all  I  got  to  say  is  either 
you  get  them  diamonds  back  right  away,  or  either  I 
will  call  a  policeman  and  make  you  arrested. ' ' 

' '  Make  me  arrested,  then,  Hymie, ' '  Morris  replied 
resignedly,  "because  the  feller  what  I  loaned  them 
diamonds  to  won't  return  'em  for  two  weeks  any- 
how. ' ' 

Hymie  sat  down  again. 

"For  two  weeks,  hey?"  he  said.  He  passed  his 
handkerchief  over  his  face  and  looked  at  Abe. 

"That's  a  fine,  nervy  partner  what  you  got  it, 
Abe,  I  must  say, ' '  he  commented. 

"Well,  Hymie,"  Abe  replied,  "so  long  as  you  can't 
get  them  diamonds  back  for  two  weeks  keep  the  thou- 

125 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

sand  dollars  for  two  weeks  and  we  won't  charge  you 
no  interest  nor  nothing. ' ' 

"No,  siree,"  Hymie  said;  "either  I  pay  you  the 
thousand  now,  Abe,  or  I  don't  pay  it  you  for  three 
months,  and  no  interest  nor  nothing." 

Abe  looked  at  Morris,  who  nodded  his  head  slowly. 

"What  do  we  care,  Abe,"  he  said,  "two  weeks  or 
three  months  is  no  difference  now,  ain't  it?" 

"I'm  agreeable,  then,  Hymie,"  Abe  declared. 

"All  right,"  Hymie  said  eagerly;  "put  it  down  in 
writing  and  sign  it,  and  I  am  satisfied  you  should  keep 
the  diamonds  three  months." 

Abe  sat  down  at  his  desk  and  scratched  away  for 
five  minutes. 

"Here  it  is,  Hymie,"  he  said  at  last.  "Hyman 
Kotzen  and  Potash  &  Perlmutter  agrees  it  that  one 
thousand  dollars  what  he  lent  it  off  of  them  should 
not  be  returned  for  three  months  from  date,  no  in- 
terest nor  nothing.  And  also,  that  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter  should  not  give  up  the  diamonds,  neither. 
POTASH  &  PERLMTJTTER.  " 

"That's  all  right,"  Hymie  said.  He  folded  the 
paper  into  his  pocketbook  and  turned  to  Morris. 

"Also  it  is  understood,  Mawruss,  you  shouldn't 
lend  them  diamonds  to  nobody  else,"  he  concluded, 
and  a  minute  later  the  store  door  closed  behind  him. 

After  he  had  gone  there  was  an  ominous  silence 
which  Abe  was  the  first  to  break. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "ain't  that  a  fine  mess 
you  got  us  into  it?  Must  you  wore  it  them  diamonds, 

126 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEK 

Mawruss?     Why  couldn't  you  leave    'em  in  the 
safe?" 

Morris  made  no  answer. 

"Or  if  you  had  to  lose  'em,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went 
on,  "why  didn't  you  done  it  the  day  we  loaned  Hymie 
the  money !  Then  we  could  of  stopped  our  check  by 
the  bank.  Now  we  can  do  nothing." 

"I  didn't  lose  the  diamonds,  Abe,"  Morris  pro- 
tested. "I  left  'em  in  my  vest  in  the  barber-shop 
and  somebody  took  it  the  vest." 

"Well,  ain't  you  got  no  suspicions,  Mawruss?" 
Abe  asked.  "Think,  Mawruss,  who  was  it  took  the 
vest?" 

Morris  raised  his  head  and  was  about  to  reply 
when  the  store  door  opened  and  Sam  Feder,  vice' 
president  of  the  Kosciusko  Bank,  entered  bearing  a 
brown  paper  parcel  under  his  arm. 

A  personal  visit  from  so  well-known  a  financier 
covered  Abe  with  embarrassment,  and  he  jumped  to 
his  feet  and  rushed  out  of  the  show-room  with  both 
arms  outstretched. 

"Mr.  Feder,"  he  exclaimed,  "ain't  this  indeed  a 
pleasure?  Come  inside,  Mr.  Feder.  Come  inside 
into  our  show-room." 

He  brought  out  a  seat  for  the  vice-president  and 
dusted  it  carefully. 

"I  ain't  come  to  see  you,  Abe,"  Mr.  Feder  said; 
"I  come  to  see  that  partner  of  yours." 

He  untied  the  string  that  bound  the  brown  paper 
parcel  and  pulled  out  its  contents. 

127 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"Why!"  Morris  gasped.     "That's  my  vest." 

"Sure  it  is,"  Mr.  Feder  replied,  "and  it  just  fits 
me,  Mawruss.  In  fact,  it  fits  me  so  good  that  when 
I  went  to  the  barber-shop  in  a  two-piece  suit  this 
morning,  Mawruss,  I  come  away  with  a  three-piece 
suit  and  a  souvenir  besides." 

"A  souvenir!"  Abe  cried.  "What  for  a  sou- 
venir?" 

Mr.  Feder  put  his  hand  in  his  trousers  pocket  and 
tumbled  the  missing  ring  and  pin  on  to  a  baize-cov- 
ered sample  table. 

' '  That  was  the  souvenir,  Abe, ' '  he  said.  * '  In  fact, 
two  souvenirs." 

Morris  and  Abe  stared  at  the  diamonds,  too 
stunned  for  utterance. 

"You're  a  fine  feller,  Mawruss,"  Mr.  Feder  con- 
tinued, "to  be  carrying  around  valuable  stones  like 
them  in  your  vest  pocket.  Why,  I  showed  them 
stones  to  a  feller  what  was  in  my  office  an  hour  ago 
and  he  says  they  must  be  worth  pretty  near  five  hun- 
dred dollars." 

He  paused  and  looked  at  Morris. 

"And  he  was  a  pretty  good  judge  of  diamonds, 
too,"  he  continued. 

"Who  was  the  feller,  Mr.  Feder?"  Abe  asked. 

"I  guess  you  know,  Abe,"  Mr.  Feder  replied. 
"His  name  is  Hymie  Kotzen." 


128 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 


CHAPTER   VH 

""m    JTAX  FRIED,  of  the  A  La  Mode  Store,  was 

I  Y  I  *°-  nere  a  ^ew  minutes  since,  Mawruss," 
said  Abe  Potash  to  his  partner,  Morris 
Perlmutter,  after  the  latter  had  returned  from  lunch 
one  busy  August  day,  * '  and  bought  a  couple  of  hun- 
dred of  them  long  Trouvilles.  He  also  wanted  some- 
thing to  ask  it  of  us  as  a  favor,  Mawruss." 

"Sixty  days  is  long  enough,  Abe,"  said  Morris, 
on  the  principle  of  "once  bitten,  twice  shy."  "For 
a  man  what  runs  a  little  store  like  the  A  La  Mode 
on  Main  Street,  Buffalo,  Abe,  Max  don't  buy  too  few 
goods,  neither.  Ain't  it?" 

"Don't  jump  always  for  conclusions,  Mawruss," 
Abe  broke  in.  "This  ain't  no  credit  matter  what  he 
asks  it  of  us.  His  wife  got  a  sister  what  they  wanted 
to  make  from  her  a  teacher,  Mawruss,  but  she  ain't 
got  the  head.  So,  Max  thinks  we  could  maybe  use 
her  for  a  model.  Her  name  is  Miss  Kreitmann  and 
she's  a  perfect  thirty-six,  Max  says,  only  a  little 
fat." 

"And  then,  when  she  tries  on  a  garment  for  a 
customer,"  Morris  rejoined,  "the  customer  goes 
around  telling  everybody  that  we  cut  our  stuff  too 
skimpy.  Ain't  it?  No,  Abe,  we  got  along  so  far 
good  with  the  models  what  we  got,  and  I  guess  we 
can  keep  it  up.  Besides,  if  Max  is  so  anxious  to 

129 


get  her  a  job,  why  don't  he  take  her  on  himself, 
Abe?" 

"  Because  she  lives  here  in  New  York  with  her 
mother,"  Abe  explained;  "and  what  chance  has  a 
girl  got  in  Buffalo,  anyway?  That's  what  Max  says, 
and  he  also  told  it  me  that  she  got  a  very  fine  per- 
sonality, and  if  we  think  it  over  maybe  he  gives  us 
an  introduction  to  Philip  Hahn,  of  the  Flower 
City  Credit  Outfitting  Company.  That's  a  million- 
dollar  concern,  Mawruss.  I  bet  yer  they're  rated 
J  to  K,  first  credit,  and  Philip  Halm's  wife  is 
Miss  Kreitmann's  mother's  sister.  Leon  Sam- 
met  will  go  crazy  if  he  hears  that  we  sell  them 
people. ' ' 

"That's  all  right,  Abe,"  said  Morris.  "We  ain't 
doing  business  to  spite  our  competitors;  we're  do- 
ing it  to  please  our  customers  so  that  they'll  buy 
goods  from  us  and  maybe  they'll  go  crazy,  too, 
when  they  see  her  face,  Abe." 

"Max  Fried  says  she  is  a  good-looker.  Nothing 
extraordinary,  y 'understand,  but  good,  snappy  stuff 
and  up  to  date." 

"You  talk  like  she  was  a  garment,  Abe,"  said 
Morris. 

"Well,  you  wouldn't  buy  no  garment,  Mawruss, 
just  because  some  one  told  you  it  was  good.  Would 
you?  So,  Max  says  he  would  bring  her  around  this 
afternoon,  and  if  we  liked  her  Hahn  would  stop 
in  and  see  u?  later  in  the  day.  He  says  Hahn 
picks  out  never  less  than  a  couple  of  hundred  of 

130 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

one  style,  and  also  Hahn  is  a  liberal  buyer,  Maw- 
russ." 

"Of  course,  Abe,"  Morris  commenced,  "if  we're 
doing  this  to  oblige  Philip  Hahn " 

"We're  doing  it  to  oblige  Philip  Hahn  and  Max 
Fried  both,  Mawruss,"  Abe  broke  in.  "Max  says 
he  ain't  got  a  minute's  peace  since  Miss  Kreitmann 
is  old  enough  to  get  married." 

"So!"  Morris  cried.  "A  matrimonial  agency 
we're  running,  Abe.  Is  that  the  idea!" 

' '  The  idea  is  that  she  should  have  the  opportunity 
of  meeting  by  us  a  business  man,  Mawruss,  what 
can  give  her  a  good  home  and  a  good  living,  too. 
Max  says  he  is  pretty  near  broke,  buying  transpor- 
tation from  Buffalo  to  New  York,  Mawruss,  so  as 
he  can  bust  up  love  matches  between  Miss  Kreit- 
mann and  some  good-looking  retail  salesman,  Maw- 
russ, what  can  dance  the  waltz  A  Number  One  and 
couldn't  pay  rent  for  light  housekeeping  on  Chrystie 
Street." 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  agreed,  with  a  sigh  of  resig- 
nation, "if  we  got  to  hire  her  as  a  condition  that 
Philip  Halm  gives  us  a  couple  of  good  orders  a  sea- 
son, Abe,  I'm  agreeable." 

"Naturally,"  Abe  replied,  and  carefully  selecting 
a  slightly-damaged  cigar  from  the  M  to  P  first  and 
second  credit  customers '  box,  he  fell  to  assorting  the 
sample  line  against  Philip  Hahn's  coming  that 
afternoon. 

His  task  was  hardly  begun,  however,  when  the 

131 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

store  door  opened  to  admit  Max  Fried  and  his  sister 
in-law.    Abe  immediately  ceased  his  sample-assort- 
ing and  walked  forward  to  greet  them. 

"Hello,  Max,"  he  said. 

Max  stopped  short,  and  by  the  simple  process  of 
thrusting  out  his  waist-line  assumed  a  dignity  be- 
fitting the  ceremony  of  introduction. 

"Mr.  Potash,"  he  said  severely,  "this  is  Miss 
Gussie  Kreitmann,  my  wife's  sister,  what  I  talked 
to  you  about." 

Abe  grinned  shyly. 

"All  right,"  he  said,  and  shook  hands  with  Miss 
Kreitmann,  who  returned  his  grin  with  a  dazzling 
smile. 

"Mr.  Fried  tells  me  you  like  to  come  to  work  by 
us  as  a  model.  Ain't  it?"  Abe  continued  in  the  ac- 
cents of  the  sucking  dove.  "So,  I  guess  you'd  bet- 
ter go  over  to  Miss  Cohen,  the  bookkeeper,  and 
she'll  show  you  where  to  put  your  hat  and  coat." 

"Oh,  I  ain't  in  no  hurry,"  Miss  Kreitmann  re- 
plied. "To-morrow  morning  will  do." 

* '  Sure,  sure, ' '  Abe  murmured.  He  was  somewhat 
shocked  by  Miss  Kreitmann 's  appearance,  for  while 
Max  Fried 's  reservation,  "only  a  little  fat,"  had 
given  him  some  warning,  he  was  hardly  prepared  to 
employ  so  pronounced  an  Amazon  as  Miss  Kreit- 
mann. True,  her  features,  though  large,  were  quite 
regular,  and  she  had  fine  black  eyes  and  the  luxuri- 
ous hair  that  goes  with  them;  but  as  Abe  gazed  at 
the  convex  lines  of  her  generous  figure  he  could  not 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

help  wondering  what  his  partner  would  say  when 
he  saw  her. 

As  a  matter  of  fact,  at  that  precise  moment  Mor- 
ris was  taking  in  the  entire  situation  from  behind 
a  convenient  rack  of  raincoats,  and  was  mentally 
designing  a  new  line  of  samples  to  be  called  The 
P  &  P  System.  He  figured  that  he  would  launch  it 
with  a  good,  live  ad  in  the  Daily  Cloak  and  Suit 
Record,  to  be  headed:  Let  'Em  All  Come.  We  Can 
Fit  Everybody.  Large  Sizes  a  Specialty. 

"Do  you  think  you  will  like  it  here?"  Abe  haz- 
arded. 

"Oh,  sure,"  Max  replied  for  his  sister-in-law. 
"This  ain't  the  first  time  she  works  in  a  cloak  and 
suit  house.  She  helps  me  out  in  the  store  whenever 
she  comes  to  Buffalo.  In  fact,  she  knows  part  of 
your  line  already,  Abe,  and  the  rest  she  learns  pretty 
quick. ' ' 

"You  won't  find  me  slow,  Mr.  Potash,"  Miss 
Kreitmann  broke  in.  "Maybe  I  ain't  such  a  good 
model  except  for  large  sizes,  but  I  learned  to  sell 
cloaks  by  my  brother-in-law  and  by  my  uncle,  Philip 
Hahn,  before  I  could  talk  already.  What  I  want  to 
do  now  is  to  meet  the  trade  that  comes  into  the 
store. ' ' 

"That's  what  you're  going  to  do,"  Abe  said.  "I 
will  introduce  you  to  everybody." 

The  thought  that  this  would  be,  perhaps,  the  only 
way  to  get  rid  of  her  lent  fervor  to  his  words,  and 
Max  shook  him  warmly  by  the  hand. 

*-Potatk  <Sf  Perhnutter.  133 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"I'm  much  obliged,"  lie  said.  "Me  and  Philip 
Halm  will  be  in  sure  in  a  couple  of  hours,  and  Gussie 
comes  to  work  to-morrow  morning." 

Once  more  Abe  proffered  his  hand  to  his  new 
model,  and  a  moment  later  the  door  slammed  be- 
hind them. 

"So,  that's  the  party,  is  it?"  said  Morris,  emerg- 
ing from  his  hiding-place.  "What's  she  looking 
for  a  job  by  us  for,  Abe?  She  could  make  it 
twicet  as  much  by  a  circus  sideshow  or  a  dime 
museum. ' ' 

"Philip  Hahn  will  be  here  in  a  couple  of  hours, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,  avoiding  the  thrust.  "I 
guess  he's  going  to  buy  a  big  bill  of  goods,  Maw- 
russ. ' ' 

"I  hope  so,  Abe,  because  it  needs  quite  a  few  big 
bills  to  offset  the  damage  a  model  like  this  here 
Miss  Kreitmann  can  do.  In  fact,  Abe,"  he  con- 
cluded, "I'd  be  just  as  well  satisfied  if  Miss  Kreit- 
mann could  give  us  the  orders,  and  we  could  get 
Philip  Hahn  to  come  to  work  by  us  as  a  model.  I 
ain't  never  seen  him,  Abe,  but  I  think  he's  got  a 
better  shape  for  the  line." 

A  singular  devotion  to  duty  marked  every  action 
of  Emanuel  Gubin,  shipping  clerk  in  the  wholesale 
cloak  and  suit  establishment  of  Potash  &  Perlmut- 
ter.  That  is  to  say,  it  had  marked  every  action  until 
the  commencement  of  Miss  Kreitmann 's  incum- 
bency. In  the  very  hour  that  Emanuel  first  ob- 
served the  luster  of  her  fine  black  eyes  his  heart 

134 


gave  one  bound  and  never  more  regained  its  normal 
gait. 

As  for  Miss  Kreitmann,  she  saw  only  a  shipping 
clerk,  collarless,  coatless  and  with  all  the  grime  of 
his  calling  upon  him.  Two  weeks  elapsed,  however, 
and  one  evening,  on  Lenox  Avenue,  she  encountered 
Emanuel,  freed  from  the  chrysalis  of  his  employ- 
ment, a  natty,  lavender-trousered  butterfly  of  fash- 
ion. Thereafter  she  called  him  Mannie,  and  during 
business  hours  she  flashed  upon  him  those  same 
black  eyes  with  results  disastrous  to  the  shipping 
end  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  business. 

Packages  intended  for  the  afternoon  delivery  of 
a  local  express  company  arrived  in  Florida  two 
weeks  later,  while  the  irate  buyer  of  a  Jersey  City 
store,  who  impatiently  awaited  an  emergency  ship- 
ment of  ten  heavy  winter  garments,  received  instead 
half  a  hundred  gossamer  wraps  designed  for  the  sub- 
tropical weather  of  Palm  Beach. 

"I  don't  know  what's  come  over  that  fellow, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  said  at  last.  "Formerly  he  was  a 
crackerjack — never  made  no  mistakes  nor  nothing; 
and  now  I  dassent  trust  him  at  all,  Mawruss.  Every- 
thing we  ship  I  got  to  look  after  it  myself,  Maw- 
russ. We  might  as  well  have  no  shipping  clerk  at 
all." 

"You're  right,  Abe,"  Morris  replied.  "He  gets 
carelesser  every  day.  And  why,  Abe?  Because  of 
that  Miss  Kreitmann.  She  breaks  us  all  up,  Abe. 
I  bet  yer  if  that  feller  Gubin  has  took  her  to  the 

135 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

theayter  once,  Abe,  he  took  her  fifty  times  already. 
He  spends  every  cent  lie  makes  on  her,  and  the  first 
thing  you  know,  Abe,  we'll  be  missing  a  couple  of 
pieces  of  silk  from  the  cutting-room.  Ain't  it!" 

"He  ain't  no  thief,  Mawruss,"  said  Abe,  "and, 
besides,  you  can't  blame  a  young  feller  if  he  gets 
stuck  on  a  nice  girl  like  Miss  Kreitmann,  Mawruss. 
She's  a  smart  girl,  Mawruss.  Mendel  Immerglick, 
of  Immerglick  &  Frank,  was  in  here  yesterday, 
Mawruss,  and  she  showed  him  the  line,  Mawruss, 
and  believe  me,  Mawruss,  Immerglick  says  to  me  I 
couldn't  have  done  it  better  myself." 

"Huh!"  Morris  snorted.  "A  young  feller  like 
Immerglick,  what  buys  it  of  us  a  couple  of  hundred 
dollars  at  a  time,  she  falls  all  over  herself  to  please 
him,  Abe.  And  why?  Because  Immerglick 's  got  a 
fine  wwstache  and  is  a  swell  dresser  and  he  ain't 
married.  But  you  take  it  a  good  customer  like 
Adolph  Eothstein,  Abe,  and  what  does  she  do?  At 
first  she  was  all  smiles  to  him,  because  Adolph  is 
a  good-looking  feller.  But  then  she  hears  him  tell- 
ing me  a  hard-luck  story  about  his  wife's  operation 
and  how  his  eldest  boy  Sammie  is  now  seven  already 
and  ain't  never  been  sick  in  his  life,  and  last  month 
he  gets  the  whooping  cough  and  all  six  of  Adolph 's 
boys  gets  it  one  after  the  other.  Then,  Abe,  she 
treats  Adolph  like  a  dawg,  Abe,  and  the  first  thing 
you  know  he  looks  at  his  watch  and  says  he  got  an 
appointment  and  he'll  be  back.  But  he  don't  come 
back  at  all,  Abe,  and  this  noontime  I  seen  Leon  Sam- 

136 


met  and  Adolph  in  Wasserbauer's  Restaurant.  They 
was  eating  the  regular  dinner  with  chicken,  Abe, 
and  I  seen  Leon  pay  for  it." 

Abe  received  his  partner's  harangue  in  silence. 
His  eyes  gazed  vacantly  at  the  store  door,  which 
had  just  opened  to  admit  the  letter-carrier. 

"Suppose  we  do  lose  a  couple  of  hundred  dollars 
trade,"  he  said  at  length;  "one  customer  like  Philip 
Hahn  will  make  it  up  ten  times,  Mawruss." 

"Well,  you'll  lose  him,  too,  Abe,  if  you  don't  look 
out,"  said  Morris,  who  had  concluded  the  reading 
of  a  typewritten  letter  with  a  scrawled  postscript. 
"Just  see  what  he  writes  us." 

He  handed  over  the  missive,  which  read  as  fol- 
lows: 

MESSRS.  POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER. 

Gents:  We  are  requested  by  Mrs.  Kreitmann  of  your  city 
to  ask  about  a  young  fellow  what  works  for  you  by  the  name 
o.f  Emanuel  Gubin.  Has  he  any  future,  and  what  is  his  pros- 
pects? By  doing  so  you  will  greatly  oblige 

Truly  yours. 

THE  FLOWER  CITY  CREDIT  OUTFITTING  Co. 
Die.  PH/K 

P.  S.  I  don't  like  such  monkey  business.  I  thought  you  knew 
it.  I  don't  want  no  salesman.  What  is  the  matter  with  you 
anyway  ? 

PHILIP  HAHK. 

Abe  folded  up  the  letter,  and  his  mouth  became 
a  straight  line  of  determination  under  his  stubby 
mustache. 

137 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"I  guess  I  fix  that  young  feller,"  he  cried,  seizing 
a  pen.  He  wrote: 

FLOWER  CITY  CREDIT  OUTFITTING  COMPANY. 

Gents:  Your  favor  of  the  14th  inst.  received  and  contents 
noted  and  in  reply  would  say  the  young  fellow  what  you  inquire 
about  ain't  got  no  future  with  us  and  the  prospects  is  he  gets 
fired  on  Saturday.  We  trust  this  is  satisfactory. 

Truly  yours, 

POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER. 

On  Saturday  afternoon  Morris  Perlmutter  was 
putting  on  his  hat  and  coat  preparatory  to  going 
home.  He  had  just  fired  Mannie  Gubin  with  a  relish 
and  satisfaction  second  only  to  what  would  have 
been  his  sensations  if  the  operation  had  been  di- 
rected toward  Miss  Kreitmann.  As  he  was  about 
to  leave  the  showroom  Abe  entered. 

"Oh,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried,  "you  ought  to  see 
Miss  Kreitmann.  She's  all  broke  up  about  Mannie 
Gubin,  and  she's  crying  something  terrible." 

"Is  she?"  Morris  said,  peering  over  his  partner's 
shoulder  at  the  grief-stricken  model,  who  was  giving 
vent  to  her  emotions  in  the  far  corner  of  the  sales- 
room. "Well,  Abe,  you  tell  her  to  come  away  from 
them  light  goods  and  cry  over  the  blue  satinets. 
They  don't  spot  so  bad." 

Miss  Gussie  Kreitmann  evidently  knew  how  to 
conceal  a  secret  sorrow,  for  outwardly  she  remained 
unchanged.  She  continued  to  scowl  at  those  of  her 
employers'  customers  who  were  men  of  family,  and 

138 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

beamed  upon  the  unmarried  trade  with  all  the 
partiality  she  had  displayed  during  Mannie 
Gubin's  tenure  of  employment.  Indeed,  her  amia- 
bility toward  the  bachelors  was  if  anything 
intensified,  especially  in  the  case  of  Mendel  Immer- 
glick. 

Many  times  he  had  settled  lunch  checks  in  two 
figures,  for  Miss  Kreitmann's  appetite  was  in  pro- 
portion to  her  size.  Moreover,  a  prominent  Broad- 
way florist  was  threatening  Mendel  with  suit  for 
flowers  supplied  Miss  Kreitmann  at  his  request. 
Nor  were  there  lacking  other  signs,  such  as  the  bril- 
liancy of  Mendel's  cravats  and  the  careful  manicur- 
ing of  his  nails,  to  indicate  that  he  was  paying  court 
to  Miss  Kreitmann. 

"I  think,  Abe,"  Morris  said  finally,  "we're  due 
for  an  inquiry  from  the  Flower  City  Company  about 
Immerglick  &  Frank." 

"I  hope  not,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "I  never 
liked  them  people,  Mawruss.  In  fact,  last  week 
Mendel  Immerglick  struck  me  for  new  terms — ninety 
instead  of  sixty  days — and  he  wanted  to  give  me 
a  couple  of  thousand  dollar  order.  I  turned  him 
down  cold,  Mawruss.  People  what  throw  such 
a  bluff  like  Mendel  Immerglick  don't  give  me 
no  confidence,  Mawruss.  I'm  willing  to  sell 
him  up  to  five  hundred  at  sixty  days,  but  that's 
all." 

"Oh,  I  don't  know,  Abe,"  Morris  protested.  "A 
couple  of  bright  boys  like  Mendel  Immerglick  and 

139 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTEE 

Louis  Frank  can  work  up  a  nice  business  after  a 
while. ' ' 

"Can  they?"  Abe  rejoined.  "Well,  more  likely 
they  work  up  a  nice  line  of  credit,  Mawruss,  and 
then,  little  by  little,  they  make  it  a  big  failure,  Maw- 
russ. A  feller  what  curls  his  mustache  like  Mendel 
Immerglick  ain't  no  stranger  to  auction  houses, 
Mawruss.  I  bet  yer  he's  got  it  all  figured  out  right 
now  where  he  can  get  advance  checks  on  consign- 
ments." 

"I  think  you  do  the  feller  an  injury,  Abe,"  said 
Morris.  "I  think  he  means  well,  and  besides,  Abe, 
business  people  is  getting  so  conservative  that  there 
ain't  no  more  money  in  failures." 

"I  guess  there's  enough  for  Mendel  Immerglick," 
Abe  said,  and  dismissed  the  subject. 

Two  weeks  later  the  anticipated  letter  arrived  in 
the  following  form: 

MESSRS.  POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER. 

Gents:  Mrs.  Kreitmann  of  your  city  requests  us  to  ask  you 
about  one  of  your  customers  by  the  name  of  Mr.  Mendel  Tm- 
merglick,  of  Immerglick  &  Frank.  We  drew  a  report  on  him 
by  both  commercial  agencies  and  are  fairly  well  satisfied,  but 
would  be  obliged  if  you  should  make  inquiries  amongst  the 
trade  for  us  and  greatly  oblige 

Yours  truly, 

THE  FLOWER  CITY  CREDIT  OUTFITTING  Co. 
Die.  PH/K 

P.  S.  I  hear  it  this  fellow  is  a  good  bright  young  fellow.  I 
will  be  in  N.  Y.  next  month  and  expect  to  lay  in  my  spring  goods. 

PHILIP  HAHN. 
140 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  as  he  finished  read- 
ing the  letter,  "I'm  sorry  to  get  this  letter.  I  don't 
know  what  I  could  tell  it  him  about  this  fellow  Im- 
merglick.  Now,  if  it  was  a  responsible  concern  like 
Henry  Feigenbaum,  of  the  H.  F.  Cloak  Company, 
it  would  be  different." 

* '  Henry  Feigenbaum ! ' '  Morris  exclaimed.  *  *  Why, 
he's  only  got  one  eye." 

"I  know  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,  "but  he's  got 
six  stores,  and  they're  all  making  out  good.  But, 
anyhow,  Mawruss,  I  ain't  going  to  do  nothing  ri  a 
hurry.  I'll  make  good  inquiries  before  I  answer 
him." 

"What's  the  use  of  making  inquiries?"  Morris 
protested.  "Tell  him  it's  all  right.  I  got  enough 
of  this  Miss  Kreitmann  already,  Abe.  She's  killed 
enough  trade  for  us." 

"What!"  Abe  cried.  "Tell  him  it's  all  right, 
when  for  all  I  know  Mendel  Immerglick  is  headed 
straight  for  the  bankruptcy  courts,  Mawruss.  You 
must  be  crazy,  Mawruss.  Ain't  Hahn  said  he's 
coming  down  next  month  to  buy  his  spring  goods? 
What  you  want  to  do,  Mawruss?  Throw  three  to 
five  thousand  dollars  in  the  street,  Mawruss?" 

"You  talk  foolishness,  Abe,"  Morris  rejoined. 
"Once  f*.  man  gets  married,  his  wife's  family  has 
got  to  stand  for  him.  Suppose  he  does  bust  up; 
would  that  be  our  fault,  Abe?  Then  Philip  Hahn 
sets  him  up  in  business  again,  and  the  first  thing 
you  know,  Abe,  we  got  two  customers  instead  of 

141 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

one.  And  I  bet  yer  we  could  get  Philip  Hahn  to 
guarantee  the  account  yet." 

"Them  theories  what  you  got,  Mawruss,  sounds 
good,  but  maybe  he  busts  up  before  they  get  mar- 
lied,  and  then,  Mawruss,  we  lose  Philip  Hahn's 
business  and  Max  Fried 's  business,  and  we  are  also 
out  a  sterling  silver  engagement  present  for  Miss 
Kreitmann.  Ain't  it?" 

He  put  on  his  hat  and  coat  and  lit  a  cigar. 

"I  guess,  Mawruss,  I'll  go  right  now,"  he  con- 
cluded, "and  see  what  I  can  find  out  about  him." 

In  three  hours  he  returned  and  entered  the  show- 
room. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "what  did  you  find 
out?  Is  it  all  right?" 

Abe  carefully  selected  a  fresh  cigar  and  shook  his 
head  solemnly. 

"Nix,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "Mendel  Immer- 
glick  is  nix  for  a  nice  girl  like  Miss  Kreitmann." 

He  took  paper  out  of  his  waistcoat  pocket  for 
the  purpose  of  refreshing  his  memory. 

"First,  I  seen  Moe  Klein,  of  Klinger  &  Klein," 
he  went  on.  "Moe  says  he  seen  Mendel  Immer- 
glick,  in  the  back  of  Wasserbauer's  Cafe,  playing 
auction  pinochle  with  a  couple  of  loafer  salesmen 
at  three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon,  and  while  Moe 
was  standing  there  already  them  two  low-lives  set 
Immerglick  back  three  times  on  four  hundred  hands 
at  a  dollar  a  hundred,  double  double." 

"And  what  was  Moe  doing  there?"  Morris  asked. 

142 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"I  wasn't  making  no  investigation  of  Moe,  Maw- 
russ," Abe  replied.  "Believe  me,  I  got  enough  to 
do  to  find  out  about  Immerglick.  Also,  Moe  tells 
me  that  Immerglick  comes  into  their  place  and 
wants  to  buy  off  them  three  thousand  dollars  at 
ninety  days." 

"And  did  they  sell  him?"  Morris  asked. 

"Did  they  sett  him?"  Abe  cried.  "If  you  was 
to  meet  a  burglar  coming  into  the  store  at  midnight 
with  a  jimmy  and  a  dark  lantern,  Mawruss,  I  sup- 
pose you'd  volunteer  to  give  him  the  combination 
of  the  safe.  What?  No,  Mawruss,  they  didn't  sell 
him.  Such  customers  is  for  suckers  like  Sammet 
Brothers,  Mawruss.  Leon  Sammet  says  they  sold 
him  three  thousand  at  four  months.  Also,  Elen- 
bogen  sold  him  a  big  bill,  same  terms,  Mawruss. 
But  big  houses  like  Wechsel,  Baum  &  Miller  and 
Frederick  Stettermann  won't  sell  him  at  any  terms, 
Mawruss. ' ' 

"If  everybody  was  so  conservative  like  Wechsel, 
Baum  &  Miller,"  said  Morris,  "the  retailers  might 
as  well  go  out  of  business." 

"Wait  a  bit,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "That 
ain't  all.  Louis  Frank's  wife  is  a  sister  to  the 
Traders'  and  Merchants.'  Outlet,  of  Louisville — you 
know  that  thief,  Marks  Leshinsky;  and  Louis 
Frank's  uncle,  Mawruss,  is  Elkan  Frank  &  Com- 
pany, them  big  swindlers,  them  auctioneers,  out  in 
Chicago. ' ' 

Abe  sat  down  and  dipped  his  pen  in  the  inkwell 

143 


with  such  force  that  the  spotless  surface  of  Morris* 
shirt,  which  he  had  donned  that  morning,  assumed 
a  polkadot  pattern.  It  was,  therefore,  some  minutes 
before  Abe  could  devote  himself  to  his  task  in  si- 
lence. Finally,  he  evolved  the  following: 

THE  FLOWER  CITY  CREDIT  OUTFITTING  Co. 
Gents :  Your  favor  of  the  16th  inst.  received  and  contents  noted, 
and  in  reply  would  say  our  Mr.  Potash  seen  the  trade  extensively 
and  we  are  sorry  to  say  it  in  the  strictest  confidence  that  we  ain't 
got  no  confidence  in  the  party  you  name.  You  should  on  no  con- 
sideration do  anything  in  the  matter  as  all  accounts  are  very 
bad.  We  will  tell  your  Mr.  Hahn  the  particulars  when  he  is  next 
in  our  city. 

Yours  truly, 

POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER. 

"It  ain't  no  more  than  he  deserves,  Mawruss," 
Abe  commented  after  Morris  had  read  the  letter. 

"No,"  Morris  admitted,  "but  after  the  way  Miss 
Kreitmann  got  that  feller  Gubin  in  the  hole  and 
the  way  she  treated  Adolph  Rothstein,  Abe,  it  ain't 
no  more  than  she  deserves,  neither." 

For  several  days  afterward  Miss  Kreitmann  went 
about  her  work  with  nothing  but  scowls  for  Potash 
&  Perlmutter's  customers,  married  and  unmarried 
alike. 

"The  thing  goes  too  far,  Abe,"  Morris  protested. 
' '  She  kills  our  entire  trade.  Hahn  or  no  Hahn,  Abe, 
I  say  we  should  fire  her." 

Abe  shook  his  head.  "It  ain't  necessary,  Maw- 
russ, ' '  he  replied. 

144 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"What  d'ye  mean!" 

*  *  The  girl  gets  desperate,  Mawruss.  She  fires  her- 
self. She  told  me  this  morning  she  don't  see  no 
future  here,  so  she's  going  to  leave  at  the  end  of  the 
week.  She  says  she  will  maybe  take  up  trained 
nursing.  She  hears  it  that  there  are  lots  of  openings 
for  a  young  woman  that  way. ' ' 

Morris  sat  down  and  fairly  beamed  with  satisfac- 
tion. 

" That's  the  best  piece  of  news  I  hear  it  in  a  long 
time,  Abe,"  he  said.  ''Now  we  can  do  maybe  some 
business. ' ' 

" Maybe  we  can,"  Abe  admitted.  "But  not  with 
Philip  Hahn." 

"Why  not?"  Morris  cried.  "We  done  our  best 
by  him.  Ain't  we?  Through  him  we  lost  it  a  good 
customer,  and  we  got  to  let  go  a  good  shipping 
clerk. ' ' 

"Not  a  good  shipping  clerk,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cor- 
rected. 

"Well,  he  was  a  good  one  till  Miss  Kreitmann 
comes." 

Abe  made  no  reply.  He  took  refuge  in  the  6ol- 
umns  of  the  Daily  Cloak  and  Suit  Record  and  per- 
used the  business  troubles  items. 

"Was  it  our  fault  that  Immerglick  is  N.  G.,  Abe?" 
Morris  went  on.  "Is  it " 

"Ho-ly  smokes!"  Abe  broke  in,  "What  d'ye 
think  of  that!" 

"What  do  I  think  of  what?"  Morris  asked. 

145 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

" Immerglick  &  Frank,"  Abe  read  aloud.  "A  pe- 
tition in  bankruptcy  was  this  day  filed  against  Im- 
merglick &  Frank,  doing  business  as  the  'Vienna 
Store.'  This  firm  has  been  a  heavy  purchaser 
throughout  the  trade  during  the  past  two  months, 
but  when  the  receiver  took  possession  there  remained 
only  a  small  stock  of  goods.  The  receiver  has  re- 
tained counsel  and  will  examine  Louis  Frank  under 
Section  21  A  of  the  Bankruptcy  Act.  It  is  under- 
stood that  Mendel  Immerglick,  the  senior  partner, 
sailed  for  Hamburg  last  week  on  the  Kaiserin  Luisa 
Victoria  and  intends  to  remain  in  Germany  for  an 
indefinite  time." 

Abe  laid  down  the  paper  with  a  sigh  of  relief. 

"If  that  don't  make  us  solid  with  Philip  Hahn, 
Mawruss,"  he  said,  "nothing  will." 

Miss  Kreitman  left  at  the  end  of  the  week,  and  Abe 
and  Morris  wasted  no  time  in  vain  regrets  over  her 
departure,  but  proceeded  at  once  to  assort  and  make 
up  a  new  line  of  samples  for  Philip  Hahn's  inspec- 
tion. For  three  days  they  jumped  every  time  a  cus- 
tomer entered  the  store,  and  Abe  wore  a  genial  smile 
of  such  fixity  that  his  face  fairly  ached. 

At  length,  on  the  Thursday  following  Miss  Kreit- 
mann's  resignation,  while  Abe  was  flicking  an 
imaginary  grain  of  dust  from  the  spotless  array  of 
samples,  the  store  door  burst  open  and  a  short,  stout 
person  entered.  Abe  looked  up  and,  emitting  an  ex- 
clamation, rushed  forward  with  both  arms  extended 
in  hearty  greeting. 

146 


;,  POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

"Mister  Hahn,'  he  cried,  "how  do  you  do?" 

The  newcomer  drew  himself  up  haughtily,  and  his 
small  mustache  seemed  to  shed  sparks  of  indigna- 
tion. 

Abe  stopped  short  in  hurt  astonishment. 

"Is  th-there  a-anything  the  matter?"  he  faltered. 

"Is  there  anything  the  matter!"  Mr.  Hahn 
roared.  "Is  there  anything  the  matter!  That's  a 
fine  question  for  you  to  ask. ' ' 

"W-w-why?"  Abe  stuttered.  "Ain't  everything 
all  right?" 

Mr.  Hahn,  with  an  effort  that  bulged  every 
vein  in  his  bald  forehead,  subsided  into  comparative 
calm. 

"Mr.  Potash,"  he  said,  "I  bought  from  you  six 
bills  of  goods  in  the  last  few  months.  Ain't  it?" 

Abe  nodded. 

"And  I  never  claimed  no  shortages  and  never 
made  no  kicks  nor  nothing,  but  always  paid  up 
prompt  on  the  day  like  a  gentleman.  Ain't  it?" 

Abe  nodded  again. 

"And  this  is  what  I  get  for  it,"  Mr.  Hahn  went  on 
bitterly.  * l  My  own  niece  on  my  wife 's  side,  I  put  her 
in  your  care.  I  ask  you  to  take  it  an  interest  in  her. 
You  promise  me  you  will  do  your  best.  You  tell  me 
and  Max  Fried  you  will  look  after  her" — he  hesi- 
tated, almost  overcome  by  emotion — "like  a  father. 
You  said  that  when  I  bought  the  second  bill.  And 
what  happens  ?  The  only  chance  she  gets  to  make  a 
decent  match,  you  write  me  the  feller  ain't  no  good. 

147 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

Naturally,  I  think  you  got  some  sense,  and  so  I  busts 
the  affair  up." 

"Well,"  Abe  said,  "I  did  write  you  he  wasn't  no 
good,  and  he  wasn't  no  good,  neither.  Ain't  he  just 
made  it  a  failure?" 

Mr.  Hahn  grew  once  more  infuriated. 

"A  failure!"  he  yelled.  "I  should  say  he  did 
make  a  failure.  What  a  failure  he  made!  Fool! 
Donkey!  The  man  got  away  with  a  hundred  thou- 
sand dollars  and  is  living  like  a  prince  in  the  old 
country.  And  poor  Gussie,  she  loved  him,  too !  She 
cries  night  and  day." 

He  stopped  to  wipe  a  sympathetic  tear. 

"She  cries  pretty  easy,"  Abe  said.  "She  cried 
when  we  fired  Mannie  Gubin,  too." 

Hahn  bristled  again. 

"You  insult  me.  What?"  he  cried.  "You  try  to 
get  funny  with  me.  Hey?  All  right.  I  fix  you. 
So  far  what  I  can  help  it,  never  no  more  do  you  sell 
me  or  Max  or  anybody  what  is  friends  of  ours  a  but- 
ton. Not  a  button!  Y 'understand?" 

He  wheeled  about  and  the  next  moment  the  store 
door  banged  with  cannon-like  percussion.  Morris 
came  from  behind  a  rack  of  raincoats  and  tiptoed 
toward  Abe. 

"Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "you  put  your  foot  in  it  that 
time. ' ' 

Abe  mopped  the  perspiration  from  his  brow  and 
bit  the  end  off  a  cigar. 

"We  done  business  before  we  had  Philip  Hahn  for 

148 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

a  customer,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "and  I  guess  we'll 
do  it  again.    Ain't  it?" 


Six  months  later  Abe  was  scanning  the  columns  of 
the  Daily  Cloak  and  Suit  Record  while  Morris  exam- 
ined the  morning  mail. 

"Yes,  Mawruss,"  he  said  at  length.  "Some  peo- 
ple get  only  what  they  deserve.  I  always  said  it, 
some  day  Philip  Hahn  will  be  sorry  he  treated  us  the 
way  he  did.  I  bet  yer  he 's  sorry  now. ' ' 

"So  far  what  I  hear,  Abe,"  Morris  replied,  "he 
ain't  told  us  nor  nobody  else  that  he 's  sorry.  In  fact, 
I  seen  him  coming  out  of  Sammet  Brothers'  yester- 
day, and  he  looked  at  me  like  he  would  treat  us  worser 
already,  if  he  could.  What  makes  you  think  he's 
sorry,  Abe?" 

""Well,"  Abe  went  on,  "if  he  ain't  sorry  he  ought 
to  be." 

He  handed  the  Daily  Cloak  and  Suit  Record  to 
Morris  and  indicated  the  New  Business  column  with 
his  thumb. 

' '  Rochester,  N.  Y., ' '  it  read.  ' « Philip  Hahn,  doing 
business  here  as  the  Flower  City  Credit  Outfitting 
Company,  announces  that  he  has  taken  into  partner- 
ship Emanuel  Gubin,  who  recently  married  Mr. 
Hahn's  niece.  The  business  will  be  conducted  under 
the  old  firm  style. ' ' 

Morris  handed  back  the  paper  with  a  smile. 

"I  seen  Leon  Sammet  on  the  subway  this  morning 

10- Potash  &  PerlmiUter.  149 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

and  lie  told  me  all  about  it,"  he  commented.  "He 
says  Gubin  eloped  with  her." 

Abe  shook  his  head. 

"Yon  got  it  wrong,  Mawruss.  Yon  must  be  mis- 
taken," he  concluded.  "She  eloped  with  Gubin." 


Y 


CHAPTER  vrn 

«*"\/"OU  carry  a  fine  stock,  Mr.  Sheitlis,"  Abe 
Potash  exclaimed  as  he  glanced  around  the 
well-filled  shelves  of  the  Suffolk  Credit  Out- 
fitting Company. 

"That  ain't  all  the  stock  I  carry,"  Mr.  Sheitlis,  the 
proprietor,  exclaimed.  "I  got  also  another  stock 
which  I  am  anxious  to  dispose  of  it,  Mr.  Potash,  and 
you  could  help  me  out,  maybe." 

Abe  smiled  with  such  forced  amiability  that  his 
mustache  was  completely  engulfed  between  his  nose 
and  his  lower  lip. 

"I  ain't  buying  no  cloaks,  Mr.  Sheitlis,"  he  said. 
"I'm  selling  yem." 

"Not  a  stock  from  cloaks,  Mr.  Potash,"  Mr. 
Sheitlis  explained;  "but  a  stock  from  gold  and  sil- 
ver." 

"I  ain't  in  the  jewelry  business,  neither,"  Abe  said. 

"That  ain't  the  stock  what  I  mean,"  Mr.  Sheitlis 
cried.  "Wait  a  bit  and  I'll  show  you." 

He  went  to  the  safe  in  his  private  office  and  re- 
turned with  a  crisp  parchment-paper  certificate  bear- 

150 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

ing  in  gilt  characters  the  legend,  Texas-Nevada  Goldl 
and  Silver  Mining  Corporation. 

"This  is  what  I  mean  it,"  he  said;  "stock  from 
stock  exchanges.  I  paid  one  dollar  a  share  for  this 
hundred  shares." 

Abe  took  the  certificate  and  gazed  at  it  earnestly 
with  unseeing  eyes.  Mr.  Sheitlis  had  just  purchased 
a  liberal  order  of  cloaks  and  suits  from  Potash  & 
Perlmutter,  and  it  was,  therefore,  a  difficult  matter 
for  Abe  to  turn  down  this  stock  proposition  without 
offending  a  good  customer. 

"Well,  Mr.  Sheitlis,"  he  commenced,  "me  and 
Mawruss  Perlmutter  we  do  business  under  a  copart- 
nership agreement,  and  it  says  we  ain't  supposed  to 
buy  no  stocks  from  stock  exchanges,  and " 

"I  ain't  asking  you  to  buy  it,"  Mr.  Sheitlis  broke 
in.  "I  only  want  you  to  do  me  something  for  a 
favor.  You  belong  in  New  York  where  all  them 
stock  brokers  is,  so  I  want  you  should  be  so  kind  and 
take  this  here  stock  to  one  of  them  stock  brokers  and 
see  what  I  can  get  for  it.  Maybe  I  could  get  a  profit 
for  it,  and  then,  of  course,  I  should  pay  you  some- 
thing  for  your  trouble. " 

"Pay  me  something!"  Abe  exclaimed  in  accents 
of  relief.  "Why,  Mr.  Sheitlis,  what  an  idea!  Me 
and  Mawruss  would  be  only  too  glad,  Mr.  Sheitlis, 
to  try  and  sell  it  for  you,  and  the  more  we  get  it  for 
the  stock  the  gladder  we  would  be  for  your  sake.  I 
wouldn't  take  a  penny  for  selling  it  if  you  should 
make  a  million  out  of  it. ' ' 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"A  million  I  won't  make  it,"  Mr,  Sheitlis  replied, 
dismissing  the  subject.  "I'll  be  satisfied  if  I  get  ten 
dollars  for  it." 

He  walked  toward  the  front  door  of  his  store  with 
Abe. 

"What  is  the  indications  for  spring  business  in  the 
wholesale  trade,  Mr.  Potash,"  he  asked  blandly. 

Abe  shook  his  head. 

"It  should  be  good,  maybe,"  he  replied;  "only, 
you  can't  tell  nothing  about  it.  Silks  is  the  trouble. " 

"Silks?"  Mr.  Sheitlis  rejoined.  "Why,  silks 
makes  goods  sell  high,  Mr.  Potash.  Ain't  it?  Cer- 
tainly, I  admit  it  you  got  to  pay  more  for  silk  piece 
goods  as  for  cotton  piece  goods,  but  you  take  the  same 
per  cent,  profit  on  the  price  of  the  silk  as  on  the  price 
of  the  cotton,  and  so  you  make  more  in  the  end. 
Ain't  it?" 

"If  silk  piece  goods  is  low  or  middling,  Mr.  Sheit- 
lis," Abe  replied  sadly,  "there  is  a  good  deal  in  what 
you  say.  But  silk  is  high  this  year,  Mr.  Sheitlis,  so 
high  you  wouldn't  believe  me  if  I  tell  you  we  got  to 
pay  twicet  as  much  this  year  as  three  years  ago 
already. ' ' 

Mr.  Sheitlis  clucked  sympathetically. 

"And  if  we  charge  the  retailer  twicet  as  much  for 
a  garment  next  year  what  he  pays  three  years  ago 
already,  Mr.  Sheitlis,"  Abe  went  on,  "we  won't  do 
no  business.  Ain't  it?  So  we  got  to  cut  our  profits, 
and  that's  the  way  it  goes  in  the  cloak  and 
suit  business.  You  don't  know  where  you  are  at 

152 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

no  more  than  when  you  got  stocks  from  stock 
exchanges.'* 

"Well,  Mr.  Potash,"  Sheitlis  replied  encourag- 
ingly, "next  season  is  next  season,  but  now  is  this 
season,  and  from  the  prices  what  you  quoted  it  me, 
Mr.  Potash,  you  ain't  going  to  the  poorhouse  just 
yet  a  while." 

"I  only  hope  it  that  you  make  more  profit  on  the 
stock  than  we  make  it  on  the  order  you  just  give 
us,"  Abe  rejoined  as  he  shook  his  customer's  hand 
in  token  of  farewell.  "Good-by,  Mr.  Sheitlis,  and 
as  soon  as  I  get  back  in  New  York  I'll  let  you  know 
all  about  it." 

Two  days  after  Abe's  return  to  New  York  he  sat 
in  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  show-room,  going  over 
next  year's  models  as  published  in  the  Daily  Cloak 
and  Suit  Eecord.  His  partner,  Morris  Perlmutter, 
puffed  disconsolately  at  a  cigar  which  a  competitor 
had  given  him  in  exchange  for  credit  information. 

"Them  cigars  what  Klinger  &  Klein  hands  out," 
he  said  to  his  partner,  "has  asbestos  wrappers  and 
excelsior  fillers,  I  bet  yer.  I'd  as  lief  smoke  a  kero- 
sene lamp." 

"You  got  your  worries,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied. 
"Just  look  at  them  next  year's  models,  Mawruss, 
and  a  little  thing  like  cigars  wouldn't  trouble  you  at 
all.  Silk,  soutache  and  buttons  they  got  it,  Maw- 
russ. I  guess  pretty  soon  them  Paris  people  will  be 
getting  out  garments  trimmed  with  solitaire  dia- 
monds. ' ' 

153 


Morris  seized  the  paper  and  examined  the  half- 
tone cuts  with  a  critical  eye. 

"You're  right,  Abe/'  he  said.  "We'll  have  our 
troubles  next  season,  but  we  take  our  profit  on  silk 
goods,  Abe,  the  same  as  we  do  on  cotton  goods. ' ' 

Abe  was  about  to  retort  when  a  wave  of  recollec- 
tion came  over  him,  and  he  clutched  wildly  at  his 
breast  pocket. 

"Ho-ly  smokes!"  he  cried.  "I  forgot  all  about 
it" 

"Forgot  all  about  what?"  Morris  asked. 

"B.  Sheitlis,  of  the  Suffolk  Credit  Outfitting  Com- 
pany," Abe  replied.  "He  give  me  a  stock  in  Pitts- 
burg  last  week,  and  I  forgot  all  about  it." 

"A  stock!"  Morris  exclaimed.  ""What  for  a 
stock?" 

"A  stock  from  the  stock  exchange,"  Abe  replied; 
"a  stock  from  gold  and  silver  mines.  He  wanted  me 
I  should  do  it  a  favor  for  him  and  see  a  stock  broker 
here  and  sell  it  for  him." 

"Well,  that's  pretty  easy,"  Morris  rejoined. 
"There's  lots  of  stock  brokers  in  New  York,  Abe. 
There's  pretty  near  as  many  stock  brokers  as  there 
is  suckers,  Abe." 

"Maybe  there  is,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,  "but  I 
don't  know  any  of  them." 

"No?"  Morris  said.  "Well,  Sol  Klinger,  of 
Klinger  &  Klein,  could  tell  you,  I  guess.  I  seen  him 
in  the  subway  tiiis  morning,  and  he  was  pretty  near 
having  a  fit  over  the  financial  page  of  the  Sun.  T 

154 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

asked  him  if  lie  seen  a  failure  there,  and  he  says  no, 
but  Steel  has  went  up  to  seventy,  maybe  it  was 
eighty.  So  I  says  to  him  he  should  let  Andrew  Car- 
negie worry  about  that,  and  he  says  if  he  would  of 
bought  it  at  forty  he  would  have  been  in  thirty  thou- 
sand dollars  already." 

"Who?"  Abe  asked.    "Andrew  Carnegie?" 

"No,"  Morris  said;  "Sol  Klinger.  So  I  says  to 
him  I  could  get  all  the  excitement  I  wanted  out  of 
auction  pinochle  and  he  says " 

"S 'enough,  Mawruss,"  Abe  broke  in.  "I  heard 
enough  already.  I'll  ring  him  up  and  ask  him  the 
name  of  the  broker  what  does  his  business." 

He  went  to  the  telephone  in  the  back  of  the  store 
and  returned  a  moment  later  and  put  on  his  hat  and 
coat. 

"I  rung  up  Sol,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "and  Sol 
tells  me  that  a  good  broker  is  Gunst  &  Baumer. 
They  got  a  branch  office  over  Hill,  Arkwright  & 
Thompson,  the  auctioneers,  Mawruss.  He  says  a 
young  feller  by  the  name  Milton  Fiedler  is  manager, 
and  if  he  can't  sell  that  stock,  Mawruss,  Sol  says  no- 
body can.  So  I  guess  I'll  go  right  over  and  see  him 
while  I  got  it  in  my  mind. ' ' 

Milton  Fiedler  had  served  an  arduous  apprentice- 
ship before  he  attained  the  position  of  branch  man- 
ager for  Gunst  &  Baumer  in  the  drygoods  district, 
During  the  thirty  odd  years  of  his  life  he  had  been 
in  turn  stockboy,  clothing  salesman,  bookmaker's 
clerk,  faro  dealer,  poolroom  cashier  and,  finally, 

155 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

bucketshop  proprietor.  When  the  police  closed  him 
up  he  sought  employment  with  Gunst  &  Baumer, 
whose  exchange  affiliations  precluded  any  suspicion 
of  bucketing,  but  who,  nevertheless,  did  a  thriving 
business  in  curb  securities  of  the  cat-and-dog  variety, 
and  it  was  in  this  particular  branch  of  the  science  of 
investment  and  speculation  that  Milton  excelled. 
Despite  his  expert  knowledge,  however,  he  was 
slightly  stamped,  as  the  vernacular  has  it,  when  Abe 
Potash  produced  B.  Sheitlis'  stock,  for  in  all  his  buck- 
etshop and  curb  experience  he  had  never  even  heard 
of  the  Texas-Nevada  Gold  and  Silver  Mining  Cor- 
poration. 

"This  is  one  of  those  smaller  mines,  Mr.  Potash," 
he  explained,  "which  sometimes  get  to  be  ph> 
nomenal  profit-makers.  Of  course,  I  can't  tell  you 
offhand  what  the  value  of  the  stock  is,  but  I'll  make 
inquiries  at  once.  The  inside  market  at  present  is 
very  strong,  as  you  know." 

Abe  nodded,  as  he  thought  was  expected  of  him, 
although  "inside"  and  "outside"  markets  were  all 
one  to  him. 

"And  curb  securities  naturally  feel  the  influence 
of  the  bullish  sentiment,"  Fiedler  continued.  "It 
isn't  the  business  of  a  broker  to  try  to  influence  a  cus- 
tomer's choice,  but  I'd  like  you  to  step  outside" — 
they  were  in  the  manager 's  private  office — ' '  and  look 
at  the  quotation  board  for  a  moment.  Interstate 
Copper  is  remarkably  active  this  morning." 

He  led  Abe  into  an  adjoining  room  where  a  tall 

156 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

youth  was  taking  green  cardboard  numbers  from  a 
girdle  which  he  wore,  and  sticking  them  on  the  quota- 
tion board. 

''Hello!"  Fiedler  exclaimed  as  the  youth  affixed  a 
new  number.  "  Interstate  Copper  has  advanced  a 
whole  point  since  two  days  ago.  It's  now  two  and  an 
eighth." 

Simultaneously,  a  young  man  in  the  back  of  the 
room  exclaimed  aloud  in  woeful  profanity. 

"What's  the  matter  with  him?"  Abe  asked. 

"They  play  'em  both  ways — a-hem!"  Fiedler 
corrected  himself  in  time.  '  *  Occasionally  we  have  a 
customer  who  sells  short  of  the  market,  and  then,  of 
course,  if  the  market  goes  up  he  gets  stung — er — he 
sustains  a  loss." 

Here  the  door  opened  and  Sol  Klinger  entered. 
His  bulging  eyes  fell  on  the  quotation  board,  and  at 
once  his  face  spread  into  a  broad  smile. 

'  *  Hello,  Sol ! ' '  Abe  cried.  *  *  You  look  like  you  sold 
a  big  bill  of  goods. ' ' 

* '  I  hope  I  look  better  than  that,  Abe, ' '  Sol  replied. 
"I  make  it  more  on  that  Interstate  Copper  in  two 
days  what  I  could  make  it  on  ten  big  bills  of  goods. 
That's  a  great  property,  Abe." 

"I  think  Mr.  Klinger  will  have  reason  to  congratu- 
late himself  still  more  by  to-morrow,  Mr.  Potash," 
Fiedler  broke  in.  '  *  Interstate  Copper  is  a  stock  with 
an  immediate  future." 

"You  bet,"  Sol  agreed.  "I'm  going  to  hold  on 
to  mine.  It'll  go  up  to  five  inside  of  a  week." 

157 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTER 

The  young  man  from  the  rear  of  the  room  took  the 
two  rows  of  chairs  at  a  jump. 

"Fiedler,'*  he  said,  "I'm  going  to  cover  right 
away.  Buy  me  a  thousand  Interstate  at  the  market. ' ' 

Sol  nudged  Abe,  and  after  the  young  man  and 
Fiedler  had  disappeared  into  the  latter 's  private 
office  Sol  imparted  in  hoarse  whispers  to  Abe  that  the 
young  man  was  reported  to  have  information  from 
the  ground-floor  crowd  about  Interstate  Copper. 

"Well,  if  that's  so,"  Abe  replied,  "why  does  he 
lose  money  on  it?" 

"Because,"  Sol  explained,  "he's  got  an  idee  that 
if  you  act  just  contrariwise  to  the  inside  informa- 
tion what  you  get  it,  why  then  you  come  out  right." 

Abe  shook  his  head  hopelessly. 

"Pinochle,  I  understand  it,"  he  said,  "and  skat  a 
little  also.  But  this  here  stocks  from  stock  ex- 
changes is  worser  than  chest  what  they  play  it  in 
coffee-houses." 

"You  don't  need  to  understand  it,  Abe,"  Sol  re- 
plied. "All  you  do  is  to  buy  a  thousand  Interstate 
Copper  to-day  or  to-morrow  at  any  price  up  to  two 
and  a  half,  Abe,  and  I  give  you  a  guarantee 
that  you  make  twenty-five  hundred  dollars  by  next 
week. ' ' 

When  Abe  returned  to  his  place  of  business  that 
day  he  had  developed  a  typical  case  of  stock- 
gambling  fever,  with  which  he  proceeded  to  inocu- 
late Morris  as  soon  as  the  latter  came  back  from 
lunch.  Abe  at  once  recounted  all  his  experiences  of 

158 


POTASH  &   PERLMUTTEE 

the  morning  and  dwelt  particularly  on  the  phe- 
nomenal rise  of  Interstate  Copper. 

'  *  Sol  says  he  guarantees  that  we  double  our  money 
in  a  week,"  he  concluded. 

"Did  he  say  he  would  put  it  in  writing?"  Morris 
asked. 

Abe  glared  at  Morris  for  an  instant. 

"  Do  you  think  I  am  making  jokes?"  he  rejoined. 
"He  don't  got  to  put  it  in  writing,  Mawruss.  It's  as 
plain  as  the  nose  on  your  face.  We  pay  twenty-five 
hundred  dollars  for  a  thousand  shares  at  two  and  a 
half  to-day,  and  next  week  it  goes  up  to  five  and  we 
sell  it  and  make  it  twenty-five  hundred  dollars. 
Ain't  it?" 

"Who  do  we  sell  it  to?"  Morris  asked. 

Abe  pondered  for  a  moment,  then  his  face  bright- 
ened up. 

"Why,  to  the  stock  exchange,  certainly,"  he  re- 
plied. 

"Must  they  buy  it  from  us,  Abe?"  Morris  in- 
quired. 

"Sure  they  must,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said.  "Ain't 
Sol  Klinger  always  selling  his  stocks  to  them  peo- 
ple?" 

"Well,  Sol  Klinger  got  his  customers,  Abe,  and  we 
got  ours,"  Morris  replied  doubtfully.  "'Maybe 
them  people  would  buy  it  from  Sol  and  wouldn't  buy 
it  from  us." 

For  the  rest  of  the  afternoon  Morris  plied  Abe 
with  questions  about  the  technicalities  of  the  stock 

159 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

market  until  Abe  took  refuge  in  flight  and  went 
home  at  half -past  five.  The  next  morning  Morris  re- 
sumed his  quiz  until  Abe's  replies  grew  personal  in 
character. 

"What's  the  use  of  trying  to  explain  something  to 
nobody  what  don't  understand  nothing?"  he  ex- 
claimed. 

"Maybe  I  don't  understand  it,"  Morris  admitted, 
"but  also  vou  don't  understand  it,  too,  maybe. 
Ain't  it?" 

"I  understand  this  much,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried — 
"I  understand,  Mawruss,  that  if  Sol  Klinger  tells 
me  he  guarantees  it  I  make  twenty-five  hundred  dol- 
lars, and  this  here  Milton  Fiedler,  too,  he  also  says  it, 
and  a  young  feller  actually  with  my  own  eyes  I  see  it 
buys  this  stock  because  he's  got  information  from 
inside  people,  why  shouldn't  we  buy  it  and  make 
money  on  it?  Ain't  it?" 

Morris  was  about  to  reply  when  the  letter  carrier 
entered  with  the  morning  mail.  Abe  took  the  bundle 
of  envelopes,  and  on  the  top  of  the  pile  was  a 
missive  from  Gunst  &  Baumer.  Abe  tore  open  the 
envelope  and  looked  at  the  letter  hurriedly.  "You 
see,  Mawruss,"  he  cried,  "already  it  goes  up  a  six- 
teenth." He  handed  the  letter  to  Morris.  It  read 
as  follows: 

Gentlemen : 

For  your  information  we  beg  to  advise  you  that  Interstate 
Copper  advanced  a  sixteenth  at  the  close  of  the  market  yester- 
day. Should  you  desire  us  to  execute  a  buying  order  in  these 

160 


securities,  we  urge  you  to  let  us  know  before  ten  o'clock  to-mor- 
row morning,  as  we  believe  that  a  sharp  advance  will  follow  the 
opening  of  the  market. 

Truly  yours, 

GUNST  &  BAUMEB, 

Milton  Fiedler,  Mgr. 

"Well,"  Abe  said,  "what  do  you  think,  Maw- 
russ?" 

"Think!"  Morris  cried.  "Why,  I  think  that  he 
ain't  said  nothing  to  us  about  them  gold  and  silver 
stocks  of  B.  Sheitlis',  Abe,  so  I  guess  he  ain't  sold 
'em  yet.  If  he  can't  sell  a  stock  from  gold  and  silver 
already,  Abe,  what  show  do  we  stand  with  a  stock 
from  copper?" 

"That  Sheitlis  stock  is  only  a  small  item,  Maw- 
russ. ' ' 

"Well,  maybe  it  is,"  Morris  admitted,  "but  just 
you  ring  up  and  ask  him.  Then,  if  we  find  that  he 
sold  that  gold  and  silver  stock  we  take  a  chance  on 
the  copper." 

Abe  hastened  to  the  telephone  in  the  rear  of  the 
store. 

"Listen,  Abe,"  Morris  called  after  him,  "tell  him 
it  should  be  no  dating  or  discount,  strictly  net  cash. ' ' 

In  less  than  a  minute,  Abe  was  conversing  with 
Fiedler. 

"Mr.  Fiedler!"  he  said.  "Hello,  Mr.  Fiedler! 
Is  this  you!  Yes.  Well,  me  and  Mawruss  is  about 
decided  to  buy  a  thousand  of  them  stocks  what  you 
showed  me  down  at  your  store — at  your  office  yester- 

161 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER. 

day,  only,  Mawruss  says,  why  should  we  buy  them 
goods — them  stocks  if  you  ain't  sold  that  other  stocks 
already.  First,  he  says,  you  should  sell  them  stocks 
from  gold  and  silver,  Mr.  Fiedler,  and  then  we  buy 
them  copper  ones." 

Mr.  Fiedler,  at  the  other  end  of  the  'phone,  hesi- 
tated before  replying.  The  Texas-Nevada  Gold  and 
Silver  Mining  Corporation  was  a  paper  mine  that 
had  long  since  faded  from  the  memory  of  every 
bucketshop  manager  he  knew,  and  its  stock  was  worth 
absolutely  nothing.  Yet  Gunst  &  Baumer,  as  the 
promoters  of  Interstate  Copper,  would  clear  at  least 
two  thousand  dollars  by  the  sale  of  the  stock  to  Abe 
and  Morris ;  hence,  Fiedler  took  a  gambler 's  chance. 

""Why,  Mr.  Potash,"  he  said,  "a  boy  is  already  on 
the  way  to  your  store  with  a  check  for  that  very 
stock.  I  sold  it  for  three  hundred  dollars  and  I  sent 
you  a  check  for  two  hundred  and  seventy-five  dol- 
lars. Twenty-five  dollars  is  our  usual  charge  for 
selling  a  hundred  shares  of  stock  that  ain't  quoted 
on  the  curb." 

"Much  obliged,  Mr.  Fiedler,"  Abe  said.  "I'll  be 
down  there  with  a  check  for  twenty-five  hundred. ' ' 

"All  right,"  Mr.  Fiedler  replied.  "I'll  go  ahead 
and  buy  the  stock  for  your  account. ' ' 

"Well,"  Abe  said,  "don't  do  that  until  I  come 
down.  I  got  to  fix  it  up  with  my  partner  first,  Mr. 
Fiedler,  and  just  as  soon  as  I  can  get  there  I'll  bring 
you  the  check." 

Twenty  minutes  after  Abe  had  rung  off  a  messen- 

162 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

ger  arrived  with  a  check  for  two  hundred  and 
seventy-five  dollars,  and  Morris  included  it  in  the 
morning  deposits  which  he  was  about  to  send  over  to 
the  Kosciusko  Bank. 

" While  you're  doing  that,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said, 
"you  might  as  well  draw  a  check  for  twenty-five  hun- 
dred dollars  for  that  stock." 

Morris  grunted. 

"That's  going  to  bring  down  our  balance  a  whole 
lot,  Abe,"  he  said. 

* '  Only  for  a  week,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  corrected, '  *  and 
then  we'll  sell  it  again." 

"Whose  order  do  I  write  it  to,  Abe?"  Morris  in- 
quired. 

"I  forgot  to  ask  that,"  Abe  replied. 

"Gunst  &  Baumer?"  Morris  asked. 

"They  ain't  the  owners  of  it,  Mawruss,"  said  Abe. 
"They're  only  the  brokers." 

"Maybe  Sol  Klinger  is  selling  it  to  the  stock- 
exchange  people  and  they're  selling  it  to  us,"  Mor- 
ris suggested. 

"Sol  Klinger  ain't  going  to  sell  his.  He's  going 
to  hang  on  to  it.  Maybe  it's  this  young  feller  what 
I  see  there,  Mawruss,  only  I  don 't  know  his  name. ' ' 

"Well,  then,  I'll  make  it  out  to  Potash  &  Perlmut- 
ter,  and  you  can  indorse  it  when  you  get  there, ' '  said 
Morris. 

At  this  juncture  a  customer  entered,  and  Abe  took 
him  into  the  show-room,  while  Morris  wrote  out  the 
check.  For  almost  an  hour  and  a  half  Abe  displayed 

163 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

the  firm's  line,  from  which  the  customer  selected  a 
generous  order,  and  when  at  last  Abe  was  free  to  go 
down  to  Gunst  &  Baumer's  it  was  nearly  twelve 
o'clock.  He  put  on  his  hat  and  coat,  and  jumped 
on  a  passing  car,  and  it  was  not  until  he  had  traveled 
two  blocks  that  he  remembered  the  check.  He  ran 
all  the  way  back  to  the  store  and,  tearing  the  check 
out  of  the  checkbook  where  Morris  had  left  it,  he 
dashed  out  again  and  once  more  boarded  a  Broad- 
way car.  In  front  of  Gunst  &  Baumer's  offices  he 
leaped  wildly  from  the  car  to  the  street,  and,  escap- 
ing an  imminent  fire  engine  and  a  hosecart,  he  ran 
into  the  doorway  and  took  the  stairs  three  at  a  jump. 

On  the  second  floor  of  the  building  was  Hill,  Ark- 
wright  &  Thompson's  salesroom,  where  a  trade  sale 
was  in  progress,  and  the  throng  of  buyers  collected 
there  overflowed  onto  the  landing,  but  Abe  elbowed 
his  way  through  the  crowd  and  made  the  last  flight  in 
two  seconds. 

"Is  Mr.  Fiedler  in?"  he  gasped  as  he  burst  into 
the  manager's  office  of  Gunst  &  Baumer's  suite. 

* '  Mr.  Fiedler  went  out  to  lunch, ' '  the  office-boy  re- 
plied. "He  says  you  should  sit  down  and  wait,  and 
he  '11  be  back  in  ten  minutes. ' ' 

But  Abe  was  too  nervous  for  sitting  down,  and  the 
thought  of  the  customers'  room  with  its  quotation 
board  only  agitated  him  the  more. 

"I  guess  I'll  go  downstairs  to  Hill,  Arkwright  & 
Thompson 's, ' '  he  said,  * '  and  give  a  look  around.  I  '11 
be  back  in  ten  minutes. " 

164 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

He  descended  the  stairs  leisurely  and  again 
elbowed  his  way  through  the  crowd  into  the  sales- 
room of  Hill,  Arkwright  &  Thompson.  Mr.  Ark- 
wright  was  on  the  rostrum,  and  as  Abe  entered  he 
was  announcing  the  next  lot. 

"Look  at  them  carefully,  gentlemen,"  he  said. 
"An  opportunity  like  this  seldom  arises.  They  are 
all  fresh  goods,  woven  this  season  for  next  season's 
business — foulard  silks  of  exceptionally  good  design 
and  quality." 

At  the  word  silks  Abe  started  and  made  at  once  for 
the  tables  on  which  the  goods  were  piled.  He  ex- 
amined them  critically,  and  as  he  did  so  his  mind  re- 
verted to  the  half-tone  cuts  in  the  Daily  Cloak  and 
Suit  Record.  Here  was  a  rare  chance  to  lay  in  a 
stock  of  piece  goods  that  might  not  recur  for  several 
years,  certainly  not  before  next  season  had  passed. 

"It's  to  close  an  estate,  gentlemen,"  Mr.  Ark- 
wright continued.  ' '  The  proprietor  of  the  mills  died 
recently,  and  his  executors  have  decided  to  wind  up 
the  business.  All  these  silk  foulards  will  be  offered 
as  one  lot.  "What  is  the  bid!" 

Immediately  competition  became  fast  and  furious, 
and  Abe  entered  into  it  with  a  zest  and  excitement 
that  completely  eclipsed  all  thought  of  stock  ex- 
changes or  copper  shares.  The  bids  rose  by  leaps 
and  bounds,  and  when,  half  an  hour  later,  Abe 
emerged  from  the  fray  his  collar  was  melted  to  the 
consistency  of  a  pocket  handkerchief,  but  the  light  of 
victory  shone  through  his  perspiration.  He  was  the 

CX— Potash  &  Perlmutttr.  165 


purchaser  of  the  entire  lot,  and  by  token  of 
his  ownership  he  indorsed  the  twenty-five-hundred- 
dollar  check  to  the  order  of  Hill,  Arkwright  & 
Thompson. 

The  glow  of  battle  continued  with  Abe  until  he 
reached  the  show-room  of  his  own  place  of  business 
at  two  o'clock. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "did  you  buy  the 
stock?" 

"Huh?"  Abe  exclaimed,  and  then,  for  the  first 
time  since  he  saw  the  silk  foulards,  he  remembered 
Interstate  Copper. 

"I  was  to  Wasserbauer's  Restaurant  for  lunch," 
Morris  continued,  '  *  and  in  the  cafe  I  seen  that  thing 
what  the  baseball  comes  out  of  it,  Abe." 

"The  tickler,"  Abe  croaked. 

"That's  it,"  Morris  went  on.  "Also,  Sol  Klinger 
was  looking  at  it,  and  he  told  me  Interstate  Copper 
was  up  to  three  already." 

Abe  sat  down  in  a  chair  and  passed  his  hand  over 
his  forehead. 

"That's  the  one  time  when  you  give  it  us  good  ad- 
vice, Abe, ' '  said  Morris.  ' l  Sol  says  we  may  make  it 
three  thousand  dollars  yet." 

Abe  nodded.  He  licked  his  dry  lips  and  essayed 
to  speak,  but  the  words  of  confession  would  not 
come. 

"It  was  a  lucky  day  for  us,  Abe,  when  you  seen 
B.  Sheitlis,"  Morris  continued.  "Of  course,  I  ain't 
saying  it  was  all  luck,  Abe,  because  it  wasn't.  If  you 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

hadn't  seen  the  opportunity,  Abe,  and  practically 
made  me  go  into  it,  I  wouldn't  of  done  nothing, 
Abe." 

Abe  nodded  again.  If  the  guilt  he  felt  inwardly 
had  expressed  itself  in  his  face  there  would  have  been 
no  need  of  confession.  At  length  he  braced  himself 
to  tell  it  all ;  but  just  as  he  cleared  his  throat  by  way 
of  prelude  Morris  was  summoned  to  the  cutting-room 
and  remained  there  until  closing-time.  Thus,  when 
Abe  went  home  his  secret  remained  locked  up  within 
his  breast,  nor  did  he  find  it  a  comfortable  burden, 
for  when  he  looked  at  the  quotations  of  curb  securi- 
ties in  the  evening  paper  he  found  that  Interstate  Cop- 
per had  closed  at  four  and  a  half,  after  a  total  day's 
business  of  sixty  thousand  shares. 

The  next  morning  Abe  reached  his  store  more  than 
two  hours  after  his  usual  hour.  He  had  rolled  on  his 
pillow  all  night,  and  it  was  almost  day  before  he  could 
sleep. 

"Why,  Abe,"  Morris  cried  when  he  saw  him, 
"you  look  sick.  What's  the  matter?" 

"I  feel  mean,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "I  guess  I 
eat  something  what  disagrees  with  me." 

Ordinarily,  Morris  would  have  made  rejoinder  to 
the  effect  that  when  a  man  reached  Abe's  age  he 
ought  to  know  enough  to  take  care  of  his  stomach; 
but  Morris  had  devoted  himself  to  the  financial  col- 
umn of  a  morning  newspaper  on  his  way  downtown, 
and  his  feelings  toward  his  partner  were  mollified  in 
proportion. 

IflT 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

' '  That  'a  too  bad,  Abe, ' '  he  said.  ' '  Why  don  't  yon 
see  a  doctor?" 

Abe  shook  his  head  and  was  about  to  reply  when 
the  telephone  bell  rang. 

"That's  Sol  Klinger,"  Morris  exclaimed.  "He 
said  he  would  let  me  know  at  ten  o'clock  what  this 
Interstate  Copper  opened  at." 

He  darted  for  the  telephone  in  the  rear  of  the  store, 
and  when  he  returned  his  face  was  wreathed  in 
smiles. 

"It  has  come  up  to  five  already,"  he  cried.  "We 
make  it  twenty-five  hundred  dollars." 

While  Morris  was  talking  over  the  'phone  Abe 
had  been  trying  to  bring  his  courage  to  the  stick- 
ing point,  and  the  confession  was  on  the  very  tip 
of  his  tongue  when  the  news  which  Morris  brought 
forced  it  back  again.  He  rose  wearily  to  his  feet. 

"I  guess  you  think  we're  getting  rich  quick, 
Mawruss,"  he  said,  and  repaired  to  the  book- 
keeper's desk  in  the  firm's  private  office.  For  the 
next  two  hours  and  a  half  he  dodged  about,  with 
one  eye  on  Morris  and  the  other  on  the  rear  en- 
trance to  the  store.  He  expected  the  silk  to  arrive 
at  any  moment,  and  he  knew  that  when  it  did  the 
jig  would  be  up.  It  was  with  a  sigh  of  relief  that 
he  saw  Morris  go  out  to  lunch  at  half-past  twelve, 
and  almost  immediately  afterward  Hill,  Arkwright 
&  Thompson's  truckman  arrived  with  the  good:;. 
Abe  superintended  the  disposal  of  the  packing 
cases  in  the  cutting-room,  and  he  was  engaged  in 

168 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

opening  them  when  Miss  Cohen,  the  bookkeeper, 
entered. 

"Mr.  Potash,"  she  said,  "Mr.  Perlmutter  wants 
to  see  you  in  the  show-room." 

"Did  he  come  back  from  lunch  so  soon?"  Abe 
asked. 

"He  came  in  right  after  he  went  out,"  she  re- 
plied. "I  guess  he  must  be  sick.  He  looks  sick." 

Abe  turned  pale. 

"I  guess  he  found  it  out,"  he  said  to  himself  as 
he  descended  the  stairs  and  made  for  the  show- 
room. When  he  entered  he  found  Morris  seated  in 
a  chair  with  the  first  edition  of  an  evening  paper 
clutched  in  his  hand. 

"What's  the  matter,  Mawruss?"  Abe  said. 

Morris  gulped  once  or  twice  and  made  a  feeble 
attempt  to  brandish  the  paper. 

"Matter?"  he  croaked.  "Nothing's  the  matter. 
Only,  we  are  out  twenty-five  hundred  dollars. 
That's  all." 

"No,  we  ain't,  Mawruss,"  Abe  protested.  "What 
we  are  out  in  one  way  we  make  in  another." 

Morris  sought  to  control  himself,  but  his  pent-up 
emotions  gave  themselves  vent. 

"We  do,  hey?"  he  roared.  "Well,  maybe  you 
think  because  I  took  your  fool  advice  this  oncet  that 
I'll  do  it  again?" 

He  grew  red  in  the  face. 

"Gambler!"  he  yelled.  "Fool!  You  shed  my 
blood!  What?  You  want  to  ruin  me!  Hey?" 

169 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEE 

Abe  had  expected  a  tirade,  but  nothing  half  as 
violent  as  this. 

"Mawruss,"  he  said  soothingly,  "don't  take  it 
so  particular." 

He  might  as  well  have  tried  to  stem  Niagara  with 
a  shovel. 

"Ain't  the  cloak  and  suit  business  good  enough 
for  you?"  Morris  went  on.  "Must  you  go  throw- 
ing away  money  on  stocks  from  stock  exchanges'?" 

Abe  scratched  his  head.  These  rhetorical  ques- 
tions hardly  fitted  the  situation,  especially  the  one 
about  throwing  away  money. 

"Look-y  here,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "if  you  think 
you  scare  me  by  this  theayter  acting  you're  mis- 
taken. Just  calm  yourself,  Mawruss,  and  tell  me 
what  you  heard  it.  I  ain't  heard  nothing." 

For  answer  Morris  handed  him  the  evening  paper. 

"Sensational  Failure  in  Wall  Street,"  was  the 
red-letter  legend  on  the  front  page.  With  bulging 
eyes  Abe  took  in  the  import  of  the  leaded  type  which 
disclosed  the  news  that  Gunst  &  Baumer,  promoters 
of  Interstate  Copper,  having  boosted  its  price  to 
five,  were  overwhelmed  by  a  flood  of  profit-taking. 
To  support  their  stock  Gunst  &  Baumer  were  obliged 
to  buy  in  all  the  Interstate  offered  at  five,  and  when 
at  length  their  resources  gave  out  they  announced 
their  suspension.  Interstate  immediately  collapsed 
and  sold  down  in  less  than  a  quarter  of  an  hour  from 
five  bid,  five  and  a  thirty-second  asked,  to  a  quarter 
bid,  three-eighths  asked. 

170 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

Abe  handed  back  the  paper  to  Morris  and  lit  » 
cigar. 

"For  a  man  what  has  just  played  his  partner  for 
a  sucker,  Abe,"  Morris  said,  "you  take  it  nice  and 
quiet. ' ' 

Abe  puffed  slowly  before  replying. 

"After  all,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "I  was  right." 

"You  was  right?"  Morris  exclaimed.  "What 
d'ye  mean?" 

"I  mean,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "I  figured  it 
out  right.  I  says  to  myself  when  I  got  that  check 
for  twenty-five  hundred  dollars:  If  I  buy  this  here 
stock  from  stock  exchanges  and  we  make  money 
Mawruss  will  go  pretty  near  crazy.  He'll  want  to 
buy  it  the  whole  stock  exchange  full  from  stocks, 
and  in  the  end  it  will  bust  us.  On  the  other  hand, 
Mawruss,  I  figured  it  out  that  if  we  bought  this 
here  stock  and  lose  money  on  it,  then  Mawruss  11  go 
crazy  also,  and  want  to  murder  me  or  something." 

He  paused  and  puffed  again  at  his  cigar. 

"So,  Mawruss,"  he  concluded,  "I  went  down  to 
Gunst  &  Baumer's  building,  Mawruss;  but  instead 
of  going  to  Gunst  &  Baumer,  Mawruss,  I  went  one 
flight  lower  down  to  Hill,  Arkwright  &  Thompson's, 
Mawruss,  and  I  didn't  buy  it  Interstate  Cop- 
per, Mawruss,  but  I  bought  it  instead  silk  foulards. 
Mawruss — seventy-five  hundred  dollars'  worth  for 
twenty-five  hundred  dollars,  and  it's  laying  right 
now  up  in  the  cutting-room." 

He  leaned  back  in  his  chair  and  triumphantly 

171 


N 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

'surveyed  his  partner,  who  had  collapsed  Into  a 
crushed  and  perspiring  heap. 

"So,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "I  am  a  gambler.  Hey? 
I  shed  your  blood?  "What?  I  ruin  you  with  my 
fool  advice?  Ain't  it?" 

Morris  raised  a  protesting  hand. 

"Abe,"  he  murmured  huskily,  "I  done  you  an 
injury.  It's  me  what's  the  fool.  I  was  carried 
away  by  B.  Sheitlis'  making  his  money  so  easy." 

Abe  jumped  to  his  feet. 

"Ho-ly  smokes!"  he  cried  and  dashed  out  of  the 
showroom  to  the  telephone  in  the  rear  of  the 
store.  He  returned  a  moment  later  with  his  cigar 
at  a  rakish  angle  to  his  jutting  lower  lip. 

"It's  all  right,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "I  rung  up 
the  Kosciusko  Bank  and  the  two-hundred-and- 
seventy-five-dollar  check  went  through  all  right." 

"Sure  it  did,"  Morris  replied,  his  drooping  spirits 
once  more  revived.  * '  I  deposited  it  at  eleven  o  'clock 
yesterday  morning.  I  don't  take  no  chances  on  get- 
ting stuck,  Abe,  and  I  only  hope  you  didn't  get 
stuck  on  them  foulards,  neither." 

Abe  grinned  broadly. 

"You  needn't  worry  about  that,  Mawruss,"  he 
replied.  "Stocks  from  stock  exchanges  maybe  I 
don't  know  it,  Mawruss;  but  stocks  from  silk  fou- 
lards I  do  know  it,  Mawruss,  and  don't  you  forget 
it." 


172 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEE 


CHAPTEE  IX 

SOL  KLINGEE  must  think  he  ain't  taking 
chances  enough  in  these  here  stocks,  Maw- 
russ," Abe  Potash  remarked  a  week  after 
Ihe  slump  in  Interstate  Copper.  "He  got  to  hire  a 
drummer  by  the  name  Walsh  yet.  That  feller's 
idee  of  entertaining  a  customer  is  to  go  into  Was- 
serbauer's  and  to  drink  all  the  schnapps  in  stock. 
I  bet  yer  when  Walsh  gets  through,  he  don't  know 
which  is  the  customer  and  which  is  the  bartender 
already. ' ' 

"You  got  to  treat  a  customer  right,  Abe,"  Morris 
commented,  "because  nowadays  we  are  up  against 
some  stiff  competition.  You  take  this  here  new  con- 
cern, Abe,  the  Small  Drygoods  Company  of  Walla 
Walla,  Washington,  Abe,  and  Klinger  &  Klein 
ain't  lost  no  time.  Sol  tells  me  this  morning  that 
them  Small  people  start  in  with  a  hundred  thou- 
sand capital  all  paid  in.  Sol  says  also  their  buyer 
James  Burke  which  they  send  it  East  comes  from 
the  same  place  in  the  old  country  as  this  here  Frank 
Walsh,  and  I  guess  we  got  to  hustle  if  we  want 
to  get  his  trade,  ain't  it?" 

"Because  a  customer  is  a  Landsmann  of  mine, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,  "ain't  no  reason  why  I 
shall  sell  him  goods,  Mawruss.  If  I  could  sell  all 
my  Landsleute  what  is  in  the  cloak  and  suit  busi- 

173 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEB 

ness,  Mawruss,  we  would  be  doing  a  million-dollar 
business  a  month,  ain't  it?" 

At  this  juncture  Morris  drew  on  his  imagination. 
"I  hear  it  also,  Abe,"  he  hinted  darkly,  "that  this 
here  James  Burke,  what  the  Small  Drygoods  Com- 
pany sends  East,  is  related  by  marriage  to  this  here 
Walsh's  wife." 

"Wives'  relations  is  nix,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied. 
"I  got  enough  with  wives'  relations.  When  me  and 
my  Rosie  gets  married  her  mother  was  old  man 
Smolinski's  a  widow.  He  made  an  honest  failure  of 
it  in  the  customer  peddler  business  in  eighteen  eighty- 
five,  and  the  lodge  money  was  pretty  near  gone  when 
I  got  into  the  family.  Then  my  wife's  mother  gives 
my  wife's  brother,  Scheuer  Smolinski,  ten  dollars  to 
go  out  and  buy  some  schnapps  for  the  wedding,  and 
that's  the  last  we  see  of  him,  Mawruss.  But  Rosie 
and  me  gets  married,  anyhow,  and  takes  the  old 
lady  to  live  with  us,  and  the  first  thing  you  know, 
Mawruss,  she  gets  sick  on  us  and  dies,  with  a  pro- 
fessor and  two  trained  nurses  at  my  expense,  and 
that's  the  way  it  goes,  Mawruss." 

He  rose  to  his  feet  and  helped  himself  to  a  cigar 
from  the  L  to  N  first  and  second  credit  customers' 
box. 

"No,  Mawruss,"  he  concluded,  "if  you  can't  sell 
a  man  goods  on  their  merits,  Mawruss,  you'll  never 
get  him  to  take  them  because  your  wife  is  related 
by  marriage  to  his  wife.  Ain't  it?  We  got  a  good 
line.  Mawruss,  and  we  stand  a  show  to  sell  our 

174 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

goods  without  no  theayters  nor  dinners  nor  noth- 
ing." 

Morris  shrugged  his  shoulders.  "All  right,  Abe," 
he  said,  "you  can  do  what  you  like  about  it,  but  I 
already  bought  it  two  tickets  for  Saturday  night." 

"Of  course,  if  you  like  to  go  to  shows,  Mawruss," 
Abe  declared  as  he  rose  to  his  feet,  "I  can't  stop 
you.  Only  one  thing  I  got  to  say  it,  Mawruss — if 
you  think  you  should  charge  that  up  to  the  firm's 
expense  account,  all  I  got  to  say  is  you're  mistaken, 
that's  all." 

Abe  strode  out  of  the  show-room  before  a  retort 
could  formulate  itself,  so  Morris  struggled  into  his 
overcoat  instead  and  made  for  the  store  door.  As 
he  reached  it  his  eye  fell  on  the  clock  over  Wasser- 
bauer's  Cafe  on  the  other  side  of  the  street.  The 
hands  pointed  to  two  o'clock,  and  he  broke  into  a 
run,  for  the  Southwestern  Flyer  which  bore  the  per- 
son of  James  Burke  was  due  at  the  Grand  Central 
Station  at  two-ten.  Fifteen  minutes  later  Morris 
darted  out  of  the  subway  exit  at  Forty-second  Street 
and  imminently  avoided  being  run  down  by  a  han- 
som. Indeed,  the  vehicle  came  to  a  halt  so  suddenly 
that  the  horse  reared  on  its  haunches,  while  a  flood 
of  profanity  from  the  driver  testified  to  the  near- 
ness of  Morris'  escape.  Far  from  being  grateful, 
however,  Morris  paused  on  the  curb  and  was  about 
to  retaliate  in  kind  when  one  of  the  two  male  oc- 
cupants of  the  hansom  leaned  forward  and  poked  a 
derisive  finger  at  him. 

175 


"What's  the  hurry,  Morris!"  said  the  passenger. 

Morris  looked  up  and  gasped,  for  in  that  fleeting 
moment  he  recognized  his  tormentor.  It  was  Frank 
"Walsh,  and  although  Morris  saw  only  the  features 
of  his  competitor  it  needed  no  Sherlock  Holmes  to 
deduce  that  Frank's  fellow-passenger  was  none 
other  than  James  Burke,  buyer  for  the  Small  Dry- 
goods  Company. 

Two  hours  later  he  returned  to  the  store,  for  he 
had  seized  the  opportunity  of  visiting  some  of  the 
firm's  retail  trade  while  uptown,  and  when  he  came 
in  he  found  Abe  sorting  a  pile  of  misses '  reefers. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried,  "you  look  worried." 

"I  bet  you  I'm  worried,  Abe,"  he  said.  "You 
and  your  wife's  relations  done  it.  Two  thousand 
dollars  thrown  away  in  the  street.  I  got  to  the 
Grand  Central  Station  just  in  time  to  get  there  too 
late,  Abo.  This  here  Walsh  was  ahead  of  me  al- 
ready, and  he  took  Burke  away  in  a  hansom.  When 
I  come  out  of  the  subway  they  pretty  near  run  over 
me,  Abe." 

"A  competitor  will  do  anything,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
said  sympathetically.  "But  don't  you  worry. 
There's  just  as  big  fish  swimming  in  the  sea  as 
what  they  sell  by  fish  markets,  Mawruss.  Bigger 
even.  We  ain't  going  to  fail  yet  a  while  just  be- 
cause we  lose  the  Small  Drygoods  Company  for  a 
customer." 

"We  ain't  lost  'em  yet,  Abe,"  Morris  rejoined, 
and  without  taking  off  his  coat  he  repaired  to  Was- 

176 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEE 

serbauer's  Restaurant  and  Cafe  for  a  belated 
lunch.  As  he  entered  he  encountered  Frank 
Walsh,  who  had  been  congratulating  himself  at  the 
bar. 

"Hello,  Morris,"  he  cried.  "I  cut  you  out,  didn't 
I?" 

"You  cut  me  out?"  Morris  replied  stiffly.  "I 
don't  know  what  you  mean." 

"Of  course  you  don't,"  Walsh  broke  in  heartily. 
*'I  suppose  you  was  hustling  to  the  Grand  Central 
Station  just  because  you  wanted  to  watch  the  en- 
gines. Well,  I  won't  crow  over  you,  Morris.  Bet- 
ter luck  next  time!" 

His  words  fell  on  unheeding  ears,  for  Morris  was 
busily  engaged  in  looking  around  him.  He  sought 
features  that  might  possibly  belong  to  James  Burke, 
but  Frank  seemed  to  be  the  only  representative  of 
the  Emerald  Isle  present,  and  Morris  proceeded  to 
the  restaurant  in  the  rear. 

"I  suppose  he  turned  him  over  to  Klinger,"  he 
said  to  himself,  while  from  the  vantage  of  his  table 
he  saw  Frank  Walsh  buy  cigars  and  pass  out  into 
the  street  in  company  with  another  drummer  not  of 
Irish  extraction. 

He  finished  his  lunch  without  appetite,  and  when 
he  reentered  the  store  Abe  walked  forward  to  greet 
him. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "I  seen  Sol  Klinger 
coming  down  the  street  a  few  minutes  ago,  so  I 
kinder  naturally  just  stood  out  on  the  sidewalk  till 

177 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

he  comes  past,  Mawmss.  I  saw  he  ain't  looking 
any  too  pleased,  so  I  asked  him  what's  the  trouble; 
and  he  says,  nothing,  only  that  Frank  Walsh,  what 
they  got  it  for  a  drummer,  eats  'em  up  with  ex- 
penses. So  I  says,  How  so  ?  And  he  says,  this  here 
Walsh  has  a  customer  by  the  name  of  Burke  come 
to  town,  and  the  first  thing  you  know,  he  spends  it 
three  dollars  for  a  cab  for  Burke,  and  five  dollars 
for  lunch  for  Burke,  and  also  ten  dollars  for  two 
tickets  for  a  show  for  Burke,  before  this  here  Burke 
is  in  town  two  hours  already.  Klinger  looked  pretty 
sore  about  it,  Mawruss." 

"What  show  is  he  taking  Burke  to?"  Morris 
asked. 

"It  ain't  a  show  exactly,"  Abe  replied  hastily; 
"it's  a  prize-fight." 

"A  fight!"  Morris  cried.  "That's  an  idea,  ain't 
it? — to  take  a  customer  to  a  fight." 

"I  know  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  rejoined,  "but  you  got 
to  remember  that  the  customer 's  name  is  also  Burke. 
What  for  a  show  did  you  buy  it  tickets  for  1 ' ' 

Morris  blushed.    "  Trawy-ayter, "  he  murmured. 

"Trawy-ayter!"  Abe  replied.  "Why,  that's  an 
opera,  ain't  it!" 

Morris  nodded.  He  had  intended  to  combine  busi- 
ness with  pleasure  by  taking  Burke  to  hear  Tetraz- 
zini. 

"Well,  you  got  your  idees,  too,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
continued;  "and  I  don't  know  that  they're  much  bet 
ter  as  this  here  Walsh's  idees." 

178 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

"Ain't  they,  Abe?"  Morris  replied.  "Well, 
maybe  they  ain't,  Abe.  But  just  because  I  got  a 
loafer  for  a  customer  ain't  no  reason  why  I  should 
be  a  loafer  myself,  Abe." 

"Must  you  take  a  customer  to  a  show,  Mawruss?" 
Abe  rejoined.  "Is  there  a  law  compelling  it,  Maw- 
russ  f ' ' 

Morris  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"Anyhow,  Abe,"  he  said,  "I  don't  see  that  you  got 
any  kick  coming,  because  I'm  going  to  give  them 
tickets  to  you  and  Rosie,  Abe,  and  youse  two  can  take 
in  the  show." 

"And  where  are  you  going,  Mawruss?" 

"Me?"  Morris  replied.  "I'm  going  to  a  prize- 
fighting, Abe.  I  don't  give  up  so  easy  as  all  that." 

On  his  way  home  that  night  Morris  consulted  an 
evening  paper,  and  when  he  turned  to  the  sporting 
page  he  found  the  upper  halves  of  seven  columns 
effaced  by  a  huge  illustration  executed  in  the  best 
style  of  Jig,  the  Sporting  Cartoonist.  In  the  left- 
hand  corner  crouched  Slogger  Atkins,  the  English 
lightweight,  while  opposite  to  him  in  the  right-hand 
corner  stood  Young  Kilrain,  poised  in  an  attitude  of 
defense.  Underneath  was  the  legend,  "The  Con- 
testants in  Tomorrow  Night's  Battle."  By  refer- 
ence to  Jig's  column  Morris  ascertained  that  the 
scene  of  the  fight  would  be  at  the  Polygon  Club's 
new  arena  in  the  vicinity  of  Harlem  Bridge,  and  at 
half  past  eight  Saturday  night  he  alighted  from  a 
Third  Avenue  L  train  at  One  Hundred  and  Twenty- 

ir* 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

ninth  Street  and  followed  the  crowd  that  poured  over 
the  bridge. 

It  was  nine  o'clock  before  Morris  gained  admission 
to  the  huge  frame  structure  that  housed  the  arena  of 
the  Polygon  Club.  Having  just  paid  five  dollars  as 
a  condition  precedent  to  membership  in  good  stand- 
ing, he  took  his  seat  amid  a  dense  fog  of  tobacco 
smoke  and  peered  around  him  for  Frank  Walsh  and 
his  customer.  At  length  he  discerned  Walsh's  stal- 
wart figure  at  the  right  hand  of  a  veritable  giant, 
whose  square  jaw  and  tip-tilted  nose  would  have  pro- 
claimed the  customer,  even  though  Walsh  had  not 
assiduously  plied  him  with  cigars  and  engaged  him 
continually  in  animated  conversation.  They  were 
seated  well  down  toward  the  ring,  while  Morris  found 
a  place  directly  opposite  them  and  watched  their 
every  movement.  When  they  laughed  Morris 
scowled,  and  once  when  the  big  man  slapped  his 
thigh  in  uproarious  appreciation  of  one  of  Walsh's 
stories  Morris  fairly  turned  green  with  envy. 

Morris  watched  with  a  jaundiced  eye  the  manner 
in  which  Frank  Walsh  radiated  good  humor.  Not 
only  did  Walsh  hand  out  cigars  to  the  big  man,  but 
also  he  proffered  them  to  the  person  who  sat  next  to 
him  on  the  other  side.  This  man  Morris  recognized 
as  the  drummer  who  had  been  in  Wasserbauer  's  with 
Frank  on  the  previous  day. 

" Letting  him  in  on  it,  too,"  Morris  said  to  himself. 
"What  show  do  I  stand?" 

The  first  of   the  preliminary  bouts  began.    The 

180 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

combatants  were  announced  as  Pig  Flanagan  and 
Tom  Evans,  the  Welsh  coal-miner.  It  seemed  to 
Morris  that  he  had  seen  Evans  somewhere  before, 
but  as  this  was  his  initiation  into  the  realms  of  pugil- 
ism he  concluded  that  it  was  merely  a  chance  resem- 
blance and  dismissed  the  matter  from  his  mind. 

The  opening  bout  more  than  realized  Morris '  con- 
ception of  the  sport's  brutality,  for  Pig  Flanagan  was 
what  the  cognoscenti  call  a  good  bleeder,  and  during 
the  first  second  of  the  fight  he  fulfilled  his  reputation 
at  the  instance  of  a  light  tap  from  his  opponent's  left. 
There  are  some  people  who  cannot  stand  the  sight 
of  blood ;  Morris  was  one  of  them,  and  the  drummer 
on  Frank  Walsh's  right  was  another.  Both  he  and 
Morris  turned  pale,  but  the  big  man  on  Walsh's  left 
roared  his  approbation. 

"Eat  him  up!"  he  bellowed,  and  at  every  fresh 
hemorrhage  from  Mr.  Flanagan  he  rocked  and 
swayed  in  an  ecstasy  of  enjoyment.  For  three  crim- 
son rounds  Pig  Flanagan  and  Tom  Evans  continued 
their  contest,  but  even  a  good  bleeder  must  run  dry 
eventually,  and  in  the  first  half  of  the  fourth  round 
Pig  took  the  count. 

By  this  time  the  arena  was  swimming  in  Morris ' 
nauseated  vision,  while,  as  for  the  drummer  on 
Frank's  right,  he  closed  his  eyes  and  wiped  a  clammy 
perspiration  from  his  forehead.  The  club  meeting 
proceeded,  however,  despite  the  stomachs  of  its 
weaker  members,  and  the  next  bout  commenced  with 
a  rush.  It  was  advertised  in  advance  by  Morris ' 

13— Potash  &  Perlmulter.  181 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

neighboring  seatholders  as  a  scientific  contest,  but  in 
pugilism,  as  in  surgery,  science  is  often  gory.  In 
this  instance  a  scientific  white  man  hit  a  colored 
savant  squarely  on  the  nose,  with  the  inevitable  san- 
guinary result,  and  as  though  by  a  prearranged  sig- 
nal Morris  and  the  drummer  on  Walsh's  right  started 
for  the  door.  In  vain  did  Walsh  seize  his  neighbor 
by  the  coat-tail.  The  latter  shook  himself  loose,  and 
he  and  Morris  reached  the  sidewalk  together. 

"T'phooie!"  said  the  drummer.  "That's  an 
amusement  for  five  dollars." 

Morris  wiped  his  face  and  gasped  like  a  landed 
fish.  At  length  he  recovered  his  composure.  "I 
seen  you  sitting  next  to  Walsh, ' '  he  said. 

The  drummer  nodded.  "He  didn't  want  me  to 
go,"  he  replied.  "He  said  we  come  together  and  we 
should  go  together,  but  I  told  him  I  would  wait  for 
him  till  it  was  over.  Him  and  that  other  fellow  seem 
to  enjoy  it." 

"Some  people  has  got  funny  idees  of  a  good 
time,"  Morris  commented. 

"That's  an  idee  for  a  loafer,"  said  the  drummer. 
"For  my  part  I  like  it  more  refined." 

"I  believe  you,"  Morris  replied.  "Might  you 
would  come  and  take  a  cup  of  coffee  with  me, 
maybe?" 

He  indicated  a  bathbrick  dairy  restaurant  on  the 
opposite  side  of  the  street. 

"Much  obliged,"  the  drummer  replied,  "but  I  got 
to  go  out  of  town  to-morrow,  and  coffee  keeps  me 

182 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

awake.  I  think  I  '11  wait  here  for  about  half  an  hour, 
and  if  Walsh  and  his  friends  don't  come  out  by  then 
I  guess  I'll  go  home." 

Morris  hesitated.  A  sense  of  duty  demanded  that 
he  stay  and  see  the  matter  through,  since  his  newly- 
made  acquaintance  with  the  tertium  quid  of  Walsh's 
little  party  might  lead  to  an  introduction  to  the  big 
man,  and  for  the  rest  Morris  trusted  to  his  own  sales- 
manship. But  the  drummer  settled  the  matter  for 
him. 

"On  second  thought,"  he  said,  "I  guess  I  won't 
wait.  Why  should  I  bother  with  a  couple  like  them  ? 
If  you're  going  downtown  on  the  L  I'll  go  with  you." 

Together  they  walked  to  the  Manhattan  terminal 
of  the  Third  Avenue  road  and  discussed  the  features 
of  the  disgusting  spectacle  they  had  just  witnessed. 
In  going  over  its  details  they  found  sufficient  conver- 
sation to  cover  the  journey  to  One  Hundred  and  Six- 
teenth Street,  where  Morris  alighted.  When  he  de- 
scended to  the  street  it  occurred  to  him  for  the  first 
time  that  he  had  omitted  to  learn  both  the  name  and 
line  of  business  of  his  new-found  friend. 

In  the  meantime  Frank  Walsh  and  his  companion 
watched  the  white  scientist  and  the  colored  savant 
conclude  their  exhibition  and  cheered  themselves 
hoarse  over  the  piece  de  resistance  which  followed 
immediately.  At  length  Slogger  Atkins  disposed  of 
Young  Kilrain  with  a  well-directed  punch  in  the  solar 
plexus,  and  Walsh  and  his  companion  rose  to  go. 

"What  become  of  yer  friend?"  the  big  man  asked. 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTER 

"He  had  to  go  out,  Jim,"  Frank  replied.  "He 
couldn't  stand  the  sight  of  the  blood." 

"Is  that  so?"  the  big  man  commented.  "It  beats 
all,  the  queer  ideas  some  people  has." 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried  as  he  greeted  his 
partner  on  Monday  morning,  "how  did  it  went!" 

"How  did  what  went?"  Morris  asked. 

"The  prize-fighting." 

Morris  shook  his  head.  "Not  for  all  the  cloak  and 
suit  trade  on  the  Pacific  slope,"  he  said  finally, 
"would  I  go  to  one  of  them  things  again.  First,  a  fat 
Eyetalian  by  the  name  Flanagan  fights  with  a  young 
feller,  Tom  Evans,  the  Welsh  coal-miner,  and  you 
never  seen  nothing  like  it,  Abe,  outside  a  slaughter- 
house. ' y 

"Flanagan  don't  seem  much  like  an  Eyetalian, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  commented. 

"I  know  it,"  Morris  replied;  "but  that  wouldn't 
surprise  you  much  if  you  could  seen  the  one  what 
they  call  Tom  Evans,  the  Welsh  coal-miner." 

"Why  not?  "Abe  asked. 

"Well,  you  remember  Hyman  Feinsilver,  what 
worked  by  us  as  a  shipping  clerk  while  Jake  was 
sick?" 

"Sure  I  do,"  Abe  replied.  "Comes  from  very 
decent,  respectable  people  in  the  old  country.  His 
father  was  a  rabbi." 

"Don't  make  no  difference  about  his  father,  Abe," 
Morris  went  on.  "That  Tom  Evans,  the  Welsh  coal- 
miner,  is  Hyman  Feinsilver  what  worked  by  us.  and 

184 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

the  way  he  treated  that  poor  Eyetalian  young  feller 
was  a  shame  for  the  people.  It  makes  me  sick  to 
think  of  it." 

"Don't  think  of  it,  then,"  Abe  replied,  "because  it 
won 't  do  you  no  good,  Mawruss.  I  seen  Sol  Klinger 
in  the  subway  this  morning,  and  he  says  that  last 
Saturday  morning  already  James  Burke  was  in  their 
place  and  picked  out  enough  goods  to  stock  the  big- 
gest suit  department  in  the  country.  Sol  says  Burke 
went  to  Philadelphia  yesterday  to  meet  Sidney  Small, 
the  president  of  the  concern,  and  they  're  coming  over 
to  Klinger  &  Klein's  this  morning  and  close  the 
deal." 

Morris  sat  down  and  lit  a  cigar.  "Yes,  Ab€,  that's 
the  way  it  goes,"  he  said  bitterly.  "You  sit  here  and 
tell  me  a  long  story  about  your  wife 's  relations,  and 
the  first  thing  you  know,  Abe,  I  miss  the  train  and 
Frank  Walsh  takes  away  my  trade.  What  do  I  care 
about  your  wife's  relations,  Abe?" 

"That's  what  I  told  you,  Mawruss.  Wife's  rela- 
tions don't  do  nobody  no  good,"  Abe  replied. 

"Jokes!"  Morris  exclaimed  as  he  moved  off  to  the 
rear  of  the  store.  "Jokes  he  is  making  it,  and  two 
thousand  dollars  thrown  into  the  street." 

For  the  rest  of  the  morning  Morris  sulked  in  the 
cutting-room  upstairs,  while  Abe  busied  himself  in 
assorting  his  samples  for  a  forthcoming  New  Eng- 
land trip.  At  twelve  o  'clock  a  customer  came  in,  and 
when  he  left  at  half -past  twelve  Abe  escorted  him  to 
the  store  door  and  lingered  there  a  few  minutes  to 

185 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEK 

get  a  breath  of  fresh  air.  As  he  was  about  to  reenter 
the  store  he  discerned  the  corpulent  figure  of  Frank 
Walsh  making  his  way  down  the  opposite  sidewalk 
toward  Wasserbauer's  Cafe.  With  him  were  two 
other  men,  one  of  them  about  as  big  as  Frank  him- 
self, the  other  a  slight,  dark  person. 

Abe  darted  to  the  rear  of  the  store.  ' '  Mawruss, ' ' 
he  called,  "come  quick!  Here  is  this  Walsh  feller 
with  Small  and  Burke/' 

Morris  took  the  first  few  stairs  at  a  leap,  and  had 
his  partner  not  caught  him  he  would  have  landed  in 
a  heap  at  the  bottom  of  the  flight.  They  covered  the 
distance  from  the  stairway  to  the  store  door  so  rap- 
idly that  when  they  reached  the  sidewalk  Frank  and 
his  customers  had  not  yet  arrived  in  front  of  Was- 
serbauer's. 

"The  little  feller,"  Morris  hissed,  "is  the  same 
one  what  was  up  to  the  fighting.  I  guess  he's  a 
drummer." 

"Him?"  Abe  replied.  "He  ain't  no  drummer, 
Mawruss.  He's  Jacob  Berkowitz,  what  used  to  run 
the  Up-to-Date  Store  in  Seattle.  I  sold  him  goods 
when  me  and  Pincus  Vesell  was  partners  together, 
way  before  the  Spanish  War  already.  Who's  the 
other  feller?" 

At  that  moment  the  subject  of  Abe's  inquiry 
looked  across  the  street  and  for  the  first  time  noticed 
Abe  and  Morris  standing  on  the  sidewalk.  He 
stopped  short  and  stared  at  Abe  until  his  bulging  eyes 
caught  the  sign  above  the  store.  For  one  brief  mo- 

186 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

ment  he  hesitated  and  then  he  leaped  from  the  curb 
to  the  gutter  and  plunged  across  the  roadway,  with 
Jacob  Berkowitz  and  Frank  Walsh  in  close  pursuit. 
He  seized  Abe  by  both  hands  and  shook  them  up  and 
down. 

"Abe  Potash!'*  he  cried.    "So  sure  as  you  live/' 

"That's  right,"  Abe  admitted;  "that's  my  name." 

"You  don't  remember  me,  Abe?"  he  went  on. 

"I  remember  Mr.  Berkowitz  here,"  Abe  said,  smil- 
ing at  the  smaller  man.  "I  used  to  sell  him  goods 
oncet  when  he  ran  the  Up-to-Date  Store  in  Seattle. 
Ain't  that  so,  Mr.  Berkowitz?" 

The  smaller  man  nodded  in  an  embarrassed  fash- 
ion, while  Frank  Walsh  grew  red  and  white  by  turns 
and  looked  first  at  Abe  and  then  at  the  others  in  blank 
amazement. 

"But,"  Abe  went  on,  "you  got  to  excuse  me,  Mis- 
ter— Mister ' ' 

"Small,"  said  the  larger  man,  whereat  Morris 
fairly  staggered. 

"Mister  Small,"  Abe  continued.  "You  got  to 
excuse  me.  I  don't  remember  your  name.  Won't 
you  come  inside?" 

"Hold  on!"  Frank  Walsh  cried.  "These  gentle- 
men are  going  to  lunch  with  we." 

Small  turned  and  fixed  Walsh  with  a  glare.  "I 
am  going  to  do  what  I  please,  Mr.  Walsh,"  he  said 
coldly.  "If  I  want  to  go  to  lunch  I  go  to  lunch;  if  I 
don't  that's  something  else  again." 

"Oh,  I've  got  lots  of  time,"  Walsh  explained.    "I 

187 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

was  just  reminding  you,  that's  all.  Wasserbauer's 
got  a  few  good  specialties  on  his  bill-of-fare  that 
don't  improve  with  waiting." 

"All  right,"  Mr.  Small  said.  "If  that's  the  case 
go  ahead  and  have  your  lunch.  I  won't  detain  you 
none. ' ' 

He  put  his  hand  on  Abe's  shoulder,  and  the  little 
procession  passed  into  the  store  with  Abe  and  Mr. 
Small  in  the  van,  while  Frank  Walsh  constituted  a 
solitary  rear-guard.  He  sat  disconsolately  on  a  pile 
of  piece  goods  as  the  four  others  went  into  the  show- 
room. 

"Sit  down,  Mr.  Small,"  Abe  said  genially.  "Mr. 
Berkowitz,  take  that  easy  chair." 

Then  Morris  produced  the  "gilt-edged"  cigars 
from  the  safe,  and  they  all  lit  up. 

"First  thing,  Mr.  Small,"  Abe  went  on,  "I  should 
like  to  know  where  I  seen  you  before.  Of  course,  I 
know  you're  running  a  big  business  in  Walla  Walla, 
Washington,  and  certainly,  too,  I  know  your  face." 

"Sure  you  know  my  face,  Abe,"  Mr.  Small  re- 
plied. "But  my  name  ain't  familiar.  The  last 
time  you  seen  my  face,  Abe,  was  some  twenty  years 
since. ' ' 

"Twenty  years  is  a  long  time,"  Abe  commented. 
"I  seen  lots  of  trade  in  twenty  years." 

"Trade  you  seen  it,  yes,"  Mr.  Small  said,  "but  I 
wasn't  trade." 

He  paused  and  looked  straight  at  Abe.  "Think, 
Abe,"  he  said.  "When  did  you  seen  me  last?" 

188 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

Abe  gazed  at  him  earnestly  and  then  shook  his 
head.  "I  give  it  up,"  he  said. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Mr.  Small  murmured,  "the  last  time 
you  seen  me  I  went  out  to  buy  ten  dollars  '  worth  of 
schnapps. ' ' 

"What!"  Abe  cried. 

"But  that  afternoon  there  was  a  sure-thing  mare 
going  to  start  over  to  Guttenberg  just  as  I  happened 
to  be  passing  Butch  Thompson's  old  place,  and  I  no 
more  than  got  the  ten  dollars  down  than  she  blew  up 
in  the  stretch.  So  I  boarded  a  freight  over  to  West 
Thirtieth  Street  and  fetched  up  in  Walla  Walla, 
Washington. ' ' 

"Look  a-here!"  Abe  gasped.  "You  ain't  Scheuer 
Smolinski,  are  you?" 

Mr.  Small  nodded. 

"That's  me,"  he  said.  "I'm  Scheuer  Smolinski 
or  Sidney  Small,  whichever  you  like.  When  me  and 
Jake  Berkowitz  started  this  here  Small  Drygoods 
Company  we  decided  that  Smolinski  and  Berkowitz 
was  too  big  a  mouthful  for  the  Pacific  Slope,  so  we 
slipped  the  'inski'  and  the  'owitz.'  Seheuer  Small 
and  Jacob  Burke  didn't  sound  so  well,  neither. 
Ain't  it?  So,  since  there  ain't  no  harm  in  it,  we  just 
changed  our  front  names,  too,  and  me  and  him  is  Sid- 
ney Small  and  James  Burke." 

Abe  sat  back  in  his  chair  too  stunned  for  words, 
while  Morris  pondered  bitterly  on  the  events  of  Sat- 
urday night.  Then  the  prize  was  well  within  his 
grasp,  for  even  at  that  late  hour  he  could  have  per- 

189 


suaded  Mr.  Burke  to  reconsider  his  decision  and  to 
bring  Mr.  Small  over  to  see  Potash  &  Perlmutter's 
line  first.  But  now  it  was  too  late,  Morris  reflected, 
for  Mr.  Small  had  visited  Klinger  &  Klein's  estab- 
lishment and  had  no  doubt  given  the  order. 

"Say,  my  friends,"  Frank  Walsh  cried,  poking 
his  head  in  the  door,  "far  from  me  to  be  buttin' 
in,  but  whenever  you're  ready  for  lunch  just  let  me 
know." 

Mr.  Small  jumped  to  his  feet.  ' '  I  '11  let  you  know, " 
he  said — "I'll  let  you  know  right  now.  Half  an  hour 
since  already  I  told  Mr.  Klinger  I  would  make  up 
my  mind  this  afternoon  about  giving  him  the  order 
for  them  goods  what  Mr.  Burke  picked  out.  Well, 
you  go  back  and  tell  him  I  made  up  my  mind  already, 
sooner  than  I  expected.  I  ain't  going  to  give  him  the 
order  at  all." 

Walsh's  red  face  grew  purple.  At  first  he  gurgled 
incoherently,  but  finally  recovered  sufficiently  to 
enunciate;  and  for  ten  minutes  he  denounced  Mr. 
Small  and  Mr.  Burke,  their  conduct  and  antecedents. 
It  was  a  splendid  exhibition  of  profane  invective,  and 
when  he  concluded  he  was  almost  breathless. 

"Yah!"  he  jeered,  "five-dollar  tickets  for  a  prize- 
fight for  the  likes  of  youse ! ' ' 

He  fixed  Morris  and  Mr.  Burke  with  a  final  glare. 

"Pearls  before  swine!"  he  bellowed,  and  banged 
the  show-room  door  behind  him. 

Mr.  Burke  looked  at  Morris.  '  *  That 's  a  lowlif e  for 
you,"  he  said.  "A  respectable  concern  should  have 

190 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEE 

a  salesman  like  him!  Ain't  it  a  shame  and  a  dis- 
grace ! ' ' 

Morris  nodded. 

"He  takes  me  to  a  place  where  nothing  but  loafers 
is,"  Mr.  Burke  continued,  "and  for  two  hours  I  got 
to  sit  and  hear  him  and  his  friend  there,  that  big 
feller — I  guess  you  seen  him,  Mr.  Perlmutter — he 
told  me  he  keeps  a  beer  saloon — another  lowlife — for 
two  hours  I  got  to  listen  to  them  loafers  cussing  to- 
gether, and  then  he  gets  mad  that  I  don't  enjoy  my- 
self yet." 

Mr.  Small  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

* '  Let 's  forget  all  about  it, ' '  he  said.  '  *  Come,  Abe, 
I  want  to  look  over  your  line,  and  you  and  me  will  do 
business  right  away." 

Abe  and  Morris  spent  the  next  two  hours  display- 
ing their  line,  while  Mr.  Small  and  Mr.  Burke  se- 
lected hundred  lots  of  every  style.  Finally,  Abe  and 
Mr.  Small  retired  to  the  office  to  fill  out  the  order, 
leaving  Morris  to  replace  the  samples.  He  worked 
with  a  will  and  whistled  a  cheerful  melody  by  way 
of  accompaniment. 

"Mister  Perlmutter,"  James  Burke  interrupted, 
"that  tune  what  you  are  whistling  it,  ain't  that  the 
drinking  song  from  Trawy-ater  already?" 

Morris  ceased  his  whistling.  "That's  right,"  he 
replied. 

' '  I  thought  it  was, ' '  Mr.  Burke  said.  * '  I  was  go- 
ing to  see  that  opera  last  Saturday  night  if  that  low- 
Walsh  wouldn't  have  took  me  to  the  prize-fight." 

191 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

He  paused  and  helped  himself  to  a  fresh  cigar  from 
the  "gilt-edged"  box. 

"For  anybody  else  but  a  loafer,"  he  concluded, 
"prize-fighting  is  nix.  Opera,  Mr.  Perlmutter,  that's 
an  amusement  for  a  gentleman." 

Morris  nodded  a  vigorous  acquiescence.  He  had 
nearly  concluded  his  task  when  Abe  and  his  new- 
found brother-in-law  returned. 

"Well,  gentlemen,"  Mr.  Small  announced,  "we 
figured  it  up  and  it  comes  to  twenty-five  hundred 
dollars.  That  ain  't  bad  for  a  starter. ' ' 

"You  bet,"  Abe  agreed  fervently. 

Mr.  Burke  smiled.  "You  got  a  good  line,  Mr. 
Potash,"  he  said.  "Ever  so  much  better  than  Klin- 
ger  &  Klein's." 

"That's  what  they  have,"  Mr.  Small  agreed. 
"But  it  don't  make  no  difference,  anyhow.  I'd  give 
them  the  order  if  the  line  wasn't  near  so  good." 

He  put  his  arm  around  Abe's  shoulder.  "It 
stands  in  the  Talmud,  an  old  saying,  but  a  true  one, ' ' 
he  said — "  'Blood  is  redder  than  water.'  " 


CHAPTER  X 

THE  Small  Drygoods  Company's  order  was  the 
forerunner  of  a  busy  season  that  taxed  the 
energies  of  not  only  Abe  and  Morris  but  of 
their  entire  business  staff  as  well,  and  when  the  hot 
weather  set  in,  Morris  could  not  help  noticing  the 

192 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

fagged-out  appearance  of  Miss  Cohen  the  book- 
keeper. 

"We  should  give  that  girl  a  vacation,  Abe, "  he 
said.  "She  worked  hard  and  we  ought  to  show  her 
a  little  consideration." 

"I  know,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied;  "but  she  ain't 
the  only  person  what  works  hard  around  here,  Maw- 
russ.  I  work  hard,  too,  Mawruss,  but  I  ain't  getting 
no  vacation.  That's  a  new  idee  what  you  got,  Maw- 
russ." 

"Everybody  gives  it  their  bookkeeper  a  vacation, 
Abe,"  Morris  protested. 

"Do  they?"  Abe  rejoined.  "Well,  if  bookkeepers 
gets  vacations,  Mawruss,  where  are  we  going  to 
stop?  First  thing  you  know,  Mawruss,  we'll  be  giv- 
ing cutters  vacations,  and  operators  vacations,  and 
before  we  get  through  we  got  our  workroom  half 
empty  yet  and  paying  for  full  time  already.  If  she 
wants  a  vacation  for  two  weeks  I  ain't  got  no  objec- 
tions, Mawruss,  only  we  don't  pay  her  no  wages  while 
she's  gone." 

"You  can't  do  that,  Abe,"  Morris  said.  "That 
would  be  laying  her  off,  Abe;  that  wouldn't  be  no 
vacation. ' ' 

"But  we  got  to  have  somebody  here  to  keep  our 
books  while  she's  away,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried.  "We 
got  to  make  it  a  living,  Mawruss.  We  can't  shut 
down  just  because  Miss  Cohen  gets  a  vacation.  And 
so  it  stands,  Mawruss,  we  got  to  pay  Miss  Cohen 
wages  for  doing  nothing,  Mawruss,  and  also  we  got 

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POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

to  pay  it  wages  to  somebody  else  for  doing  something 
what  Miss  Cohen  should  be  doing  when  she  ain't, 
ain't  it!" 

"Sure,  we  got  to  get  a  substitute  for  her  while 
she's  away,"  Morris  agreed;  "but  I  guess  it  won't 
break  us." 

"All  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied;  "if  I  got  to 
hear  it  all  summer  about  this  here  vacation  business 
I'm  satisfied.  I  got  enough  to  do  in  the  store  with- 
out worrying  about  that,  Mawruss.  Only  one  thing 
I  got  to  say  it,  Mawruss :  we  got  to  have  a  bookkeeper 
to  take  her  place  while  she's  away,  and  you  got  to 
attend  to  that,  Mawruss.  That's  all  I  got  to  say." 

Morris  nodded  and  hastened  to  break  the  good 
news  to  Miss  Cohen,  who  for  the  remainder  of  the 
week  divided  her  time  between  Potash  &  Perlmut- 
ter's  accounts  and  a  dozen  multicolored  railroad 
folders. 

"Look  at  that,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  as  he  gazed 
through  the  glass  paneling  of  the  show-room  toward 
the  bookkeeper's  desk.  "That  girl  ain't  done  it  a 
stroke  of  work  since  we  told  her  she  could  go  already. 
"What  are  we  running  here,  anyway :  a  cloak  and  suit 
business  or  a  cut-rate  ticket  office?" 

"Don't  you  worry  about  her,  Abe,"  Morris  re- 
plied. "She's  got  her  cashbook  and  daybook  posted 
and  she  also  got  it  a  substitute.  He's  coming  this 
afternoon." 

"He's  coming ? ' '  Abe  said.  "So  she  got  it  a  young 
fetter,  Mawruss!" 

194 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

t 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  replied,  "what  harm  is 
there  in  that?  He's  a  decent,  respectable  young 
feller  by  the  name  Tuchman,  what  works  as  book- 
keeper by  the  Kosciusko  Bank.  They  give  him  a  two 
weeks'  vacation  and  he  comes  to  work  by  us,  Abe." 

"That's  a  fine  way  to  spend  a  vacation,  Mawruss," 
Abe  commented.  "Why  don't  he  go  up  to  Tanners- 
ville  or  so?" 

"Because  he's  got  to  help  his  father  out  nights  in 
his  cigar  store  what  he  keeps  it  on  Avenue  B, ' '  Mor- 
ris answered.  "His  father  is  Max  Tuchman 's 
brother.  You  know  Max  Tuchman,  drummer  for 
Lapidus  &  Elenbogen?" 

' '  Sure  I  know  him — a  loud-mouth  feller,  Mawruss ; 
got  a  whole  lot  to  say  for  himself.  A  sport  and  a 
gambler,  too,"  Abe  said.  "He'd  sooner  play  auc- 
tion pinochle  than  eat,  Mawruss.  I  bet  you  he  turns 
in  an  expense  account  like  he  was  on  a  honeymoon 
every  trip.  The  last  time  I  seen  this  here  Max  Tuch- 
man was  up  in  Duluth.  He  was  riding  in  a  buggy 
with  the  lady  buyer  from  Moe  Gerschel's  cloak  de- 
partment. ' ' 

"Well,  I  suppose  he  sold  her  a  big  bill  of  goods, 
too,  Abe,  ain't  it?"  Morris  rejoined.  "He's  an  up- 
to-date  feller,  Abe.  If  anybody  wants  to  sell  goods 
to  lady  buyers  they  got  to  be  up-to-date,  ain't  it? 
And  so  far  what  I  hear  it  nobody  told  it  me  you  made 
such  a  big  success  with  lady  buyers,  neither,  Abe." 

Abe  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"That  ain't  here  nor  there,  Mawruss,"  he  grunted. 

IRS 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"The  thing  is  this:  if  this  young  feller  by  the  name 
of  Tuchman  does  Miss  Cohen's  work  as  good  as  Miss 
Cohen  does  it  I'm  satisfied." 

There  was  no  need  for  apprehension  on  that  score, 
however,  for  when  the  substitute  bookkeeper  arrived 
he  proved  to  be  an  accurate  and  industrious  young 
fellow,  and  despite  Miss  Cohen's  absence  the  work 
of  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  office  proceeded  with 
orderly  dispatch. 

" That's  a  fine  young  feller,  Mawruss,"  Abe  com- 
mented as  he  and  his  partner  sat  in  the  firm's  show- 
room on  the  second  day  of  Miss  Cohen's  vacation. 

''Who's  this  you're  talking  about?"  Morris  asked. 

"This  here  bookkeeper,"  Abe  replied.  "What's 
his  first  name,  now,  Mawruss?" 

"Ralph,"  Morris  said. 

"Ralph!"  Abe  cried.  "That's  a  name  I  couldn't 
remember  it  in  a  million  years,  Mawruss." 

"Why  not,  Abe?"  Morris  replied.  "Ralph  ain't 
no  harder  than  Moe  or  Jake,  Abe.  For  my  part,  I 
ain't  got  no  trouble  in  remembering  that  name;  and 
anyhow,  Abe,  why  should  an  up-to-date  family  like 
the  Tuchmans  give  their  boys  such  back-number 
names  like  Jake  or  Moe?" 

"Jacob  and  Moses  was  decent,  respectable  people 
in  the  old  country,  Mawruss,"  Abe  corrected  sol- 
emnly. 

"I  know  it,  Abe,"  Morris  rejoined;  "but  that  was 
long  since  many  years  ago  already.  Now  is 
another  time  entirely  in  New  York  City;  and  any- 

196 


POTASH  &   PEELMUTTER 

how,  with  such  names  what  we  got  it  in  onr  hooks, 
Abe,  you  shouldn't  have  no  trouble  remembering 
Ralph." 

"Sure  not,"  Abe  agreed,  dismissing  the  subject. 
"So,  I'll  call  him  Ike.  For  two  weeks  he  wouldn't 
mind  it." 

Morris  shrugged.  "For  my  part,  you  can  call  him 
Andrew  Carnegie,"  he  said;  "only,  let's  not  stand 
here  talking  about  it  all  day,  Abe.  I  see  by  the  paper 
this  morning  that  Marcus  Bramson,  from  Syracuse, 
is  at  the  Prince  William  Hotel,  Abe,  and  you  says 
you  was  going  up  to  see  him.  That's  your  style,  Abe : 
an  old-fashion  feller  like  Marcus  Bramson.  If  you 
couldn't  sell  him  a  bill  of  goods,  Abe,  you  couldn't 
sell  nobody.  He  ain't  no  lady  buyer,  Abe. " 

Abe  glared  indignantly  at  his  partner.  "Well, 
Mawruss,"  he  said,  "if  you  ain't  satisfied  with  the 
way  what  I  sell  goods  you  know  what  you  can  do. 
I'll  do  the  inside  work  and  you  can  go  out  on  the 
road.  It's  a  dawg's  life,  Mawruss,  any  way  you  look 
at  it;  and  maybe,  Mawruss,  you  would  have  a  good 
time  taking  buggy  rides  with  lady  buyers.  For  my 
part,  Mawruss,  I  got  something  better  to  do  with  my 
time." 

He  seized  his  hat,  still  glaring  at  Morris,  who 
remained  quite  unmoved  by  his  partner's  indigna- 
tion. 

"I  heard  it  what  you  tell  me  now  several  times  be- 
fore already,  Abe, ' '  he  said ;  * '  and  if  you  want  it  that 
Max  Tuchman  or  Klinger  &  Klein  or  some  of  them 

ty— Potash  &Perlmutter.  197 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

other  fellers  should  cop  out  a  good  customer  of  ours 
like  Marcus  Bramson,  Abe,  maybe  you'll  hang 
around  here  a  little  longer." 

Abe  retorted  by  banging  the  show-room  door  be- 
hind him,  and  as  he  disappeared  into  the  street  Mor- 
ris indulged  in  a  broad,  triumphant  grin. 

When  Abe  returned  an  hour  later  he  found  Morris 
going  over  the  monthly  statements  with  Ralph  Tuch- 
man.  Morris  looked  up  as  Abe  entered. 

" What's  the  matter,  Abe?"  he  cried.  "You  look 
worried. ' ' 

1  i  Worried ! ' '  Abe  replied.  * '  I  ain  't  worried,  Maw- 
russ." 

"Did  you  seen  Marcus  Bramson?"  Morris  asked. 

"Sure  I  seen  him,"  said  Abe;  "he's  coming  down 
here  at  half -past  three  o'clock  this  afternoon.  You 
needn't  trouble  yourself  about  him,  Mawruss." 

Abe  hung  up  his  hat,  while  Morris  and  Ralph 
Tuchman  once  more  fell  to  the  work  of  comparing 
the  statements. 

"Look  a-here,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  at  length: 
"who  d'ye  think  I  seen  it  up  at  the  Prince  William 
Hotel?" 

"I  ain't  no  mind  reader,  Abe,"  Morris  replied. 
"Who  did  you  seen  it?" 

"Miss  Atkinson,  cloak  buyer  for  the  Emporium, 
Duluth,"  Abe  replied.  "That's  Moe  Gerschel's 
store." 

Morris  stopped  comparing  the  statements,  while 
Ralph  Tuchman  continued  his  writing. 

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POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

" She's  just  come  in  from  the  West,  Mawruss," 
Abe  went  on.  ' '  She  ain  't  registered  yet  when  I  was 
going  out,  and  she  won 't  be  in  the  Arrival  of  Buyers 
till  to-morrow  morning.'* 

"Did  you  speak  to  her?"  Morris  asked. 

"Sure  I  spoke  to  her,"  Abe  said.  "I  says  good- 
morning,  and  she  recognized  me  right  away.  I  asked 
after  Moe,  and  she  says  he's  well;  and  I  says  if  she 
comes  down  here  for  fall  goods;  and  she  says  she 
ain't  going  to  talk  no  business  for  a  couple  of  days, 
as  it's  a  long  time  already  since  she  was  in  New 
York  and  she  wants  to  look  around  her.  Then  I  says 
it's  a  fine  weather  for  driving  just  now." 

He  paused  for  a  moment  and  looked  at  Morris. 

"Yes,"  Morris  said,  "and  what  did  she  say?" 

"She  says  sure  it  is,"  Abe  continued,  "only, 
she  says  she  got  thrown  out  of  a  wagon  last  fall,  and 
so  she's  kind  of  sour  on  horses.  She  says  nowadays 
she  don't  go  out  except  in  oitermobiles." 

"  Oitermobiles ! "  Morris  exclaimed,  and  Ealph 
Tuchman,  whose  protruding  ears,  sharp-pointed  nose 
and  gold  spectacles  did  not  belie  his  inquisitive  dis- 
position, ceased  writing  to  listen  more  closely  to 
Abe's  story. 

"That's  what  she  said,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied; 
' '  and  so  I  says  for  my  part,  I  liked  it  better  oitermo- 
biles as  horses." 

"Why,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "you  ain't  never  rode 
in  an  oitermobile  in  all  your  life." 

"Sure  not,  Mawruss,  I'm  lucky  if  I  get  to  a  funeral 

199 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

oncet  in  a  while.    Ike,"  he  broke  off  suddenly,  "you 
better  get  them  statements  mailed. ' ' 

Ralph  Tuchman  rose  sadly  and  repaired  to  the 
office. 

"That's  a  smart  young  feller,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
commented,  "and  while  you  can't  tell  much  about  a 
feller  from  his  face,  Mawruss,  I  never  seen  them  long 
ears  on  anyone  that  minded  his  own  business,  y 'un- 
derstand ?  And  besides,  I  ain  't  taking  no  chances  on 
his  Uncle  Max  Tuchman  getting  advance  information 
about  this  here  Moe  Gerschel's  buyer. 'r 

Morris  nodded.  "Maybe  you're  right,  Abe,"  he 
murmured. 

"You  was  telling  me  what  this  Miss  Abrahamson 
said,  Abe." 

"Miss  Atkinson,  Mawruss,"  Abe  corrected,  "not 
Abrahamson. ' ' 

"Well,  what  did  she  say?"  Morris  asked. 

"So  she  asks  me  if  I  ever  went  it  oitermobiling, " 
Abe  went  on,  '  *  and  I  says  sure  I  did,  and  right  away 
quick  I  seen  it  what  she  means ;  and  I  says  how  about 
going  this  afternoon;  and  she  says  she's  agreeable. 
So  I  says,  Mawruss,  all  right,  I  says,  we'll  mix  busi- 
ness with  pleasure,  I  says.  I  told  her  we'll  go  in  an 
oitermobile  to  the  Bronix  already,  and  when  we  come 
back  to  the  store  at  about,  say,  five  o  'clock  we  '11  look 
over  the  line.  Then  after  that  we'll  go  to  dinner,  and 
after  dinner  we  go  to  theeayter.  How's  that,  Maw- 
russ?" 

"I  heard  it  worse  idees  than  that,  Abe,"  Morris 

2% 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

replied;  "because  if  you  get  this  here  Miss  Aaronson 
down  here  in  the  store,  naturally,  she  thinks  if  she 
gives  us  the  order  she  gets  better  treatment  at  the 
dinner  and  at  the  theayter  afterward." 

"That's  the  way  I  figured  it  out,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
agreed;  "and  also,  I  says  to  myself,  Mawruss  will 
enjoy  it  a  good  oitermobile  ride. ' ' 

"Me!"  Morris  cried.  "What  have  I  got  to  do 
with  this  here  oitermobile  ride,  Abe?" 

"What  have  you  got  to  do  with  it,  Mawruss?"  Abe 
repeated.  "Why,  Mawruss,  I'm  surprised  to  hear 
you,  you  should  talk  that  way.  You  got  everything 
to  do  with  it.  I'm  a  back  number,  Mawruss;  I  don't 
know  nothing  about  selling  goods  to  lady  buyers, 
ain't  it?  You  say  it  yourself,  a  feller  has  got  to  be 
up-to-date  to  sell  goods  to  lady  buyers.  So,  natur- 
ally, you  being  the  up-to-date  member  of  this  con- 
cern, you  got  to  take  Miss  Atkinson  out  in  the  oiter- 
mobile. ' ' 

"But,  Abe,"  Morris  protested,  "I  ain't  never  rode 
in  an  oitermobile,  and  there  wouldn't  be  no  pleasure 
in  it  for  me,  Abe.  Why  don't  you  go,  Abe?  You 
say  it  yourself  you  lead  it  a  dawg's  life  on  the  road. 
Now,  here's  a  chance  for  you  to  enjoy  yourself,  Abe, 
and  you  should  go.  Besides,  Abe,  you  got  commer- 
cial travelers'  accident  insurance,  and  I  ain't." 

"The  oitermobile  ain't  coming  till  half -past  one, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  replied;  "between  now  and  then  you 
could  get  it  a  hundred  policies  of  accident  insurance. 
No,  Mawruss,  this  here  lady-buyer  business  is  up  to 

201 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

you.  I  got  a  pointer  from  Sol  KHinger  to  ring  up  a 
concern  on  Forty-sixth  Street,  which  I  done  so,  and 
fifteen  dollars  it  costed  me.  That  oitermobile  is  com- 
ing here  for  you  at  half -past  one,  and  after  that  all 
you  got  to  do  is  to  go  up  to  the  Prince  William  Hotel 
and  ask  for  Miss  Atkinson." 

''But,  Abe,"  Morris  protested,  "I  don't  even  know 
this  here  Miss  Isaacson." 

' '  Not  Isaacson, '  '  Abe  repeated ; ' '  Atkinson.  You  'd 
better  write  that  name  down,  Mawruss,  before  you 
forget  it." 

" Never  mind,  Abe,"  Morris  rejoined.  "I  don't 
need  to  write  down  things  to  remember  'em.  I 
don't  have  to  call  a  young  feller  out  of  his  name  just 
because  my  memory  is  bad,  Abe.  The  name  I'll  re- 
member good  enough  when  it  comes  right  down  to 
it.  Only,  why  should  I  go  out  oitermobiling  riding 
with  this  Miss  Atkinson,  Abe?  I'm  the  inside  part- 
ner, ain't  it?  And  you're  the  outside  man.  Do  you 
know  what  I  think,  Abe?  I  think  you're  scared  to 
ride  in  an  oitermobile." 

"Me  scared!"  Abe  cried.  "Why  should  I  be 
scared,  Mawruss?  A  little  thing  like  a  broken  leg 
or  a  broken  arm,  Mawruss,  don't  scare  me.  I  ain't 
going  because  it  ain't  my  business  to  go.  It's  your 
idee,  this  lady-buyer  business,  and  if  you  don't 
want  to  go  we'll  charge  the  fifteen  dollars  what  I 
paid  out  to  profit  and  loss  and  call  the  whole  thing 
off." 

He  rose  to  his  feet,  thrust  out  his  waist-line  and 

202 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

made  a  dignified  exit  by  way  of  closing  the  discus- 
sion. A  moment  later,  however,  he  returned  with 
less  dignity  than  haste. 

"Mawruss,"  he  hissed,  "that  young  feller — that — 
that — now,  Ike — is  telephoning. " 

"Well,"  Morris  replied,  "one  telephone  message 
ain't  going  to  put  us  into  bankruptcy,  Abe." 

"Bankruptcy,  nothing!"  Abe  exclaimed.  "He's 
telephoning  to  his  Uncle  Max  Tuchman." 

Morris  jumped  to  his  feet,  and  on  the  tips  of  their 
toes  they  darted  to  the  rear  of  the  store. 

"All  right,  Uncle  Max,"  they  heard  Ralph  Tuch- 
man say.  "I'll  see  you  to-night.  Good-by." 

Abe  and  Morris  exchanged  significant  glances, 
while  Ralph  slunk  guiltily  away  to  Miss  Cohen's 
desk. 

"Let's  fire  him  on  the  spot,"  Abe  said. 

Morris  shook  his  head.  "What  good  will  that  do. 
Abe?"  Morris  replied.  "We  ain't  certain  that  he 
told  Max  Tuchman  nothing,  Abe.  For  all  you  and 
me  know,  Max  may  of  rung  him  up  about  something 
quite  different  already." 

"I  believe  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  ironically. 
"But,  anyhow,  I'm  going  to  ring  up  that  oitermobile 
concern  on  Forty-sixth  Street  and  tell  'em  to  send  it 
around  here  at  twelve  o'clock.  Then  you  can  go  up 
there  to  the  hotel,  and  if  that  Miss  Atkinson  ain't  had 
her  lunch  yet  buy  it  for  her,  Mawruss,  for  so  sure  as 
you  stand  there  I  bet  yer  that  young  feller,  Ike,  has 
rung  up  this  here  Max  Tuchman  and  told  him  all 

203 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEB 

about  us  going  up  there  to  take  her  out  in  an  oiter* 
mobile.  I  bet  yer  Max  will  get  the  biggest  oiter- 
mobile  he  can  find  up  there  right  away,  and  he's  go- 
ing to  steal  her  away  from  us,  sure,  if  we  don't 
hustle." 

"Dreams  you  got  it,  Abe,"  Morris  said.  "How 
should  this  here  young  feller,  Ralph  Tuchman,  know 
that  Miss  Aaronson  was  a  customer  of  his  Uncle  Max 
Tuchman,  Abe?" 

Abe  looked  at  Morris  more  in  sorrow  than  in 
anger.  "Mawruss,"  he  said,  "do  me  the  favor  once 
and  write  that  name  down.  A-T  at,  K-I-N  kin, 
S-O-N  son,  Atkinson — not  Aaronson." 

"That's  what  I  said — Atkinson — Abe,"  Morris 
protested;  "and  if  you're  so  scared  we're  going  to 
lose  her,  Abe,  go  ahead  and  'phone.  We  got  to  sell 
goods  to  lady  buyers  some  time,  Abe,  and  we  may  as 
well  make  the  break  now." 

Abe  waited  to  hear  no  more,  but  hastened  to  the 
'phone,  and  when  he  returned  a  few  minutes  later  he 
found  that  Morris  had  gone  to  the  barber  shop  across 
the  street.  Twenty  minutes  afterward  a  sixty-horse- 
power machine  arrived  at  the  store  door  just  as  Mor- 
ris came  up  the  steps  of  the  barber  shop  underneath 
Wasserbauer 's  Cafe  and  Restaurant.  He  almost 
bumped  into  Philip  Plotkin,  of  Kleinberg  &  Plotkin, 
who  was  licking  the  refractory  wrapper  of  a  Wheel- 
ing stogy,  with  one  eye  fixed  on  the  automobile  in 
front  of  his  competitors'  store. 

"Hallo,  Mawruss,"  Philip  cried.    "Pretty  high« 

204 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

toned  customers  you  must  got  it  when  they  come 
down  to  the  store  in  oitermobiles,  ain't  it?" 

Morris  flashed  his  gold  fillings  in  a  smile  of  trium- 
phant superiority.  "That  ain't  no  customer's  oiter- 
mobile,  Philip,"  he  said.  "That's  for  its  an  oiter- 
mobile,  what  we  take  it  out  our  customers  riding  in. ' ' 

"Why  don't  you  take  it  out  credit  men  from  com- 
mission houses  riding,  Mawruss  ? ' '  Philip  rejoined  as 
Morris  stepped  from  the  curb  to  cross  the  street. 
This  was  an  allusion  to  the  well-known  circumstance 
that  with  credit  men  a  customer's  automobile-riding 
inspires  as  much  confidence  as  his  betting  on  the 
horse  races,  and  when  Morris  climbed  into  the  ton- 
neau  he  paid  little  attention  to  Abe 's  instructions,  so 
busy  was  he  glancing  around  him  for  prying  credit 
men.  At  length,  with  a  final  jar  and  jerk  the  machine 
sprang  forward,  and  for  the  rest  of  the  journey  Mor- 
ris' mind  was  emptied  of  every  other  apprehension 
save  that  engendered  of  passing  trucks  or  street 
cars.  Finally,  the  machine  drew  up  in  front  of 
the  Prince  William  and  Morris  scrambled  out,  tremb- 
ling in  every  limb.  He  made  at  once  for  the  clerk's 
desk. 

"Please  send  this  to  Miss  Isaacson,"  he  said,  hand- 
ing out  a  firm  card. 

The  clerk  consulted  an  index  and  shook  his  head. 
"No  Miss  Isaacson  registered  here,"  he  said. 

"Oh,  sure  not,"  Morris  cried,  smiling  apologetic- 
ally. ' '  I  mean  Miss  Aaronson. ' ' 

Once  more  the  clerk  pawed  over  his  card  index. 

205 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

4 'You've  got  the  wrong  hotel,"  he  declared.  "I 
don't  see  any  Miss  Aaronson  here,  either." 

Morris  scratched  his  head.  He  mentally  passed  in 
review  Jacobson,  Abrahamson,  and  every  other 
Biblical  proper  name  combined  with  the  suffix  * '  son, ' ' 
but  rejected  them  all. 

"The  lady  what  I  want  to  see  it  is  buyer  for  a  de- 
partment store  in  Duluth,  what  arrived  here  this 
morning,"  Morris  explained. 

"Let.  me  see,"  the  clerk  mused;  "buyer,  hey? 
What  was  she  a  buyer  of ? " 

"Cloaks  and  suits,"  Morris  answered. 

"Suits,  hey?"  the  clerk  commented.  "Let  me  see 
— buyer  of  suits.  Was  that  the  lady  that  was  expect- 
ing somebody  with  an  automobile?" 

Morris  nodded  emphatically. 

"Well,  that  party  called  for  her  and  they  left  here 
about  ten  minutes  ago, ' '  the  clerk  replied. 

"What!"  Morris  gasped. 

"Maybe  it  was  five  minutes  ago,"  the  clerk  con- 
tinued. "A  gentleman  with  a  red  tie  and  a  fine  dia- 
mond pin.  His  name  was  Tucker  or  Tuckerton  or 


* '  Tuchman, ' '  Morris  cried. 

"That's  right,"  said  the  clerk;  "he  was  a- 


But  Morris  turned  on  his  heel  and  darted  wildly 
toward  the  entrance. 

"Say!"  he  cried,  hailing  the  carriage  agent,  "did 
you  seen  it  a  lady  and  a  gent  in  an  oitermobile  leave 
here  five  minutes  ago  ? ' ' 

206 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

"Ladies  and  gents  leave  here  in  automobiles  on  an 
average  of  every  three  minutes,"  said  the  carriage 
agent. 

''Sure,  I  know,"  Morris  continued,  "but  the  gent 
wore  it  a  red  tie  with  a  big  diamond. ' ' 

"Bed  tie  with  a  big  diamond,"  the  carriage  agent 
repeated.  "Oh,  yeh — I  remember  now.  The  lady 
wanted  to  know  where  they  was  going,  and  the  red 
necktie  says  up  to  the  Heatherbloom  Inn  and  some- 
thing about  getting  back  to  his  store  afterward." 

Morris  nodded  vigorously. 

"So  I  guess  they  went  up  to  the  Heatherbloom 
Inn, ' '  the  carriage  agent  said. 

Once  more  Morris  darted  away  without  waiting  to 
thank  his  informant,  and  again  he  climbed  into  the 
tonneau  of  the  machine. 

"Do  you  know  where  the  Heatherbloom  Inn  is?" 
he  asked  the  chauffeur. 

"What  you  tryin'  to  do?"  the  chauffeur  com- 
mented. "Kid  me?" 

"I  ain't  trying  to  do  nothing,"  Morris  explained. 
"I  ask  it  you  a  simple  question:  Do  you  know  where 
the  Heatherbloom  Inn  is  ? " 

"Say!  do  you  know  where  Baxter  Street  is?"  the 
chauffeur  asked,  and  then  without  waiting  for  an  an- 
swer he  opened  the  throttle  and  they  glided  around 
the  corner  into  Fifth  Avenue.  It  was  barely  half- 
past  twelve  and  the  tide  of  fashionable  traffic  had  not 
yet  set  in.  Hence  the  motor  car  made  good  progress, 
nor  was  it  until  Fiftieth  Street  was  reached  that  a 

207 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

block  of  traffic  caused  them  to  halt.  An  automobile 
had  collided  with  a  delivery  wagon,  and  a  wordy  con- 
test was  waging  between  the  driver  of  the  wagon,  the 
chauffeur,  one  of  the  occupants  of  the  automobile  and 
a  traffic-squad  policeman. 

"You  don't  know  your  business,"  a  loud  voice  pro- 
claimed, addressing  the  policeman.  "If  you  did  you 
wouldn't  be  sitting  up  there  like  a  dummy  already. 
This  here  driver  run  into  us.  We  didn't  run  into 
him." 

It  was  the  male  occupant  of  the  automobile  that 
spoke,  and  in  vain  did  his  fair  companion  clutch  at 
the  tails  of  the  linen  duster  that  he  wore ;  he  was  in 
the  full  tide  of  eloquence  and  thoroughly  enjoying 
himself. 

The  mounted  policeman  maintained  his  com- 
posure— the  calm  of  a  volcano  before  its  eruption,  the 
ominous  lull  that  precedes  the  tornado. 

"And  furthermore,"  continued  the  passenger, 
throwing  out  his  chest,  whereon  sparkled  a  large  dia- 
mond enfolded  in  crimson  silk — "and  furthermore, 
I'll  see  to  it  that  them  superiors  of  yours  down  below 
hears  of  it, ' ' 

The  mounted  policeman  jumped  nimbly  from  his 
horse,  and  as  Morris  rose  in  the  tonneau  of  his  auto- 
mobile he  saw  Max  Tuchman  being  jerked  bodily  to 
the  street,  while  his  fair  companion  shrieked  hys- 
terically. 

Morris  opened  the  door  and  sprang  out.  With  un- 
usual energy  he  wormed  his  way  through  the  crowd 

208 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

that  surrounded  the  policeman  and  approached  the 
side  of  the  automobile. 

"Lady,  lady,"  he  cried,  "I  don't  remember  your 
name,  but  I'm  a  friend  of  Max  Tuchman  here,  and 
I'll  get  you  out  of  this  here  crowd  in  a  minute." 

He  opened  the  door  opposite  to  the  side  out  of 
which  Tuchman  had  made  his  enforced  exit,  and  of- 
fered his  hand  to  Max's  trembling  companion. 

The  lady  hesitated  a  brief  moment.  Any  port  in  a 
storm,  she  argued  to  herself,  and  a  moment  later  she 
was  seated  beside  Morris  in  the  latter 's  car,  which 
was  moving  up  the  Avenue  at  a  good  twenty-mile 
gait.  The  chauffeur  took  advantage  of  the  traffic 
policeman's  professional  engagement  with  Max 
Tuchman,  and  it  was  not  until  the  next  mounted  offi- 
cer hove  into  view  that  he  brought  his  car  down  to  its 
lawful  gait. 

"If  you're  a  friend  of  Mr.  Tuchman 's,"  said  the 
lady  at  length,  "why  didn't  you  go  with  him  to  the 
police  station  and  bail  him  out  ? ' ' 

Morris  grinned.  "I  guess  you'll  know  when  I  tell 
it  you  that  my  name  is  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  he  an- 
nounced, "of  Potash  &  Perlmutter." 

The  lady  turned  around  and  glanced  uneasily  at 
Morris.  '  *  Is  that  so  ?  "  she  said.  '  *  Well,  I  'm  pleased 
to  meet  you,  Mr.  Perlmutter." 

"So,  naturally,  I  don't  feel  so  bad  as  I  might  about 
it, ' '  Morris  went  on. 

"Naturally?"  the  lady  commented.  She  looked 
about  her  apprehensively.  "Perhaps  we'd  better 

209 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

go  back  to  the  Prince  William.      Don't  you  think 


"Why,  you  was  going  up  to  the  Heatherbloom  Inn 
with  Max  Tuchman,  wasn't  you?"  Morris  said. 

"How  did  you  find  that  out'?"  she  asked. 

"A  small-size  bird  told  it  me,"  Morris  replied  jocu- 
larly. "But,  anyhow,  no  jokes  nor  nothing,  why 
shouldn't  we  go  up  and  have  lunch  at  the  Heather- 
bloom  Inn?  And  then  you  can  come  down  and  look 
at  our  line,  anyhow." 

"Well,"  said  the  lady,  "if  you  can  show  me  those 
suits  as  well  as  Mr.  Tuchman  could,  I  suppose  it 
really  won't  make  any  difference." 

"I  can  show  'em  to  you  better  than  Mr.  Tuchman 
could,"  Morris  said;  "and  now  so  long  as  you  are 
content  to  come  downtown  we  won't  talk  business  no 
more  till  we  get  there." 

They  had  an  excellent  lunch  at  the  Heatherbloom 
Inn,  and  many  a  hearty  laugh  from  the  lady  testified 
to  her  appreciation  of  Morris'  naive  conversation. 
The  hour  passed  pleasantly  for  Morris,  too,  since  the 
lady's  unaffected  simplicity  set  him  entirely  at  his 
ease.  To  be  sure,  she  was  neither  young  nor  hand- 
some, but  she  had  all  the  charm  that  self-reliance  and 
ability  give  to  a  woman. 

"A  good,  smart,  business  head  she's  got  it,"  Mor- 
ris said  to  himself,  "and  I  wish  I  could  remember 
that  name." 

Had  he  not  feared  that  his  companion  might  think 
it  strange,  he  would  have  asked  her  name  outright. 

210 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

Once  he  called  her  Miss  Aaronson,  but  the  look  of 
amazement  with  which  she  favored  him  effectually 
discouraged  him  from  further  experiment  in  that 
direction.  Thenceforth  he  called  her  ' l  lady, ' '  a  title 
which  made  her  smile  and  seemed  to  keep  her  in  ex- 
cellent humor. 

At  length  they  concluded  their  meal — quite  a  mod- 
est repast  and  comparatively  reasonable  in  price — 
and  as  they  rose  to  leave  Morris  looked  toward  the 
door  and  gasped  involuntarily.  He  could  hardly  be- 
lieve his  senses,  for  there  blocking  the  entrance  stood 
a  familiar  bearded  figure.  It  was  Marcus  Bramson 
— the  conservative,  back-number  Marcus  Bramson — 
and  against  him  leaned  a  tall,  stout  person  not  quite 
as  young  as  her  clothes  and  wearing  a  large  picture 
hat.  Obviously  this  was  not  Mrs.  Bramson,  and  the 
blush  with  which  Marcus  Bramson  recognized  Morris 
only  confirmed  the  latter 's  suspicions. 

Mr.  Bramson  murmured  a  few  words  to  the  youth- 
fully-dressed person  at  his  side,  and  she  glared 
venomously  at  Morris,  who  precipitately  followed  his 
companion  to  the  automobile.  Five  minutes  after- 
ward he  was  chatting  with  the  lady  as  they  sped  along 
Eiverside  Drive. 

"Duluth  must  be  a  fine  town,"  he  suggested. 

"It  is  indeed,''  the  lady  agreed.  "I  have  some 
relatives  living  there." 

"That  should  make  it  pleasant  for  you,  lady," 
Morris  went  on,  and  thereafter  the  conversation 
touched  on  relatives,  whereupon  Morris  favored  his 

an 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

companion  with  a  few  intimate  details  of  his  family 
life  that  caused  her  to  laugh  until  she  was  completely 
out  of  breath.  To  be  sure,  Morris  could  see  nothing 
remarkably  humorous  about  it  himself,  and  when  one 
or  two  anecdotes  intended  to  be  pathetic  were  re- 
ceived with  tears  of  mirth  rather  than  sympathy  he 
felt  somewhat  annoyed.  Nevertheless,  he  hid  his 
chagrin,  and  it  was  not  long  before  the  familiar  sign 
of  Wasserbauer's  Cafe  and  Restaurant  warned  Mor- 
ris that  they  had  reached  their  destination.  He  as- 
sisted his  companion  to  alight  and  ushered  her  into 
the  show-room. 

"Just  a  minute,  lady, " he  said,  "and  I'll  bring  Mr. 
Potash  here." 

"But,"  the  lady  protested,  "I  thought  Mr.  Lapi- 
dus  was  the  gentleman  who  had  charge  of  it." 

"That's  all  right,"  Morris  said,  "you  just  wait 
and  I'll  bring  Mr.  Potash  here." 

He  took  the  stairs  to  the  cutting-room  three  at  a 
jump.  "Abe,"  he  cried,  "Miss  Aaronson  is  down- 
stairs." 

Abe's  face,  which  wore  a  worried  frown,  grew 
darker  still  as  he  regarded  his  partner  malevolently. 
"What's  the  matter  with  you,  Mawruss!"  he  said. 
"Can't  you  remember  a  simple  name  like  Atkinson?" 

"Atkinson!"  Morris  cried.  "That's  it — Atkin- 
son. I've  been  trying  to  remember  it  that  name  for 
four  hours  already.  But,  anyhow,  she's  downstairs, 
Abe." 

Abe  rose  from  his  task  and  made  at  once  for  the 

212 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTEB 

stairs,  with  Morris  following  at  his  heels.  In  four 
strides  he  had  reached  the  show-room,  but  no  sooner 
had  he  crossed  the  threshold  than  he  started  back  vio- 
lently, thereby  knocking  the  breath  out  of  Morris,  who 
was  nearly  precipitated  to  the  floor. 

"Morris,"  he  hissed,  "who  is  that  there  lady?" 

"Why,"  Morris  answered,  "that's  Miss  Aaronson 
— I  mean  Atkinson — ain't  it?" 

"Atkinson!"  Abe  yeUed.  "That  ain't  Miss  At- 
kinson. ' ' 

' '  Then  who  is  she  I ' '  Morris  asked. 

"Who  is  she?"  Abe  repeated.  "That's  a  fine 
question  for  you  to  ask  me.  You  take  a  lady  for  a  fif- 
teen-dollar oitermobile  ride,  and  spend  it  as  much 
more  for  lunch  in  her,  and  you  don't  even  know  her 
name!" 

A  cold  perspiration  broke  out  on  Morris  and  he 
fairly  staggered  into  the  show-room.  "Lady,"  he 
croaked,  "do  me  a  favor  and  tell  me  what  is  your 
name,  please. ' ' 

The  lady  laughed.  "Well,  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  she 
said,  "I'm  sure  this  is  most  extraordinary.  Of 
course,  there  is  such  a  thing  as  combining  business 
and  pleasure;  but,  as  I  told  Mr.  Tuchman  when  he 
insisted  on  taking  me  up  to  the  Heatherbloom  Inn,  the 
Board  of  Trustees  control  the  placing  of  the  orders. 
I  have  only  a  perfunctory  duty  to  perform  when  I 
examine  the  finished  clothing." 

"Board  of  Trustees!"  Morris  exclaimed. 

"Yes,  the  Board  of  Trustees  of  the  Home  for  Fe- 

14— Potash  &  Pertmutter.  213 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

male  Orphans  of  Veterans,  at  Oceanhurst,  Long 
Island.  I  am  the  superintendent — Miss  Taylor — and 
I  had  an  appointment  at  Lapidus  &  Elenbogen's  to 
inspect  a  thousand  blue-serge  suits.  Lapidus  &  Elen- 
bogen  were  the  successful  bidders,  you  know.  And 
there  was  really  no  reason  for  Mr.  Tuchman's  hos- 
pitality, since  I  had  nothing  whatever  to  do  with  their 
receiving  the  contract,  nor  could  I  possibly  influence 
the  placing  of  any  future  orders." 

Morris  nodded  slowly.  "So  you  ain't  Miss  Atkin- 
son, then,  lady?"  he  said. 

The  lady  laughed  again.  "I'm  very  sorry  if  I'm 
the  innocent  recipient  under  false  pretenses  of  a  lunch 
and  an  automobile  ride,"  she  said,  rising.  "And 
you'll  excuse  me  if  I  must  hurry  away  to  keep  my  ap- 
pointment at  Lapidus  &  Elenbogen's!  I  have  to 
catch  a  train  back  to  Oceanhurst  at  five  o'clock,  too." 

She  held  out  her  hand  and  Morris  took  it  sheep- 
ishly. 

"I  hope  you'll  forgive  me,"  she  said. 

"I  can't  blame  you,  lady,"  Morris  replied  as  they 
went  toward  the  front  door.  "It  ain't  your  fault, 
lady." 

He  held  the  door  open  for  her.  "And  as  for  that 
Max  Tuchman,"  he  said,  "I  hope  they  send  him  up 
for  life." 

Abe  stood  in  the  show-room  doorway  as  Morris  re- 
turned from  the  front  of  the  store  and  fixed  his  part- 
ner with  a  terrible  glare.  "Yes,  Mawruss,' '  he  said, 
"you're  a  fine  piece  of  work,  I  must  say." 

214 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

Morris  shrugged  his  shoulders  and  sat  down. 
" That's  what  comes  of  not  minding  your  own  busi- 
ness, ' '  he  retorted.  ' '  I  'm  the  inside,  Abe,  and  you  're 
the  outside,  and  it's  your  business  to  look  after  the 
out-of-town  trade.  I  told  you  I  don't  know  nothing 
about  this  here  lady-buyer  business.  You  ordered 
the  oitermobile.  I  ain't  got  nothing  to  do  with  it, 
and,  anyhow,  I  don't  want  to  hear  no  more  about  it." 

A  pulse  was  beating  in  Abe 's  cheeks  as  he  paced  up 
and  down  before  replying. 

II  You  don't  want  to  hear  no  more  about  it,  Maw- 
russ,  I  know,"  he  said;  "but  I  want  to  hear  about  it. 
I  got  a  right  to  hear  about  it,  Mawruss.     I  got  a  right 
to  hear  it  how  a  man  could  make  such  a  fool  out  of 
himself.     Tell  me,  Mawruss,  what  name  did  you  ask 
it  for  when  you  went  to  the  clerk  at  the  Prince  Wil- 
liam Hotel?" 

Morris  jumped  to  his  feet.  "Lillian  Eussell!"  he 
roared,  and  banged  the  show-room  door  behind  him. 

For  the  remainder  of  the  day  Morris  and  Abe 
avoided  each  other,  and  it  was  not  until  the  next 
morning  that  Morris  ventured  to  address  his  part- 
ner. 

"Did  you  get  it  any  word  from  Marcus  Bramson?" 
he  asked. 

I 1 1  ain  't  seen  nor  heard  nothing, ' '  Abe  replied.     '  *  I 
can 't  understand  it,  Mawruss ;  the  man  promised  me, 
mind  you,  he  would  be  here  sure.     Maybe  you  seen 
him  up  to  the  hotel,  Mawruss  ? ' ' 

"I  seen  him,"  Morris  replied,  "but  not  at  the  hotel, 

215 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEE 

Abe.  I  seen  him  up  at  that  Heatherbloom  Inn,  Ab« 
— with  a  lady.*' 

"With  a  lady?"  Abe  cried.  "Are  you  sure  it  was 
a  lady,  Mawruss?  Maybe  she  was  a  relation." 

"Eelations  you  don't  take  it  to  expensive  places 
like  the  Heatherbloom  Inn,  Abe,"  Morris  replied. 
"And,  anyhow,  this  wasn't  no  relation,  Abe;  this  was 
a  lady.  Why  should  a  man  blush  for  a  relation,  ain't 
it!" 

"Did  he  blush?"  Abe  asked;  but  the  question  re- 
mained unanswered,  for  as  Morris  was  about  to  reply 
the  store  door  opened  and  Marcus  Bramson  entered. 

"Ah,  Mr.  Bramson,"  Abe  cried,  "ain't  it  a  beauti- 
ful weather?" 

He  seized  the  newcomer  by  the  hand  and  shook  it 
up  and  down.  Mr.  Bramson  received  the  greeting 
solemnly. 

"Abe,"  he  said,  "I  am  a  man  of  my  word,  ain't  it? 
And  so  I  come  here  to  buy  goods ;  but,  all  the  same, 
I  tell  you  the  truth :  I  was  pretty  near  going  to  Lapi- 
dus  &  Elenbogen 's. " 

"Lapidus  &  Elenbogen 's!"  Abe  cried.  "Why 
so?" 

At  this  juncture  Morris  appeared  at  the  show-room 
door  and  beamed  at  Mr.  Bramson,  who  looked 
straight  over  his  head  in  cold  indifference ;  where- 
upon Morris  found  some  business  to  attend  to  in  the 
rear  of  the  store. 

"That's  what  I  said,"  Mr.  Bramson  replied,  "Lapi- 
dus &  Elenbogen 's ;  and  you  would  of  deserved  it." 

216 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

"Mr.  Bramson,"  Abe  protested,  "did  I  ever  done 
you  something  that  you  should  talk  that  way!" 

"Me  you  never  done  nothing  to,  Abe,"  said  Mr. 
Bramson,  "but  to  treat  a  lady  what  is  a  lady,  Abe, 
like  a  dawg,  Abe,  I  must  say  it  I'm  surprised. 

"7  never  treated  no  lady  like  a  dawg,  Mr.  Bram- 
son," Abe  replied.  "You  must  be  mistaken." 

"Well,  maybe  it  wasn't  you,  Abe,"  Mr.  Bramson 
went  on;  "but  if  it  wasn't  you  it  was  your  partner 
there,  that  Mawruss  Perlmutter.  Yesterday  I  seen 
him  up  to  the  Heatherbloom  Inn,  Abe,  and  I  assure 
you,  Abe,  I  was  never  before  in  my  life  in  such  a  high- 
price  place — coffee  and  cake,  Abe,  believe  me,  one 
dollar  and  a  quarter. ' ' 

He  paused  to  let  the  information  sink  in.  "But 
what  could  I  do?"  he  asked.  "I  was  walking 
through  the  side  entrance  of  the  Prince  William  Hotel 
yesterday,  Abe,  just  on  my  way  down  to  see  you,  when 
I  seen  it  a  lady  sitting  on  a  bench,  looking  like  she 
would  like  to  cry  only  for  shame  for  the  people. 
Well,  Abe,  I  looked  again,  Abe,  and  would  you  be- 
lieve it,  Abe,  it  was  Miss  Atkinson,  what  used  to  work 
for  me  as  saleswoman  and  got  a  job  by  The  Golden 
Rule  Store,  Elmira,  as  assistant  buyer,  and  is  now 
buyer  by  Moe  Gerschel,  The  Emporium,  Duluth." 

Abe  nodded;  he  knew  what  was  coming. 

' '  So,  naturally,  I  asks  her  what  it  is  the  matter  with 
her,  and  she  says  Potash  &  Perlmutter  had  an  ap- 
pointment to  take  her  out  in  an  oitermobile  at  two 
o'clock,  and  here  it  was  three  o'clock  already  and 

217 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

they  ain't  showed  up  yet.  Potash  &  Perlmutter  is 
friends  of  mine,  Miss  Atkinson,  I  says,  and  I'm  sure 
something  must  have  happened,  or  otherwise  they 
would  not  of  failed  to  be  here.  So  I  says  for  her  to 
ring  you  up,  Abe,  and  find  out.  But  she  says  she 
would  see  you  first  in — she  wouldn't  ring  you  up  for 
all  the  oitermobiles  in  New  York.  So  I  says,  well,  I 
says,  if  you  don't  want  to  ring  'em  up  I'll  ring  'em 
up ;  and  she  says  I  should  mind  my  own  business.  So 
then  I  says,  if  you  wouldn't  ring  'em  up  and  7 
wouldn't  ring  'em  up  I'll  do  this  for  you,  Miss  Atkin- 
son: You  and  me  will  go  for  an  oitermobile  ride,  I 
says,  and  we'll  have  just  so  good  a  time  as  if  Potash 
&  Perlmutter  was  paying  for  it.  And  so  we  did, 
Abe.  I  took  Miss  Atkinson  up  to  the  Heather- 
bloom,  Inn,  and  it  costed  me  thirty  dollars,  Abe,  in- 
cluding a  cigar,  which  I  wouldn't  charge  you  nothing 
for." 

"Charge  me  nothing!"  Abe  cried.  "Of  course 
you  wouldn't  charge  me  nothing.  You  wouldn't 
charge  me  nothing,  Mr.  Bramson,  because  I  wouldn  't 
pay  you  nothing.  I  didn't  ask  you  to  take  Miss  At- 
kinson out  in  an  oitermobile." 

"I  know  you  didn't,  Abe,"  Mr.  Bramson  replied 
firmly,  "but  either  you  will  pay  for  it  or  I  will  go  over 
to  Lapidus  &  Elenbogen's  and  they  will  pay  for  it. 
They'll  be  only  too  glad  to  pay  for  it,  Abe,  because 
I  bet  yer  Miss  Atkinson  she  give  'em  a  pretty  big 
order  already,  Abe." 

Abe  frowned  and  then  shrugged.     "All  right,"  he 

218 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

said ; ' 'if  I  must  I  must.  So  come  on  now,  Mr.  Bram- 
son,  and  look  over  the  line. ' ' 

In  the  meantime  Morris  had  repaired  to  the  book- 
keeper's desk  and  was  looking  over  the  daybook  with 
an  unseeing  eye.  His  mind  was  occupied  with  bitter 
reflections  when  Ealph  Tuchman  interrupted  him. 

' 'Mr.  Perlmutter, "  he  said,  "I'm  going  to  leave." 

"Going  to  leave?"  Morris  cried.     "What  for?" 

1  i  Well,  in  the  first  place,  I  don 't  like  it  to  be  called 
out  of  my  name,"  he  continued.  "Mr.  Potash  calls 
me  Ike,  and  my  name  is  Ealph.  If  a  man's  name  is 
Ealph,  Mr.  Perlmutter,  he  naturally  don't  like  it  to 
be  called  Ike." 

"I  know  it,"  Morris  agreed,  "but  some  people 
ain't  got  a  good  memory  for  names,  Ealph.  Even 
myself  I  forget  it  names,  too,  oncet  in  a  while,  occa- 
sionally. ' ' 

"But  that  ain't  all,  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  Ealph  went 
on.  "Yesterday,  while  you  was  out,  Mr.  Potash 
accuses  me  something  terrible. ' ' 

"Accuse  you!"  Morris  said.  "What  does  he 
accuse  you  for?" 

"He  accuse  me  that  I  ring  up  my  Uncle  Max  Tuch- 
man and  tell  him  about  a  Miss  Atkinson  at  the  Prince 
William  Hotel,"  Ealph  continued.  "I  didn't  do  it, 
Mr.  Perlmutter ;  believe  me.  Uncle  Max  rung  me  up, 
and  I  was  going  to  tell  you  and  Mr.  Potash  what  he 
rung  me  up  for  if  you  didn't  looked  at  me  like  I  was 
a  pickpocket  when  I  was  coming  away  from  the 
'phone  yesterday. ' ' 

219 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"I  didn't  look  at  you  like  a  pickpocket,  Ralph," 
Morris  said.  "What  did  your  Uncle  Max  ring  you 
up  for!" 

"Why,  he  wanted  me  to  tell  you  that  so  long  as 
you  was  so  kind  and  gives  me  this  here  vacation  job 
I  should  do  you  a  good  turn,  too.  He  says  that  Miss 
Atkinson  tells  him  yesterday  she  was  going  out  oiter- 
mobile  riding  with  you,  and  so  he  says  I  should  tell 
you  not  to  go  to  any  expense  by  Miss  Atkinson,  on 
account  that  she  already  bought  her  fall  line  from 
Uncle  Max  when  he  was  in  Duluth  three  weeks  ago 
already ;  and  that  she  is  now  in  New  York  strictly  on 
her  vacation  only,  and  not  to  buy  goods. ' ' 

Morris  nodded  slowly. 

"Well,  Ralph,"  he  said,  "you're  a  good,  smart  boy, 
and  I  want  you  to  stay  until  Miss  Cohen  comes  back 
and  maybe  we  '11  raise  you  a  couple  of  dollars  a  week 
till  then." 

He  bit  the  end  off  a  Heatherbloom  Inn  cigar. 
"When  a  man  gets  played  it  good  for  a  sucker  like 
we  was, ' '  he  mused,  '  *  a  couple  of  dollars  more  or  less 
won't  harm  him  none." 

"That's  what  my  Uncle  Max  says  when  he  seen 
you  up  at  the  Heatherbloom  Inn  yesterday,"  Ralph 
commented. 

"He  seen  me  up  at  the  Heatherbloom  Inn!" 
Morris  cried.  "How  should  he  seen  me  up  at  the 
Heatherbloom  Inn?  I  thought  he  was  made  it  ar- 
rested. ' ' 

"Sure  he  was  made  it  arrested,"  Ralph  said. 

220 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEE 

1  'But  he  fixed  it  up  all  right  at  the  station-house,  and 
the  sergeant  lets  him  out.  So  he  goes  up  to  the 
Heatherbloom  Inn  because  when  he  went  right  back 
to  the  hotel  to  see  after  that  Miss  Taylor  the  carriage 
agent  tells  him  a  feller  chases  him  up  in  an  oitermo- 
bile  to  the  Heatherbloom  Inn.  But  when  Uncle  Max 
gets  up  there  you  look  like  you  was  having  such  a 
good  time  already  he  hates  to  interrupt  you,  so  he 
goes  back  to  the  store  again." 

Morris  puffed  violently  at  his  cigar. 

"That's  a  fine  piece  of  work,"  he  said,  "that  Max 
Tuchman  is." 

Ealph  nodded. 

"Sure  he  is,"  he  replied.  "Uncle  Max  is  an  up- 
to-date  feller." 

CHAPTEE  XI 

**r  |  ^HE  trouble  is  with  us,  Mawruss,"  Abe  Potash 
declared  one  afternoon  in  September,  "that 
we   ain't   in   an   up-to-date   neighborhood. 
We  should  get  it  a  loft  in  one  of  them  buildings  up 
in   Seventeenth,   Eighteenth   or   Nineteenth   Street, 
Mawruss.     All  the  trade  is  up  in  that  neighbor- 
hood." 

"I  ain't  got  such  a  good  head  for  figures  like  you 

got  it,  Abe,"  Morris  Perlmutter  replied,  "and  so  I 

am  content  we  should  stay  where  we  are.     We  done 

it  always  a  fair  business  here,  Abe.    Ain't  it?" 

"Sure,  I  know,"  Abe  went  on,  "but  the  way  it  is 

221 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

with  out-of-town  buyers,  Mawruss,  they  goes  where 
the  crowd  is,  and  they  ain't  going  to  be  bothered  to 
come  way  downtown  for  us,  Mawruss." 

"Well,  how  about  Klinger  &  Klein,  Lapidus  & 
Elenbogen,  and  all  them  people,  Abe?"  Morris 
asked.  "Ain't  them  out-of-town  buyers  going  to  buy 
goods  off  of  them  neither?" 

"Klinger  &  Klein  already  hire  it  a  fine  loft  on 
Nineteenth  Street,"  Abe  interposed. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  rejoined,  "Klinger  &  Klein, 
like  a  whole  lot  of  people  what  I  know,  acts  like 
monkeys,  Abe.  They  see  somebody  doing  something 
and  they  got  to  do  it  too. ' ' 

"If  we  could  do  the  business  what  Klinger  & 
Klein  done  it,  Mawruss,  I  am  willing  I  should  act 
like  a  monkey." 

"Another  thing,  Abe,"  Morris  went  on,  "Klinger 
&  Klein  sends  their  work  out  by  contractors.  We 
got  it  operators  and  machines,  Abe,  and  you  can't 
have  a  show-room,  cutting-room  and  machines  all  in 
one  loft.  Ain't  it?" 

"Well,  then  we  get  it  two  lofts,  Mawruss,  and  then 
we  could  put  our  workrooms  upstairs  and  our  show- 
room and  offices  downstairs." 

"And  double  our  expenses,  too,  Abe,"  Morris 
added.  "No,  Abe,  I  don't  want  to  work  for  no 
landlord  all  my  life." 

"But  I  seen  Marks  Henochstein  yesterday,  Maw- 
russ, and  he  told  it  me  Klinger  &  Klein  ain't  paying 
half  the  rent  what  they  pay  down  here.  So,  if  we 

222 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

could  get  it  two  floors  we  wouldn't  increase  our  ex- 
penses, Mawruss,  and  could  do  it  maybe  twicet  the 
business. '  * 

"Marks  Henochstein  is  a  real-estater,  Abe,"  Mor- 
ris replied,  "and  when  a  real-estater  tells  you  some- 
thing, you  got  to  make  allowances  fifty  per  cent,  for 
facts." 

"I  know,"  Abe  cried;  "but  we  don't  have  to  hire 
no  loft  what  we  don't  want  to,  Mawruss.  Henoch- 
stein can't  compel  you  to  pay  twicet  as  much  what 
we're  paying  now.  Ain't  it?  So  what  is  the  harm 
if  we  should  maybe  ask  him  to  find  a  couple  of  lofts 
for  us?  Ain't  it?" 

"All  right,  Abe,"  Morris  concluded,  "if  I  must  go 
crazy  listening  to  you  talking  about  it  I  sooner  move 
first.  So  go  ahead  and  do  what  you  like. ' ' 

"Well,  the  fact  is,"  said  Abe,  "I  told  Marks  Hen- 
ochstein he  should  find  it  a  couple  lofts  for  us  this 
morning,  Mawruss,  agreeing  strictly  that  we  should 
not  pay  him  nothing,  as  he  gets  a  commission  from 
the  landlord  already." 

Morris  received  this  admission  with  a  scowl. 

"For  a  feller  what's  got  such  a  nerve  like  you  got 
it,  Abe,"  he  declared,  "I  am  surprised  you  should 
make  it  such  a  poor  salesman. ' J 

"When  a  man's  got  it  a  back-number  partner, 
Mawruss,  his  hands  is  full  inside  and  outside  the 
store,  and  so  naturally  he  loses  it  a  few  customers 
oncet  in  a  while,"  Abe  replied.  "But,  somebody's 
got  to  have  nerve  in  a  business,  Mawruss,  and  if  I 

223 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEB 

waited  for  you  to  make  suggestions  we  would  never 
get  nowhere." 

Morris  searched  his  mind  for  an  appropriate  re- 
joinder, and  had  just  formulated  a  particularly  bitter 
jibe  when  the  store  door  opened  to  admit  two  shab- 
bily-dressed females. 

"Here,  you,"  Abe  called,  "operators  goes  around 
the  alley." 

The  elder  of  the  two  females  drew  herself  up 
haughtily. 

"Operators!"  she  said  with  a  scornful  rising  in- 
flection. 

"Finishers,  also,"  Abe  continued.  "This  here 
door  is  for  customers." 

"You  don't  know  me,  Potash,"  she  retorted. 
"Might  you  don't  know  this  lady  neither,  maybe?" 

She  indicated  her  companion,  who  turned  a  mourn- 
ful gaze  upon  the  astonished  Abe. 

"But  we  know  you,  Potash,"  she  went  on.  "We 
know  you  already  when  you  didn't  have  it  so  much 
money  what  you  got  now." 

Her  companion  nodded  sadly. 

"So,  Potash,"  she  concluded,  "your  own  wife's 
people  is  operators  and  finishers;  what?" 

Abe  looked  at  Morris,  who  stood  grinning  broadly 
in  the  show-room  doorway. 

"Give  me  an  introduction  once,  Abe,"  Morris 
said. 

"He  don't  have  to  give  us  no  introduction,"  the 
elder  female  exclaimed.  "Me,  I  am  Mrs.  Sarah 

224 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEE 

Mashkowitz,  and  this  here  lady  is  my  sister,  Mrs. 
Blooma  Sheikman,  geborn  Smolinski. ' ' 

"That  ain't  my  fault  that  you  got  them  names," 
Abe  said.  "I  see  it  now  that  you're  my  wife's  fath- 
er's brother's  daughter,  ain't  it?  So  if  you're  going 
to  make  a  touch,  make  it.  I  got  business  to  attend 
to." 

"We  ain't  going  to  make  no  touch,  Potash,"  Mrs. 
Mashkowitz  declared.  "We  would  rather  die  first." 

"All  right,"  Abe  replied  heartlessly.  "Die  if  you 
got  to.  You  can't  make  me  mad." 

Mrs.  Mashkowitz  ignored  Abe's  repartee. 

"We  don't  ask  nothing  for  ourselves,  Potash,"  she 
said,  "but  we  got  it  a  sister,  your  wife's  own  cousin, 
Miriam  Smolinski.  She  wants  to  get  married. ' ' 

"I'm  agreeable,"  Abe  murmured,  "and  I'm  sure 
my  Eosie  ain't  got  no  objections  neither." 

Mrs.  Sheikman  favored  him  with  a  look  of  con- 
tempt. 

"What  chance  has  a  poor  girl  got  it  to  get  mar- 
ried?" she  asked. 

"When  she  ain't  got  a  dollar  in  the  world,"  Mrs. 
Mashkowitz  added.  "And  her  own  relatives  from 
her  own  blood  is  millionaires  already." 

"If  you  mean  me,"  Abe  replied,  "I  ain't  no  mil- 
lionaire, I  can  assure  you.  Far  from  it." 

"Plenty  of  money  you  got  it,  Potash,"  Mrs. 
Mashkowitz  said.  "Five  hundred  dollars  to  you  is 
to  me  like  ten  cents." 

"He  don't  think  no  more  of  five  hundred  dollars 

225 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

than  you  do  of  your  life,  lady, ' '  Morris  broke  in  with 
a  raucous  laugh. 

"Do  me  the  favor,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried,  "and 
tend  to  your  own  business. ' ' 

"Sure,"  Morris  replied,  as  he  turned  to  go.  "I 
thought  I  was  helping  you  out,  Abe,  that's  all." 

He  repaired  to  the  rear  of  the  store,  while  Abe 
piloted  his  two  visitors  into  the  show-room. 

"Now  what  is  it  you  want  from  me?"  he  asked. 

"Not  a  penny  she  got  it,"  Mrs.  Mashkowitz  de- 
clared, breaking  into  tears.  "And  she  got  a  fine 
young  feller  what  is  willing  to  marry  her  and  wants 
it  only  five  hundred  dollars." 

"Only  five  hundred  dollars,"  Mrs.  Sheikman 
moaned.  "Only  five  hundred  dollars.  Ai  vait" 

"Five  hundred  dollars!"  Abe  exclaimed.  "If 
you  think  you  should  cry  till  you  get  five  hundred  dol- 
lars out  of  me,  you  got  a  long  wet  spell  ahead  of  you. 
That's  all  I  got  to  say." 

"Might  he  would  take  two  hundred  and  fifty  dol- 
lars, maybe,"  Mrs.  Sheikman  suggested  hopefully 
through  her  tears." 

"Don't  let  him  do  no  favors  on  my  account,"  Abe 
said;  "because,  if  it  was  two  hundred  and  fifty  but- 
tons it  wouldn't  make  no  difference  to  me." 

"A  fine  young  feller,"  Mrs.  Mashkowitz  sobbed. 
"He  got  six  machines  and  two  hundred  dollars  saved 
up  and  wants  to  go  into  the  cloak  and  suit  contract- 
ing business. ' ' 

"Only  a  hundred  dollars  if  the  poor  girl  had  it," 

«26 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

Mrs.  Sheikman  burst  forth  again;  "maybe  he  would 
be  satisfied." 

"S 'enough!"  Abe  roared.  "I  heard  enough  al- 
ready. ' ' 

He  banged  a  sample  table  with  his  fist  and  Mrs. 
Sheikman  jumped  in  her  seat. 

"That's  a  heart  what  you  got  it,"  she  said  bit- 
terly, "like  Haman." 

"Haman  was  a  pretty  good  feller  already  com- 
pared to  me, ' '  Abe  declared ;  * '  and  also  I  got  business 
to  attend  to." 

"Come,  Sarah,"  Mrs.  Sheikman  cried.  "What's 
the  use  talking  to  a  bloodsucker  like  him ! ' ' 

"Wait!"  Mrs.  Mashkowitz  pleaded;  "I  want  to 
ask  him  one  thing  more.  If  Miriam  got  it  this  young 
feller  for  a  husband,  might  you  would  give  him  some 
of  your  work,  maybe  ? ' ' 

"Bloodsuckers  don't  give  no  work  to  nobody," 
Abe  replied  firmly.  "And  also  will  you  get  out  of 
my  store,  or  will  you  be  put  out?" 

He  turned  on  his  heel  without  waiting  for  an  an- 
swer and  joined  Morris  in  the  rear  of  the  store. 

Ten  minutes  later  he  was  approached  by  Jake,  the 
shipping-clerk. 

"Mr.  Potash,"  Jake  said,  "them  two  ladies  in  the 
show-room  wants  to  know  if  you  would  maybe  give 
that  party  they  was  talking  about  a  recommendation 
to  the  President  of  the  Kosciusko  Bank?" 

"Tell  'em,"  Abe  said,  "I'll  give  'em  a  recom- 
mendation to  a  policeman  if  they  don't  get  right  out 

227 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTEB 

of  here.  The  only  way  what  a  feller  should  deal  with 
a  nervy  proposition  like  that,  Mawruss,  is  to  squash 
it  in  the  hud." 

In  matters  pertaining  to  real  estate  Marks  Henoch- 
stein  held  himself  to  he  a  virtuoso. 

"If  anyone  can  put  it  through,  I  can,"  was  his 
motto,  and  he  tackled  the  job  of  procuring  an  uptown 
loft  for  Potash  &  Perlmutter  with  the  utmost  confi- 
dence. 

"In  the  first  place,"  he  said  when  he  called  the  next 
day,  "you  hoys  has  got  too  much  room." 

"Boys!"  Morris  exclaimed.  "Since  when  did  we 
go  to  school  together,  Henochstein  f" 

"Anyhow,  you  got  too  much  room,  ain't  yer?" 
Henochstein  continued,  his  confidence  somewhat  di- 
minished by  the  rebuff.  "You  could  get  your  work- 
rooms and  show-rooms  all  on  one  floor,  and  be- 
sides  " 

Morris  raised  his  hand  like  a  traffic  policeman  halt- 
ing an  obstreperous  truckman. 

"S 'enough,  Henochstein,"  he  said.  "S 'enough 
about  that.  We  ain't  giving  you  no  pointers  in  the 
real-estate  business,  and  we  don't  want  no  suggestions 
about  the  cloak  and  suit  business  neither.  We  asked 
it  you  to  get  us  two  lofts  on  Seventeenth,  Eighteenth 
or  Nineteenth  Street,  the  same  size  as  here  and  for 
the  same  what  we  pay  it  here  rent.  If  you  can't  do 
it  let  us  know,  that's  all,  and  we  get  somebody  else 
to  do  it.  Y 'under stand?" 

"Oh,  I  can  do  it  all  right." 

213 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

"Sure  he  can  do  it,"  Abe  said  encouragingly. 

"And  I'll  bring  you  a  list  as  big  as  the  tele 
phone  directory  to-morrow,"  Henochstein  added  as 
he  went  out     "But  all  the  same,  boys — I  mean 
Mr.  Perlmutter — I  don't  think  you  need  it  all  that 
space. ' ' 

"That's  a  fresh  real-estater  for  you,  Abe,"  Morris 
said  after  Henochstein  left.  "Wants  to  tell  it  us  our 
business  and  calls  us  boys  yet,  like  we  was  friends 
from  the  old  country  already." 

"Oh,  I  don't  know,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "He 
means  it  good,  I  guess;  and  anyway,  Mawruss,  we 
give  so  much  of  our  work  out  by  contractors,  we 
might  as  well  give  the  whole  thing  out  and  be  done 
with  it.  We  might  as  well  have  one  loft  with  the 
cutting-room  in  the  back  and  a  rack  for  piece  goods. 
Then  the  whole  front  we  could  fit  it  up  as  an  office 
and  show-room  yet,  and  we  would  have  no  noise  of 
the  machines  and  no  more  trouble  with  garment- 
makers  '  unions  nor  nothing.  I  think  it 's  a  good  idee 
sending  out  all  the  work." 

* '  Them  contractors  makes  enough  already  on  what 
we  give  them,  Abe,"  Morris  replied.  "I  bet  yer 
Satinstein  buys  real  estate  on  what  he  makes  from 
us,  Abe,  and  Ginsburg  &  Kaplan  also." 

"Well,  the  fact  is,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "I 
ain't  at  all  satisfied  with  the  way  what  Satinstein 
treats  us,  Mawruss,  nor  Ginsburg  &  Kaplan  neither. 
I  got  an  idee,  Mawruss :  we  should  give  all  our  work 
to  a  decent,  respectable  young  feller  what  is  going  to 

25— Potash  &  Per!m*tter.  229 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

marry  a  cousin  of  my  wife,  by  the  name  Miriam 
Smolinski." 

Morris  looked  long  and  hard  at  Abe  before  reply- 
ing. 

"So,  Abe,"  he  said,  "you  squashed  it  in  the  bud!" 

"Well,  them  two  women  goes  right  up  and  sees  my 
Rosie  yesterday,  Mawruss,"  Abe  admitted;  "and  so 
my  Rosie  thinks  it  wouldn't  do  us  no  harm  that  we 
should  maybe  give  the  young  feller  a  show." 

"Is  your  wife  Rosie  running  this  business,  Abe, 
or  are  we?"  Morris  asked. 

"It  ain't  a  question  what  Rosie  thinks,  Mawruss," 
Abe  explained;  "it's  what  I  think,  too.  I  think  we 
should  give  the  young  feller  a  show.  He's  a  decent, 
respectable  young  feller,  Mawruss." 

"How  do  I  know  that,  Abe?"  Morris  replied.  "I 
ain't  never  seen  him,  Abe;  I  don't  even  know  his 
name. ' ' 

"What  difference  does  that  make  it,  Mawruss?" 
said  Abe.  "I  ain't  never  seen  him  neither,  Maw- 
russ, and  I  don't  know  his  name,  too;  but  he  could 
make  up  our  line  just  as  good,  whether  his  name  was 
Thomassheffsky  or  Murphy.  Also,  what  good  would 
it  do  us  if  we  did  see  him  first?  I'm  sure,  Mawruss, 
we  ain't  giving  out  our  work  to  Satinstein  because 
he's  a  good-looking  feller,  and  Ginsburg  &  Kaplan 
ain't  no  John  Drews  neither,  so  far  what  I  hear  it, 
Mawruss." 

"That  ain't  the  idee,  Abe,"  Morris  broke  in;  "the 
idee  is  that  we  got  to  give  up  doing  our  work  in  our 

230 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

own  shop  and  send  it  out  by  a  contractor  just  starting 
in  as  a  new  beginner  already — a  young  feller  what 
you  don't  know  and  I  don't  know,  Abe — and  all 
this  we  got  to  do  just  because  you  want  it,  Abe.  Me, 
I  am  nothing  here,  Abe,  and  you  are  everything. 
You  are  the  dawg  and  I  am  the  tail.  You  are  the 
oitermobile  and  I  am  the  smell,  and  that's  the  way 
it  goes." 

"Who  says  that,  Mawruss?"  Abe  interposed.  "I 
didn't  say  it." 

"You  didn't  say  it,  Abe,"  Morris  went  on,  "but 
you  think  it  just  the  same,  and  I'm  going  to  show  you 
differencely.  I  am  content  that  we  move,  Abe,  only 
we  ain't  going  to  move  unless  we  can  find  it  two  lofts 
for  the  same  rent  what  we  pay  it  here.  And  we  ain't 
going  to  have  less  room  than  we  got  it  here  neither, 
Abe,  because  if  we  move  we're  going  to  do  our  own 
business  just  the  same  like  we  do  it  here,  and  that's 
flat." 

For  the  remainder  of  the  day  Abe  avoided  any 
reference  to  their  impending  removal,  and  it  was  not 
until  Henochstein  entered  the  show-room  the  follow- 
ing morning  that  the  discussion  was  renewed. 

"Well,  boys,"  he  said  in  greeting,  "I  got  it  a  fine 
loft  for  you  on  Nineteenth  Street  with  twicet  as  much 
floor  space  what  you  got  here." 

"A  loft!"  Morris  cried. 

"A  loft,"  Henochstein  repeated. 

"One  loft?"  Morris  asked. 

"That's  what  I  said,"  Henochstein  replied,  "one 

231 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

loft  with  twicet  as  much  floor  space,  and  it's  got  light 
on  all " 

Morris  waved  his  hand  for  silence. 

"Abe,"  he  said,  "this  here  Henochstein  is  a  friend 
of  yours;  ain't  it?" 

Abe  nodded  sulkily. 

"Well,  take  him  out  of  here,"  Morris  advised,  "be- 
fore I  kick  him  out." 

He  banged  the  show-room  door  behind  him  and 
repaired  to  Wasserbauer's  Cafe  and  Restaurant 
across  the  street  to  await  Henochstein 's  departure. 

"Mawruss  is  right,"  Abe  declared.  "You  was 
told  distinctively  we  wanted  it  two  lofts,  not  one,  and 
here  you  come  back  with  a  one-loft  proposition." 

Henochstein  rose  to  leave. 

"If  you  think  it  you  could  get  two  up-to-date  lofts 
on  Seventeenth,  Eighteenth  or  Nineteenth  Street, 
Abe,  for  what  you  pay  it  here  in  this  dinky  place, ' ' 
he  said,  "you  got  another  think  coming." 

He  opened  the  show-room  door. 

"And  also,  Abe,"  he  concluded,  "if  I  got  it  a  part- 
ner what  made  it  a  slave  of  me,  like  Perlmutter  does 
you,  I'd  go  it  alone,  that's  all  I  got  to  say." 

After  Henochstein  left,  Abe  was  a  prey  to  bitter 
reflections,  which  were  only  interrupted  by  his  part- 
ner's return  to  the  show-room  a  quarter  of  an  hour 
later. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "you  got  your  turn  at 
this  here  moving  business;  let  me  try  a  hand  at  it 
once. ' ' 

232 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"Go  ahead,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  wearily.  "You 
always  get  your  own  way,  anyhow.  You  say  I  am 
the  dawg,  Mawruss,  and  you  are  the  tail,  but  I  guess 
you  got  it  the  wrong  way  round.  I  guess  the  tail  is 
on  the  other  foot." 

Morris  shrugged. 

"That's  something  what  is  past  already,  Abe,"  he 
replied.  "I  was  just  talking  to  Wasserbauer,  and  he 
says  he  got  it  a  friend  what  is  a  sort  of  a  real-estater, 
a  smart  young  feller  by  the  name  Sam  Slotkin.  He 
says  if  Slotkin  couldn't  find  it  us  a  couple  of  lofts, 
nobody  couldn't." 

"I'm  satisfied,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said.  "If  Slotkin 
can  get  us  lofts  we  move,  otherwise  we  stay  here.  So 
far  we  made  it  always  a  living  here,  Mawruss,  and 
I  guess  we  ain't  going  to  lose  all  our  customers  even 
if  we  don't  move;  and  that's  all  there  is  to  it." 

Mr.  Sam  Slotkin  was  doubtless  his  own  ideal  of  a 
well-dressed  man.  All  the  contestants  in  a  chess 
tournament  could  have  played  on  his  clothes  at  one 
time,  and  the  ox-blood  stripes  on  his  shirt  exactly 
matched  the  color  of  his  necktie  and  socks.  He  had 
concluded  his  interview  with  Morris  on  the  morning 
following  Henochstein's  fiasco,  before  Abe's  arrival 
at  the  office,  and  he  was  just  leaving  as  Abe  came  in. 

"Who's  that,  Mawruss?"  Abe  asked,  staring  after 
the  departing  figure. 

"That's  Sam  Slotkin,"  Morris  replied.  "He 
looks  like  a  bright  young  feller. ' ' 

' '  I  bet  yer  he  looks  bright, ' '  Abe  commented.    ' '  He 

233 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

looks  so  bright  in  them  vaudeville  clothes  that  it  al- 
most gives  me  eye-strain.  I  suppose  he  says  he  can 
get  us  the  lofts. '  * 

"Sure,"  Morris  answered;  "he  says  he  can  fix  us 
up  all  right." 

"I  hope  so,"  Abe  said  skeptically,  and  at  once  re- 
paired to  the  office.  It  was  the  tail-end  of  a  busy 
season  and  Abe  and  Morris  found  no  tune  to  renew 
the  topic  of  their  forthcoming  removal  until  two  days 
later  when  Sam  Slotkin  again  interviewed  Morris. 
The  result  was  communicated  to  Abe  by  Morris  after 
Slotkin 's  departure. 

"He  says,  Abe,  that  he  thinks  he's  got  the  very 
place  for  us, ' '  Morris  said. 

"He  thinks  he  got  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  exclaimed. 
"Well,  we  can't  rip  out  our  store  here  on  the 
strength  of  a  think,  Mawruss.  When  will  he  know 
if  he's  got  it?" 

"To-morrow  morning,"  Morris  replied,  and  went 
upstairs  to  the  workroom,  where  the  humming  of 
many  machines  testified  to  the  last  rush  of  the  sea- 
son's work.  Abe  joined  him  there  a  few  minutes 
later. 

"Believe  me,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "I'll  be  glad 
when  this  here  order  for  the  Fashion  Store  is  out. ' ' 

"It  takes  a  week  yet,  Goldman  tells  me,"  Morris 
replied,  "and  I  guess  we  might  have  to  work  nights 
if  they  don't  make  it  a  hurry-up." 

"Well,  we're  pretty  late  with  that  Fashion  Store 
delivery  as  it  is,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "It 

234 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

wouldn't  hurt  none  if  we  did  work  nights,  Mawruss. 
We  ought  to  get  that  order  out  by  the  day  after  to- 
morrow yet." 

"You  speak  to  'em,  Abe,"  Morris  retorted,  indi- 
cating the  working  force  by  a  wave  of  his  hand. 

"What  have  I  got  to  do  with  it?"  Abe  asked. 
"You're  the  inside  man,  Mawruss." 

"To  my  sorrow,  Abe,"  said  Morris,  "and  if  you 
was  the  inside  man  you  would  know  it  that  if  I  told 
'em  they  was  working  on  a  rush  order  they'd  strike 
for  more  money  already." 

"And  yet,  Mawruss,  you  ain't  in  favor  of  giving 
out  our  work  by  contractors, ' '  Abe  cried  as  he  walked 
away. 

The  next  morning  Sam  Slotkin  was  waiting  in  the 
show-room  before  Abe  or  Morris  arrived.  When 
they  entered  he  advanced  to  meet  them  with  a  confi- 
dent smile. 

"I  got  it  the  very  thing  what  you  want,  Mr.  Perl- 
mutter,"  he  said.  "A  fine  loft  on  Nineteenth 
Street." 

"A  loft!"  Abe  exclaimed. 

"A  fine  loft,"  Slotkin  corrected. 

"How  big  a  loft?"  Morris  asked. 

"Well,  it  is  maybe  twicet  as  big  as  this  here," 
Slotkin  replied.  "You  could  get  into  it  all  you* 
machines  and  have  a  cutting-room  and  show-room 
and  office  besides." 

"That  sounds  pretty  good,  Abe,"  Morris  com- 
mented.  "Don't  you  think  so,  Abe?" 

235 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

Abe  pulled  off  his  coat  with  such  force  that  he 
ripped  the  sleeve-lining. 

"What  are  you  doing,"  he  demanded,  "making 
jokes  with  me!" 

"And  it's  only  twenty  dollars  more  a  month  as 
you're  paying  here,"  Slotkin  concluded. 

"Twenty  dollars  a  month  won't  make  us  or  break 
us,  Abe,"  Morris  said. 

"It  won't,  hey?"  Abe  roared.  "Well,  that  don't 
make  no  difference,  Mawruss.  You  said  you  wanted 
it  two  lofts,  and  we  got  to  have  it  two  lofts.  How  do 
you  think  we're  going  to  sell  goods  and  keep  our 
books,  Mawruss,  if  we  have  all  them  machines  kick- 
ing up  a  racket  on  the  same  floor?" 

"Well,  Abe,  might  we  could  send  our  work  out  by 
contractors,  maybe,"  Morris  answered  with  all  the 
vivacity  of  a  man  suggesting  a  new  and  brilliant 
idea. 

Abe  stared  at  his  partner  for  a  minute. 

"What's  the  matter  with  you,  Morris,  anyway?" 
he  asked  at  length.  "First  you  say  it  we  must  have 
two  lofts  and  keep  our  work  in  our  own  shop,  and 
now  you  turn  right  around  again. ' ' 

"I  got  to  talking  it  over  with  Minnie  last  night," 
Morris  replied,  "and  she  thinks  maybe  if  we  give 
our  work  out  by  contractors  we  wouldn't  need  it  to 
stay  down  so  late,  and  then  I  wouldn't  keep  the 
dinner  waiting  an  hour  or  so  every  other  night. 
We  lose  it  two  good  girls  already  by  it  in  six 
months." 

236 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

"Who  is  running  this  business,  Mawruss?"  Abe 
roared.  "Minnie  or  us?" 

Sam  Slotkin  listened  with  a  slightly  bored  air. 

"Gentlemen,  gentlemen,"  he  said,  "what's  the  use 
of  it  you  make  all  this  disturbance  ?  The  loft  is  light 
on  all  four  sides,  with  two  elevators.  Also,  it  is 
already  big  enough  for " 

"What  are  you  butting  in  for?"  Abe  shouted. 
"What  business  is  it  of  yours,  anyhow?" 

"I  am  the  broker,"  Sam  Slotkin  replied  with  sim- 
ple dignity.  "And  also  you're  going  to  take  that 
loft.  Otherwise  I  lose  it  three  hundred  dollars'  com- 
mission, and  besides " 

"My  partner  is  right,"  Morris  interrupted. 
"You  ain't  got  no  business  to  say  what  we  will  or 
will  not  do.  If  we  want  to  take  it  we  will  take  it, 
otherwise  not." 

"Don't  worry,"  Sam  Slotkin  cried,  "you  will  take 
it  all  right  and  I'll  be  back  this  afternoon  for  an 
answer. ' ' 

He  put  on  his  hat  and  left  without  another  word, 
while  Abe  and  Morris  looked  at  each  other  in  blank 
amazement. 

"That's  a  real-estater  for  you,"  Abe  said.  "Hen- 
ochstein  's  got  it  pretty  good  nerve,  Mawruss,  but  this 
feller  acts  so  independent  like  a  doctor  or  a  lawyer. ' ' 

Morris  nodded  and  started  to  hang  up  his  hat  and 
coat,  but  even  as  his  hand  was  poised  half-way  to  the 
hook  it  became  paralyzed.  Simultaneously  Abe 
looked  up  from  the  column  of  the  Daily  Cloak  and 

237 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

Suit  Record  and  Miss  Cohen,  the  bookkeeper,  stopped 
writing ;  for  the  hum  of  sewing  machines,  which  was 
as  much  a  part  of  their  weekday  lives  as  the  beating 
of  their  own  hearts,  had  suddenly  ceased. 

Abe  and  Morris  took  the  stairs  leading  to  the  upper 
floor  three  at  a  jump,  and  arrived  breathlessly  in  the 
workroom  just  as  fifty-odd  employees  were  putting  on 
their  coats  preparatory  to  leaving. 

"What's  the  matter?"  Abe  gasped. 

"Strike,"  Goldman,  the  foreman,  replied. 

"A  strike!"  Morris  cried.     "What  for  a  strike?" 

Goldman  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

( '  Comes  a  walking  delegate  by  the  opposite  side  of 
the  street  and  makes  with  his  hands  motions,"  he 
explained.  "So  they  goes  out  on  strike." 

Few  of  the  striking  operators  could  speak  Eng- 
lish, but  those  that  did  nodded  their  corroboration. 

"For  what  you  strike?"  Morris  asked  them. 

"Moost  strike,"  one  of  them  replied.  "Ven  vark- 
ing  delegate  say  moost  strike,  ve  moost  strike." 

Sadly  Abe  and  Morris  watched  their  employees 
leave  the  building,  and  then  they  repaired  to  the 
show-room. 

1 1  There  goes  two  thousand  dollars,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe 
said.  "For  so  sure  as  you  live,  Mawruss,  if  we  don't 
make  that  delivery  to  the  Fashion  Store  inside  of  a 
week  we  get  a  cancelation  by  the  next  day's  mail; 
ain't  it?" 

Morris  nodded  gloomily,  and  they  both  remained 
silent  for  a  few  minutes. 

238 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

"Mawruss,"  Abe  said  at  last,  "where  is  that  loft 
•what  Slotkin  gives  us!" 

"What  do  you  want  to  know  for?'* 

"I'm  going  right  up  to  have  a  look  at  it,"  Abe  re- 
plied. "I'm  sick  and  tired  of  this  here  strike  busi- 
ness.'* 

Morris  heaved  a  great  sigh. 

"I  believe  you,  Abe,"  he  said.  "The  way  I  feel 
it  now  we  will  sell  for  junk  every  machine  what  we 
got." 

Forthwith  Abe  boarded  a  car  for  uptown,  and 
when  he  returned  two  hours  later  he  found  Goldman 
discussing  ways  and  means  with  Morris  in  the  show- 
room. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "what  for  a  loft  you 
seen  it?" 

Abe  hung  up  his  hat  deliberately. 

"I  tell  you  the  truth,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  turning 
around,  "the  loft  ain't  bad.  It's  a  good-looking  loft, 
Mawruss,  only  it's  certain  sure  we  couldn't  have  no 
machines  in  that  loft." 

"Ai  vai!"  Goldman  exclaimed,  rocking  to  and  fro 
in  his  chair  and  striking  his  head  with  his  clenched 
fist. 

"Nu  Goldman?"  Morris  asked.  "What's  the 
trouble  with  you?" 

' '  Troubles  enough  he  got  it,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  said, 
as  he  watched  Goldman's  evolutions  of  woe.  "If  we 
do  away  with  our  machines  he  loses  his  job;  ain't 
it?" 

239 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

Sympathy  seemed  only  to  intensify  Goldman's 
distress. 

"Better  than  that  he  should  make  me  dizzy  at  my 
stomach  to  watch  him,  Abe,"  Morns  said.  "I  got 
a  suggestion." 

Goldman  ceased  rocking  and  looked  up. 

"I  got  a  suggestion,  Abe,"  Morris  went  on,  "that 
we  sell  it  our  machines  on  long  terms  of  credit  to 
Goldman,  and  he  should  go  into  the  contracting  busi- 
ness; ain't  it?" 

"  Ai  vail"  Goldman  cried  again,  and  commenced  to 
rock  anew. 

"Stop  it,  Goldman,"  Abe  yelled.  "What's  the 
trouble  now  ? ' ' 

"What  show  does  a  feller  got  it  what  starts  as  a 
new  beginner  in  cloak  contracting  already?"  Gold- 
man wailed. 

"Well,"  Abe  replied,  "you  could  get  our  work." 

Morris  seized  on  this  as  a  happy  compromise  be- 
tween his  own  advocacy  of  Ginsburg  &  Kaplan  and 
the  rival  claims  of  Abe's  wife's  relations. 

"Sure,"  he  agreed.  "We  will  give  him  the  work 
what  we  give  now  to  Satinstein  and  Ginsburg  &  Kap- 
lan." 

Goldman's  face  spread  into  a  thousand  wrinkles 
of  joy. 

"You  save  my  life!"  he  exclaimed. 

' '  Only  he  got  to  agree  by  a  lawyer  he  should  make 
it  up  our  work  a  whole  lot  cheaper  as  they  did,"  Mor- 
ris concluded 

240 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

Goldman  nodded  vigorously. 

"Sure,  sure,"  he  said. 

"And  also  he  got  to  help  us  call  off  this  here 
strike,"  Abe  added. 

"I  do  my  bestest,"  Goldman  replied.  "Only  we 
got  to  see  it  the  varking  delegate  first  and  fix  it  up 
with  him." 

"Who  is  this  walking  delegate,  anyhow?"  Morris 
asked. 

Goldman  scratched  his  head  to  aid  his  memory. 

"I  remember  it  now,"  he  said  at  last.  "It's  a 
feller  by  the  name  Sam  Slotkin." 

When  Abe  and  Morris  recovered  from  the  shock 
of  Goldman's  disclosure  they  vied  with  each  other  in 
the  strength  of  their  resolutions  not  to  move  into 
Sam  Slotkin 's  loft.  "I  wouldn't  pay  it  not  one  cent 
blackmail  neither,"  Abe  declared,  "not  if  they  kept 
it  up  the  strike  for  a  year." 

"Better  as  we  should  let  that  sucker  do  us,  Abe," 
Morris  declared,  "I  would  go  out  of  the  business 
first;  ain't  it!" 

Abe  nodded  and,  after  a  few  more  defiant  senti- 
ments, they  went  upstairs  with  Goldman  to  estimate 
the  amount  of  work  undone  on  the  Fashion  Store 
order. 

"Them  Fashion  people  was  always  good  customers 
of  ours,  too,  Mawruss,"  Abe  commented,  "and  we 
couldn't  send  the  work  out  by  contractors  in  this 
shape.  It  would  ruin  the  whole  job. ' ' 

Morris  nodded  sadly. 

241 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"If  we  could  only  get  them  devils  of  operators  to 
finish  up,"  he  said,  "they  could  strike  till  they  was 
blue  in  the  face  yet." 

"But  I  wouldn't  pay  one  cent  to  that  sucker,  Slot- 
Mn,  Mawruss,"  Abe  added. 

"Sure  not,"  Morris  agreed. 

"Might  you  wouldn't  have  to  pay  him  nothing, 
maybe, n  Goldman  suggested. 

"What  d'ye  mean?"  Abe  cried. 

"Might  if  you  would  take  it  the  loft  he  would  call 
off  the  strike,"  said  Goldman. 

"That's  so,  Mawruss,"  Abe  murmured,  as  though 
this  phase  of  the  matter  had  just  occurred  to  him  for 
the  first  time. 

"Maybe  Goldman  is  right,  Abe,"  Morris  replied. 
"Maybe  if  we  took  it  the  loft  Slotkin  would  call  off 
the  strike." 

"After  all,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "the  loft  ain't  a 
bad  loft,  Mawruss.  If  it  wasn't  such  a  good  loft, 
Mawruss,  I  would  say  it  no,  Mawruss,  we  shouldn't 
take  the  loft;  but  the  loft  is  a  first-class  A  Number 
One  loft." 

"S 'enough,  Abe,"  Morris  replied.  "You  don't 
have  to  tell  it  me  a  hundred  times  already.  I  ain't 
disputing  it's  a  good  loft;  and  so  if  Slotkin  calls  off 
the  strike  we  take  the  loft. ' ' 

At  this  juncture  the  store  door  opened  and  Slot 
kin  himself  entered. 

"Good  afternoon,  gents,"  he  said. 

Morris  and  Abe  greeted  him  with  a  scowl. 

242 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

1 1 1  suppose  you  come  for  an  answer  about  that  loft, 
huh?"  Morris  snorted. 

Slotkin  stared  at  Abe  indignantly. 

" Excuse  me,  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  he  said,  "I  ain't 
here  as  broker.  I'll  see  you  later  about  that  already. 
I  come  here  now  as  varking  delegate. ' ' 

"Sure,  I  know,"  Abe  replied.  "When  you 
call  it  a  strike  on  us  this  morning,  that  ain't  got 
nothing  to  do  with  our  taking  the  loft.  We  believe 
that,  Slotkin;  so  go  ahead  and  tell  us  something 
else. ' ' 

"It  makes  me  no  difference  whether  you  believe  it 
or  you  don't  believe  it,  Mr.  Potash,"  Slotkin  went 
on.  "All  I  got  to  say  is  that  you  signed  it  an  agree- 
ment with  the  union;  ain't  it?" 

"Sure,  we  signed  it,"  said  Abe,  "and  we  kept  it, 
too.  We  pay  'em  always  union  prices  and  we  keep 
it  union  hours." 

"Prices  and  hours  is  all  right,"  Slotkin  said,  "but 
in  the  agreement  stands  it  you  should  give  'em  a 
proper  place  to  work  in  it. ' ' 

"Well,"  Morris  cried,  "ain't  it  a  proper  place  here 
to  work  in  it?" 

Slotkin  shook  his  head. 

"As  varking  delegate  I  seen  it  already.  I  seen  it 
your  shop  where  your  operators  work,"  he  com- 
menced, "and " 

"Why,  you  ain't  never  been  inside  our  shop," 
Goldman  cried. 

"I  seen  it  from  the  outside — from  the  street  al- 

243 


POTASH  &   PERLMUTTEB 

ready — and  as  varking  delegate  it  is  my  duty  to  caH 
on  you  a  strike,"  Slotkin  concluded. 

"What's  the  matter  with  the  work-room?"  Abe 
asked. 

"Well,  the  neighborhod  ain't  right,"  Slotkin  ex- 
plained. "It's  a  narrow  street  already.  It  should 
be  on  a  wider  street  like  Nineteenth  Street. ' ' 

He  paused  to  note  the  effect  and  Morris  grunted 
involuntarily. 

"Also,"  Slotkin  continued,  "it  needs  it  light  on 
four  sides,  and  two  elevators." 

"And  I  suppose  if  we  hire  it  such  a  loft,  Slotkin," 
Abe  broke  in,  "you  will  call  off  the  strike." 

"Sure  I  will  call  it  off  the  strike,"  he  declared. 
"It  would  be  my  duty  as  varking  delegate.  I  moost 
call  it  off  the  strike." 

"All  right,  then,"  Abe  said;  "call  off  the  strike. 
We  made  up  our  mind  we  will  take  the  loft." 

"You  mean  you  will  take  such  a  loft  what  the 
union  agreement  calls  for  and  which  I  just  described 
it  to  you,"  Slotkin  corrected  in  his  quality  of  walk- 
ing delegate. 

"That's  what  we  mean,"  Abe  replied. 

"Why,  then,  that  loft  what  I  called  to  your  atten- 
tion, as  broker,  this  morning  would  be  exactly  what 
you  would  need  it!"  Slotkin  exclaimed,  in  the  hearty 
tones  of  a  conscientious  man,  glad  that  for  once  the 
performance  of  his  official  duty  redounded  to  clean- 
handed personal  profit. 

"Sure,"  Abe  grunted. 

244 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

"Then,  as  broker,  I  tell  it  you  that  the  leases  is 
ready  down  at  Henry  D.  Feldman's  office,"  Slotkin 
replied,  *  *  and  as  soon  as  they  are  signed  the  strike  is 
off." 

A  week  later  the  Fashion  Store's  order  was  fin- 
ished, packed  and  shipped ;  and  on  the  same  day  that 
Goldman,  the  foreman,  dismissed  the  hands  he  went 
down  to  Henry  D.  Feldman's  office.  There  he  signed 
an  agreement  with  Potash  &  Perlmutter  to  make  up 
all  their  garments  in  the  contracting  shop  which  he 
proposed  to  open  the  first  of  the  following  month. 

"Where  are  you  going  to  have  it  your  shop,  Gold- 
man?" Morris  asked,  after  they  had  returned  from 
Feldman's. 

"That  I  couldn't  tell  it  you  just  yet,"  Goldman 
replied.  "We  ain't  quite  decided  yet." 

"  We ! "  Abe  cried  excitedly.    « '  W^ho  's  we  ?  " 

"Well,  I  expect  to  get  it  a  partner  with  a  couple 
of  hundred  dollars,"  Goldman  said;  "but,  anyhow, 
Mr.  Potash,  I  get  some  cards  printed  next  week  and 
I  send  you  one." 

"All  right,"  Abe  replied.  "Only  let  me  give  it 
you  a  piece  of  advice,  Goldman :  If  you  get  it  a  part- 
ner, don't  make  no  mistake  and  have  some  feller  what 
wants  to  run  you  and  the  business  and  everybody 
else,  Goldman." 

The  thrust  went  home  and  Morris  stared  fiercely  at 
his  partner. 

"And  you  should  see  it  also  that  his  wife  ain't  got 
no  relations,  Goldman,"  he  added,  "otherwise  he'll 

Z6— Potash  &  Perlm*tttr.  245 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

want  you  to  share  the  profits  of  the  business  with 
them." 

Goldman  nodded. 

"Oh,  I  got  a  good,  smart  feller  picked  out,  and 
his  wife's  relations  will  be  all  right,  too,"  he  said, 
as  he  started  to  leave.  ' '  But,  anyhow,  Mr.  Perlmut- 
ter,  I  let  you  know  next  week. ' ' 

About  ten  days  afterward,  while  Morris  and  Abe 
were  in  the  throes  of  packing,  prior  to  the  removal 
of  their  business,  the  letter-carrier  entered  with  a 
batch  of  mail,  and  Morris  immediately  took  it  into  the 
show-room. 

"Here,  Abe,"  he  said,  as  he  glanced  at  the  first 
envelope,  "this  is  for  you." 

Then  he  proceeded  to  go  through  the  remainder  of 
the  pile. 

"Holy  smokes!"  he  cried,  as  he  opened  the  next 
envelope. 

"What's  the  matter?"  Abe  asked.  "Is  it  a  fail- 
ure?" He  had  read  his  own  letter  and  held  it  be- 
tween trembling  fingers  as  he  inquired. 

"Look  at  this,"  Morris  said,  handing  him  a  card. 

It  was  a  fragment  of  cheap  pasteboard  and  bore 
the  following  legend: 

PHILIP  GOLDMAN  SAM  J9LOTKIN 

GOLDMAN   &  SLOTKIN 
CLOAK   AND    SUIT  CONTRACTORS 

SPONGING  AND  EXAMINING 

PIKE  STREET  NEW  YORK 

246 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

Abe  read  the  card  and  handed  it  back  in  silence. 

1  'Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  " that's  a  fine  piece 
of  business.  We  not  only  got  to  take  it  the  loft  what 
Slotkin  picks  out  for  us,  but  we  also  got  to  give 
Slotkin  our  work  also. ' ' 

Abe  shrugged  his  shoulders  in  an  indifferent  man- 
ner. 

"You  always  got  to  run  things  your  way,  Maw- 
russ, ' '  he  said.  *  *  If  you  let  me  do  it  my  way,  Maw- 
russ,  we  wouldn't  of  had  no  strike  nor  trouble  nor 
nothing,  and  it  would  of  been  the  same  in  the 
end." 

"What  d'ye  mean?"  Morris  exclaimed. 

"Look  at  this  here,"  Abe  replied,  handing  him 
the  letter.  It  was  printed  in  script  on  heavily-coated 
paper  and  read  as  follows : 

MRS.   SARAH  MASHKOWITZ  &  MRS.   BLOOMA 
SHEIKMAN 

SISTERS  OF  THE  BRIDE 

REQUEST  THE  HONOR  OF  YOUR  CO. 

AT  THE  MARRIAGE  OF  THEIR  SISTER 

MISS   MIRIAM   SMOLINSKI 

TO 

SAM    SLOTKIN 

ON  SUNDAY  OCT  3  1907  at  7  p  M  SHARP 
NEW  RIGA  HALL  ALLEN  STREET 

BRIDE'S  RESIDENCE 

CARE  OF  ROTHMAN'S  CORSET  STORE 

4025  MADISON  AVE 

N  Y  CITY 

LADIES  AND  GENTS  WARDROBE  CHECK  50c 
247 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 


CHAPTEE  XH 

<«^7"ES,  Mawruss,"  Abe  Potash  said  to  his  partner 
as  they  stood  together  and  surveyed  the 
wild  disorder  of  their  business  premises, 
"one  removal  is  worser  as  a  fire.7' 

"Sure  it  is,"  Morris  Perlmutter  agreed.  "A  fire 
you  can  insure  it,  Abe,  but  a  removal  is  a  risk  what 
you  got  to  take  yourself;  and  you're  bound  to  make 
it  a  loss." 

"Not  if  you  got  a  little  system,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
went  on.  "The  trouble  with  us  is,  Mawruss,  we 
ain't  got  no  system.  In  less  than  three  weeks  al- 
ready we  got  to  move  into  the  loft  on  Nineteenth 
Street,  Mawruss,  and  we  ain't  even  made  up  our 
minds  about  the  fixtures  yet." 

"The  fixtures!"  Morris  cried.  "For  why  should 
we  make  up  our  minds  about  the  fixtures,  Abe?" 

"We  need  to  have  fixtures,  Mawruss,  ain't  it?" 

"What's  the  matter  with  the  fixtures  what  we  got 
it  here,  Abe?"  Morris  asked. 

"Them  ain't  fixtures  what  we  got  it  here,  Maw- 
russ," Abe  replied.  "Junk  is  what  we  got  It  here, 
Mawruss,  not  fixtures.  If  we  was  to  move  them 
bum-looking  racks  and  tables  up  to  Nineteenth 
Street,  Mawruss,  it  would  be  like  an  insult  to  our 
customers." 

"Would  it?"  Morris  replied.      "Well,  we  ain't 

248 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

asking  'em  to  buy  the  fixtures,  Abe ;  we  only  sell  'em 
the  garments.  Anyhow,  if  our  customers  was  so 
touchy,  Abe,  they  would  of  been  insulted  long 
since  ago.  For  we  got  them  fixtures  six  years 
already,  and  before  we  had  'em  yet,  Abe,  Pin- 
cus  Vesell  bought  'em,  way  before  the  Spanish 
War,  from  Kupfennan  &  Daiches,  and  then  Kupfer- 
man  &  Daiches " 

"S 'enough.  Mawruss,"  Abe  protested,  "I  ain't 
asked  you  you  should  tell  me  the  family  history  of 
them  fixtures,  Mawruss.  I  know  it  as  well  as  you 
do,  Mawruss,  them  fixtures  is  old-established  back 
numbers,  and  I  wouldn't  have  'em  in  the  store  even 
if  we  was  going  to  stay  here  yet." 

"You  wouldn't  have  'em  in  the  store,"  Morris 
broke  in;  "but  how  about  me?  Ain't  I  nobody  here, 
Abe  ?  I  think  I  got  something  to  say,  too,  Abe.  So  I 
made  up  my  mind  we're  going  to  keep  them 
fixtures  and  move  'em  up  to  the  new  store.  We 
done  it  always  a  good  business  with  them  fixtures, 
Abe." 

"Yes,  Mawruss,  and  we  also  lose  it  a  good  cus- 
tomer by  'em,  too,"  Abe  rejoined.  "You  know  as 
well  as  I  do  that  after  one-eye  Feigenbaum,  of  the 
H.  F.  Cloak  Company,  run  into  that  big  rack  over  by 
the  door  and  busted  his  nose  we  couldn't  sell  him  no 
more  goods." 

"Was  it  the  rack's  fault  that  Henry  Feigenbaum 
only  got  one  eye,  Abe?"  Morris  cried.  "Anyhow, 
Abe,  when  a  feller  got  a  nose  like  Henry  Feigen- 

249 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

baum,  Abe,  he's  liable  to  knock  it  against  most  any- 
thing, Abe;  so  you  couldn't  blame  it  on  the  fix- 
tures." 

"I  don't  know  who  was  to  blame,  Mawruss," 
Abe  said,  "but  I  do  know  that  he  buys  it  always 
a  big  bill  of  goods  from  H.  Rifkin,  what's  got 
that  loft  on  the  next  floor  above  where  we  took 
it  on  Nineteenth  Street,  and  Rifkin  does  a  big 
business  by  him.  I  bet  yer  Feigenbaum's  account 
is  easy  worth  two  thousand  a  year  net  to  Rifkin, 
Mawruss. ' ' 

"Maybe  it  is  and  maybe  it  ain't,  Abe,"  Morris 
rejoined,  "but  that  ain't  here  nor  there.  .Instead 
you  should  be  estimating  Rif kin's  profits,  Abe,  you 
should  better  be  going  up  to  Nineteenth  Street  and 
see  if  them  people  gets  through  painting  and  clean- 
ing up.  I  got  it  my  hands  full  down  here." 

Abe  reached  for  his  hat. 

"I  bet  yer  you  got  your  hands  full,  Mawruss," 
he  grumbled.  "The  way  it  looks,  now,  Mawruss, 
you  got  our  sample  lines  so  mixed  up  it'll  be  out  of 
date  before  you  get  it  sorted  out  again." 

"All  right,"  Morris  retorted,  "we'll  get  out  a  new 
one.  We  don't  care  nothing  about  the  expenses, 
Abe.  If  the  old  fixtures  ain  't  good  enough  our  sam- 
ple line  ain't  good  enough,  neither.  Ain't  it?  What 
do  we  care  about  money,  Abe?" 

He  paused  to  emphasize  the  irony. 

"No,  Abe,"  he  concluded,  "don't  you  worry  about 
them  samples,  nor  them  fixtures,  neither.  You  got 

250 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTEB 

worry  enough  if  you  tend  to  your  own  business,  Abe. 
I'll  see  that  them  samples  gets  up  to  Nineteenth 
Street  in  good  shape.'* 

Abe  shrugged  his  shoulders  and  made  for  the 
door. 

"And  them  fixtures  also,  Abe,"  Morris  shouted 
after  him. 

The  loft  building  on  Nineteenth  Street  into  which 
Potash  &  Perlmutter  proposed  to  move  was  an  im- 
posing fifteen-story  structure.  Burnished  metal 
signs  of  its  occupants  flanked  its  wide  doorway,  and 
the  entrance  hall  gleamed  with  gold  leaf  and  plaster 
porphyry,  while  the  uniform  of  each  elevator  attend- 
ant would  have  graced  the  high  admiral  of  a  South 
American  Navy. 

So  impressed  was  Abe  with  the  magnificence  of  his 
surroundings  that  he  forgot  to  call  his  floor  when  he 
entered  one  of  the  elevators,  and  instead  of  alighting 
at  the  fifth  story  he  was  carried  up  to  the  sixth  floor 
before  the  car  stopped. 

Seven  or  eight  men  stepped  out  with  him  and 
passed  through  the  door  of  H.  Eif kin's  loft,  while 
Abe  sought  the  stairs  leading  to  the  floor  below.  He 
walked  to  the  westerly  end  of  the  hall,  only  to  find 
that  the  staircase  was  at  the  extreme  easterly  end, 
and  as  he  retracd  his  footsteps  a  young  man  whom 
he  recognized  as  a  clerk  in  the  office  of  Henry  D. 
Feldman,  the  prominent  cloak  and  suit  attorney, 
was  pasting  a  large  sheet  of  paper  on  H.  Eifkin's 
door. 

251 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

It  bore  the  following  legend : 

CLOSED 
BY   ORDER   OF   THE   FEDERAL  RECEIVER 


HENRY  D.   FELDMAN 
Attorney  for  Petitioning  Creditors 

Abe  stopped  short  and  shook  the  sticky  hand  of  the 
bill-poster. 

"How  d'ye  do,  Mr.  Feinsteinf "  he  said. 

"Ah,  good  morning,  Mr.  Potash,"  Feinstein  cried 
in  his  employer's  best  tone  and  manner. 

"What's  the  matter?    Is  Rifkin  in  trouble t" 

"Oh,  no,"  Feinstein  replied  ironically.  "Rifkin 
ain't  in  trouble;  his  creditors  is  in  trouble,  Mr.  Pot- 
ash. The  Federal  Textile  Company,  ten  thousand 
four  hundred  and  eighty-two  dollars;  Miller,  Field  & 
Simpson,  three  thousand  dollars;  the  Kosciusko 
Bank,  two  thousand  and  fifty." 

Abe  whistled  his  astonishment. 

"I  always  thought  he  done  it  such  a  fine  busi- 
ness," he  commented. 

"Sure  he  done  it  a  fine  business,"  the  law  clerk 
said.  "I  should  say  he  did  done  it  a  fine  business. 
If  he  got  away  with  a  cent  he  got  away  with  fifty 
thousand  dollars." 

"Don't  nobody  know  where  he  skipped  to?" 

"Only  his  wife,"  Fernstein  replied,  "and  she  left 
home  yesterday.  Some  says  she  went  to  Canada  and 
some  says  to  Mexico ;  but  they  mostly  goes  to  Brook- 
lyn, and  who  in  blazes  could  find  her  there?" 

252 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

Abe  nodded  solemnly. 

"But  come  inside  and  give  a  look  around,"  Fein- 
stein  said  hospitably.  "Maybe  there's  something 
you  would  like  to  buy  at  the  receiver's  sale  next 
week. ' ' 

Abe  handed  Feinstein  a  cigar,  and  together  they 
went  into  Bif  kin's  loft. 

"He's  got  some  fine  fixtures,  ain't  it?"  Abe  said 
as  he  gazed  upon  the  mahogany  and  plate-glass  fur- 
nishings of  Bif  kin 's  office. 

"Sure  he  has,"  Feinstein  replied  nonchalantly, 
scratching  a  parlor  match  on  the  veneered  shelf 
under  the  cashier's  window.  The  first  attempt 
missed  fire,  and  again  he  drew  a  match  across  the 
lower  part  of  the  partition,  leaving  a  great  scar  on 
its  polished  surface. 

"Ain't  you  afraid  you  spoil  them  fixtures?"  Abe 
asked. 

"They  wouldn't  bring  nothing  at  the  receiver's 
sale,  anyhow, ' '  Feinstein  replied,  * '  even  though  they 
are  pretty  near  new." 

"They  must  have  cost  him  a  pretty  big  sum,  ain't 
it?"  Abe  said. 

"They  didn't  cost  him  a  cent,"  Feinstein  an- 
swered, "because  he  ain't  paid  a  cent  for  'em.  Flaum 
&  Bingler  sold  'em  to  him,  and  they're  one  of  the 
petitioning  creditors.  Twenty-one  hundred  dollars 
they  got  stung  for,  and  they  ain't  got  no  chattel  mort- 
gage nor  nothing.  Look  at  them  racks  there  and  all 
them  mirrors  and  tables!  Good  enough  for  a 

253 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

saloon.  I  bet  yer  them  green  baize  doors,  what  he 
put  inside  the  regular  door,  is  worth  pretty  near  a 
hundred  dollars." 

Abe  nodded  again. 

"And  I  bet  the  whole  shooting-match  don't  fetch 
five  hundred  dollars  at  the  receiver's  sale,"  Fein- 
stein  said. 

"Why,  I'd  give  that  much  for  it  myself,"  Abe 
cried. 

Feinstein  puffed  away  at  his  cigar  for  a  minute. 

"Do  you  honestly  mean  you'd  like  to  buy  them 
fixtures  f "  he  said  at  last. 

' '  Sure  I  'd  like  to  buy  them, ' '  Abe  replied.  ' '  When 
is  the  receiver's  sale  going  to  be?" 

"Next  week,  right  after  the  order  of  adjudica- 
tion is  signed.  But  that  won't  do  you  no  good. 
The  dealers  would  bid  'em  up  on  you,  and  you 
wouldn't  stand  no  show  at  all.  What  you  want  to 
do  is  to  buy  'em  from  the  receiver  at  private  sale." 

"So?"  Abe  commented.  "Well,  how  would  I  go 
about  that?" 

Feinstein  pulled  his  hat  over  his  eyes  and,  rest- 
ing his  cigar  on  the  top  of  Rifkin's  desk  with  the 
lighted  end  next  to  the  wood,  he  drew  Abe  toward 
the  rear  of  the  office. 

"Leave  that  to  me,"  he  said  mysteriously.  "Of 
course,  you  couldn't  expect  to  get  them  fixtures 
much  under  six  hundred  dollars  at  private  sale,  be- 
cause it's  got  to  be  done  under  the  direction  of  the 
court;  but  for  fifty  dollars  I  could  undertake  to  let 

254 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

you  in  on  'em  for,  say,  five  hundred  and  seventy, 
five  dollars.  How 's  that  ? ' ' 

Abe  puffed  at  his  cigar  before  replying. 

"I  got  to  see  it  my  partner  first,"  he  said. 

"That's  all  right,  too,"  Feinstein  rejoined;  "but 
there  was  one  dealer  in  here  this  morning  already. 
As  soon  as  the  rest  of  'em  get  on  to  this  here  failure 
they'll  be  buzzing  around  them  fixtures  like  flies  in 
a  meat  market,  and  maybe  I  won't  be  able  to  put  it 
through  for  you  at  all." 

' ' I  teU  you  what  I '11  do, ' '  Abe  said.  " I'll  go  right 
down  to  the  store  and  I'll  be  back  here  at  two 
o  'clock. ' ' 

"You've  got  to  hustle  if  you  want  them  fixtures," 
he  said. 

"I  bet  yer  I  got  to  hustle,"  Abe  said,  his  eyes  fixed 
on  the  marred  surface  of  the  desk,  "for  if  you're 
going  to  smoke  many  more  cigars  around  here  them 
fixtures  won't  be  no  more  good  to  nobody." 

"That  don't  harm  'em  none,"  Feinstein  replied. 
"A  cabinetmaker  could  fix  that  up  with  a  piece  of 
putty  and  some  shellac  so  as  you  wouldn't  know  it 
from  new." 

"But  if  I  buy  it  them  fixtures,"  Abe  concluded,  as 
he  turned  toward  the  door,  "I'd  as  lief  have  'em  with- 
out putty,  if  it's  all  the  same  to  you." 

"Sure,"  Feinstein  replied,  and  no  sooner  had  Abe 
disappeared  into  the  hall  than  he  drew  a  morning 
paper  from  his  pocket  and  settled  down  to  his  duties 
as  keeper  for  the  Federal  receiver  by  selecting  the 

255 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEE 

most  comfortable  chair  in  the  room  and  cocking  up 
his  feet  against  the  side  of  Eifkin's  desk. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried  as  his  partner  entered 
the  store  half  an  hour  later,  "I  give  you  right." 

' '  You  give  me  right  ? ' '  Abe  repeated.  ' '  What  d  'ye 
mean?" 

" About  them  fixtures,"  Morris  explained.  "I  give 
you  right.  Them  fixtures  is  nothing  but  junk,  and 
we  got  to  get  some  new  ones." 

"Sure  we  got  to  get  some  new  ones,  Mawruss," 
Abe  agreed,  "and  I  seen  it  the  very  thing  what  we 
want  up  at  H.  Eifkin's  place." 

"H.  Eifkin's  place,"  Morris  exclaimed. 

'  *  That 's  what  I  said, ' '  Abe  replied.  ' '  I  got  an  idee, 
Mawruss,  we  should  buy  them  fixtures  what  H.  Eif- 
kin  got." 

"Is  that  so?"  Morris  retorted.  "Well,  why 
should  we  buy  it  fixtures  what  H.  Eifkin  throws 
out?" 

'He  don't  throw  'em  out,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said. 
"He  ain't  got  no  more  use  for  'em,  Mawruss.  He 
busted  up  this  morning." 

"You  can't  make  me  feel  bad  by  telling  me  that, 
Abe,"  Morris  rejoined.  "A  sucker  what  takes  frcm 
us  a  good  customer  like  Henry  Feigenbaum  should  of 
busted  up  long  since  already.  But  that  ain't  the 
point,  Abe.  If  we  're  going  to  get  it  fixtures,  we  don't 
want  no  second-hand  articles." 

"They  ain't  no  second-hand  articles,  Mawruss," 
Abe  explained.  "They're  pretty  near  brand-new, 

256 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEE 

and  I  got  a  particular  reason  why  we  should  buy 
them  fixtures,  Mawruss." 

He  paused  for  some  expression  of  curiosity  from 
his  partner,  but  Mawruss  merely  pursed  his  lips  and 
looked  bored. 

"Yes,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "I  got  it  a  par- 
ticular reason  why  we  should  buy  them  fixtures, 
Mawruss.  You  see,  this  here  Eifkin  got  it  the  loft 
right  upstairs  one  flight  from  us,  Mawruss,  and  nat- 
urally he's  got  it  lots  of  out-of-town  trade  what  don't 
know  he's  busted  yet,  Mawruss." 

"No?"  Morris  vouchsafed. 

1 '  So  these  here  out-of-town  customers  comes  up  to 
see  Eifkin.  They  gets  in  the  elevator  and  they  says 
'  Sixth, '  see  I  And  the  elevator  man  thinks  they  says 
*  Fifth, '  and  he  lets  'em  off  at  our  floor  because  there 
ain't  nobody  on  the  sixth  floor.  Well,  Mawruss,  we 
leave  our  store  door  open,  and  the  customer  sees  Eif- 
kin's  fixtures  inside,  so  he  walks  in  and  thinks  he's 
in  Eifkin 's  place.  Before  he  finds  out  he  ain't,  Maw- 
russ, we  sell  him  a  bill  of  goods  ourselves." 

Morris  stared  at  Abe  in  silent  contempt. 

"Of  course,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "I'm  only 
saying  they  might  do  this,  y 'understand,  and  cer- 
tainly it  would  only  be  for  the  first  week  or  so  what 
we  are  there,  ain't  it!  But  if  we  should  only  get  it 
one  or  two  customers  that  way,  Mawruss,  them  fix- 
tures would  pay  for  themselves. ' ' 

"Dreams  you  got  it,  Abe,"  Morris  cried.  "You 
think  them  customers  would  be  blind,  Abe!  Ain't 

257 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

they  got  eyes  in  their  head  ?  Since  when  would  they 
mistake  a  back  number  like  you  for  an  up-to-date 
feller  like  Eifkin,  Abe?" 

"  Maybe  I  am  a  back  number,  Mawruss,"  Abe  re- 
plied, "but  I  know  a  bargain  when  I  see  it.  Them 
fixtures  is  practically  this  season's  goods  already. 
Why,  H.  Eifkin  ain't  even  paid  for  them  yet." 

"There  ain't  no  seasons  in  fixtures,  Abe,"  Morris 
replied,  "and  besides,  a  feller  like  Eifkin  could  have 
it  fixtures  for  ten  years  without  paying  for  'em.  He 
could  get  'em  on  the  installment  plan  and  give  back 
a  chattel  mortgage,  Abe.  You  couldn't  tell  me  noth- 
ing about  fixtures,  Abe,  because  I  know  all  about  it. ' ' 

"You  don't  seem  to  know  much  about  it  this  morn- 
ing when  I  spoke  to  you,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  retorted. 

' '  Sure  not, ' '  Morris  said,  ' '  but  I  learned  it  a  whole 
lot  since.  I  got  to  thinking  it  over  after  you  left.  So 
I  rings  up  a  feller  by  the  name  Flachsman,  what  is 
corresponding  secretary  in  the  District  Grand  Lodge 
of  the  Independent  Order  Mattai  Aaron,  which  I  be- 
long it.  This  here  Flachsman  got  a  fixture  business 
over  on  West  Broadway." 

Abe  nodded.  He  lit  a  fresh  cigar  to  sustain  him- 
self against  impending  bad  news. 

"And  this  here  Flachsman  comes  around  here  half 
an  hour  ago  and  shows  me  pictures  from  fixtures, 
Abe ;  and  he  got  it  such  elegant  fixtures  like  a  bank  or 
a  saloon,  which  he  could  put  it  in  for  us  for  two 
thousand  dollars." 

"Two  thousand  dollars !"  Abe  cried. 

258 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

"Well,  twenty-two  fifty,"  Morris  amended. 
"Comes  to  about  the  same  with  cash  discount. 
Flachsman  tells  me  he  seen  the  kind  of  loft  we  got 
and  knows  it  also  the  measurements ;  so  I  think  to  my- 
self what's  the  use  waiting.  Abe  wants  it  we  should 
buy  the  fixtures,  and  we  ain't  got  no  time  to  lose.  So 
I  signed  the  contract." 

Abe  sat  down  heavily  in  the  nearest  chair  and 
pushed  his  hat  back  from  his  forehead. 

"Yes,  Mawruss,"  he  said  bitterly,  "that's  the  way 
it  goes  when  a  feller's  got  a  partner  what  is  change- 
able like  Paris  fashions.  You  are  all  plain  one  min- 
ute, and  the  next  you  are  all  soutache  and  buttons. 
This  morning  you  wouldn't  buy  no  fixtures,  not  if  you 
could  get  'em  for  nix,  and  a  couple  hours  later  you 
throw  it  away  two  thousand  dollars  in  the  streets." 

Morris  glared  indignantly  at  his  partner. 

"You  are  the  changeable  one,  Abe,"  he  cried,  "not 
me.  This  morning  old  fixtures  to  you  is  junk. 
Ain't  it?  You  got  to  have  new  fixtures  and  that's 
all  there  is  to  it.  But  now,  Abe,  new  fixtures  is 
poison  to  you,  and  you  got  to  have  second-hand 
fixtures.  What's  the  matter  with  you,  anyway, 
Abe?" 

"I  told  it  you  a  dozen  times  already,  Mawruss," 
Abe  replied,  "them  ain't'  no  exactly  second-hand  fix- 
tures what  Bifkin  got  it.  Them  fixtures  is  like  new 
— fine  mahogany  partitions  and  plated  glass. 

"That's  what  we  bought  it,  Abe,"  Morris  said, 
"fine  mahogany  partitions  with  plated  glass.  If  you 

259 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

wouldn't  jump  so  much  over  me,  I  would  of  told  you 
about  it. ' ' 

Abe  shrugged  despairingly. 

*  *  Go  ahead, ' '  he  said.    '  *  I  ain  't  jumping  over  you. ' ' 

"Well,  in  the  first  place,  Abe,"  Morris  went  on, 
"there's  a  couple  of  swinging  doors  inside  the  hall 
door." 

"Just  like  Rifkin's,"  Abe  interrupted. 

"Better  as  Rif kin's,"  Morris  exclaimed.  "Them 
doors  is  covered  with  goods,  Abe,  and  holes  in  each 
door  with  glass  into  it. ' ' 

"Sure,  I  know,"  Abe  replied.  "Rif kin's  doors 
got  green  cashmere  onto  'em  like  a  pool  table. ' ' 

"Only  new,  not  second-hand,"  Morris  added. 
* '  Then,  when  you  get  through  them  doors,  on  the  left 
side  is  the  office  with  mahogany  partitions  and  plated 
glass,  with  a  hole  into  it  like  a  bank  already. ' ' 

"Sure!  The  same  what  I  seen  it  up  at  Rif  kin's, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  broke  in  again. 

Morris  drew  himself  up  and  scowled  at  Abe. 

"How  many  times  should  I  tell  it  you,  Abe,"  he 
cried,  "them  fixtures  what  Flachsman  sells  it  us  is 
new,  and  not  like  Rifkin's." 

"Go  ahead,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "Let's  hear 
it." 

"Over  the  hole  is  a  sign,  Cashier,"  Morris  con- 
tinued. 

Abe  was  about  to  nod  again,  but  at  a  warning 
glance  from  Morris  he  thought  better  of  it. 

"But  I  told  it  Flachsman  we  ain't  got  no  cashier, 

260 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEB 

only  a  bookkeeper, ' '  Morris  said,  ' '  and  so  he  says  he 
could  put  it  Bookkeeper  over  the  hole.  Inside  the 
office  is  two  desks,  one  for  you  and  me,  and  a  high  one 
for  the  bookkeeper  behind  the  hole.  On  the  right- 
hand  side  as  you  go  inside  them  pool-table  doors  is 
another  mahogany  partition,  and  back  of  that  is  the 
cutting-room  already.  Then  you  walk  right  straight 
ahead,  and  between  them  two  partitions  is  like  a  hall- 
way, what  leads  to  the  front  of  the  loft,  and  there  is 
the  show-room  with  showcases,  racks  and  tables  like 
what  I  got  it  a  list  here.'* 

"And  the  whole  business  will  cost  it  us  two  thou- 
sand dollars,  Mawruss,"  Abe  commented. 

"Two  thousand  two  hundred  and  fifty,"  Morris 
said. 

"Well,  all  I  got  to  say  is  we  would  get  it  the  posi- 
tively same  identical  thing  by  H.  Rif  kin's  place  for 
six  hundred  dollars, ' '  Abe  concluded. 

He  rose  to  his  feet  and  took  off  his  hat  and  coat. 

"What  did  you  say  this  here  feller  Flachsman  was 
in  the  district  lodge  of  the  1.  0.  M.  A.,  Mawruss?" 
he  inquired. 

"Corresponding  secretary,"  Morris  replied. 
"What  for  you  ask,  Abe?" 

"Oh,  nothing,"  Abe  replied  as  he  turned  away. 
"Only,  I  was  wondering  what  he  would  soak  us  for 
them  fixtures,  Mawruss,  if  he  would  of  been  Grand 
Master." 

Ten  days  afterward  the  receiver  in  bankruptcy 
sold  Rif  kin's  stock  and  fixtures  at  auction,  and  when 

XT— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  261 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

Abe  and  Morris  took  possession  of  their  new  busi- 
ness premises  on  the  first  of  the  following  month  the 
topic  of  H.  Rifkin's  failure  had  ceased  to  be  of  inter- 
est to  the  cloak  and  suit  trade.  Morris  alone  harped 
upon  it. 

"Well,  Abe,"  he  said  for  the  twentieth  time,  gazing 
proudly  around  him,  "what's  the  matter  with  them 
fixtures  what  we  got  it?  Huh?  Ain't  them  fixtures 
got  H.  Rifkin  skinned  to  death?'* 

Abe  shook  his  head  solemnly. 

"Mind  you,  Mawruss,"  he  began,  "I  ain't  saying 
them  fixtures  what  we  got  it  ain't  good  fixtures,  y 'un- 
der stand;  but  they  ain't  one,  two,  six  with  H.  Rif- 
kin's fixtures." 

"That's  what  you  say,  Abe,"  Morris  retorted, 
"but  Flachsman  says  different.  I  seen  him  at  the 
lodge  last  night,  and  he  tells  me  them  fixtures  what 
H.  Rifkin  got  it  was  second  quality,  Abe.  Flachs- 
man says  they  wouldn't  of  stood  being  took 
down  and  put  up  again.  He  says  he  wouldn't  sell 
them  fixtures  as  second-hand  to  an  East  Broadway 
concern,  without  being  afraid  for  a  comeback." 

"Flachsman  don't  know  what  he's  talking  about," 
Abe  declared  hotly.  ' '  Them  fixtures  was  A  Number 
One.  I  never  seen  nothing  like  'em  before  or  since. ' ' 

"Bluffs  you  are  making  it,  Abe,"  Morris  replied. 
"You  seen  them  fixtures  for  ten  minutes,  maybe,  Abe, 
and  in  such  a  short  time  you  couldn't  tell  nothing  at 
all  about  'em." 

"Couldn't  I,  Mawruss?"  Abe  said.    "Well,  them 

262 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

fixtures  was  the  kind  what  you  wouldn't  forget  it  if 
you  seen  'em  for  only  five  minutes.  I  bet  yer  I 
would  know  them  anywhere,  Mawruss,  if  I  seen  them 
again,  and  what  we  got  it  here  from  Flachsman  is  a 
weak  imitation,  Mawruss.  That's  all." 

At  this  juncture  a  customer  entered,  and  for  half 
an  hour  Morris  busied  himself  displaying  the  line. 
In  the  meantime  Abe  went  out  to  lunch,  and  when  he 
entered  the  building  on  his  return  a  familiar,  bulky 
figure  preceded  him  into  the  doorway. 

' '  Hallo ! ' '  Abe  cried,  and  the  bulky  figure  stopped 
and  turned  around. 

* '  Hallo  yourself ! "  he  said. 

"You  don't  know  me,  Mr.  Feigenbaum,"  Abe 
went  on. 

"Why,  how  d'ye  do,  Mr.  Potash?"  Feigenbaum 
exclaimed.  *  *  What  brings  you  way  uptown  here  ? ' ' 

"We  m "  Abe  commenced — "that  is  to  say,  I 

come  up  here  to  see  a  party.  I  bet  yer  we're  going 
to  the  same  place,  Mr.  Feigenbaum." 

"Maybe,"  Mr.  Feigenbaum  grunted. 

"Sixth  floor,  hey?"  Abe  cried  jocularly,  slapping 
Mr.  Feigenbaum  on  the  shoulder. 

Mr.  Feigenbaum 's  right  eye  assumed  the  glassy 
stare  which  was  permanent  in  his  left. 

"What  business  is  that  from  yours,  Potash?"  he 
asked. 

* '  Excuse  me,  Mr.  Feigenbaum, ' '  Abe  said  with  less 
jocularity,  "I  didn't  mean  it  no  harm." 

Together   they    entered    the    elevator,    and    Abe 

263 


POTASH  &  PERI^MUTTER 

created  a  diversion  by  handing  Mr.  Feigenbaum  a 
large,  black  cigar  with  a  wide  red-and-gold  band  on 
it.  While  Feigenbaum  was  murmuring  his  thanks 
the  elevator  man  stopped  the  car  at  the  fifth  floor. 

"Here  we  are!"  Abe  cried,  and  hustled  out  of  the 
elevator  ahead  of  Mr.  Feigenbaum.  He  opened  the 
outer  door  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  loft  with  such 
rapidity  that  there  was  no  time  for  Feigenbaum  to 
decipher  the  sign  on  its  ground-glass  panel,  and  the 
next  moment  they  stood  before  the  green-baize  swing- 
ing doors. 

"After  you,  Mr.  Feigenbaum,"  Abe  said.  He  fol- 
lowed his  late  customer  up  the  passageway  between 
the  mahogany  partitions,  into  the  show-room. 

*  *  Take  a  chair,  Mr.  Feigenbaum, ' '  Abe  cried,  drag- 
ging forward  a  comfortable,  padded  seat,  into  which 
Feigenbaum  sank  with  a  sigh. 

"I  wish  we  could  get  it  furniture  like  this  up  in 
Bridgetown,"  Feigenbaum  said.  "A  one-horse 
place  like  Bridgetown  you  can't  get  nothing  there. 
Everything  you  got  to  come  to  New  York  for.  We 
are  dead  ones  in  Bridgetown.  We  don't  know  noth- 
ing and  we  don 't  learn  nothing. ' ' 

' '  That 's  right,  Mr.  Feigenbaum, ' '  Abe  said.  ' '  You 
got  to  come  to  New  York  to  get  the  latest  wrinkles 
about  everything." 

With  one  comprehensive  motion  he  drew  forward 
a  chair  for  himself  and  waved  a  warning  to  Morris, 
who  ducked  behind  a  rack  of  cloaks  in  the  rear  of  the 
show-room. 

264 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"You  make  yourself  to  home  here,  Potash,  I  must 
say, ' '  Feigenbaum  observed. 

Abe  grunted  inarticulately  and  handed  a  match  to 
Feigenbaum,  who  lit  his  cigar,  a  fine  imported  one, 
and  blew  out  great  clouds  of  smoke  with  every  evi- 
dence of  appreciative  enjoyment. 

'  *  Where 's  Rif kin  ? "  he  inquired  between  puffs. 

Abe  shook  his  head  and  smiled. 

"You  got  to  ask  me  something  easier  than  that,  Mr. 
Feigenbaum, ' '  he  murmured. 

' '  What  d  'ye  mean  ?• ' '  Feigenbaum  cried,  jumping  to 
his  feet. 

"Ain't  you  heard  it  yet?"  Abe  asked. 

"I  ain't  heard  nothing,"  Feigenbaum  exclaimed. 

' '  Then  sit  down  and  I  '11  tell  you  all  about  it, ' '  Abe 
said. 

Feigenbaum  sat  down  again. 

"You  mean  to  tell  me  you  ain't  heard  it  nothing 
about  Rif  kin  ? ' '  Abe  went  on. 

"Do  me  the  favor,  Potash,  and  spit  it  out,"  Feigen- 
baum broke  in  impatiently. 

"Well,  Rif  kin  run  away,"  Abe  announced. 

"Run  away!" 

' '  That 's  what  I  said, ' '  Abe  went  on.  ' '  He  made  it 
a  big  failure  and  skipped  to  the  old  country. ' ' 

*  *  You  don 't  tell  me ! ' '  Feigenbaum  said.  ' '  Why,  I 
used  to  buy  it  all  my  goods  from  Rif  kin. ' ' 

Abe  leaned  forward  and  placed  his  hand  on  Feigen- 
baum's  knees. 

"I  know  it,"  he  murmured,  "and  oncet  you  used 

265 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

to  buy  it  all  your  goods  from  us,  Mr.  Feigenbaum.  I 
assure  you,  Mr.  Feigenbaum,  I  don't  want  to  mate  no 
bluffs  nor  nothing,  but  believe  me,  the  line  of  gar- 
ments what  we  carry  and  the  line  of  garments  what 
H.  Eifkin  carried,  there  ain't  no  comparison.  Mer- 
chandise what  H.  Eifkin  got  in  his  place  as  leaders 
already,  I  wouldn't  give  'em  junk  room." 

Mr.  Feigenbaum  nodded. 

"Well,  the  fixtures  what  you  was  carrying  at  one 
time,  Potash,  I  wouldn't  give  'em  junk  room  neither," 
Feigenbaum  declared.  "You're  lucky  I  didn't  sue 
you  in  the  courts  yet  for  busting  my  nose  against  that 
high  rack  of  yours.  I  ain't  never  recovered  from  that 
accident  what  I  had  in  your  place,  Potash.  I  got  it 
catarrh  yet,  I  assure  you." 

"Accidents  could  happen  with  the  best  regulations, 
Mr.  Feigenbaum,"  Abe  cried,  "and  you  see  that  here 
we  got  it  a  fine  new  line  of  fixtures. ' ' 

' '  Not  so  good  as  what  Eifkin  carried, ' '  Feigenbaum 
said. 

"Eifkin  carried  fine  fixtures,  Mr.  Feigenbaum," 
Abe  admitted,  "but  not  so  fine  as  what  we  got.  We 
got  it  everything  up  to  date.  You  couldn't  bump 
your  nose  here,  not  if  you  was  to  get  down  on  your 
hands  and  knees  and  try." 

"I  wouldn't  do  it,"  Mr.  Feigenbaum  said  solemnly. 

"Sure  not,"  Abe  agreed.  "But  come  and  look 
around  our  loft.  We  just  moved  in  here,  and  every- 
thing we  got  it  is  new — fixtures  and  garments  as 
well." 

266 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

"I  guess  you  must  excuse  me.  I  ain't  got  much 
time  to  spare, "  Mr.  Feigenbaum  declared.  "I  got  to 
get  along  and  buy  my  stuff." 

Abe  sprang  to  his  feet. 

"Buy  it  here!"  he  cried.  He  seized  Feigenbaum 
by  the  arm  and  propelled  him  over  to  the  sample  line 
of  skirts,  behind  which  Morris  cowered. 

"Look  at  them  goods,"  Abe  said.  "One  or  two  of 
them  styles  would  be  leaders  for  H.  Bifkin.  For  us, 
all  them  different  styles  is  our  ordinary  line. ' ' 

In  turn,  he  displayed  the  rest  of  the  firm's  line  and 
exercised  his  faculties  of  persuasion,  argument  and 
flattery  to  such  good  purpose  that  in  less  than  an  hour 
Feigenbaum  had  bought  three  thousand  dollars' 
worth  of  garments,  deliveries  to  be  made  within  ten 
days. 

"And  now,  Mr.  Feigenbaum,"  Abe  said,  "I  want 
you  to  look  around  our  place.  Mawruss  is  in  the 
office,  and  he  would  be  delighted,  I  know,  to  see  you. ' ' 

He  conducted  his  rediscovered  customer  to  the 
office,  where  Morris  was  seated  at  the  roll-top 
mahogany  desk. 

"Ah,  Mr.  Feigenbaum,"  Morris  cried,  effusively 
seizing  the  newcomer  by  both  hands,  "ain't  it  a  pleas- 
ure to  see  you  again !  Take  a  seat. ' ' 

He  thrust  Feigenbaum  into  the  revolving  chair 
that  he  had  just  vacated,  and  took  the  box  of  gilt-edge 
customers'  cigars  out  of  the  safe. 

' '  Throw  away  that  butt  and  take  a  fresh  cigar, ' '  he 
exclaimed,  handing  Feigenbaum  a  satiny  Invincible 

267 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTER 

with  the  broad  band  of  the  best  Havana  maker  on  it. 
Feigenbaum  received  it  with  a  smile,  for  he  was  now 
completely  thawed  out. 

"You  got  a  fine  place  here,  Mawruss,"  he  said. 
"Fixtures  and  everything  A  Number  One,  just  like 
Rif  kin's." 

"Better  as  Rif  kin's,"  Morris  declared. 

"Well,  maybe  it  is  better  in  quality,"  Feigenbaum 
admitted;  "but,  I  mean,  in  arrangement  and  color  it 
is  just  the  same.  Why,  when  I  come  in  here  with 
Abe,  an  hour  ago,  I  assure  you  I  thought  I  was  in 
Rif  kin's  old  place.  In  fact,  I  could  almost  swear  this 
desk  is  the  same  desk  what  Rifkin  had  it." 

He  rose  to  his  feet  and  passed  his  hand  over  the 
top  of  the  desk  with  the  touch  of  a  connoisseur. 

"No,"  he  said  at  last.  "It  ain't  the  same  as  Rif- 
kin's.  Rif  kin's  desk  was  a  fine  piece  of  Costa  Rica 
mahogany  without  a  flaw.  I  used  to  be  in  the  furni- 
ture business  oncet,  you  know,  Mawruss,  and  so  I  can 
tell." 

Abe  flashed  a  triumphant  grin  on  Morris,  who 
frowned  in  reply. 

"But  ain't  this  here  desk  that — now — what-yer- 
call-it  mahogany,  too,  Mr.  Feigenbaum!"  Morris 
asked. 

"Well,  it's  Costa  Rica  mahogany,  all  right,"  Fei- 
genbaum said,  "but  it's  got  a  flaw  into  it." 

"A  flaw?"  Morris  and  Abe  exclaimed  with  one 
voice. 

"Sure,"  Mr.  Feigenbaum  continued.    "It  looks  to 

268 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTER 

me  like  somebody  laid  a  cigar  on  to  it  and  burned  a 
hole  there.  Then  some  cabinetmaker  fixed  it  up  yet 
with  colored  putty  and  shellac.  Nobody  would  notice 
nothing  except  an  expert  like  me,  though. ' ' 

Feigenbaum  looked  at  Morris '  glum  countenance 
with  secret  enjoyment,  but  when  he  turned  to  Abe  he 
was  startled  into  an  exclamation,  for  Abe  Js  face  was 
ashen  and  large  beads  of  perspiration  stood  out  on 
his  forehead. 

"What's  the  matter,  Abe?"  Feigenbaum  cried. 
"Are  you  sick?" 

"My  stummick,"  Abe  murmured.  "I'll  be  all 
right  in  a  minute ! ' ' 

Feigenbaum  took  his  hat  and  coat  preparatory  lo 
leaving. 

"Well,  boys,"  he  said  genially,  "you  got  to  excuse 
me.  I  must  be  moving  on." 

"Wait  just  a  minute,"  Abe  said.  "I  want  you  to 
look  at  something." 

He  led  Feigenbaum  out  of  the  office  and  down  the 
passageway  between  the  mahogany  partitions.  In 
front  of  the  little  cashier's  window  Abe  stopped  and 
poini  ed  *o  the  shelf  and  panel  beneath. 

"Mr.  Feigenbaum,"  he  said  in  shaking  tones,  "do 
you  see  something  down  there?" 

Mr.  Feigenbaum  examined  the  woodwork  closely. 

"Yes,  Abe,"  he  answered.  "I  see  it  that  some 
loafer  has  been  striking  matches  on  it  but  it's 
been  all  fixed  up  so  that  you  wouldn't  notice 
nothing." 

269 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEE 

"S 'enough,"  Abe  cried.  "I'm  much  obliged  to 
you." 

In  silence  Abe  and  Morris  ushered  Mr.  Feigen- 
baum  to  the  outer  door,  and  as  soon  as  it  closed  be- 
hind him  the  two  partners  faced  each  other. 

"What  difference  does  it  make,  Abe?"  Morris 
said.  "A  little  hole  and  a  little  scratch  don't  amount 
to  nothing." 

Abe  gulped  once  or  twice  before  he  could  enun- 
ciate. 

"It  don't  amount  to  nothing,  Mawruss,"  he 
croaked.  "Oh,  no,  it  don't  amount  to  nothing,  but 
sixteen  hundred  and  fifty  dollars." 

"What  d'ye  mean?"  Morris  exclaimed. 

"I  mean  this,"  Abe  thundered:  "I  mean,  we  paid 
twenty-two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  for  what  we 
could  of  bought  for  six  hundred  dollars.  Them  fix- 
tures what  we  bought  it  from  Flachsman,  he  bought 
it  from  Eif kin's  bankruptcy  sale.  I  mean  that 
these  here  fixtures  are  the  positively  same  identical 
fixtures  what  I  seen  it  upstairs  in  H.  Eif  kin's 
loft." 

It  was  now  Morris'  turn  to  change  color,  and  his 
face  assumed  a  sickly  hue  of  green. 

"How  do  you  know  that?"  he  gasped. 

"Because  I  was  in  Eif  kin's  old  place  when  that 
lowlife  Feinstein,  what  works  for  Henry  D.  Feldman, 
had  charge  of  it  after  the  failure;  and  I  seen  Fein- 
stein  strike  them  matches  and  put  his  seegar  on  the 
top  from  the  desk." 

270 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

He  led  the  way  back  to  the  office  and  once  more  ex- 
amined the  flaw  in  the  mahogany. 

"Yes,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "two  thousand  two  hun- 
dred and  fifty  dollars  we  got  to  pay  it  for  this  here 
junk.  Twenty-two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  Maw- 
russ,  you  throw  it  into  the  street  for  damaged, 
second-hand  stuff  what  ain't  worth  two  hun- 
dred." 

"Why,  you  say  it  yourself  you  wanted  to  pay  six 
hundred  for  it,  Abe,"  Morris  protested,  "and  you 
said  it  was  first-class,  A  Number  One  fixtures." 

* '  Me,  Mawruss ! ' '  Abe  exclaimed.  "  I  'm  surprised 
to  hear  you  should  talk  that  way,  Mawruss.  I  knew 
all  the  time  that  them  fixtures  was  bum  stuff.  I  only 
wanted  to  buy  'em  because  I  thought  that  they  would 
bring  us  some  of  Eif kin's  old  customers,  Mawruss, 
and  I  was  right." 

"You're  always  right,  Abe,"  Morris  retorted. 
"Maybe  you  was  right  when  you  said  Feinstein  made 
them  marks,  Abe,  and  maybe  you  wasn't.  Feinstein 
ain't  the  only  one  what  scratches  matches  and  smokes 
seegars,  Abe.  You  smoke,  too,  Abe." 

"All  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said.  "I  scratched 
them  matches  and  burnt  that  hole,  if  you  think  so; 
but  just  the  same,  Mawruss,  if  I  did  or  if  I  didn't,  Ike 
Flachsman  done  us,  anyhow." 

"How  d'ye  know  that,  Abe?"  Morris  blurted  out. 
"I  don't  believe  them  fixtures  is  Eif  kin's  fixtures  at 
all,  and  I  don't  believe  that  Flachsman  bought  'em  at 
Eifkin's  sale.  What's  more,  Abe,  I'm  going  to  get 

271 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

Feinstein  on  the  'phone  right  away  and  find  out  who 
did  buy  'em." 

He  went  to  the  telephone  immediately  and  rang  up 
Henry  D.  Feldman's  office. 

"Hallo,  Mr.  Feinstein,"  he  said,  after  the  connec- 
tion had  been  made.  "This  is  Mawruss  Perlmutter, 
of  Potash  &  Perlmutter.  You  know  them  fixtures 
whatH.  Rifkinhadit?" 

"I  sure  do,"  Feinstein  replied. 

"Well,  who  bought  it  them  fixtures  at  the  receiv- 
er's sale?" 

"I  got  to  look  it  up,"  Feinstein  said.  "Hold  the 
wire  for  a  minute." 

A  moment  later  he  returned  to  the  'phone. 

"Hallo,  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  he  said.  "They  sold 
for  three  hundred  dollars  to  a  dealer  by  the  name 
Isaac  Flachsman." 

CHAPTER   Xm 

AY,  looky  here,  Abe, ' '  Morris  cried  one  rainy 
March  morning,  "we  got  to  get  some  more 
insurance. ' ' 

"What  do  you  mean,  insurance?"  Abe  asked. 
"We  got  enough  insurance,  Mawruss.  Them  Rif- 
kin  fixtures  ain't  so  valuable  as  all  that,  Mawruss, 
and  even  if  we  wouldn't  already  got  it  for  twenty 
thousand  dollars,  insurance,  Mawruss,  the  building 
is  anyhow  fireproof.  In  a  fireproof  building  you 
don't  got  to  have  so  much  insurance." 

272 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"Is  that  so?"  Morris  replied.  "Well,  Pinkel 
Brothers'  building  where  they  got  it  a  loft  is  fire- 
proof, and  they  got  it  also  oitermatic  sprinklers,  Abe, 
and  they  somehow  get  burned  out  anyhow." 

"You  couldn't  prove  to  me  nothing  by  Pinkel 
Brothers,  Mawruss,"  Abe  rejoined.  "Them  people 
has  already  got  a  hundred  operators  and  we  ain't 
got  one,  Mawruss,  and  every  operator  smokes  yet 
a  cigarettel,  and  you  know  what  them  cigarettels 
is,  Mawruss.  They  practically  smokes  themselves. 
So,  if  an  operator  throws  one  of  them  cigarettels  in 
a  bin  from  clippings,  Mawruss,  that  cigarettel 
would  burn  up  them  clippings  certain  sure.  For 
my  part,  I  wouldn't  have  a  cigarettel  in  the  place; 
and  so,  Mawruss,  we  wouldn't  have  no  fire, 
neither." 

"I  know,  Abe,"  Morris  protested;  "but  the  loft 
upstairs  is  vacant  and  the  loft  downstairs  is  vacant, 
and  everybody  ain't  so  grouchy  about  cigarettels 
like  you  are,  Abe.  Might  one  of  them  lofts  would 
be  taken  by  a  feller  what  is  already  a  cigarettel  fiend, 
Abe.  And  fires  can  start  by  other  causes,  too;  and 
then  where  would  we  be  with  our  twenty  thousand 
insurance  and  all  them  piece  goods  what  we  got  it?" 

"But  the  building  is  fireproof,  Mawruss." 

"Sure  I  know,"  Morris  replied;  "fireproof  build- 
ings is  like  them  gilt-edge,  A  Number  One  concerns 
what  you  sell  goods  to  for  ten  years,  maybe,  and  then 
all  of  a  sudden  when  you  don't  expect  it  one  of  'em 
busts  up  on  you.  And  that's  the  way  it  is  with  fire- 

273 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

proof  buildings,  Abe.    They're  fireproof  so  long  as 
nobody  has  a  fire  in  'em." 

Abe  shrugged  his  shoulders  and  lit  a  fresh  cigar. 

"All  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said;  "I'm  satisfied. 
If  you  want  to  get  some  more  insurance,  go  ahead. 
I  got  worry  enough  I  should  bother  my  head  about 
trifles.  A  little  money  for  insurance  we  can  afford 
to  spend  it,  Mawruss,  so  long  as  we  practically 
throw  it  in  the  streets  otherwise." 

"Otherwise?"  Morris  repeated.  "What  do  you 
mean  we  throw  it  away  otherwise,  Abel" 

"I  mean  that  new  style  thirty- twenty-eight  what 
you  showed  it  me  this  morning,  Mawruss,"  Abe  re- 
plied. "For  a  popular-price  line,  Mawruss,  them 
new  capes  has  got  enough  buttons  and  soutache  on 
to  'em  to  sell  for  twenty  dollars  already  instead  of 
twelve-fifty. ' ' 

"That's  where  you  talk  without  knowing  nothing 
what  you  say,  Abe, ' '  Morris  replied.  ' '  That  garment 
what  you  seen  it  is  the  winder  sample  what  I  made 
it  up  for  Louis  Feinholz  's  uptown  store.  Louis  give 
me  a  big  order  while  you  was  in  Boston  last  week, 
a  special  line  of  capes  what  I  got  up  for  him  to  retail 
at  eighteen-fifty.  But  he  also  wanted  me  to  make 
up  for  him  a  winder  sample,  just  one  garment  to  hang 
in  the  winder  what  would  look  like  them  special  capes, 
Abe,  y 'understand,  something  like  a  diamond  looks 
like  a  rhinestone.  Then,  when  a  lady  sees  that  cape 
in  the  winder,  she  wants  to  buy  one  just  like  it,  so 
she  goes  into  Louis'  store  and  they  show  her  one  just 

27* 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

like  it,  only  three  inches  shorter,  a  yard  less  goods 
into  it,  about  half  the  soutache  on  to  it  and  a  dozen 
buttons  short,  Abe;  because  that  winder  garment 
what  we  make  for  Louis  costs  us  ourselves  twenty- 
five  dollars,  and  Louis  retails  the  garment  what  he 
sells  that  lady  for  eighteen-fifty.  And  that's  the  way 
it  goes." 

''* That's  a  fine  crook,  that  Louis  Feinholz,"  Abe 
cried  virtuously.  "I  wonder  that  you  would  sell 
people  like  that  goods  at  all,  Mawruss.  That  fel- 
ler ain't  no  good,  Mawruss.  I  seen  him  go  back 
three  times  on  four  hundred  hands  up  at  Max  Geiger- 
man's  house  last  week,  a  dollar  a  hundred  double- 
double.  He's  a  gambler,  too." 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  answered,  "a  feller  what 
runs  a  chance  on  auction  pinochle  ain't  near  the 
gambler  like  a  feller  what  is  willing  to  run  a  chance 
on  his  business  burning  out  and  don't  carry  no  in- 
surance, Abe." 

"Who  is  willing  to  run  a  chance,  Mawruss?"  Abe 
cried.  "Just  to  show  you  I  ain't  willing  to  run  a 
chance  I  will  go  right  down  to  J.  Blaustein  and  take 
out  a  ten-thousand-dollar  policy,  Mawruss." 

Morris  colored  slightly. 

' '  Why  should  we  give  it  Blaustein  all  our  business, 
Abe?"  he  said.  "That  feller  must  got  it  a  thou- 
sand customers  to  Rudy  Feinholz 's  one." 

"Whose  one?"  Abe  asked. 

"Rudy  Feinholz 's,"  said  Morris.  "I  thought  I 
told  it  you  that  Louis  Feinholz 's  nephew  got  an  in- 

275 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

surance  business  on  Lenox  Avenue,  and  I  promised 
Louis  I  would  give  the  young  feller  a  show." 

"You  promised  you  would  give  him  a  show,  Maw- 
russ ?"  Abe  repeated.  "You  promised  Louis  you 
would  give  that  kid  nephew  of  his  what  used  to  run 
Louis'  books  a  show?" 

"That's  what  I  said,  Abe,"  Morris  answered. 

"Well,  all  I  can  say,  Mawruss,"  Abe  declared  as 
he  put  on  his  hat,  "is  that  I  wouldn't  insure  it  a 
pinch  of  snuff  by  that  feller,  Mawruss.  So  if  you 
take  out  any  policies  from  him  you  can  pay  for  'em 
yourself,  Mawruss,  because  I  won't." 

He  favored  Morris  with  a  final  glare  and  banged 
the  door  behind  him. 

Two  hours  later  when  Abe  reentered  the  show- 
room his  face  was  flushed  with  triumph  and  he 
smoked  one  of  J.  Blaustein's  imported  cigars. 

"You  see,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  flourishing  a  folded 
policy,  "when  you  deal  with  fellers  like  Blaustein 
it  goes  quick.  I  got  it  here  a  ten-thousand-dollar 
insurance  by  a  first-class,  A  Number  One  company." 

Morris  seized  the  policy  and  spread  it  out  on  the 
table.  For  ten  minutes  he  examined  it  closely  and 
then  handed  it  back  in  silence. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  inquired  anxiously,  "ain't 
that  policy  all  right?" 

Morris  shook  his  head. 

"In  the  first  place,  Abe,"  he  said,  "why  should 
we  insure  it  a  loft  on  Nineteenth  Street,  New  York, 
in  the  Manchester,  Sheffield  and  Lincolnshire  Insur- 

276 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

ance  Company,  of  Manchester,  England?  Are  we 
English  or  are  we  American,  Abe?" 

This  was  a  poser,  and  Abe  remained  silent. 

"And  then  again,  Abe,"  Morris  went  on,  "sup- 
posing we  should — maybe,  I  am  only  saying — have 
a  fire,  Abe,  then  we  must  got  to  go  all  the  way  to 
Manchester,  England,  already  to  collect  our  money. 
Ain't  it?" 

Abe  stared  at  his  feet  and  made  no  reply,  while 
Morris  again  examined  the  folded  policy. 

"Just  listen  here  to  these  here  names  of  the  people 
what  run  the  company,  Abe,"  he  said.  "Chairman, 
the  rutt  honn  Earl  of  Warrington. ' ' 

Abe  looked  up  suddenly. 

"What  kind  of  Chinese  talk  is  that,  Mawruss?" 
he  said.  "Rutt  honn?" 

"That's  no  Chinese  talk,  Abe,"  Morris  replied. 
"That's  printed  right  here  on  the  policy.  That  rutt 
honn  Earl  of  Warrington  is  president  of  the  board 
of  directors,  Abe;  and  supposing  we  should  maybe 
for  example  have  a  fire,  Abe,  what  show  would  we 
stand  it  with  this  here  rutt  honn  Earl  of  Warring- 
ton?" 

Abe  grabbed  the  policy,  which  bore  on  its  reverse 
side  the  list  of  directors  headed  by  the  name  of  that 
distinguished  statesman  and  Cabinet  minister,  the  Rt. 
Hon.  Earl  of  Warrington. 

"J.  Blaustein  would  fix  it  for  us,"  Abe  replied. 

"J.  Blaustein,"  Morris  jeered.  "I  suppose,  Abe, 
him  and  the  rutt  honn  Earl  of  Warrington  drinks 

18— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  277 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

coffee  together  every  afternoon  when  J.  Blaustein 
makes  a  trip  to  Manchester,  England.  Ain't  it? 
No,  Abe,  you  are  up  against  a  poor  proposition,  and 
I  hope  you  ain't  paid  for  that  policy,  Abe." 

"J.  Blaustein  ain't  in  no  hurry,"  Abe  said.  "We 
never  pay  him  inside  of  sixty  days,  anyway." 

"Well,  we  ain't  going  to  pay  him  for  that  policy 
inside  of  sixty  days  or  six  hundred  and  sixty  days, 
neither,  Abe.  We're  going  to  fire  that  policy  back 
on  him,  Abe,  because  I  got  it  here  a  policy  for  ten 
thousand  dollars  which  Eudy  Feinholz  just  brought 
it  me,  Abe,  and  we  are  insured  in  a  good  American 
company,  Abe,  the  Farmers  and  Ranchers'  Insurance 
Company,  of  Arizona." 

Abe  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"Why  should  we  insure  it  a  stock  of  cloaks  and 
suits  by  farmers  and  ranchers,  Mawruss?"  he 
asked. 

"Ain't  it  better  we  should  insure  our  goods  by 
farmers  and  ranchers  as  by  somebody  what  we  don't 
know  what  he  does  for  a  living,  like  the  rutt  honn 
Earl  of  Warrington?"  Morris  retorted. 

"But  when  it  comes  right  down  to  it,  Mawruss," 
Abe  said,  "how  are  we  better  off,  supposing  we  got  to 
go  all  the  way  to  Arizona  to  collect  our  money?" 

"That's  what  I  told  it  young  Feinholz,"  Morris 
replied,  "and  he  says  supposing  we  should,  so  to 
speak,  have  a  fire,  he  guarantees  it  we  would  collect 
our  money  every  cent  of  it  right  here  in  New  York. 
And  anyhow,  Abe,  any  objections  what  you  got  to 

278 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

this  here  Farmers  and  Ranchers'  policy  wouldn't 
be  no  use  anyhow." 

"No?"  Abe  said.    "Why  not?" 

"Because  I  just  sent  it  Rudy  Feinholz  a  check  for 
the  premium,"  Morris  said,  and  walked  out  of  the 
show-room  before  Abe  could  enunciate  all  the  pro- 
fanity that  rose  to  his  lips. 

Louis  Feinholz 's  order  was  shipped  the  following 
week,  and  with  it  went  the  cape  for  his  show  win- 
dow. Abe  himself  superintended  the  packing,  for 
business  was  dull  in  the  firm's  show-room.  A  par- 
ticularly warm  March  had  given  way  to  a  frigid, 
rainy  April,  and  now  that  the  promise  of  an  early 
spring  had  failed  of  fulfillment  cancelations  were 
coming  in  thick  and  fast.  Hence,  Abe  took  rather  a 
pessimistic  view  of  things. 

"I  bet  yer  Feinholz  will  have  yet  some  kicks  about 
them  goods,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "When  I  come 
down  Feinholz 's  street  this  morning,  Mawruss,  it 
looked  like  Johnstown  after  the  flood.  I  bet  yer 
Feinholz  ain't  making  enough  in  that  store  just  now 
to  pay  electric-light  bills." 

"I  don't  know  about  that,  Abe,"  said  Morris. 
"Louis  carries  a  mighty  attractive  line  in  his  win- 
ders. Them  small  Fifth  Avenue  stores  ain't  got 
nothing  on  him  when  it  comes  to  the  line  of  sample 
garments  he  carries  in  his  show  winders,  Abe." 

"Sure  I  know,"  Abe  rejoined;  "but  he  ain't  got 
nothing  on  one  of  them  piker  stores  when  it  comes 
right  down  to  the  stock  he  carries  on  the  inside, 

270 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

Mawruss.  Yes,  Mawruss,  when  I  sell  goods  to  a  fel- 
ler like  Feinholz,  Mawruss,  I'm  afraid  for  my  life 
until  I  get  my  money. " 

"Well,  you  needn't  be  afraid  for  Feinholz,  Abe," 
said  Morris,  "because,  in  the  first  place,  the  feller 
has  got  a  fine  rating;  and  then  again,  he  couldn't  fire 
them  goods  back  on  us  because,  for  the  price,  there 
ain't  a  better-made  line  in  the  country." 

"I  hope  you're  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied  as 
he  rang  the  bell  for  the  freight  elevator.  "It  would 
be  a  fine  comeback  if  he  should  return  them  goods 
on  us  after  we  give  his  nephew  the  insurance  we 
did." 

Again  he  pressed  the  elevator  bell. 

"What's  the  matter  with  that  elevator,  Maw- 
russ?" he  said.  "It  takes  a  year  to  get  a  package 
on  to  the  sidewalk." 

"That's  on  account  of  somebody  moves  in  down- 
stairs, Abe,"  Morris  answered.  "Kaskel  Schwartz, 
what  used  to  be  foreman  for  Pinkel  Brothers,  him 
and  Moe  Feigel  goes  as  partners  together  in  skirts." 

"Is  that  so?"  Abe  said,  jamming  his  thumb  on 
the  elevator  bell.  "I  hope  he  don't  got  the  cigar- 
rettel  habit." 

At  length  the  elevator  arrived,  and  Jake,  the  ship- 
ping clerk,  carried  out  the  brown  paper  parcels  com- 
prising Feinholz 's  shipment. 

"If  that's  the  last  I  seen  of  them  garments,"  Abe 
said  as  he  returned  to  the  show-room,  "I'm  a  lucky 
man." 

280 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTER 

"Always  you're  beefing  about  something  happen- 
ing what  ain't  going  to  happen,  Abe,"  Morris  re- 
torted. ' '  Just  a  few  minutes  since  you  hoped  Kaskel 
Schwartz  ain  't  going  to  be  careless  about  cigarettels, 
and  now  you're  imagining  things  about  Feinholz 
sending  back  the  goods. ' ' 

"Never  mind,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied;  "in  two 
days'  time  I  shall  breathe  easier  yet." 

For  the  rest  of  the  day  it  rained  in  a  steady,  trop- 
ical downpour,  and  when  Abe  came  downtown  the 
next  morning  the  weather  had  moderated  only 
slightly. 

"Yes,  Mawruss,"  he  said  as  he  entered,  "that's 
a  fine  weather  for  a  cloak  business,  Mawruss;  and 
I  bet  yer,  Mawruss,  if  we  was  making  cravenettes 
and  umbrellas  yet  we  would  be  having  a  long  dry 
spell." 

He  heaved  a  great  sigh  and  approached  the  book- 
keeper's desk,  where  Morris  had  laid  the  morning 
mail. 

"Did  you  hear  from  those  suckers  out  in  Kansas 
City  what  made  the  kick  about  them  London  Smokes, 
Mawruss?"  he  asked. 

"Sure  I  did,"  Morris  replied;  "they  says  they  de- 
cided to  keep  the  goods." 

"I  guess  it  left  off  raining  in  Kansas  City,"  Abe 
commented.  "Them  suckers  only  made  that  kick 
because  they  thought  they  couldn't  sell  nothing  in 
wet  weather.  Any  other  kicks,  Mawruss?" 

"Yes,"  Morris  replied  shortly. 

281 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

Abe  looked  up. 

"Louis  Feinholz!"  he  gasped. 
Morris  nodded  and  handed  Abe  a  letter.    It  read 
as  follows : 

THE  LONGCHAMPS 
L.  FEINHOLZ,  PROPRIETOR 

"EVERYTHING  FOR  MADAME    .    .    ." 

NEW  YORK,  April  1st,  1908 

GENTS:  Your  shipment  of  this  date  arrived  and  we  must  say 
we  are  surprised  at  the  goods  which  you  sent  us.  They  are  in 
no  respect  up  to  sample  which  we  keep  pending  a  settlement  of 
any  differences  which  we  might  have  in  respects  to  this  matter. 

Yours  truly,  L.  FEINHOLZ. 

Die  LF  to  RC 

"What  does  that  sucker  mean,  Mawruss?"  Abe 
asked.  *  *  "We  ain  't  sent  him  no  sample  of  them  capes, 
Mawruss.  We  made  'em  up  according  to  his  in- 
structions, Mawruss.  Ain't  it?" 

Morris  nodded  solemnly  and  again  Abe  read  the 
letter. 

This  time  he  dashed  the  note  to  the  floor  and  grew 
purple  with  rage. 

"Why,"  he  choked,  "that  sucker  must  mean  it 
the  winder  sample." 

Again  Morris  nodded  solemnly. 

"But  a  ten-year-old  child  could  tell  that  them 
garments  ain't  like  that  winder  sample,  Mawruss," 
Abe  went  on. 

"Sure  I  know,"  Morris  replied  sadly,  "and  a  dis- 
trict court  judge  could  tell  it,  too.  Also,  a  jury  by 

282 


POTASH  &   PEELMUTTEB 

the  city  court  could  tell  it,  Abe;  and  also,  I  rung  up 
Henry  D.  Feldman  and  asked  him  if  he  could  take 
a  case  for  us  against  Louis  Feinholz,  and  Feldman 
says  that  Feinholz  is  such  an  old  client  that  he 
couldn't  do  it.  And  that's  the  way  it  goes." 

"But  them  capes  was  never  intended  to  be  the 
same  like  that  sample,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried. 

"That's  what  I  told  Louis  Feinholz  when  I  rung 
him  up  after  I  spoke  to  Feldman,  and  Feinholz  says 
he  got  the  goods  and  he  got  the  sample,  and  that's 
all  he  knows  about  it.  Then  I  asked  him  if  he  didn't 
say  it  distinctly  we  should  make  up  a  first-class,  ex- 
pensive winder  sample  and  ship  it  along  with  the 
order,  and  he  says  he  don't  remember  it  and  that  I 
should  show  him  a  writing." 

"Ain't  you  got  it  a  writing?"  Abe  asked. 

"I  ain't  got  no  writing  about  the  winder  sample, 
Abe,"  Morris  replied.  "I  only  got  it  a  writing 
about  the  order." 

"But  ain't  you  got  no  witnesses,  Mawruss?"  Abe 
asked. 

"Witnesses  I  got  it  plenty,  Abe,"  Morris  an- 
swered. "And  so  has  Feinholz  got  it  witnesses. 
What's  the  use  witnesses  when  all  Feinholz  has  got 
to  do  is  to  get  Henry  D.  Feldman  to  make  theayter 
acting  over  that  sample?  For  you  know  as  well  as 
I  do,  Abe,  anyone  would  see  that  them  garments  is 
do  oli?  anyway,  a  cheap  imitation  of  that  winder  sam- 
ple, Abe  " 

At  this  juncture  Jake,  the  shipping  clerk,  entered. 

283 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

"Mr.  Potash,"  he  said,  "here  comes  Margnlies' 
Harlem  Express  with  them  packages  what  we 
shipped  it  the  Longchamps  Store  yesterday.  Should 
I  take  'em  in?" 

Abe  jumped  to  his  feet. 

"Did  Margulies  bring  'em  up?"  he  asked. 

"He  had  'em  just  now  on  the  elevator,"  Jake  re- 
plied. 

"Wait,  I  go  with  you,"  Abe  said.  Together  they 
walked  rapidly  toward  the  freight  elevator,  which 
opened  into  the  cutting-room,  but  before  they 
reached  the  door  a  shrill  outcry  rose  from  the  floor 
below. 

The  East  Side  slogan  of  woe,  "Oi  gewalt,"  blended 
with  women's  shrieks,  and  at  length  came  the  cry: 
"Fie-urr!  Fie-urr!" 

Simultaneously  Miss  Cohen,  the  bookkeeper,  lifted 
up  her  voice  in  strident  despair  while  a  great  cloud 
of  black  smoke  puffed  from  the  elevator  shaft,  and 
the  next  moment  Abe,  Morris,  Jake  and  the  half- 
dozen  cutters  were  pushing  their  way  downstairs,  el- 
bowed by  a  frenzied  mob  of  operators,  male  and 
female.  When  they  arrived  at  the  ground  floor  the 
engines  were  clanging  around  the  corner,  and  Abe 
and  Morris  ran  across  the  street  to  the  opposite  side- 
walk. Suddenly  an  inarticulate  cry  escaped  Abe  and 
he  sank  onto  a  convenient  drygoods  box. 

"What's  the  trouble,  Abe?"  Morris  asked.  "Are 
you  sick  ? ' ' 

"The  policies!"  Abe  croaked,  and  closed  his  eyes. 

284 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

When  lie  opened  them  a  minute  later  his  partner 
grinned  at  him  reassuringly. 

'  "I  got  'em  in  my  breast  pocket,  Abe,"  Morris 
said.  "As  soon  as  I  seen  the  smoke  I  grabbed  'em, 
and  I  locked  up  the  safe  with  the  books  inside." 

Abe  revived  immediately. 

"That  reminds  me,  Mawruss,"  he  said  as  he  took 
a  cigar  from  his  waistcoat  pocket :  * '  What  become  of 
Miss  Cohen?" 

Twenty  minutes  later  the  fire  was  extinguished, 
and  Abe  and  Morris  returned  to  their  loft.  The 
first  person  to  greet  them  was  Miss  Cohen,  and,  aside 
from  a  slight  careening  of  her  pompadour,  she 
seemed  none  the  worse  for  her  dangerous  experi- 
ence. 

"Mr.  Potash,"  she  said  in  businesslike  tones,  "the 
Longchamps  Store  just  rung  up  and  says  about  them 
garments  what  they  returned  that  it  was  all  a  mis- 
take, and  that  they  was  all  right  and  you  should  re- 
ship  'em  right  away. ' ' 

The  show-room  was  flooded  with  sunlight  and  a 
mild  spring  breeze  had  almost  dissipated  the  acrid 
smell  of  smoke. 

"What  did  I  tell  you,  Mawruss!"  Abe  said. 
"Feinholz  is  like  them  suckers  in  Kansas  City.  He 
was  scared  he  couldn't  sell  them  capes  in  wet  weather, 
and  now  it 's  cleared  up  fine  he  wants  'em  bad,  Maw- 
russ. I'll  go  and  see  what  happened  to  'em." 

He  hustled  off  toward  the  rear  of  the  loft  while 
Morris  turned  to  Miss  Cohen. 

285 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

"Well,  Miss  Cohen, "  he  said,  "how  did  you  make 
out  by  the  fire  just  now?" 

Miss  Cohen  blushed  and  patted  her  pompadour. 

"Oh,  Mr.  Perlmutter,"  she  said,  "I  was  scared 
stiff,  and  Mr.  Margulies,  the  expressman,  pretty  near 
carried  me  up  to  the  roof  and  we  stays  there  till  the 
fireman  says  we  should  come  down." 

"And  where's  Margulies?"  Morris  asked. 

"He's  gone  back  to  the  cutting-room,"  Miss  Cohen 
replied.  "When  he  seen  the  smoke  coming  up  he 
shuts  quick  the  iron  door  on  the  freight  elevator  and 
everything's  all  right  in  the  cutting-room,  only  a  lit- 
tle water  by  the  elevator  shaft. ' ' 

"And  how  about  the  packages  from  Feinholz?" 
Morris  continued.  But  before  Miss  Cohen  could  re- 
ply Abe  burst  into  the  show-room  with  a  broad  grin 
on  his  face. 

"That's  a  good  joke  on  Feinholz,  Mawruss,"  he 
said.  "All  the  fire  was  in  the  elevator  shaft  and 
them  garments  what  he  returned  it  us  is  nothing  but 
ashes. ' ' 

"But,  Abe,"  Morris  began,  when  the  telephone 
bell  trilled  impatiently.  Abe  took  up  the  receiver. 

"Hallo!"  he  said.  "Yes,  this  is  Potash.  Oh, 
hallo,  Feinholz!" 

"Say,  Potash,"  Feinholz  said  at  the  other  end  of 
the  wire,  "we  got  the  store  full  of  people  here. 
Couldn't  you  send  up  them  capes  right  away?" 

Abe  put  his  hand  over  the  mouthpiece  of  the 
'phone. 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEE 

"It's  Feinholz,"  he  said  to  Morris.  "He  wanta 
them  capes  right  away.  What  shall  I  tell  him?" 

"Tell  him  nothing,"  Morris  cried.  "The  first 
thing  you  know  you  will  say  something  to  that  fel- 
ler, and  he  sues  us  yet  for  damages  because  we  didn't 
deliver  the  goods." 

Abe  hesitated  for  a  minute. 

"You  talk  to  him,"  he  said  at  length. 

Morris  seized  the  receiver  from  his  partner. 

"Hallo,  Feinholz,"  he  yelled.  "We  don't  want 
nothing  to  say  to  you  at  all.  We  are  through  with 
you.  That's  all.  Good-by." 

He  hung  up  the  receiver  and  turned  to  Abe. 

"When  I  deal  with  a  crook  like  Feinholz,"  he 
said,  "I'm  afraid  for  my  life." 

Ten  minutes  later  he  went  out  to  lunch  and  when 
he  returned  he  brandished  the  early  edition  of  an 
evening  paper. 

"What  you  think  it  says  here,  Abe?"  he  cried. 
"It  says  the  fire  downstairs  was  caused  by  an  opera- 
tor throwing  a  cigarettel  in  the  clipping  bin.  Ain't 
that  a  quincidence,  Abe?" 

* '  I  bet  y er  that 's  a  quincidence, ' '  Abe  replied.  ' '  A 
couple  more  of  them  quincidences,  Mawruss,  and 
we  got  to  pay  double  for  our  insurance.  I  only  wish 
we  would  be  finished  collecting  on  our  policies  for 
this  here  quincidence,  Mawruss." 

Morris  shrugged  his  shoulders  and  was  about  to 
make  a  reassuring  answer  when  the  door  opened  and 
two  men  entered. 

287 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTEB 

One  of  them  was  Samuel  Feder,  vice-president  of 
the  Kosciusko  Bank,  and  the  other  was  Louis  Fein- 
holz,  proprietor  of  the  Longchamps  Store. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Feder  cried,  "what's  this  I  hear 
about  the  fire?" 

1 '  Come  into  the  office,  Mr.  Feder, ' '  Abe  cried,  while 
Morris  greeted  Feinholz.  "Morris  will  be  through 
soon. ' ' 

"Say,  Mawruss,"  Feinholz  said.  "What's  the 
matter  with  you  boys?  Here  I  got  to  come  down- 
town about  them  capes,  and  my  whole  store's  full 
of  people.  Why  didn't  you  ship  them  capes  back 
to  me  like  I  told  you?" 

"Look  a-here,  Feinholz,"  Morris  exclaimed  in 
tones  sufficiently  loud  for  Feder  to  overhear,  "what 
d'ye  take  us  for,  anyhow?  Greenhorns?  Do  you 
think  you  can  write  us  a  dirty  letter  like  that  and 
then  come  down  and  get  them  capes  just  for  the  ask- 
ing?" 

"Ain't  you  getting  touchy  all  of  a  sudden,  Maw- 
russ?" Feinholz  cried  excitedly.  "You  had  no  busi- 
ness to  deliver  them  goods  in  such  rotten  weather. 
You  know  as  well  as  I  do  that  I  couldn't  use  them 
goods  till  fine  weather  sets  in,  and  now  I  want  'em, 
and  I  want  'em  bad." 

"Is  that  so?"  Morris  replied.  "Why,  I  thought 
them  garments  was  no  good,  Feinholz.  I  thought 
them  capes  wasn't  up  to  sample." 

"What  are  you  talking  about?"  Feinholz  shouted. 
"Them  goods  was  all  right  and  the  sample's  all 

288 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

right,  too.  All  I  want  now  is  you  should  ship  'em 
right  away.  I  can  sell  the  lot  this  afternoon  if  you 
only  get  'em  up  to  my  store  in  time." 

Morris  waved  his  hand  deprecatingly. 

"S 'enough,  Feinholz,"  he  said;  "you  got  as  much 
show  of  getting  them  goods  as  though  you  never 
ordered  'em." 

"Why  not?"  Feinholz  cried. 

"Because  them  goods  got  burned  up  on  our  freight 
elevator  this  morning,"  Morris  replied. 

"What!"  Feinholz  gasped. 

"That's  what  I  said,"  Morris  concluded;  "and 
if  you  excuse  me  I  got  some  business  to  attend  to. ' ' 

Feinholz  turned  and  almost  staggered  from  the 
store,  while  Morris  joined  his  partner  and  Sam 
Feder  in  the  firm's  office.  Feder  had  overheard  the 
entire  conversation  and  greeted  Morris  with  a 
smile. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "it  serves  that  sucker 
right.  A  feller  what  confesses  right  up  and  down 
that  the  goods  was  all  right  and  then  he  fires  them 
back  at  you  just  because  the  weather  was  rotten 
ought  to  be  sued  yet." 

"What  do  we  care?"  Abe  replied.  "We  got  'em 
insured,  and  so  long  as  we  get  our  money  out  of  'em 
we  would  rather  not  be  bothered  with  him." 

"Did  you  have  any  other  damages,  boys?"  Feder 
asked,  with  a  solicitude  engendered  of  a  ten-thou- 
sand-dollar accommodation  to  Potash  &  Perlmutter's 
debit  on  the  books  of  the  Kosciusko  Bank. 

289 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"Otherwise,  everything  is  0.  K.,"  Morris  replied 
cheerfully.  Together  they  conducted  Feder  on  a 
tour  of  their  premises  and,  after  he  was  quite  reas- 
sured, they  presented  him  with  a  good  cigar  and 
ushered  him  into  the  elevator. 

"I  guess  you  put  your  foot  in  it  with  Feinholz, 
Mawruss,"  Ahe  said  after  Feder  had  departed. 
"How  can  we  go  to  that  kid  nephew  of  his  now  and 
ask  him  to  adjust  the  loss,  Mawruss?' 

Morris  arched  his  eyebrows  and  stared  at  his  part- 
ner. 

"What's  the  matter  with  you,  anyway,  Ahe?"  he 
asked.  "Ain't  J.  Blaustein  good  enough  for  you? 
Ain't  J.  Blaustein  always  done  it  our  insurance  busi- 
ness up  to  now  all  0.  K.,  Abe?  And  now  that  we 
got  it  our  very  first  fire,  why  should  you  want  to 
throw  Blaustein  down?" 

Abe  put  on  his  hat  thoroughly  abashed. 

"I  thought  we  got  to  get  Eudy  Feinholz  to  ad- 
just it  the  loss,"  he  said.  "Otherwise,  I  wouldn't 
of  suggested  it.  But,  anyway,  I  will  go  right  down 
to  Blaustein  and  see  what  he  says. '  * 

Morris  jumped  to  his  feet. 

"Wait,"  he  said;  "I'll  go  with  you." 

Half  an  hour  afterward  Abe  and  Morris  were 
seated  in  J.  Blaustein 's  office  on  Pine  Street,  recount- 
ing the  details  of  the  fire. 

"How  many  garments  was  there?"  Blaustein 
asked. 

"Forty-eight,  and  we  figured  it  up  the  loss  at 

290 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

twelve-fifty  apiece,"  Morris  explained.  "  That  's 
what  we  billed  'em  to  Feinholz  for." 

Blaustein  frowned. 

"But  look  a-here,  Perlmutter, "  he  said:  "them 
insurance  companies  won't  pay  you  what  you  were 
going  to  sell  them  garments  for.  They'll  only  pay 
you  what  they  cost  to  make  up.  They'll  figure  it: 
so  much  cloth — say,  fifty  dollars;  so  much  trim- 
mings— say,  forty  dollars;  so  much  labor — say,  thirty 
dollars;  and  that's  the  way  it  goes." 

"But  how  could  we  prove  that  to  the  company, 
Mr.  Blaustein?"  Abe  protested.  "There  ain't 
enough  left  of  them  garments  to  show  even  what 
color  they  was." 

Blaustein  rose  to  his  feet. 

"Well,  gentlemen,"  he  said,  "we'll  discuss  that 
later.  The  first  thing  we  must  do  is  to  go  up  and 
see  young  Feinholz.  That  Farmers  and  Ranchers' 
Insurance  Company  is  a  pretty  close  corporation. 
Louis  Feinholz 's  brother  out  in  Arizona  is  the  presi- 
dent, and  they  got  such  a  board  of  directors  that  if 
they  printed  the  names  on  the  back  of  the  policy  it 
would  look  like  the  roster  of  an  East  Side  free-burial 
society.  Also,  this  here  Rudy  Feinholz  what  acted 
as  your  broker  is  also  general  agent,  adjuster  and 
office  manager  for  the  Metropolitan  District;  and, 
taking  it  by  and  large,  youse  gentlemen  is  lucky  you 
come  to  me  instead  of  him  to  adjust  this  loss." 

Rudy  Feinholz 's  insurance  business  occupied  what 
had  once  been  the  front  parlor  of  a  high-stoop  brown- 

291 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

stone  residence.  Similarly  the  basement  dining-room 
had  been  converted  into  a  delicatessen  store,  and  the 
smoked  meats,  pickles,  cheese  and  spices  with  which 
it  was  stocked  provided  rather  a  strange  atmosphere 
for  the  Metropolitan  Agency  of  the  Farmers  and 
Eanchers'  Insurance  Company.  Moreover,  the 
Italian  barber  who  rented  the  quondam  back  parlor 
was  given  to  practicing  on  the  mandolin;  and  when 
Abe,  Morris  and  J.  Blaustein  entered  the  Metro- 
politan Agency  a  very  imperfect  rendition  of  Santa 
Lucia  came  through  the  partition  and  made  conver- 
sation difficult  for  the  Metropolitan  agent. 

"What  d'ye  say  if  we  all  go  round  to  the  Long- 
champs,'*  he  said,  "and  talk  things  over." 

"I'm  agreeable,"  Morris  said,  looking  at  his  part- 
ner. 

"Sure  thing,"  Blaustein  replied.  "That  deli- 
catessen store  smell  is  so  thick  around  here  that  I'm 
getting  ptomaine  poisoning." 

"But,"  Abe  protested,  "maybe  Louis  Feinholz 
don't  want  us  round  there.  We  ain't  on  the  best  of 
terms  with  Louis." 

"That's  all  right,"  Eudy  Feinholz  said.  "I  ar- 
ranged with  him  to  bring  you  round  there.  Uncle 
Louis  is  a  heavy  stockholder  in  the  Farmers  and 
Eanchers',  and " 

'  *  S  'enough ! ' '  Morris  cried.  * '  I  hear  enough  about 
the  family  history  of  this  here  Farmers  and  Eanch- 
ers. It  wouldn't  make  no  difference  to  me  if  your 
mother  was  the  vice-president  and  your  sister  the  sec- 

292 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

retary.  All  I  want  is  we  should  settle  this  thing 
up." 

"Well,  come  along,  then,"  Rudy  cried,  and  the  two 
brokers  and  their  clients  repaired  to  Feinholz 's  store. 
Abe  and  Morris  entered  not  without  trepidation,  but 
Louis  received  them  with  unaffected  amiability. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "that's  too  bad  you  got 
a  fire  in  your  place." 

"We  can  stand  it,"  Morris  replied.  "We  was  in- 
sured. ' ' 

Feinholz  rejoined:  "Yes,  you  was  insured  by  your 
loft,  but  you  wasn't  insured  by  your  freight  eleva- 
tor." 

"But  by  the  rules  of  the  Fire  Insurance  Ex- 
change," Blaustein  interrupted,  "when  a  policy 
reads " 

"What  do  we  care  about  the  Fire  Insurance  Ex- 
change?" Feinholz  broke  in.  "The  Farmers  and 
Ranchers'  ain't  members  of  the  Fire  Insurance  Ex- 
change. We  got  a  license  to  do  business  from  the  Sup- 
erintendent of  Insurance,  and  we  don't  give  a  cent 
for  the  Fire  Insurance  Exchange.  We  insured  it  the 
loft,  and  the  goods  was  burnt  in  the  freight  elevator." 

Abe  jumped  to  his  feet. 

"Do  you  mean,"  he  cried,  "that  you  ain't  going 
to  pay  us  nothing  for  our  fire ! ' ' 

"That's  what  I  mean,"  Feinholz  declared. 

Morris  turned  to  Abe. 

"Come,  Abe,"  he  said,  "we'll  take  Feder's  ad- 
vice. ' ' 

^g— Potash  &  Perbnutter.  2§S 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"  Feder 's  advice?"  Feinholz  repeated.  "You 
mean  that  feller  what  I  seen  it  in  your  store  this 
morning?" 

"That's  what  I  mean,"  Morris  replied.  "Feder 
says  to  us  we  should  take  it  his  lawyers,  McMaster, 
Peddle  &  Crane,  and  he  would  see  to  it  that  they 
wouldn't  charge  us  much." 

Feinholz  smiled. 

"But  the  Farmers  and  Eanchers'  Insurance  Com- 
pany got  also  a  good  lawyer,"  he  said  triumphantly. 

"Maybe  they  have,"  Morris  admitted,  "but  we 
ain't  got  nothing  to  do  with  the  Farmers  and  Eanch- 
ers' Insurance  Company  now.  We  take  it  Feder 's 
lawyers  and  sue  you,  Feinholz.  Feder  hears  it  all 
what  you  got  to  say,  and  he  is  willing  to  go  on  the 
stand  and  swear  that  you  says  that  the  goods  was  all 
right  and  the  sample  was  all  right.  I  guess  when  a 
banker  and  a  gentleman  like  Feder  swears  something 
you  could  get  all  the  Henry  D.  Feldmans  in  the 
world  and  it  wouldn  't  make  no  difference. ' ' 

Feinholz  passed  his  hand  over  his  forehead  and 
breathed  hard. 

"Maybe  we  could  settle  the  matter,  Eudy,"  he  said 
to  his  nephew,  "if  the  other  companies  what  they  are 
insured  by  would  contribute  their  share." 

"The  other  companies,"  Morris  announced,  "is 
got  nothing  to  do  with  it.  You  fired  them  goods  back 
at  us,  and  that's  the  reason  why  they  got  damaged. 
So,  we  wouldn't  ask  for  a  cent  from  the  other  com- 
panies." 

294 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTER 

"Then  it  is  positively  all  off,"  cried  Feinholz  as 
one  of  his  saleswomen  entered.  She  held  a  familiar 
garment  in  her  hand,  and  in  the  dim  light  of  Fein- 
holz's  private  office  the  buttons  and  soutache  with 
which  the  cape  was  adorned  sparkled  like  burnished 
gold. 

"Mr.  Feinholz,"  she  said,  "a  lady  saw  this  on  one 
of  the  racks  and  she  wants  to  know  how  much  it  costs. ' ' 

Morris  eyed  the  cape  for  one  hesitating  moment, 
and  then  he  sprang  to  his  feet  and  snatched  it  from 
the  astonished  saleswoman. 

"You  tell  the  customer,"  he  said,  "that  this  here 
cape  ain't  for  sale." 

He  rolled  it  into  a  tight  bundle  and  thrust  it  under 
his  coat. 

"Now,  Feinholz,"  he  declared  calmly,  "I  got  you 
just  where  I  want  you.  Feder  is  willing  to  go  on  the 
stand  and  swear  that  you  said  them  goods  was  up  to 
sample,  and  this  here  is  the  sample.  Any  feller  what 
knows  anything  about  the  cloak  and  suit  trade  could 
tell  in  a  minute  that  these  here  samples  costed  twenty- 
five  dollars  to  make  up.  Forty-eight  times  twenty- 
five  is  twelve  hundred  dollars,  and  so  sure  as  you 
are  sitting  there,  Feinholz,  Abe  and  me  will  com- 
mence suit  against  you  for  twelve  hundred  dollars 
the  first  thing  to-morrow  morning,  unless  we  get  it  a 
certified  check  from  the  Farmers  and  Ranchers'  In- 
surance Company  for  six  hundred  dollars,  which  is 
the  price  what  you  agreed  to  pay  us  for  the  gar- 
ments." 

295 


POTASH  &   PERLMUTTER 

A  moment  later  Blaustein  and  Abe  followed  him  to 
the  sidewalk. 

"Well,  Blaustein,"  Morris  asked  as  they  walked  to 
the  elevated  railroad,  on  their  way  home,  "what  do 
you  think  of  it  all  ?  Huh  ? ' ' 

' '  I  think  it 's  a  good  bluff  you  are  making, ' '  Blau- 
stein replied,  "but  it  may  work.  So,  if  you  come 
right  down  to  my  office  I'll  fix  up  your  proof  of  loss 
and  send  it  up  to  him  this  afternoon. '  ' 

The  next  morning  Abe  and  Morris  reached  their 
loft  a  good  hour  ahead  of  the  letter-carrier,  and  when 
he  entered  they  both  made  a  grab  for  the  mail  which 
he  handed  them.  Morris  won  out,  and  as  he  shuffled 
the  letters  with  the  deftness  of  long  pinochle  experi- 
ence he  emitted  a  cry. 

"What  is  it!"  Abe  asked. 

For  answer  Morris  tore  open  a  long  yellow 
envelope  and  flicked  it  up  and  down  between  his 
thumb  and  finger  until  a  small  piece  of  paper  flut- 
tered to  the  carpet.  Abe  swooped  down  on  it  imme- 
diately and  ran  to  the  office,  hugging  it  to  his  breast. 
It  was  a  certified  check  for  six  hundred  dollars. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  said  as  he  filled  out  a  deposit 
slip  of  the  Kosciusko  Bank,  "there's  one  feller  comes 
out  of  this  deal  pretty  lucky,  all  considering." 

"Who's  that,  Mawruss?"  Abe  asked. 

"The  rutt  honn  Earl  of  Warrington,"  Morris  re- 
plied. 


296 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTEE 


CHAPTER  XIV 

ABE  POTASH  entered  the  firm's  private  office 
one  morning  in  mid-September  and  deliber- 
ately removed  his  hat  and  coat.  As  he  did 
so  he  emitted  groans  calculated  to  melt  the  heart  of 
the  most  hardened  medical  practitioner,  but  Morris 
Perlmutter  remained  entirely  unmoved. 

' 'Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "you've  been  making  a  hog 
of  yourself  again.  Ain't  it?  Sol  Klinger  says  he 
seen  you  over  to  the  Harlem  Winter  Garden,  and  I 
suppose  you  bought  it  such  a  fine  supper  you  couldn't 
sleep  a  wink  all  night.  What?" 

Abe  started  to  draw  himself  up  to  his  full  five  feet 
three,  but  lumbago  brooks  no  hauteur,  and  he  sub- 
sided into  the  nearest  chair  with  a  low,  expressive 
"Oo-ee!" 

"That's  a  heart  you  got  it,  Mawruss,"  he  declared 
bitterly,  "like  a  stone.  I  drunk  it  nothing  but  lithia 
water  and  some  dry  toast,  which  them  suckers  got 
the  nerve  to  charge  me  fifty  cents  for. ' ' 

"Well,  why  don't  you  seen  it  a  doctor,  Abe?"  Mor- 
ris said.  "You  could  monkey  with  yourself  a  whole 
lifetime,  Abe,  and  it  would  never  do  you  no  good; 
whilst  if  you  seen  it  a  doctor,  Abe,  he  gives  you  a 
little  pinch  of  powder,  y 'understand,  and  in  five  min- 
utes you  are  a  well  man. ' ' 

Abe  sighed  heavily. 

297 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

' '  It  don 't  go  so  quick, ' '  Mawruss, ' '  he  replied.  '  *  I 
seen  a  doctor  this  morning  and  he  says  I  am  full  from 
rheumatism.  I  dassen't  do  nothing,  Mawruss,  I 
dassen't  touch  coffee  or  schnapps.  I  dassen't  eat  no 
meat  but  lamb  chops  and  chicken. ' ' 

"I  tasted  worser  things  already  as  lamb  chops  and 
chicken,  Abe,"  Morris  retorted. 

"And  the  worstest  thing  of  all,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
concluded,  "the  doctor  says  he  wouldn't  be  responsi- 
ble for  my  life  already  if  I  go  out  on  the  road. ' ' 

"What?"  Morris  exclaimed.  In  less  than  two 
weeks  Abe  was  due  to  leave  on  his  Western  trip,  and 
for  the  past  few  days  Morris  had  been  in  the  throes 
of  preparing  the  sample  line. 

"This  is  a  fine  time  for  you  to  get  sick,  Abe,"  he 
cried. 

' '  Could  I  help  it,  Mawruss  ? ' '  Abe  protested.  '  *  You 
talk  like  I  got  the  rheumatism  to  spite  you,  Maw- 
russ. Believe  me,  Mawruss,  I  ain't  so  stuck  on  stay- 
ing in  the  store  here  with  you,  Mawruss.  I  could 
prefer  it  a  million  times  to  be  out  on  the  road. ' ' 

He  rose  to  his  feet  with  another  hollow  groan. 

"But,  anyway,  Mawruss,  it  won't  help  matters 
none  if  we  sit  around  here  all  the  morning.  We  got 
to  get  it  somebody  to  sell  our  line,  because  even  if, 
to  hear  you  talk,  the  goods  do  sell  themselves  when 
/  go  out  with  them,  Mawruss,  we  couldn't  take  no 
chances  on  some  kid  salesman.  We  got  to  get  it  a 
first-class  A  Number  One  feller  what  wouldn't  fool 
away  his  time." 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

"Well,  why  don't  you  put  it  an  ad  in  the  Daily 
Cloak  and  Suit  Record,  Abe?"  Morris  asked. 

"I  put  it  in  last  night  already,"  Abe  replied,  "and 
I  bet  yer  we  get  it  a  million  answers  by  the  first  mail 
this  afternoon." 

For  the  remainder  of  the  morning  Morris  busied 
himself  with  the  sample  line,  while  Abe  moved 
slowly  about  the  show-room,  well  within  the  hear- 
ing of  his  partner,  and  moaned  piteously  at  frequent 
intervals.  Every  half-hour  he  cleared  his  throat 
with  a  rasping  noise  and,  when  he  had  secured  Mor- 
ris' attention,  ostentatiously  swallowed  a  large  gela- 
tine capsule  and  rolled  his  eyes  upward  in  what  he 
conceived  to  be  an  expression  of  acute  agony.  At 
length  Morris  could  stand  it  no  longer. 

"What  are  we  running  here,  anyway,  Abe?"  he 
asked.  "A  cloak  and  suit  business  or  a  hospital? 
If  you  are  such  a  sick  man,  Abe,  why  don't  you  go 
home  ? ' ' 

"Must  I  got  to  get  your  permission  to  be  sick, 
Mawruss  ?  * '  Abe  asked.  ' '  Couldn  't  I  take  it  maybe  a 
bit  of  medicine  oncet  in  a  while  if  I  want  to,  Maw- 
russ?" 

He  snorted  indignantly,  but  further  discussion  was 
prevented  by  the  entrance  of  the  letter-carrier,  and 
immediately  Abe  and  Morris  forgot  their  differ- 
ences in  an  examination  of  the  numerous  letters  that 
were  the  fruit  of  the  advertisement. 

"Don't  let's  waste  no  time  over  fellers  we  don't 
know  nothing  about,  Abe,"  Morris  suggested  as  he 

299 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

tossed  one  envelope  into  the  waste-paper  basket 
"Here's  a  feller  called  Rutherford  B.  H.  Horowitz, 
what  says  he  used  to  be  a  suit-buyer  in  Indianapolis. 
Ever  hear  of  him,  Abe?" 

"We  don't  want  no  fellers  what  used  to  be  buyers, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  retorted.  "What  we  want  is  fellers 
what  is  cloak  and  suit  salesmen.  Aint  it?" 

"Well,  here's  a  feller  by  the  name  Arthur  Katzen, 
Abe,"  Morris  went  on.  "Did  y'ever  hear  of  him, 
Abe?" 

'  *  Sure  I  know  him,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  replied.  ' '  You 
know  him,  too,  Mawruss.  That's  a  feller  by  the 
name  Osher  Katzenelenbogen,  what  used  to  work  for 
us  as  buttonhole-maker  when  we  was  new  beginners 
already.  Two  years  ago,  I  met  that  feller  in  the 
Yates  House  and  I  says  to  him:  'Hallo/  I  says,  'ain't 
you  Osher  Katzenelenbogen?'  And  he  says:  'Ex- 
cuse me,'  he  says,  'you  got  the  advantage  from  me,' 
he  says.  'My  name  is  Arthur  Katzen,'  he  says;  and 
I  assure  you,  Mawruss,  the  business  that  feller  was 
doing,  Mawruss,  was  the  sole  topic  what  everybody 
was  talking  about." 

Morris  waved  his  hand  deprecatingly. 

"I  seen  lots  of  them  topics  in  my  time  already, 
Abe,"  he  commented.  "Topics  what  went  up  with 
red  fire  already  and  come  down  like  sticks.  That's 
the  way  it  goes  in  this  business,  Abe.  A  feller  gets 
a  little  streak  of  luck,  and  everybody  goes  to  work 
and  pats  him  on  the  back  and  tells  him  he's  a  great 
salesman." 

300 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

"But  mind  you,  Mawruss,  Arthur  Katzen  was  a 
good  salesman  then  and  is  a  good  salesman  to-day 
yet.  The  only  trouble  with  him  is  that  he's  a  gamb- 
ler, Mawruss.  That  feller  would  sooner  play  auc- 
tion pinochle  than  eat,  and  that's  the  reason  why  he 
could  never  hold  it  a  job." 

"Why  shouldn't  he  hold  a  job,  Abe?"  Morris 
asked.  "If  I  would  have  a  cracker  jack  drummer, 
for  my  part  he  could  play  the  whole  book  of  Hoyle, 
from  klabbias  to  stuss,  and  it  wouldn't  affect  me 
none  so  long  as  he  sold  the  goods." 

"Maybe  you're  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  admitted. 
"But  when  a  feller  fools  away  his  time  at  auction 
pinochle  his  business  is  bound  to  suffer." 

"Well,  then,  here's  a  feller  answers  by  the  name 
Mozart  Eabiner,"  Morris  continued.  "Did  y'ever 
hear  of  him,  Abe  ? ' ' 

"If  you  mean  Moe  Eabiner,  Mawruss,"  Abe  re- 
plied. "I  never  knew  his  name  was  Mozart  before, 
Mawruss,  but  there  was  a  feller  by  the  name  Moe 
Eabiner  what  used  to  work  for  Sammet  Brothers, 
Mawruss,  and  that  feller  could  make  the  pianner 
fairly  talk,  Mawruss.  If  he  could  only  get  a  lady 
buyer  up  against  a  pianner,  Mawruss,  he  could  sell 
her  every  time." 

Morris  tore  up  Mozart's  application. 

' '  So  long  as  a  feller  fools  away  his  time,  Abe, ' '  he 
said,  "it  don't  make  no  difference  either  he  plays 
auction  pinochle  or  either  he  plays  the  pianner. 
Ain't  it?" 

301 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEE 

He  opened  another  envelope  and  scanned  the  in- 
closed missive. 

"This  sounds  good  to  me,  Abe,"  he  said,  and 
handed  the  letter  to  his  partner.  It  read  as  follows : 

4042  PROSPECT  AVE.,  September  18/08. 
MESSRS  POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER, 

Gents: — Seeing  your  ad  in  to  days  Record  and  in  reply  would 
beg  to  state  am  a  first  class,  womans  outer  garment  salesman 
selling  only  to  the  high  class  trade.  Was  for  three  years  with 
one  of  the  largest  concerns  in  the  trade  traveling  to  the  coast 
and  making  Tooson,  Denver,  Shyenne  and  Butte,  selling  the 
best  houses  in  Frisco,  Portland,  Seattle,  Los  Angles,  Fresno  &c 
&c  &c.  Am  all  for  business  and  can  give  A  1  references.  At 
present  am  unnattached  but  expect  quick  action  as  am  neggo- 
tiating  with  one  of  the  largest  speciality  houses  in  the  trade.  Ask 
no  favors  of  nobody  but  results  will  show. 

Yours  truly 

MARKS  PASINSKY. 

"By  jimminy!"  Abe  cried  after  he  had  finished 
reading  the  letter.  "That's  the  feller  we  want  to 
hire  it,  Mawruss.  Let's  write  him  to  call." 

It  would  hardly  be  violating  Marks  Pasinsky's  con- 
fidence to  disclose  that  he  held  himself  to  be  a  forceful 
man.  He  never  spoke  save  in  italics,  and  when  he 
shook  hands  with  anyone  the  recipient  of  the  honor 
felt  it  for  the  rest  of  the  day.  Abe  watched  Morris 
undergo  the  ordeal  and  plunged  his  hands  in  his 
trousers'  pockets. 

"And  this  is  Mr.  Potash,"  Pasinsky  cried,  releas- 
ing his  grip  on  Morris  and  extending  his  hand  towaH 
Abe. 

302 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEK 

"How  d'ye  do?"  Abe  said  without  removing  his 
hands.  "I  think  I  seen  you  oncet  before  already  in 
Mandleberger  Brothers  &  Co.,  in  Chicago." 

"I  presume  you  did,"  Marks  Pasinsky  replied. 
"Ed  Mandleberger  and  me  married  cousins.  That 
is  to  say,  my  wife's  mother's  sister  is  a  sister-in- 
law  to  a  brother  of  Ed  Mandleberger 's  wife's 
mother." 

"Huh,  huh,"  Abe  murmured.  "Do  you  know 
Simon  Kuhner,  buyer  for  their  cloak  department ? ' ' 

Marks  Pasinsky  sat  down  and  fixed  Abe  with  an 
incredulous  smile. 

1 ' A  question ! "  he  exclaimed.  "Do  I  know  him ? 
Every  afternoon,  when  I  am  in  Chicago,  Simon  and 
me  drinks  coffee  together." 

Abe  and  Morris  looked  at  each  other  with  glances 
of  mixed  wonder  and  delight. 

"I'll  tell  you  another  feller  I'm  intimate  with, 
too,"  he  said.  "Do  you  know  Charles  I.  Fichter, 
cloak  buyer  for  Gardner,  Baum  &  Miller,  in  Seattle  1 ' ' 

Abe  nodded.  He  had  been  vainly  trying  to  sell 
Fichter  a  bill  of  goods  since  1898. 

"Well,  Charlie  and  me  was  delegates  to  the  Na- 
tional Grand  Lodge  of  the  Independent  Order  Mattai 
Aaron,  and  I  nominated  Charlie  for  Grand  Scribe. 
The  way  it  come  about  was  this,  if  you'd  care  to  hear 
about  it." 

"That's  all  right,"  Morris  interrupted.  "We 
take  your  word  for  it.  The  point  is,  could  you  sell  it 
him  a  big  bill  of  goods,  maybe?" 

303 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

Marks  Pasinsky  leaned  back  in  his  chair  and 
laughed  uproariously. 

"Why,  Mr.  Perlmutter, ' '  he  said,  all  out  of  breath 
from  his  mirth,  "that  feller  is  actually  putting  his 
job  in  danger  because  he's  holding  off  in  his  fall  buy- 
ing until  I  get  to  Seattle.  Fichter  wouldn't  buy  not 
a  dollar's  worth  of  goods  from  nobody  else  but  me, 
not  if  you  was  to  make  him  a  present  of  them  for 
nothing." 

He  gave  many  more  instances  of  his  friendship 
with  cloak  and  suit  buyers.  For  example,  it  ap- 
peared that  he  knew  Eudolph  Bosenwater,  buyer  for 
Feigenson  &  Schiffer,  of  San  Francisco,  to  the  extent 
of  an  anecdote  containing  a  long,  intimate  dialogue 
wherein  Eosenwater  commenced  all  his  speeches  with : 
"Well,  Markie." 

"And  so  I  says  to  him,"  Pasinsky  concluded, 
"  'Eudie,  you  are  all  right,'  I  says,  'but  you  can't  con 
me.'  " 

He  looked  from  Abe  to  Morris  and  beamed  with 
satisfaction.  They  were  in  a  condition  of  partial 
hypnotism,  which  became  complete  after  Pasinsky 
had  concluded  a  ten-minutes '  discourse  on  cloak  and 
suit  affairs.  He  spoke  with  a  fluency  and  emphasis 
that  left  Abe  and  Morris  literally  gasping  like  landed 
fish,  although,  to  be  sure,  the  manner  of  his  discourse 
far  outshone  the  matter. 

But  his  auditors  were  much  too  dazed  to  be  criti- 
cal. They  were  cognizant  of  only  one  circumstance: 
If  this  huge  personage  with,  his  wonderful  magne- 

304 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTER 

tism  and  address  couldn't  sell  goods,  nobody 
could. 

Pasinsky  rose  to  his  feet.  He  was  six  feet  in 
height,  and  weighed  over  two  hundred  pounds. 

"Well,  gentlemen,"  he  said,  towering  over  his 
proposed  employers,  "  think  it  over  and  see  if  you 
want  me.  I  '11  he  back  at  noon. ' ' 

"Hold  on  a  minute,"  Abe  cried.  "You  ain't  told 
us  nothing  about  who  you  worked  for  last.  What 
were  all  them  references  you  was  telling  us 
about?" 

Pasinsky  regarded  Abe  with  a  smile  of  amusement 

"I'll  tell  you,  Mr.  Potash,  it's  like  this,"  he  ex- 
plained. "Of  course  you  want  to  know  who  I 
worked  for  and  all  about  it." 

Abe  nodded. 

"But  the  way  I  feel  about  it,"  Marks  Pasinsky 
went  on,  "is  that  if  you  advance  my  expenses  for 
two  weeks,  understand  me,  and  I  go  out  with  your 
sample  line,  understand  me,  if  you  don't  owe  me  a 
thousand  dollars  commissions  at  the  end  of  that  time, 
then  I  don't  want  to  work  for  you  at  all." 

Morris'  jaw  dropped  and  he  wiped  beads  of  per- 
spiration from  his  forehead. 

"But  who  did  you  sell  goods  for!"  Abe  insisted. 

Marks  Pasinsky  bent  down  and  placed  his  hand 
on  Abe's  shoulder. 

"B.  Gans,"  he  whispered. 

"Let  me  in  on  this,  too,  Abe,"  Morris  exclaimed. 

"He  says  he  worked  for  B.  Gans,"  Abe  replied. 

305 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTER 

"That's  an  A  Number  One  concern,  Abe,"  Mor- 
ris said. 

"A  A  Number  One,"  Pasinsky  corrected.  "B. 
Gans  ain  't  got  a  garment  in  his  entire  line  that  retails 
for  less  than  a  hundred  dollars." 

"Well,  we  ain't  so  tony  as  all  that,"  Morris  com- 
mented. "We  got  it  one  or  two  garments,  Mr. 
Pasinsky — just  one  or  two,  y 'understand — which  re- 
tails for  ninety-nine  dollars  and  ninety-eight  cents, 
y 'understand.  So,  naturally,  you  couldn't  expect  to 
sell  the  same  class  of  trade  for  us  as  you  sold  it  for 
B.  Gans." 

"Naturally,"  Pasinsky  agreed  loftily,  "but  when 
a  salesman  is  a  salesman,  Mr.  Perlmutter,  he  ain't 
content  to  sell  a  line  of  goods  which  sells  themselves, 
so  to  speak,  like  B.  Gans'  line.  He  wants  to  handle 
such  a  line  like  you  got  it,  Mr.  Perlmutter,  which 
is  got  to  be  pushed  and  pushed  good  and  plenty.  If 
I  wouldn't  handle  an  inferior  line  oncet  in  a  while, 
Mr.  Perlmutter,  I  would  quick  get  out  of  practice." 

Morris  snorted. 

"If  our  line  don't  suit  you,  Mr.  Pasinsky,"  he  be- 
gan, when  Abe  interrupted  with  a  wave  of  his  hand. 

"Pasinsky  is  right,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "You  al- 
ways got  it  an  idee  you  made  up  a  line  of  goods 
what  pratically  sold  themselves,  and  I  always  told 
you  differencely.  You  wouldn't  mind  it  if  I  went 
around  to  see  B.  Gans,  Mr.  Pasinsky." 

Pasinsky  stared  superciliously  at  Abe. 

"  Go  as  far  as  you  like, ' '  he  said.     ' '  Gans  wouldn  't 

306 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

tell  you  nothing  but  good  of  me.  But  if  I  would 
work  for  you  one  week,  Mr.  Potash,  you  would  know 
that  with  me  recommendations  is  nix  and  results 
everything." 

He  blew  his  nose  like  a  challenge  and  clapped  his 
silk  hat  on  his  flowing  black  curls.  Then  he  bowed 
to  Morris,  and  the  next  moment  the  elevator  door 
'  clanged  behind  him. 

B.  Grans  guided  himself  by  the  maxim:  "In  busi- 
ness you  couldn't  trust  nobody  to  do  nothing,"  and 
albeit  he  employed  over  a  hundred  workmen  he  gave 
practical  demonstrations  of  their  duties  to  all  of 
them.  Thus,  on  the  last  of  the  month  he  made  out 
statements  in  the  office,  and  when  the  shipping  de- 
partment was  busy  he  helped  tie  up  packages.  Oc- 
casionally he  would  be  found  wielding  a  pressing 
iron,  and  when  Abe  Potash  entered  to  inquire  about 
Pasinsky's  qualifications  B.  Gans  had  just  smashed 
hiss,  thumb  in  the  process  of  showing  a  shipping  clerk 
precisely  how  a  packing-case  ought  to  be  nailed. 

"What's  the  matter,  Gans?"  Abe  asked. 
"Couldn't  you  afford  it  to  hire  shipping  clerks  no 
more?" 

"I  want  to  tell  you  something,  Potash,"  Gans  re- 
plied. "Jay  Vanderbilt  ain't  got  money  enough  to 
hire  it  a  good  shipping  clerk,  because  for  the  simple 
reason  there  ain't  no  good  shipping  clerks.  A  ship- 
ping clerk  ain't  no  good,  otherwise  he  wouldn't  be 
a  shipping  clerk." 

"How   about   drummers?"  Abe  asked.    "I  ain't 

807 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

come  to  ask  you  about  shipping  clerks,  Gans ;  I  come 
to  ask  you  about  a  drummer." 

"What  should  you  ask  me  about  drummers  for, 
Potash?"  Gans  replied.  "You  know  as  well  as  I  do 
what  drummers  is,  Potash.  Drummers  is  bluffs.  I 
wouldn't  give  a  pinch  of  snuff  for  the  best  drum- 
mers living.  The  way  drummers  figure  it  out  now- 
adays, Potash,  there  ain't  no  more  money  in 
commissions.  All  the  money  is  in  the  expense  ac- 
count." 

Abe  laughed. 

"I  guess  you  got  a  tale  of  woe  to  tell  about  de- 
signers and  models,  too,  Gans,"  he  said;  "but  with 
me,  Gans,  so  long  as  a  salesman  could  sell  goods  I 
don't  take  it  so  particular  when  it  comes  right  down 
to  the  expense  account." 

"Oh,  if  they  sell  goods,  Potash,"  Gans  agreed, 
"then  that's  something  else  again.  But  the  way 
business  is  to-day,  Potash,  salesmen  don't  sell  gojds 
no  more.  Former  times  a  salesman  wasn't  consid- 
ered a  salesman  unless  he  could  sell  a  customer  goods 
what  the  customer  didn't  want;  but  nowadays  it 
don't  make  no  difference  what  kind  of  salesman  you 
hire  it,  Potash,  the  goods  is  got  to  sell  themselves, 
otherwise  the  salesman  can't  do  no  business.  Ain't 
it?" 

"But  take  a  salesman  like  Marks  Pasinsky,  for 
instance,"  Abe  said.  "There's  a  feller  what  can 
sell  goods.  Ain't  it?" 

B.  Gans  looked  up  sharply. 

308 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"Did  Marks  Pasinsky  send  you  here?"  he  asked* 

"Well,  he  give  you  as  a  reference,"  Abe  replied. 

' '  All  right, ' '  B.  Gans  continued.  '  i  You  tell  Marks 
Pasinsky  from  me  that  I  says  he's  a  good  salesman 
and  that  why  he  left  me  was  by  mutual  consent. ' ' 

' '  Sure, ' '  Abe  said,  ' '  but  I  wanted  to  ask  you  more 
about  Pasinsky.  You  see,  Pasinsky  wants  to  come 
to  work  by  us  as  salesman,  and  I  want  to  find  out  a 
few  things  about  him  first." 

"Well,  I'm  just  telling  you,  ain't  I?"  Gans  re- 
plied. "I  said  Marks  Pasinsky  was  a  good  salesman 
and  the  reason  why  he  left  me  was  by  mutual  con- 
sent; and  you  tell  Pasinsky  that  that's  what  I  said 
it,  and  if  you'll  excuse  me  I  got  business  to  attend 
to." 

He  turned  away  and  fairly  ran  toward  the  rear  of 
the  loft,  while  Abe,  now  thoroughly  mystified,  re- 
turned to  his  place  of  business. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried  as  his  partner  entered 
"What  for  a  reference  did  you  get  it  from  Be  Gans?" 

"The  reference  is  all  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  re- 
plied. "B.  Gans  says  that  Pasinsky  is  a  good  sales- 
man and  that  the  reason  he  left  was  by  mutual 
consent." 

"Mutual  consent?"  Morris  exclaimed.  "What 
kind  of  reasons  is  that  for  firing  a  feller?" 

' '  Gans  didn  't  fire  him,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  said.  ' '  He 
left  by  mutual  consent." 

"I  know,  Abe,"  Morris  rejoined,  "but  when  a  fel- 
ler quits  by  mutual  consent  you  know  as  well  as  I 

sh  &  Pertmntter.  303 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

do,  Abe,  what  that  means.  It  means  that  if  I  should 
say  to  Jake,  the  shipping  clerk,  'Jake,  you  are  a 
rotten  shipping  clerk  and  I  don't  want  you  no  more, 
and  if  you  don't  get  right  out  of  here  I  will  kick  you 
out,'  and  then  Jake  says  to  me,  'In  that  case  you 
could  take  your  dirty  job  and  give  it  to  some  poor 
sucker  what  wants  it  more  as  I  do,'  then  Jake  quits 
by  mutual  consent.  Ain't  it?" 

Abe  stared  indignantly  at  his  partner. 

"I'm  surprised  to  hear  you  you  should  talk  that 
way,  Mawruss,  about  a  decent,  respectable  young 
feller  what  works  so  hard  like  Jake  does,"  he  said. 
"That  only  goes  to  show  what  a  judge  you  are.  If 
you  couldn't  tell  it  a  good  shipping  clerk  when  you 
see  one,  how  should  you  know  anything  about  sales-- 
men? B.  Gans  says  that  Pasinsky  is  a  good  sales- 
man, Mawruss,  and  you  can  do  what  you  like  about 
it;  I'm  going  to  hire  him,  Mawruss,  when  he  comes 
back  here." 

"Go  ahead,  Abe,"  Morris  retorted.  "Only,  if 
things  shouldn't  turn  out  0.  K.  you  shouldn't  blame 
me.  That's  all." 

"I  wouldn't  blame  you,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said. 
"All  I  would  blame  you  is  if  you  wouldn't  have  our 
sample  line  in  good  shape  by  next  week,  because 
I  want  Pasinsky  to  leave  here  by  Monday  sure." 

"Don't  you  worry  about  them  samples,  Abe," 
Morris  cried. 

"Them  samples  is  good  enough  to  sell  themselves; 
and  the  way  I  figure  it  out,  they  got  to  sell  them- 

sir 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

selves,  Abe,  because  I  don't  believe  Pasinsky  could 
sell  nothing  to  nobody." 

"You  don't  believe  nothing,  Mawruss,"  Abe  con- 
cluded as  he  made  for  the  cutting-room;  "you're  a 
regular  amethyst." 

"With  a  feller  like  Kuhner,"  Marks  Pasinsky  de- 
clared on  the  following  Monday,  "you  couldn't  be 
a  cheap  skate,  Mr.  Potash." 

"I  always  sold  it  Kuhner,  too,"  Abe  replied;  "but 
I  never  spent  it  so  much  as  three  hundred  dollars 
in  one  week  in  Chicago." 

' '  Sure,  I  know, ' '  Pasinsky  agreed, ' '  but  how  much 
did  you  sell  Kuhner?  A  thousand  or  two  thousand 
at  the  outside.  "With  me,  Mr.  Potash,  I  wouldn't 
bother  myself  to  stop  off  in  Chicago  at  all  if  I  couldn't 
land  at  least  a  five-thousand-dollar  order  from  Simon 
Kuhner,  of  Mandleberger  Brothers  &  Co.,  and  we 
will  say  four  thousand  with  Chester  Prosnauer,  of 
the  Arcade  Mercantile  Company." 

It  lacked  half  an  hour  of  Marks  Pasinsky 's  train- 
time,  and,  in  addition,  Abe  had  grown  a  little  weary 
of  his  parting  instructions  to  his  newly-hired  sales- 
man. Indeed,  the  interview  had  lasted  all  the  fore- 
noon, and  it  would  have  been  difficult  to  decide  who 
was  doing  the  instructing. 

"S 'enough,"  Abe  cried.  "Let's  make  an  end. 
I'll  speak  to  my  partner  about  it,  and  if  he  says  it's 
all  right  I'm  agreeable." 

He  repaired  to  the  cutting-room,  where  Morris 
chafed  at  the  delay  in  Pasinsky 's  departure. 

311 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTER 

"Ain't  that  feller  gone  yet,  Abe?"  he  asked. 

"I'm  just  giving  him  a  few  last  advices,"  Abe  re- 
plied. 

"Well,  I  hope  you're  more  successful  as  I  was^. 
Abe,"  Morris  rejoined.  "That  feller's  got  so  much 
to  say  for  himself  I  couldn't  get  a  word  in  sideways. ' ' 

Abe  nodded. 

"He's  a  good  talker,"  he  said,  "only  he's  too  am- 
bitious, Mawruss." 

"He  shouldn't  get  ambitious  around  me,  Abe," 
Morris  retorted,  "because  I  wouldn't  stand  for  it. 
"What's  he  getting  ambitious  with  you  about?" 

"Well,  he  wants  it  three  hundred  dollars  for  ex- 
penses one  week  in  Chicago  already,"  Abe  answered. 

"What!"  Morris  cried. 

"He  says  he  got  to  do  some  tall  entertaining,  Maw- 
russ," Abe  went  on,  "because  he  expects  to  sell 
Simon  Kuhner  a  five-thousand-dollars  bill  of  goods, 
and  the  Arcade  Mercantile  Company  also  five  thou- 
sand. ' ' 

"Say,  looky  here,  Abe:  I  want  to  tell  you  some- 
thing," Morris  broke  in.  "Of  course,  this  ain't  my 
affair  nor  nothing,  because  you  got  the  rheumatism 
and  it's  your  funeral.  Also,  I  am  only  a  partner 
here,  y 'understand,  and  what  I  says  goes  for  nix. 
But  the  way  it  looks  to  me  now,  Abe,  if  this  here 
Pasinsky  sells  all  the  goods  he  talks  about,  Abe,  we 
will  got  to  have  four  times  more  capital  as  we  are 
working  with  now.  And  if  he  spends  it  three  hun- 
dred dollars  in  every  town  he  makes  we  wouldn't 

312 


have  no  capital  left  at  all.  And  that's  the  way  it 
goes. ' ' 

He  turned  and  strode  angrily  away,  while  Abe 
went  back  to  the  show-room. 

''Well,  Pasinsky,"  he  said,  "I  decided  I  would 
take  a  chance  and  advance  you  the  three  hundred; 
but  you  got  to  do  the  business,  Pasinsky,  otherwise 
it  is  all  off." 

Pasinsky  nodded  and  tucked  away  the  yellowbacks 
which  Abe  gave  him. 

"All  you've  got  to  do,  Mr.  Potash,  is  to  fill  the 
orders, ' '  he  said,  extending  his  hand  to  Abe,  ' '  and  I 
will  do  the  rest.  And  now  good-by  and  good  luck  to 
you." 

He  squeezed  Abe's  hand  until  it  was  completely 
numb,  and  with  a  parting  nod  to  Miss  Cohen,  the 
bookkeeper,  he  started  on  his  journey  for  the  "West. 

"You  would  thought,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  after- 
ward, "that  he  was  staying  home  and  that  it  was  me 
what  goes  away  on  the  trip." 

"I  wish  you  was,  Abe,"  Morris  replied  fervently. 
"I  ain't  got  no  confidence  in  that  feller  at  all." 

"I  wouldn't  knock  the  feller  until  I  seen  what  he 
could  do,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said.  "He  promised  me 
we  should  hear  from  him  so  soon  as  he  gets 
there. ' ' 

Four  days  later  the  expected  mail  arrived.  Abe 
received  the  letter  from  the  carrier  and  burst  it  open 
with  his  thumb.  Then  he  drew  forth  the  contents  of 
the  envelope  and  shook  the  folded  sheet,  but  no  order 

313 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

slip  fell  out.    He  sighed  heavily  and  perused  the  let- 
ter, which  read  as  follows: 

CHICAGO,  ILL.,  Sep.  '08. 
MESS  POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

Gents: — Arrived  here  this  A  n  and  things  look  very  promising. 
Am  informed  by  everybody  that  business  is  good  on  the  coast 
and  prospects  of  big  orders  also  very  promising.  Sales  have 
been  slow  here  on  a/c  weather  is  very  hot.  Miss  Schimpfer  asst 
buyer  millinary  dept  Mandleberger  Bros  &  Co  says  things  look 
very  promising  and  expects  to  do  a  big  fall  business.  Was  two 
hours  late  getting  in  to  Chicago  on  a/c  freight  wreck  and  missed 
seeing  Kuhner  his  sister's  daughter  gets  married  and  Kuhner 
goes  to  the  wedding.  Will  see  Kuhner  to  morrow  A  M  and  let 
you  know  results.  Have  appointment  with  Chester  Prosnauer 
to  morrow  A  M  and  things  look  very  promising  there.  Will 
write  you  to  morrow.  Regards  to  Mr.  Perlmutter.  Hoping 
things  is  all  right  in  the  store,  I  am, 

MARKS  PASINSKY. 

Abe  finished  reading  the  letter  and  handed  it  in 
silence  to  Morris,  who  examined  it  closely. 

"That's  a  very  promising  letter,  Abe,"  he  said. 
''I'd  like  to  know  what  that  feller  done  all  day  in  Chi- 
cago. I  bet  yer  that  assistant  millinery  buyer  eats  a 
good  lunch  on  us,  Abe,  if  she  didn't  also  see  it  a  the- 
ayter  on  us,  too.  What  does  he  think  he's  selling, 
anyway,  Abe,  millinery  or  cloaks  1 ' ' 

"Give  the  feller  a  show,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied. 
"He  ain't  been  in  Chicago  forty-eight  hours  yet. 
We'll  wait  till  we  get  it  another  letter  from  him, 
Mawruss,  before  we  start  to  kick." 

Another  day  elapsed,  but  no  further  epistle  came 

314 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEE 

from  Marks  Pasinsky,  and  when  the  last  mail  arrived 
without  any  word  from  Chicago  Morris  grew 
worried. 

"Not  even  a  weather  report,  Abe,"  he  said.  "If 
he  couldn  't  sell  no  goods,  Abe,  at  least  he  could  write 
us  a  letter. ' ' 

"Maybe  he's  too  busy,  Mawruss,"  Abe  suggested. 

"Busy  taking  assistant  millinery  buyers  to  lunch, 
Abe,"  Morris  replied.  "The  way  that  feller  acts, 
Abe,  he  ain't  no  stranger  to  auction  pinochle,  neither, 
I  bet  yer. ' ' 

Abe  put  on  his  hat  and  coat  preparatory  to  going 
home. 

"What's  the  use  knocking  him  yet  a  while,  Maw- 
russ?" he  said.  "A  different  tune  you  will  sing  it 
when  we  get  a  couple  of  orders  from  him  to-morrow 
morning." 

But  the  next  forenoon's  mail  was  barren  of  result, 
and  when  Abe  went  out  to  lunch  that  day  he  had  lit- 
tle appetite  for  his  food.  Accordingly  he  sought  an 
enameled-brick  dairy  restaurant,  and  he  was  midway 
in  the  consumption  of  a  bowl  of  milk  toast  when 
Leon  Sammet,  senior  partner  of  Sammet  Brothers, 
entered. 

"Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "do  you  got  to  diet,  too?" 

"Gott  sei  dank,  it  ain't  so  bad  as  all  that,  Leon," 
Abe  replied.  "No,  Leon,  I  ain't  going  to  die  just  yet 
a  while,  although  that's  a  terrible  sickness,  the  rheu- 
matism. The  doctor  says  I  could  only  eat  it  certain 
things  like  chicken  and  chops  and  milk  toast." 

315 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"Well,  you  wouldn't  starve,  anyhow,"  Leon  com- 
mented. 

"No,  I  wouldn't  starve,"  Abe  admitted,  "but  T 
also  couldn't  go  out  on  the  road,  neither.  The  doc 
tor  wouldn't  let  me,  so  we  got  to  hire  a  feller  to  take 
care  of  our  Western  trade.  I  guess  he's  a  pretty 
good  salesman,  too.  His  name  is  Marks  Pasinsky. 
Do  you  know  him?" 

"Sure  I  know  him,"  Leon  Sammet  replied.  "He 
used  to  work  by  B.  Gans,  and  he's  a  very  close  friend 
of  a  feller  what  used  to  work  for  us  by  the  name 
Mozart  Eabiner." 

"You  mean  that  musical  feller?"  Abe  said. 

"That's  the  one,"  Leon  answered.  "I  bet  yer  he 
was  musical.  That  feller  got  the  artistic  tempera- 
ture all  right,  Abe.  He  didn't  give  a  damn  how  much 
of  our  money  he  spent  it.  Every  town  he  makes  he 
got  to  have  a  pianner  sent  up  to  the  hotel.  Costs  us 
every  time  three  dollars  for  the  pianner  and  five  dol- 
lars for  trucking.  We  got  it  a  decent  salesman  now, 
Abe.  We  hired  him  a  couple  of  weeks  since." 

"What's  his  name?"  Abe  asked. 

"Arthur  Katzen,"  Leon  Sammet  replied.  "He 
had  a  big  week  last  week  in  Buffalo,  Erie,  Cleveland 
and  Detroit.  He's  in  Chicago  this  week." 

"Is  that  so?"  Abe  commented. 

"He  turned  us  in  a  fine  order  to-day,"  Leon  con- 
tinued, 'from  Simon  Kuhner,  of  Mandleberger 
Brothers  &  Co." 

"What?"  Abe  gasped. 

316 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 


( . 


'Sure,"  Sammet  went  on,  "and  the  funny  thing 
about  it  is  that  Kuhner  never  bought  our  line  before, 
and  I  guess  he  wouldn't  of  bought  it  now,  but  this 
here  Arthur  Katzen,  Abe,  he  is  sure  a  wonder.  That 
feller  actually  booked  a  five-thousand-dollar  order 
from  sample  garments  which  didn't  belong  to  our 
line  at  all.  They're  some  samples  which  I  under- 
stand Kuhner  had  made  up  already. ' ' 

"That's  something  what  I  never  heard  it  before," 
Abe  exclaimed. 

"Me  neither,"  Leon  said;  "but  Kuhner  gives  him 
the  privilege  to  send  us  the  garments  here,  and  we 
are  to  make  up  sample  garments  of  our  own  so  soon 
as  we  can  copy  the  styles;  and  after  we  ship  our 
samples  and  Kuhner 's  samples  back  to  Kuhner, 
Kuhner  sends  us  a  confirmation.  We  expect  Kuh- 
ner will  ship  us  his  samples  to-morrow." 

Abe  rose  wearily  from  his  seat. 

"Well,  Leon,"  he  concluded,  "you  certainly  got  it 
more  luck  with  your  salesman  as  we  got  it  with  ours. 
So  far  he  ain  't  sent  us  a  single,  solitary  order. ' ' 

He  passed  down  the  aisle  to  the  cashier's  desk  and 
had  almost  reached  the  door  when  a  restraining  hand 
plucked  at  his  coat  tails. 

"Hallo,  Abe!"  a  voice  cried.  It  was  Sol  Klinger, 
whose  manner  of  eating  crullers  and  coffee  received 
and  merited  the  unfavorable  attention  of  everybody 
seated  at  his  table.  "Sit  down  and  have  a  cup  of 
coffee." 

"I  had  it  my  lunch  already,"  Abe  replied. 

317 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"Sit  down  and  have  a  cup  of  coffee,  anyhow,"  Sol 
Klinger  coaxed. 

"I  wouldn't  have  no  coffee,"  Abe  said  as  he  took 
the  vacant  chair  next  to  Sol.  "I'll  have  a  cup  of 
chocolate.  To  a  man  in  my  conditions,  Sol,  coffee  is 
poison  already." 

"Why,  what's  the  matter,  Abe?"  Sol  asked. 

"  I  Jm  a  sick  feller,  Sol, ' '  Abe  went  on.  ' '  The  rheu- 
matism I  got  it  all  over  my  body.  I  assure  you  I 
couldn't  go  out  on  the  road  this  fall.  I  had  to  hire 
it  a  salesman." 

' '  Is  that  so  ? "  Sol  Klinger  replied.  ' '  Well,  we  had 
to  hire  it  a  new  salesman,  too — a  young  feller  by  the 
name  Moe  Rabiner.  Do  you  know  him?" 

"I  heard  about  him  already,"  Abe  said.  "How  is 
he  doing?" 

"Well,  in  Buffalo,  last  week,  he  ain't  done  hardly 
nothing,"  said  Sol;  "but  he's  in  Chicago  this  week 
and  he  done  a  little  better.  He  sent  us  a  nice  order 
this  morning,  I  bet  yer.  Four  thousand  dollars  from 
the  Arcade  Mercantile  Company." 

Abe  was  swallowing  a  huge  mouthful  of  cocoa,  and 
when  Sol  vouchsafed  this  last  piece  of  informa- 
tion the  cocoa  found  its  way  to  Abe's  pharynx, 
whence  it  was  violently  ejected  into  the  face  of  a 
mild-mannered  errand-boy  sitting  opposite.  The 
errand-boy  wiped  his  face  while  Sol  slapped  Abe  on 
the  back. 

"What's  the  matter,  Abe?"  Sol  asked  solicitously. 
"Do  you  got  bronchitis,  too,  as  well  as  rheumatism?" 

318 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"Go  ahead,  Sol,"  Abe  gasped.  "Tell  me  about 
this  here  order." 

"There  ain't  much  to  tell,  Abe,"  Sol  went  on,  "ex- 
cept that  this  here  Eabiner  does  something  I  never 
heard  about  before  in  all  my  experience  in  the  cloak 
and  suit  business." 

"No?"  Abe  croaked.     "What  was  that?" 

"Why,  this  here  Eabiner  gets  an  order  from  Pros- 
nauer,  of  the  Arcade  Mercantile  Company,  for  gar- 
ments what  we  ain  't  got  in  our  line  at  all, ' '  Sol  Klin- 
ger  explained ;  * l  and  Prosnauer  furnishes  us  the  sam- 
ple garments,  which  we  are  to  return  to  him  just  so 
soon  as  we  can  copy  them,  and  then " 

"S 'enough,"  Abe  cried.  "I  heard  enough,  Sol. 
Don't  rub  it  in." 

"Why,  what  do  you  mean,  Abe?"  Sol  asked. 

"I  mean  I  got  it  a  salesman  in  Chicago,  Sol,"  Abe 
went  on,  "what  ain't  sent  us  so  much  as  a  smell  of  an 
order.  I  guess  there's  only  one  thing  fa~  ™e  to  do, 
Sol,  and  that 's  to  go  myself  to  Chicago  and  see  what 
he's  up  to." 

Sol  looked  shocked. 

"Don't  you  do  it,  Abe,"  he  said.  "Klein  got  a 
brother-in-law  what  got  the  rheumatism  like  you  got 
it,  Abe,  and  the  feller  insisted  on  going  to  Boston. 
The  railroad  trip  finished  him,  I  bet  yer." 

"Did  he  die?"  Abe  asked. 

"Well,  no,  he  didn't  die  exactly,"  Klinger  replied; 
"but  on  the  train  the  rheumatism  went  to  his  head, 
and  that  poor,  sick  young  feller  took  a  whole  theayter 

319 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEE 

troupe  into  the  cafe  car  and  blows  'em  to  tcham- 
panyer  wine  yet.  Two  hundred  dollars  it  costed 
him." 

"That's  all  right,  Sol,"  Abe  replied.  "I  could 
stand  it  if  it  stood  me  in  three  hundred  dollars,  so 
long  as  I  could  stop  Marks  Pasinsky  making  another 
town. ' ' 

He  rose  to  his  feet  with  surprising  alacrity  for  a 
rheumatic  patient,  and  returned  to  his  office,  where 
no  communication  had  been  received  from  Marks 
Pasinsky. 

"That  settles  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said  as  he  jammed 
his  hat  farther  down  on  his  head. 

"Where  are  you  going  now?"  Morris  asked. 

"I'm  going  home  to  pack  my  grip,"  Abe  an- 
nounced, "and  I'll  get  that  six  o'clock  train  to  Chi- 
cago, sure." 

' '  But,  Abe, ' '  Morris  protested,  *  *  I  thought  the  doc- 
tor says  if  you  went  out  on  the  road  he  wouldn't  be 
responsible  for  you." 

"I  know  he  did,"  Abe  concluded  as  he  passed  out, 
"but  who  will  be  responsible  for  Marks  Pasinsky, 
Mawruss!" 

When  Abe  reached  Chicago  the  following  after- 
noon he  repaired  at  once  to  the  hotel  at  which  Marks 
Pasinsky  was  staying. 

"Mr.  Pasinsky  ain't  in  his  room.  What?"  he 
said  to  the  clerk. 

"Mr.  Pasinsky  went  out  about  one  o'clock  and 
hasn't  been  back  since,"  the  clerk  replied  as  he 

320 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

handed  Abe  over  to  a  bell-boy  Fifteen  minutes 
later  Abe  descended  from  his  room  with  the  marks 
of  travel  almost  effaced,  and  again  inquired  for 
Marks  Pasinsky. 

"He  ain't  been  back  since,  Mr.  Potash,"  said  the 
clerk. 

"He  didn't  go  out  with  nobody.  No?"  Abe  asked. 

"I  think  he  went  out  with  a  short,  dark  gentle- 
man," the  clerk  answered. 

Abe  pondered  for  a  moment.  Simon  Kuhner  stood 
full  six  feet  tall  and  was  a  decided  blond,  while  Ches- 
ter Prosnauer,  whom  he  knew  by  sight  only,  was  as 
large  as  Marks  Pasinsky  himself. 

"Who  could  that  be,  I  wonder!"  Abe  murmured. 

"It  was  a  gentleman  staying  over  at  the  Altring- 
ham, ' '  the  clerk  said. 

"Then  it  couldn't  be  them,"  Abe  concluded.  "If 
Pasinsky  comes  back  you  should  please  tell  him  to 
wait.  I  will  be  back  here  at  six,  sure." 

He  made  immediately  for  the  business  premises  of 
Mandleberger  Brothers  &  Co.,  where  he  found  Simon 
Kuhner  hard  at  work  in  his  office. 

"Hallo,  Abe!"  Kuhner  cried  as  Abe  entered. 
"They  told  me  you  was  a  fit  subject  for  crutches  when 
I  asked  for  you  the  other  day. ' ' 

"Who  told  you?"  Abe  said  without  further 
preface.  "Marks  Pasinsky?" 

"Marks  Pasinsky?"  Kuhner  repeated.  "Why, 
no.  He  didn't  mention  your  name,  Abe.  Do  you 
know  Marks  Pasinsky,  too?" 

321 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

"Do  I  know  him,  too?"  Abe  almost  shrieked.  "A 
question!  Ain't  he  selling  goods  for  me?" 

"Is  he?"  Kuhner  said. 

"  Is  he ! "  Abe  cried.  * '  Why,  you  don 't  mean  to  tel  1 
me  that  feller  ain't  been  in  here  yet?" 

"Sure  he  was  in  here,"  Kuhner  replied,  "but  he 
didn't  say  nothing  about  selling  goods  for  you.  In 
fact,  he  got  a  fine  order  from  me,  Abe,  for  a  concern 
which  I  never  done  business  with  before.  People  by 
the  name  Sammet  Brothers.  What's  the  matter, 
Abe?  Are  you  sick?" 

Abe  gurgled  once  or  twice  and  clutched  at  his 
collar. 

"Did  you  got  the  samples  here  what  he  shows 
you?"  he  managed  to  gasp. 

"Why,  Abe,  what's  troubling  you?"  Kuhner  said. 
"A  sick  man  like  you  shouldn't  be  attending  to  busi- 
ness at  all." 

1 '  Never  mind  me, ' '  Abe  cried.  ' '  What  about  them 
samples,  Kuhner?" 

"He  left  some  samples  with  me,  and  I  was  to  ship 
'em  to  Sammet  Brothers." 

"Did  you  ship  'em  yet?"  Abe  exclaimed. 

"Why,  what's  the  matter,  Abe?"  Kuhner  com- 
menced soothingly. 

"The  matter  is,"  Abe  shouted,  "them  samples  is 
my  samples,  and  there's  some  monkey  business 
here." 

"Monkey  business!"  Kuhner  said.  "What  sort 
of  monkey  business?" 

322 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

"I  don't  know,"  Abe  replied,  "but  I'm  going  to 
find  out  right  away.  Promise  me  you  wouldn't  ship 
them  samples  till  I  come  back." 

*  *  Sure  I  will  promise  you,  Abe, ' '  Kuhner  declared. 
"When  will  you  be  back?" 

"To-morrow  morning  some  time,"  Abe  concluded 
as  he  rose  to  leave.  ' '  I  got  to  see  a  lawyer  and  make 
this  here  feller  Pasinsky  arrested." 

"Don't  do  nothing  rash,  Abe,"  Kuhner  advised. 

"I  won't  do  nothing  rash,"  Abe  promised.  "I'll 
Mil  him,  that's  what  I'll  do." 

He  took  the  stairs  three  at  a  jump  and  fairly  ran 
to  the  drygoods  store  of  the  Arcade  Mercantile  Com- 
pany. 

"Mr.  Prosnauer,"  he  cried  as  he  burst  into 
Prosnauer's  office  in  the  cloak  department,  "my 
name  is  Mr.  Potash,  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter,  from 
New  York.  Did  you  seen  it  my  salesman,  Marks 
Pasinsky?" 

"Sit  down,  Mr.  Potash,"  Prosnauer  said,  "and 
don't  excite  yourself." 

"I  ain't  exciting  myself,"  Abe  exclaimed.  "I 
don 't  got  to  excite  myself,  Mr.  Prosnauer.  I  am  ex- 
cited enough  already  when  I  think  to  myself  that  that 
lowlife  Pasinsky  takes  my  samples  out  of  my  store 
and  comes  here  with  my  money  and  gets  an  order 
from  you  for  four  thousand  dollars  for  Klinger  & 
Klein." 

"Not  so  fast,  Mr.  Potash,"  Prosnauer  beganc 
"I've  known  Marks  Pasinsky  for  a  number  of  years. 

323 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

He  and  I  play  auction  pinochle  together  every  Satur- 
day night  when  he  is  in  Chicago,  and " 

"Auction  pinochle !"  Abe  interrupted,  throwing  up 
his  hands.  "Das  fehlt  nur  noch!" 

"As  I  was  saying,  Mr.  Potash,"  Prosnauer  went 
on  with  a  withering  glance  at  Abe, ' '  those  samples  are 
outside,  and  Pasinsky  has  asked  me  to  ship  them  to 
Klinger  &  Klein,  and " 

"Ship  'em!"  Abe  cried.  "You  shouldn't  ship 
nothing.  Them  samples  belongs  to  me." 

"How  do  I  know  that?"  Prosnauer  asked.  "Is 
your  name  engraved  on  'em?" 

"All  right,"  Abe  cried,  jumping  to  his  feet.  "All 
right,  Mr.  Prosnauer.  If  you  are  going  to  make 
jokes  with  me  I  got  nothing  to  say,  but  I  give  you 
warning  that  you  should  do  absolutely  nothing  with 
them  samples  till  I  send  a  sheriff  round  for  them. ' ' 

"Now  you're  making  threats,"  said  Prosnauer. 

"With  people  like  Marks  Pasinsky,"  Abe  retorted 
as  he  paused  at  the  door,  "I  don't  got  to  make  no 
threats.  I  know  who  I  am  dealing  with,  Mr.  Pros- 
nauer, and  so,  instead  I  should  make  threats  I  go 
right  away  and  see  a  lawyer,  and  he  will  deliver 
the  goods.  That's  all  I  got  to  say." 

"Hold  on  there,  Mr.  Potash,"  Prosnauer  cried. 
"It  ain't  necessary  for  you  to  see  a  lawyer.  Prove 
to  me  that  you  own  the  samples  and  you  can  have 
'em." 

Abe  hesitated. 

"Well,"  he  said,  "if  you  would  hold  it  them  sam- 

324 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

pies  till  to-morrow  noon,  Mr.  Prosnauer,  I'll  give 
you  all  the  proofs  you  want." 

"Very  well,"  Prosnauer  said,  "I'll  hold  them. 
"When  will  you  be  back  ? ' ' 

"Before  twelve  to-morrow,"  Abe  replied.  "Be- 
lieve me,  Mr.  Prosnauer,  I  ain't  so  stuck  on  paying 
lawyers.  If  I  can  settle  this  thing  up  nice  and 
friendly  I  would  do  so." 

They  shook  hands,  and  Abe  retraced  his  steps  to 
the  hotel,  where  he  again  inquired  for  Marks  Pa- 
sinsky. 

"He  hasn't  come  back  yet,  Mr.  Potash,"  the  clerk 
said,  and  Abe  retired  to  the  writing-room  and 
smoked  a  cigar  by  way  of  a  sedative. 

From  six  o'clock  that  evening  until  midnight  he 
smoked  so  many  sedative  cigars  and  made  so  many 
fruitless  inquiries  at  the  desk  for  Marks  Pasinsky, 
that  his  own  nerves  as  well  as  the  night  clerk's  were 
completely  shattered.  Before  Abe  retired  he  paid 
a  farewell  visit  to  the  desk,  and  both  he  and  the  clerk 
gave  vent  to  their  emotions  in  a  great  deal  of  spirited 
profanity. 

There  was  no  rest  for  Abe  that  night,  and  when 
at  length  he  fell  asleep  it  was  almost  daylight.  He 
awoke  at  nine  and,  dressing  himself  fireman  fashion, 
he  hurried  to  the  desk. 

"What  time  did  Marks  Pasinsky  come  in?"  he 
asked  the  clerk. 

"Why,  Mr.  Pasinsky  didn't  come  in  at  all,"  the 
clerk  replied. 

91— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  325 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

Abe  pushed  his  hat  back  from  his  forehead. 

"Say,  young  feller,'*  he  said,  "do  you  got  the  gall 
to  tell  me  that  Marks  Pasinsky  ain't  come  back  since 
he  went  over  to  the  Altringham  with  that  short,  dark 
feller  yesterday  afternoon?" 

"Call  me  a  liar,  why  don't  you?"  the  clerk  re^ 
torted. 

"You're  a  fresh  young  feller!"  Abe  exclaimed. 
"Couldn't  you  answer  a  civil  question?" 

"Ah,  don't  be  worrying  me  with  your  troubles!" 
the  clerk  snarled.  "Go  over  to  the  Altringham 
yourself,  if  you  think  I'm  stringing  you." 

Abe  turned  without  another  word  and  hustled  over 
to  the  Altringham. 

"Do  you  know  a  feller  by  the  name  Marks  Pa- 
sinsky?" he  asked  the  clerk. 

"Is  he  a  guest  of  the  house?"  the  clerk  said. 

"He's  a  big  feller  with  a  stovepipe  hat  and  curly 
hair,"  Abe  replied,  "and  he  came  in  here  yester- 
day afternoon  with  a  short,  dark  feller  what  is 
stopping  here.  This  here  Pasinsky  is  stopping 
where  I  am,  but  he  ain't  showed  up  all  night,  and 
I  guess  he's  stayed  here  with  that  short,  dark 
feller." 
I  The  clerk  touched  a  bell. 

"Front,"  he  said,  "show  this  gentleman  up  to 
eighty-nine. ' ' 

"Eighty-nine?"  Abe  cried.  "Who's  up  in  eighty- 
nine?" 

"Tall,  curly-haired  gentleman  came  in  here  yes- 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

terday  afternoon  with  a  short,  dark  gentleman  name 
of  Katzen  and " 

Abe  clapped  his  hand  to  his  forehead. 

" Arthur  Katzen!"  he  cried. 

The  clerk  nodded. 

"Short,  dark  feller,"  Abe  murmured  as  he  fol 
lowed  the  bell-boy.     "Why  didn't  I  think  of  Arthur 
Katzen  before?" 

He  entered  the  elevator,  feeling  as  though  he  were 
walking  in  his  sleep;  nor  did  the  jolt  with  which  he 
was  shot  up  to  the  eighth  floor  awaken  him.  His 
conductor  led  him  down  the  corridor  and  was  about 
to  knock  at  room  eighty-nine  when  Abe  seized  him 
by  the  arm. 

"Hold  on,"  Abe  whispered.    "The  door  is  open." 

They  tiptoed  up  to  the  half -open  door  and,  holding 
himself  well  within  the  shadow  of  the  corridor,  Abe 
peeped  in.  It  was  ten  o'clock  of  a  sunny  fall  day, 
but  the  dark  shades  of  room  eighty-nine  were  drawn 
and  the  electric  lights  were  blazing  away  as  though 
it  were  still  midnight.  Beneath  the  lights  was  a 
small,  oblong  table  at  which  sat  three  men,  and  in 
front  of  each  of  them  stood  a  small  pile  of  chips. 
Marks  Pasinsky  was  dealing. 

"A-ah,  Katzen,  you  ruined  that  hand,"  Marks 
Pasinsky  said  as  he  flipped  out  the  cards  three  at  a 
time.  "Why  didn't  you  lead  it  out  the  ace  of 
Schuppe  right  at  the  start?  What  did  you  expect 
to  do  with  it?  Eat  it?" 

Katzen  nodded  sleepily. 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"The  way  I  feel  now,  Pasinsky,  I  could  eat  most 
anything,"  he  retorted.  "I  could  eat  a  round  trip, 
if  I  had  a  cup  of  coffee  with  it,  so  hungry  I  am.  Let 's 
have  some  supper." 

"Supper!"  Pasinsky  cried.  "What  do  you  want 
supper  for?  The  game  is  young  yet. " 

"Shall  I  tell  you  something?"  the  third  hand — a 
stranger  to  Abe — said.  "You  both  played  that  hand 
like  Strolischneiders.  Pasinsky  sits  there  with  two 
nines  of  trump  in  his  hand  and  don't  lead  'em 
through  me.  You  could  have  beat  me  by  a  million 
very  easy." 

He  waved  his  hand  with  the  palm  outward  and 
flapped  his  four  fingers  derisively. 

"You  call  yourself  a  pinochle  player!"  he  jeered, 
and  fell  to  twisting  his  huge  red  mustache  with  his 
fingers. 

Abe  nodded  an  involuntary  approval,  and  then  as 
silently  as  they  had  arrived  he  and  the  bell-boy  re- 
treated toward  the  elevator  shaft. 

"Dem  guys  is  card  fiends  all  right,"  the  bell-boy 
commented.  "Dey  started  in  at  five  o'clock  last 
night." 

As  they  waited  for  the  elevator  the  strains  of  a 
piano  came  from  the  floor  below. 

"What's  that?"  Abe  exclaimed. 

"Dat's  anudder  member  of  de  gang,"  the  bell-boy 
replied.  "Dat's  Mr.  Rabiner.  He  quit  a  big  loser 
about  one  o'clock  dis  mornin'," 

Abe  handed  his  informant  a  dime. 

328 


POTASH   &  PEELM UTTER 

"Take  me  to  his  room,"  he  said. 

The  bell-boy  led  the  way  to  the  seventh  floor  and 
conducted  Abe  to  the  door  of  Kabiner's  room. 

"Dat's  a  pretty  said  spiel  dat  guy  is  tearin'  off," 
he  commented.  "It  makes  me  tink  of  a  dago  fun- 
eral." 

Abe  nodded.  He  knocked  at  the  door,  and  Liszt's 
transcription  of  the  Liebestod  ceased  immediately. 

"Well?"  Mozart  Eabiner  cried  and,  for  answer, 
Abe  opened  the  door. 

"Hallo,  Moe!"  he  said.  "You  don't  know  me. 
What  1  I  'm  Abe  Potash. ' ' 

"Oh,  hello,  Potash!"  Rabiner  said,  rising  from 
the  piano  stool. 

"That's  some  pretty  mournful  music  you  was  giv- 
ing us,  Moe,"  Abe  went  on.  "Sounds  like  business 
was  poor  already.  Ain't  you  working  no  more?" 

"I  am  and  I  ain't,"  Mozart  replied.  "I'm  sup- 
posed to  be  selling  goods  for  Klinger  &  Klein,  but 
since  I  only  sold  it  one  bill  in  two  weeks  I  ain't  got 
much  hopes  that  I'll  get  enough  more  money  out  of 
'em  to  move  me  out  of  town." 

"What  do  you  make  next,  Moe?"  Abe  asked. 

"St.  Paul  and  Minneapolis,"  Mozart  replied. 

Abe  handed  him  a  large  cigar  and,  lighting  the 
mate  to  it,  puffed  away  complacently. 

"That  was  a  pretty  good  order  you  got  it  from 
Prosnauer  which  Sol  Klinger  tells  me  about,"  he 
said. 

Mozart  nodded  sadly. 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 


Mozart  lifted  his  eyebrows  and  shrugged  hope- 
lessly. 

"More  as  you  would  lend  me,  Potash,"  he  said. 
"So  what's  the  use  talking  about  it?" 

"Well,  I  was  going  to  say,"  Abe  continued,  "if 
it  was  something  what  you  might  call  within  reason, 
Moe,  I  might  advance  it  if " 

"If  what?"  Moe  inquired. 

"If  you  would  tell  me  the  insides  of  just  how  you 
got  it  that  order  from  Prosnauer." 

Mozart  gave  a  deprecatory  wave  of  his  right  hand. 

"You  don't  got  to  bribe  me  to  tell  you  that,  Pot- 
ash," he  said,  "because  I  ain't  got  no  concern  in  that 
order  no  longer.  I  give  up  my  commission  there  to 
a  feller  by  the  name  Ignatz  Kresnick." 

"A  white-faced  feller  with  a  big  red  mustache?" 
Abe  asked. 

"That's  him,"  Mozart  replied.  "The  luck  that 
feller  Kresnick  got  it  is  something  you  wouldn't  be- 
lieve at  all.  He  could  fall  down  a  sewer  manhole 
and  come  up  in  a  dress  suit  and  a  clean  shave  al- 
ready. He  cleans  me  out  last  night  two  hundred 
dollars  and  the  commission  on  that  Prosnauer 
order. ' ' 

"But  you  didn't  get  that  order  in  the  first  place, 
Moe,"  Abe  said.  "Marks  Pasinsky  got  the  order." 

"Sure,  I  know,"  Mozart  replied,  "but  he  got  set 
back  a  couple  of  four  hundred  hands  last  Tuesday 

330 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTER 

night  with  Katzen  and  me  in  the  game,  and  the  way 
he  settles  up  his  losing  is  that  Katzen  and  me  should 
take  his  commissions  on  a  couple  of  orders  which  he 
says  he  is  going  to  get  from  Simon  Kuhner,  of  Man- 
dleberger  Brothers  &  Co.,  and  Chester  Prosnauer,  of 
the  Arcade  Mercantile  Company.  Sure  enough,  he 
gets  the  orders  from  both  of  'em  the  very  next  morn- 
ing. That's  the  kind  of  salesman  he  is." 

"But  why  didn't  Pasinsky  send  us  along  the  or- 
ders, Moe7"  Abe  protested,  "and  we  could  fix  up 
about  the  commissions  later?  Why  should  he  sent 
it  the  orders  to  Klinger  &  Klein  and  Sammet 
Brothers?" 

"Well,  you  see,  business  was  poor  with  me  and 
I  wanted  to  make  good,  being  as  this  was  my  first 
trip  with  the  concern;  so,  as  a  favor  to  me  Pasinsky 
turns  over  the  whole  order  to  me, ' '  Mozart  explained ; 
* '  and  then,  when  Katzen  sees  that,  he  wants  the  other 
order  sent  to  his  concern,  too." 

"But  this  was  Pasinsky 's  first  trip  by  us,  also," 
Abe  cried. 

"I  know  it,"  Mozart  said,  "but  Pasinsky  says 
that  he  didn't  care,  because  a  good  salesman  like  him 
could  always  find  it  an  opening  somewhere,  and  any- 
way he  wasn't  stuck  on  working  for  a  piker  concern 
like  yours." 

Abe  rose  with  his  eyes  ablaze. 

"That  settles  it,"  he  said,  jamming  his  hat  on  his 
head.  "I'm  going  for  a  policeman.  I'll  teach  that 
sucker  to  steal  my  orders ! ' ' 

331 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEK 

He  bounced  out  of  the  room  and,  as  he  rang  for 
the  elevator,  Isolde's  lament  once  more  issued  from 
beneath  Mozart  Rabiner's  fingers: 

Mild  und  leise  wie  er  lachelt 
Wie  das  Auge  hold  er  o'ffnet 

While  from  the  floor  above  came  the  full,  round 
tones  of  the  salesman,  Marks  Pasinsky. 

"Sixty  queens,"  he  said. 

Abe  ran  out  of  the  hotel  lobby  straight  into  the 
arms  of  a  short,  stout  person. 

"Excuse  me,"  Abe  exclaimed. 

"I'll  excuse  you,  Potash,"  said  the  short,  stout 
person,  "but  I  wouldn't  run  like  that  if  I  got  it  the 
rheumatism  so  bad." 

Abe  looked  at  the  speaker  and  gasped.  It  was  B. 
Gans. 

"What  are  you  doing  in  Chicago,  Potash?"  Gans 
asked. 

"You  should  ask  me  that,"  Abe  snorted  indig- 
nantly. "If  it  wouldn't  be  for  you  I  wouldn't  never 
got  to  leave  New  York." 

"What  do  you  mean?"  Gans  asked. 

"I  mean  you  gives  me  a  good  reference  for  this 
feller  Marks  Pasinsky,"  Abe  shouted.  "And  even 
now  I  am  on  my  way  out  for  a  policeman  to  make  this 
here  Pasinsky  arrested." 

B.  Gans  whistled.  He  surrendered  to  a  bell-boy 
the  small  valise  he  carried  and  clutched  Abe's  arm. 

332 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEE 

"I  wouldn't  do  that,"  he  said.  "Come  inside  the 
cafe  and  tell  me  all  about  it. '  * 

Abe  shook  himself  free. 

"Why  shouldn't  I  make  him  arrested!"  he  in- 
sisted. "He's  a  thief.  He  stole  my  samples." 

"Well,  he  stole  my  samples,  too,  oncet,"  B.  Gans 
replied.  "Come  inside  the  cafe  and  I'll  give  you 
a  little  sad  story  what  I  got,  too. ' ' 

A  moment  later  they  were  seated  at  a  marble-top 
table. 

' '  Yes,  Abe, ' '  B.  Gans  went  on  after  they  had  given 
the  order,  "Marks  Pasinsky  stole  my  samples,  too. 
Let's  hear  your  story  first." 

Straightway  Abe  unfolded  to  B.  Gans  the  tale  of 
Marks  Pasinsky 's  adventure  with  Mozart  Rabiner 
and  Arthur  Katzen,  and  also  told  him  how  the  orders 
based  on  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  sample  line  had 
found  their  way  into  the  respective  establishments 
of  Sammet  Brothers  and  Klinger  &  Klein. 

"Well,  by  jimminy!"  B.  Gans  commented,  "that's 
just  the  story  I  got  to  tell  it  you.  This  feller  does 
the  selfsame  funny  business  with  my  samples.  He 
gets  orders  from  a  couple  of  big  concerns  in  St. 
Louis  and  then  he  gambles  them  away  to  a  fel- 
ler called  Levy.  So  what  do  I  do,  Potash?  1 
goes  to  work  and  has  'em  both  arrested,  and  then 
them  two  fellers  turns  around  and  fixes  up  a  story 
and  the  first  thing  you  know  the  police  judge  lets 
'em  go.  Well,  Potash,  them  two  fellers  goes  down 
to  New  York  and  hires  a  lawyer,  by  the  name  Henry 

333 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

D.  Feldman,  and  sue  me  in  the  courts  yet  that  I  made 
them  false  arrested.  Cost  me  a  thousand  dollars  to 
settle  it,  and  I  also  got  to  agree  that  if  anybody  in- 
quires about  Pasinsky  I  should  say  only  that  he  is  a 
good  salesman — which  is  the  truth,  Potash,  because 
he  is  a  good  salesman — and  that  the  reason  he  left 
me  is  by  mutual  consent,  y 'understand?" 

Abe  nodded. 

"That's  a  fine  piece  of  work,  that  Marks  Pasin- 
sky," he  commented.  "I  wish  I  had  never  seen  him 
already.  "What  shall  I  do,  Grans?  I  am  in  a  fine 
mess." 

' '  No,  you  ain  't  yet, ' '  B.  Gans  replied.  ' '  Prosnauer 
and  Kuhner  knows  me,  Potash,  and  I  am  willing,  as 
long  as  I  got  you  into  this,  I  will  get  you  out  of  it. 
I  will  go  with  you  myself,  Potash,  and  I  think  I  got 
influence  enough  in  the  trade  that  I  could  easy  get 
them  to  give  you  back  them  samples." 

"I  know  you  can,"  Abe  said  enthusiastically,  "and 
if  you  would  put  it  to  'em  strong  enough  I  think  we 
could  swing  back  to  us  them  orders  from  Sammet 
Brothers  and  Klinger  &  Klein." 

"That  I  will  do  for  you,  also,"  B.  Gans  agreed. 
"But  now,  Potash,  I  got  troubles  ahead  of  me,  too." 

"How's  that?"  Abe  inquired,  much  interested. 

"I  got  it  a  lowlife  what  I  hired  for  a  salesman, 
also,"  he  replied,  "and  three  weeks  ago  that  feller 
left  my  place  with  my  samples  and  I  ain't  heard  a 
word  from  him  since.  If  I  got  to  search  every  gam- 
blinghouse  in  Chicago  I  will  find  that  loafer ;  and 

334 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

when  I  do  find  him,  Potash,  I  will  crack  his  neck  for 
him." 

"I  wouldn't  do  nothing  rash,  Gans,"  Abe  ad- 
vised. "What  for  a  looking  feller  is  this  salesman 
of  yours  ?" 

"He's  a  tall,  white-faced  loafer  with  a  big  red 
mustache,"  Gans  replied,  "and  his  name  is  Ignatz 
Kresnick." 

Abe  jumped  to  his  feet. 

"Come  with  me,"  he  cried.  Together  they  took 
the  elevator  to  the  eighth  floor  and,  as  Ignatz  Kres- 
nick dealt  the  cards  for  the  five-hundredth  time  in 
that  game,  all  unconscious  of  his  fast-approaching 
Nemesis,  Mozart  Eabiner  played  the  concluding 
measures  of  the  Liebestod  softly,  slowly,  like  a  bene- 
diction : 

Ertririken— 
Versinken — 
Unbewusst — 
Hochste  Lust. 


CHAPTEE  XV 

"\"Y7  HO  do  you  think  I  seen  it  in  Hammer- 
\f\      smith's  just  now,  Mawruss?"  Abe  Potash 
shouted  as  he  burst  into  the  show-room 

one  Saturday  afternoon  in  April. 
"I  ain't  deaf,  Abe,"  Morris  replied.    "Who  did 

you  seen  it  1 " 

335 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

"3.  Edward  Kleebaum  from  Minneapolis,"  Abe 
answered. 

Morris  shrugged. 

"What  d'ye  want  me  to  do,  Abe?"  he  asked. 

Abe  ignored  the  question. 

"He  promised  he  would  come  in  at  two  o'clock  and 
look  over  the  line,"  he  announced  triumphantly. 

"Plenty  crooks  looked  over  our  line  already, 
Abe,"  Morris  commented,  "and  so  far  as  I'm  con- 
cerned, they  could  look  over  it  all  they  want  to,  Abe, 
so  long  as  they  shouldn't  buy  nothing  from  us." 

"What  d'ye  mean?  Crooks?"  Abe  cried.  "The 
way  Kleebaum  talks  he  would  give  us  an  order  for  a 
thousand  dollars  goods,  maybe,  Mawruss.  He  ain't 
no  crook." 

"Ain't  he?"  Morris  replied.  "What's  the  reason 
he  ain't,  Abe?  The  way  I  look  at  it,  Abe,  when  a 
feller  makes  it  a  dirty  failure  like  that  feller  made 
it  in  Milwaukee,  Abe,  and  then  goes  to  Cleveland, 
Abe,  and  opens  up  as  the  bon  march,  Abe,  and  does 
another  bust  up,  Abe,  and  then  he  goes  to " 

"S 'enough,  Mawruss,"  Abe  interrupted.  "Them 
things  is  from  old  times  already.  To-day  is  some- 
thing else  again.  That  feller  done  a  tremendous 
business  last  spring,  Mawruss,  and  this  season  every- 
body is  falling  over  themselves  to  sell  him  goods.'* 

"Looky  here,  Abe,"  Morris  broke  in,  "you  think 
the  feller  ain't  a  crook,  and  you're  entitled  to  think 
all  you  want  to,  Abe,  but  I  seen  it  Sol  Klinger  yester- 
day, and  what  d'ye  think  he  told  me?" 

336 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

"I  don't  know  what  he  told  you,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
replied,  "but  it  wouldn't  be  the  first  time,  Mawruss, 
that  a  feller  tells  lies  about  a  concern  that  he  couldn't 
sell  goods  to,  Mawruss.  It's  the  old  story  of  the 
dawg  and  the  grapes." 

Morris  looked  hurt. 

"I'm  surprised  you  should  call  a  decent,  respect- 
able feller  like  Sol  Klinger  a  dawg,  Abe,"  he  said. 
"That  feller  has  always  been  a  good  friend  of  ours, 
Abe,  and  even  if  he  wouldn't  be,  Abe,  that  ain't  no 
way  to  talk  about  a  concern  what  does  a  business  like 
Klinger  &  Klein." 

"Don't  make  no  speeches,  Mawruss,"  Abe  re- 
torted. "Go  ahead  and  tell  me  what  Sol  Klinger 
told  it  you  about  J.  Edward  Kleebaum." 

"Why,  Sol  Klinger  says  that  he  hears  it  on  good 
authority,  Abe,  that  that  lowlife  got  it  two  oitermo- 
biles,  Abe.  What  d'ye  think  for  a  crook  like  that?" 

"So  far  what  I  hear  it,  Mawruss,  it  ain't  such  a 
terrible  crime  that  a  feller  should  got  it  two  oitermo- 
biles.  In  that  case,  Mawruss,  Andrew  Carnegie 
would  be  a  murderer  yet.  I  bet  yer  he  got  already 
fifty  oitermobiles. " 

"S'all  right,  Abe,"  Morris  cried.  "Andrew  Car- 
negie ain't  looking  to  buy  off  us  goods,  Abe,  and  even 
so,  Abe,  he  never  made  it  a  couple  of  failures  like 
Kleebaum,  Abe." 

"Well,  Mawruss,  is  that  all  you  got  against  him 
that  he  owns  an  oitermobile  ?  Maybe  he  plays  golluf , 
too,  Mawruss." 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"Golluf  I  don't  know  nothing  about,  Abe,"  Morris 
replied,  "but  auction  pinochle  he  does  play  it,  Abe. 
Sol  Klinger  says  that  out  in  Minneapolis  Kleebaum 
hangs  out  with  a  bunch  of  loafers  what  considers  a 
dollar  a  hundred  chicken  feed  already." 

Abe  rose  to  his  feet. 

"Let  me  tell  you  something,  Mawruss,"  he  said. 
"I  got  over  them  old  fashioned  idees  that  a  feller 
shouldn  't  spend  the  money  he  makes  in  the  way  what 
he  wants  to.  If  Kleebaum  wants  to  buy  oitermobiles, 
that's  his  business,  not  mine,  Mawruss,  and  for  my 
part,  Mawruss,  if  that  feller  was  to  come  in  here  and 
buy  from  us  a  thousand  dollars  goods,  Mawruss,  I  am 
in  favor  we  should  sell  him." 

"You  could  do  what  you  please,  Abe,"  Morris  de- 
clared as  he  put  on  his  hat.  "Only  one  thing  I  beg 
of  you,  Abe,  don't  never  put  it  up  to  me,  Abe,  that  I 
was  in  favor  of  the  feller  from  the  start." 

"Sure  not,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,  "because  you 
wouldn't  never  let  me  forget  it.  Where  are  you  go- 
ing now,  Mawruss  1 ' ' 

"I  told  you  yesterday  where  I  was  going,  Abe," 
Morris  said  impatiently.  "Me  and  Minnie  is  going 
out  to  Johnsonhurst  to  see  her  cousin  Moe  Fix- 
man." 

"Moe  Fixman,"  Abe  repeated.  "Ain't  that  the 
same  Fixman  what  was  partners  together  with  Max 
Gudekunst?" 

Morris  nodded. 

"Well,  you  want  to  keep  your  hand  on  your  pocket* 

338 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

book,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "because  I  hear  it  on 
good  authority  that  feller  ain't  above  selling  the  milk 
from  his  baby 's  bottle. ' ' 

Morris  paused  with  his  hand  on  the  door  knob. 

" That's  the  first  I  hear  about  it,  Abe,"  he  said. 
' '  Certainly,  when  a  feller  gets  together  a  little  money, 
y 'understand,  always  there  is  somebody  what  knocks 
him,  Abe.  Who  told  you  all  this  about  Fixman, 
Abe?" 

"  A  feller  by  the  name  Sol  Klinger,  Mawruss," 
Abe  replied,  "and  if  you  don't  believe  me  you 
could " 

But  Morris  cut  off  further  comment  by  banging 
the  door  behind  him  and  Abe  turned  to  his  task  of 
preparing  the  sample  line  for  his  prospective  cus- 
tomer's inspection.  A  half  an  hour  later  J.  Edward 
Kleebaum  entered  the  show-room  and  extended  his 
hand  to  Abe. 

"Hallo,  Potash,"  he  said.  "You  got  to  excuse  me 
I'm  a  little  late  on  account  I  had  to  look  at  a  machine 
up  on  Fiftieth  Street." 

"That's  a  sample  I  suppose,  ain't  it!"  Abe  said. 

"No,"  Kleebaum  replied,  "it's  one  of  their  stock 
machines,  a  Pfingst,  nineteen-nine  model." 

"Pfingst!"  Abe  exclaimed,  "that's  a  new  one  on 
me.  Certainly,  I  believe  a  feller  should  buy  the 
machines  what  suits  his  purpose,  but  with  Mawruss 
and  me,  when  we  was  running  our  own  shop  we 
bought  nothing  but  standard  makes  like  Keeler  and 
Silcox  and  them  other  machines." 

339 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

At  this  juncture  Kleebaum  broke  into  a  hearty 
laugh. 

"This  machine  is  all  right  for  what  I  would  want 
it,"  he  said.  "In  fact,  I  got  it  right  down  in  front 
of  the  door  now.  It's  a  nineteen-nine  Pfingst,  six 
cylinder  roadster  up  to  date  and  runs  like  a  chro- 
nometer already." 

"Oh,  an  oitermobile ! "  Abe  cried.  "Excuse  me. 
Mr.  Kleebaum.  Oitermobiles  ain't  in  my  line,  Mr. 
Kleebaum.  I'm  satisfied  I  should  know  something 
about  the  cloak  and  suit  business,  Mr.  Kleebaum. 
Now,  here  is  a  garment  which  me  and  Mawruss  don't 
consider  one  of  our  leaders  at  all,  Mr.  Kleebaum. 
But  I  bet  yer  that  if  another  concern  as  us  would  put 
out  a  garment  like  that,  Mr.  Kleebaum,  they  would 
make  such  a  holler  about  it  that  you  would  think 
nobody  else  knows  how  to  make  garments  but 
them." 

"When  a  feller's  got  the  goods,  Potash,"  Klee- 
baum replied,  as  he  lit  one  of  Abe's  "gilt-edged" 
cigars,  "he's  got  a  right  to  holler.  Now  you  take 
this  here  Pfingst  car.  It  is  made  by  the  Pfingst 
Manufacturing  Company,  a  millionaire  concern,  and 
them  people  advertise  it  to  beat  the  band.  And  why 
shouldn't  they  advertise  it  I  Them  people  got  a  car 
there  which  it  is  a  wonder,  Potash.  How  they  could 
sell  a  car  like  that  for  twenty-five  hundred  dollars 
I  don't  know.  The  body  alone  must  cost  them  peo- 
ple a  couple  of  thousand  dollars." 

"That's   always  the  way,  Mr.   Kleebaum,"  Abe 

340 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

broke  in  hurriedly.  "Now,  you  take  this  here  gar- 
ment, Mr.  Kleebaum,  people  would  say,  'How  is  it 
possible  that  Potash  &  Perlmutter  could  turn  out  a 
garment  like  this  for  eighteen  dollars?'  And  cer- 
tainly, Mr.  Kleebaum,  I  don't  say  we  lose  money  on 
it,  y 'understand,  only  we  got " 

* '  But  this  here  car,  Potash,  has  selective  transmis- 
sion, shaft  drive  and " 

"Say,  lookyhere,  Kleebaum,"  Abe  cried,  "am  I 
trying  to  sell  you  some  cloaks  or  are  you  trying  to 
sell  me  an  oitermobile !  Because  if  you  are,  I'm 
sorry  I  got  to  tell  you  I  ain't  in  the  market  for  an 
oitermobile  just  at  present.  On  the  other  hand,  Mr. 
Kleebaum,  I  got  a  line  of  garments  here  which  it  is 
a  pleasure  for  me  to  show  you,  even  if  you  wouldn't 
buy  so  much  as  a  button." 

"Go  ahead,  Potash,"  Kleebaum  said,  "and  we'll 
talk  about  the  car  after  you  get  through." 

For  over  two  hours  Abe  displayed  the  firm's  sam- 
ple line  and  his  efforts  were  at  last  rewarded  by  a 
generous  order  from  Kleebaum. 

"That  makes  in  all  twenty-one  hundred  dollars' 
worth  of  goods,"  Kleebaum  announced,  "and  if  you 
think  you  could  stand  the  pressure,  Potash,  I  could 
smoke  another  cigar  on  you  already." 

"Excuse  me,  Mr.  Kleebaum!"  Abe  cried,  pro- 
ducing another  of  his  best  cigars. 

"Much  obliged,"  Kleebaum  mumbled  as  he  lit  up. 
'  *  And  now,  Abe,  after  business  comes  with  me  pleas- 
ure. What  d'ye  say  to  a  little  spin  uptown  in  this 

9»— Potash  &  Perhnulter.  341 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

here  Pfingst  car  which  I  got  it  waiting  for  me  down- 
stairs." 

Abe  waved  his  hand  with  the  palm  out. 

"You  could  go  as  far  as  you  like,  Mr.  Kleebaum," 
he  replied,  "but  when  it  comes  to  oitermobiles,  Mr. 
Kleebaum,  you  got  to  excuse  me.  I  ain't  never  rode 
in  one  of  them  things  yet,  and  I  guess  you  couldn't 
learn  it  an  old  dawg  he  should  study  new  tricks. 
Ain't  it?" 

"D'ye  mean  to  tell  me  you  ain't  never  rode  in  an 
oitermobile  yet?"  Kleebaum  exclaimed. 

"You  got  it  right,"  Abe  said,  "and  what's  more 
I  ain't  never  going  to  neither." 

"What  you  trying  to  give  me?"  Kleebaum 
asked.  "You  mean  to  say  if  I  would  ask  you  you 
should  come  riding  with  me  now,  you  would  turn  me 
down?" 

"I  bet  yer  I  would,"  Abe  declared.  "An  up-to- 
date  feller  like  you,  Kleebaum,  is  different  already 
from  an  old-timer  like  me.  I  got  a  wife,  Kleebaum, 
and  also  I  don't  carry  a  whole  lot  of  insurance 
neither,  y 'understand." 

"Come  off,  Potash!"  Kleebaum  cried.  "I  rode 
myself  in  oitermobiles  already  millions  of  times  and 
I  ain't  never  been  hurted  yet." 

"Some  people's  got  all  the  luck,  Kleebaum,"  Abe 
replied.  "With  me  I  bet  yer  if  I  would  ride  in  an 
oitermobile  once,  y 'understand,  the  least  that  would 
happen  to  me  is  I  should  break  my  neck. ' ' 

"How  could  you  break  your  neck  in  a  brand  new 

342 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

car  like  that  Pfingst  car  downstairs!"  Kleebauin  in- 
sisted. 

'  *  Never  mind, ' '  Abe  answered,  ' '  if  things  is  going 
to  turn  out  that  way,  Mr.  Kleebaum,  you  could  break 
your  neck  in  a  baby  carriage  yet. ' ' 

"Well,  don't  get  mad  about  it,  Potash,"  Kleebaum 
said. 

"Me,  I  don't  get  mad  so  easy,"  Abe  declared. 
"Wouldn't  you  come  downstairs  to  Hammersmith's 
and  take  a  cup  coffee  or  something?" 

Together  they  descended  to  the  sidewalk  where 
they  were  saluted  by  a  tremendous  chugging  from  the 
Pfingst  roadster. 

"Say,  my  friend,"  the  demonstrating  chauffeur 
cried  as  he  caught  sight  of  Kleebaum,  "what  d'ye 
think  I'm  running  anyway?  A  taxicab?" 

"You  shouldn't  get  fresh,  young  feller,"  Klee- 
baum retorted,  "unless  you  would  want  to  lose  your 
job." 

"Aw,  quit  your  stalling,"  the  chauffeur  protested. 
' '  Is  this  the  guy  you  was  telling  me  about  1 ' ' 

Kleebaum  frowned  and  contorted  one  side  of  his 
face  with  electrical  rapidity. 

"Say,  my  friend,"  the  chauffeur  replied  entirely 
unmoved,  "them  gestures  don't  go  down  with  me. 
Is  this  the  guy  you  was  telling  the  boss  you  would 
jolly  into  buying  a  car,  because " 

Kleebaum  turned  to  Abe  and  elaborately  assumed 
an  expression  of  amiable  deprecation. 

"That's  a  salesman  for  you,"  he  exclaimed. 

343 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

Abe  surveyed  Kleebaum  with  a  puzzled  stare. 

"Say,  lookyhere,  Kleebaum,"  he  said,  "if  you 
thought  you  would  get  me  to  buy  an  oitermobile  by 
giving  me  this  here  order,  Kleebaum,  I'm  satisfied 
you  should  cancel  it.  Because  again  I  got  to  tell  it 
you,  Kleebaum,  I  ain't  in  the  market  for  oitermobiles 
just  yet  awhile. ' ' 

Kleebaum  clapped  Abe  on  the  shoulder. 

"The  feller  don't  know  what  he's  talking  about, 
Potash,"  he  declared.  "He's  thinking  of  somebody 
quite  different  as  you.  That  order  stands,  Potash, 
and  now  if  you  will  excuse  me  joining  you  in  that  cup 
coffee,  Potash,  I  got  to  say  good-bye. ' ? 

He  wrung  Abe's  hand  in  farewell  and  jumped  into 
the  seat  beside  the  chauffeur  while  Abe  stood  on  the 
sidewalk  and  watched  them  disappear  down  the 
street. 

"I  bet  yer  that  order  stands,"  he  mused.  "It 
stands  in  my  store  until  I  get  a  couple  of  good  reports 
on  that  feller." 

"What  a  house  that  feller  Fixman  got  it,  Abe," 
Morris  Perlmutter  exclaimed  on  Monday  morning. 
"A  regular  palace,  and  mind  you,  Abe,  he  don't  pay 
ten  dollars  more  a  month  as  I  do  up  in  a  Hundred 
and  Eighteenth  Street.  And  what  a  difference  there 
is  in  the  yard,  Abe.  Me,  I  look  out  on  a  bunch  of 
fire  escapes,  while  Fixman  got  a  fine  garden  with 
trees  and  flowers  pretty  near  as  good  as  a  cemetery." 

"Well,  why  don't  you  move  to  Johnsonhurst,  too, 
Mawruss,"  Abe  Potash  said.  "It's  an  elegant 

344 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEB 

neighborhood,  Mawruss.  Me  and  Kosie  was  over  to 
Jolmsonhurst  one  day  last  summer  and  it  took  us 
three  hours  to  get  out  there  and  three  hours  to  get 
back.  Six  cigars  I  busted  in  my  vest  pockets  at  the 
bridge  yet  and  Eosie  pretty  near  fainted  in  the 
crowd.  Yes,  Mawruss,  it's  an  elegant  neighborhood, 
I  bet  yer." 

''That  was  on  Sunday  and  the  summer  time,  Abe, 
but  Fixman  says  if  he  leaves  his  house  at  seven 
o'clock,  he  is  in  his  office  at  a  quarter  to  eight." 

"I  believe  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  commented  ironic- 
ally. "That  feller  Fixman  never  got  downtown  in 
his  life  before  nine  o'clock.  He  shouldn't  tell  me 
nothing  like  that,  Mawruss,  because  I  know  Fix- 
man since  way  before  the  Spanish  war  already, 
and  that  feller  was  always  a  big  bluff,  y 'under- 
stand. Sol  Klinger  tells  me  he's  got  also  an  oiter- 
mobile. ' ' 

' '  Sol  Klinger  could  talk  all  he  wants,  Abe, ' '  Morris 
replied.  "Fixman  told  it  me  that  if  he  had  the 
money  what  Klinger  sinks  in  one  stock  already,  Abe, 
he  could  run  a  dozen  oitermobiles.  Sure,  Fixman 's 
got  an  oitermobile.  With  the  money  that  feller 
makes,  Abe,  he's  got  a  right  to  got  on  oitermobile. 
Klinger  should  be  careful  what  he  tells  about  peo- 
ple, Abe.  The  feller  will  get  himself  into  serious 
trouble  some  day.  He's  all  the  time  knocking  some- 
body. Ain't  it!" 

"Is  that  so?"  Abe  said.  "I  thought  Klinger  was 
such  a  good  friend  to  us,  Mawruss.  Also,  Mawruss, 

345 


you  say  yourself  on  Saturday  that  a  feller  what's  got 
an  oitennobile  is  a  crook  yet. ' ' 

"Me!"  Morris  cried  indignantly.  "I  never  said 
no  such  thing,  Abe.  Always  you  got  to  twist  around 
what  I  say,  Abe.  What  I  told  you  was " 

' '  S  'all  right,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  said.  ' '  I  '11  take  your 
word  for  it.  What  I  want  to  talk  to  you  about  now 
is  this  here  J.  Edward  Kleebaum.  He  gives  us  an 
order  for  twenty-one  hundred  dollars,  Mawruss." 

"Good!"  Morris  exclaimed. 

"Good?"  Abe  repeated  with  a  rising  inflection. 
"Say,  Mawruss,  what's  the  matter  with  you  to-day, 
anyway  ? ' ' 

"Nothing's  the  matter  with  me,  Abe.  What  d'ye 
mean  ? ' ' 

"I  mean  that  on  Saturday  you  wouldn't  sell  Klee- 
baum not  a  dollar's  worth  of  goods,  Mawruss,  and 
even  myself  I  was  only  willing  we  should  go  a  thou- 
sand dollars  on  the  feller,  and  now  to-day  when  I  tell 
it  you  he  gives  us  an  order  for  twenty-one  hundred 
dollars,  Mawruss,  you  say,  'good'." 

"Sure,  I  say,  'good',"  Morris  replied.  "Why 
not  ?  Just  because  a  sucker  like  Sol  Klinger  knocks 
a  feller,  Abe,  that  ain't  saying  the  feller's  N.  G. 
Furthermore,  Abe,  suppose  a  feller  does  run  a  couple 
of  oitermobiles,  y 'understand,  Abe,  does  that  say  he's 
going  to  bust  up  right  away?  That's  an  idee  what 
a  back  number  like  Klinger  got  it,  Abe,  but  with  me 
I  think  differently.  There's  worser  things  as  oiter- 
mobiles to  ride  in,  Abe,  believe  me.  Fixman  takes 

346 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

out  his  wife  and  Minnie  and  me  on  Saturday  after- 
noon, and  we  had  a  fine  time.  We  went  pretty  near 
to  Boston,  I  bet  yer." 

1  'To  Boston!"  Abe  exclaimed. 

"Well,  we  seen  the  Boston  boats  going  out,  and  a 
fine  view  of  the  City  College  also,  and  a  gas  factory 
and  North  Beach,  too.  Everything  went  off  beauti- 
ful, Abe,  and  I  assure  you  Minnie  and  me  we  come 
home  feeling  fine.  I  tell  you,  Abe,  a  feller  has  got 
to  ride  in  one  of  them  things  to  appreciate  'em." 

'  *  S  'all  right,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  cried.  *  *  I  take  your 
word  for  it.  What  I  am  worrying  about  now,  Maw- 
russ, is  this  here  Kleebaum." 

"Kleebaum  is  A  Number  One,  Abe,"  Morris  said. 
"I  was  talking  to  Fixman  about  him  and  Fixman 
s<iys  that  there  ain't  a  better  judge  of  an  oitermobile 
between  Chicago  and  the  Pacific  Coast." 

"Say,  lookyhere,  Mawruss,"  Abe  asked,  "are  we 
in  the  cloak  and  suit  business  or  are  we  in  the  oiter- 
mobile business?  Kleebaum  buys  from  us  cloaks, 
not  oitermobiles.  And  while  I  ain't  got  such  good 
judgment  when  it  comes  to  oitermobiles,  I  think  I 
know  something  about  the  cloak  and  suit  business, 
and  I  got  an  idea  that  feller  is  out  to  do  us. ' ' 

"Why,  Abe,  you  don't  know  the  feller  at  all," 
Morris  protested.  "Why  don't  you  make  some  in- 
vestigations about  the  feller,  Abe?" 

"Investigations  is  nix,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied  im- 
patiently. "When  a  feller  is  a  crook,  Mawruss,  he 
could  fool  everybody,  Mawruss.  He  could  fix  things 

347 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

so  the  merchantile  agencies  would  only  find  out  good 
things  about  him,  and  he  buffaloes  credit  men  so 
that  to  hear  'em  talk  you  would  think  he  was  a  mil- 
lionaire already.  No,  Mawruss,  when  you  are  deal- 
ing with  a  crook,  investigations  is  nix.  You  got  to 
depend  on  your  own  judgment." 

"But,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "you  got  a  wrong  idee 
about  that  feller.  Fixman  tells  me  Kleebaum  does 
a  fine  business  in  Minneapolis.  He  has  an  elegant 
trade  there  and  he's  got  a  system  of  oitermobile  de- 
livery which  Fixman  says  is  great.  He's  got  three 
light  runabouts  fixed  up  with  removable  tonneaus, 
thirty  horse-power,  two  cylinder  engines  and " 

At  this  juncture  Abe  rose  to  his  feet  and  hurried 
indignantly  toward  the  cutting-room,  where  Morris 
joined  him  five  minutes  later. 

"Say,  Abe,"  he  said,  "while  me  and  Minnie  was 
out  with  Fixman  on  Saturday  I  got  a  fine  idee  for 
an  oitermobile  wrap." 

Abe  turned  and  fixed  his  partner  with  a  terrible 
glare. 

"Tell  it  to  Kleebaum,"  he  roared. 

"I  did,"  Morris  said  genially,  "and  he  thought 
it  would  make  a  big  hit  in  the  trade." 

"Why,  when  did  you  seen  it,  Kleebaum?"  Abe 
asked. 

"This  morning  on  my  way  over  to  Lenox  Avenue. 
I  met  Sol  Klinger  and  as  him  and  me  was  buying 
papers  near  the  subway  station,  comes  a  big  oiter- 
mobile by  the  curb  and  Kleebaum  is  sitting  with 

348 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

another  feller  in  the  front  seat,  what  they  call  a 
chauffeur,  and  Kleebaum  says,  'Get  in  and  I'll  take 
you  down  town, '  so  we  get  in  and  I  bet  yer  we  come 
downtown  in  fifteen  minutes." 

"Ain't  Klinger  scared  to  ride  in  one  of  them 
things,  Mawruss?"  Abe  asked. 

' '  Scared,  Abe  ?  Why  should  the  feller  be  scared  ? 
Not  only  he  wasn't  scared  yet,  Abe,  but  he  took  up 
Kleebaum 's  offer  for  a  ride  down  to  Coney  Island 
yet.  Kleebaum  said  they'd  be  back  by  ten  o'clock 
and  so  Klinger  asks  me  to  telephone  over  to  Klein 
that  he  would  be  a  little  late  this  morning." 

"That's  a  fine  way  for  a  feller  to  neglect  his  busi- 
ness, Mawruss, ' '  Abe  commented. 

Morris  nodded  without  enthusiasm. 

"By  the  way,  Abe,"  he  said,  "me  and  Minnie 
about  decided  we  would  rent  the  house  next  door  to 
Fixman's  down  in  Johnsonhurst,  so  I  guess  we  will 
go  down  there  again  this  afternoon  at  three  o  'clock. ' ' 

"At  three  o'clock!"  Abe  cried.  "Say,  lookyhere, 
Mawruss,  what  do  you  think  this  here  is  anyway? 
A  bank?" 

"Must  I  ask  you,  Abe,  if  I  want  to  leave  early 
oncet  in  awhile?" 

"Oncet  in  awhile  is  all  right,  Mawruss,  but  when 
a  feller  does  it  every  day  that's  something  else 
again. ' ' 

"When  did  I  done  it  every  day,  Abe?"  Morris 
demanded.  l  i  Saturday  is  the  first  time  I  leave  here 
early  in  a  year  already,  while  pretty  near  every  af ter- 

349 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

noon,  Abe,  you  got  an  excuse  you  should  see  a  cus- 
tomer up  in  Broadway  and  Twenty-ninth  Street. ' ' 

' '  Shall  I  tell  you  something,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  cried 
suddenly.  "You  are  going  for  an  oitermobile  ride 
with  J.  Edward  Kleebaum." 

Morris  flushed  vividly. 

' '  Supposing  I  am,  Abe, ' '  he  replied.  ' '  Ain  't  Klee- 
baum a  customer  from  ours  ?  And  how  could  I  turn 
down  a  customer,  Abe?" 

"Maybe  he's  a  customer,  Mawruss,  but  I  wouldn't 
be  certain  of  it  because  you  could  go  oitermobile 
riding  with  him  if  you  want  to,  Mawruss,  but  me,  I 
am  going  to  do  something  different.  I  am  going  to 
look  that  feller  up,  Mawruss,  and  I  bet  yer  when  I 
get  through,  Mawruss,  we  would  sooner  be  selling 
goods  to  some  of  them  cutthroats  up  in  Sing  Sing 
already. ' ' 

At  three  o'clock  Minnie  entered  swathed  in  veils 
and  a  huge  fur  coat. 

"Well,  Abe,"  she  said,  "did  you  hear  the  latest? 
"We  are  going  to  move  to  Johnsonhurst. ' ' 

"I  wish  you  joy,"  Abe  grunted. 

"We  got  a  swell  place  down  there,"  she  went  on. 
"Five  bedrooms,  a  parlor  and  a  library  with  a  great 
big  kitchen  and  a  garage." 

"A  what?"  Abe  cried. 

"A  place  what  you  put  oitermobiles  into  it,"  Mor- 
ris explained. 

"Is  that  so?"  Abe  said  as  he  jammed  his  hat  on 
with  both  hands.  "Well,  that  don't  do  no  harm, 

350 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEK 

Mawruss,  because  you  could  also  use  it  for  a  dawg 
house. ' ' 

He  slammed  the  door  behind  him  and  five  minutes 
later  he  entered  the  business  premises  of  Klinger  & 
Klein.  There  he  found  the  senior  member  of  the 
firm  busy  over  the  sample  line." 

'  *  Hallo,  Sol ! "  he  cried.  * '  I  just  seen  it  Mr.  Brady, 
credit  man  for  the  Manhattan  Mills,  and  he  says  he 
come  across  you  riding  in  an  oitermobile  near  Coney 
Island  at  nine  o'clock  this  morning  already.  He 
says  he  always  thought  you  and  Klein  was  pretty 
steady  people,  but  I  says  nowadays  you  couldn't 
never  tell  nothing  about  nobody.  *  Because  a  feller 
is  a  talmudist  already,  Mr.  Brady,'  I  says,  'that 
don 't  say  he  ain  't  blowing  in  his  money  on  the  horse 
races  yet.'  " 

Klinger  turned  pale. 

"Ain't  that  a  fine  thing,"  he  exclaimed,  "that  a 
feller  with  a  responsible  position  like  Brady  should 
be  fooling  away  his  time  at  Coney  Island  in  business 
hours. ' ' 

Abe  laughed  and  clapped  Sol  Klinger  on  the  back. 

"As  a  matter  of  fact,  Sol,"  he  said,  "I  ain't  seen 
Brady  in  a  month,  y 'understand,  but  supposing 
Brady  should  come  across  you  in  an  oitermobile 
down  at  Coney  Island  at  nine  o  'clock  in  the  morning, 
y 'understand.  I  bet  yer  he  would  call  for  a  new 
statement  from  you  and  Klein  the  very  next  day,  Sol, 
and  make  you  swear  to  it  on  a  truck  load  of  Bibles 
already.  A  feller  shouldn't  take  no  chances,  Sol." 

351 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTER 

"I  was  in  good  company  anyhow,  Abe,"  Sol  de- 
clared. "I  was  with  J.  Edward  Kleebaum,  but  1 
suppose  Mawruss  Perlmutter  told  it  you.  Ain't 
it?" 

' '  Sure,  he  did, ' J  Abe  said,  ' '  and  he  also  told  it  me 
last  week  that  you  says  J.  Edward  Kleebaum  was 
a  crook  because  he  runs  a  couple  of  oitermobiles  out 
in  Minneapolis." 

"I  made  a  mistake  about  Kleebaum,  Abe,"  Klin- 
ger  interrupted.  * '  I  changed  my  mind  about  him. ' ' 

"That's  all  right,  Sol,"  Abe  said,  "but  if  Klee- 
baum was  a  crook  last  week,  Sol,  and  a  gentleman 
this  week,  what  I  would  like  to  know  is,  what  he 
will  be  next  week,  because  I  got  for  twenty-one  hun- 
dred dollars  an  order  from  that  feller  and  I  got  to 
ship  it  next  week.  So  if  you  got  any  information 
about  Kleebaum,  Sol,  you  would  be  doing  me  a  favor 
if  you  would  let  me  know  all  about  it. ' ' 

"All  I  know  about  him  is  this,  Abe,"  Klinger  re- 
plied. "We  drew  on  him  two  reports  and  both  of 
'em  gives  him  fifty  to  seventy-five  thousand  credit 
good.  He's  engaged  to  "be  married  to  Miss  Julia 
Pfingst,  who  is  Joseph  Pfingst's  a  daughter." 

"Joseph  Pfingst,"  Abe  repeated.  "I  don't  know 
as  I  ever  hear  that  name  before." 

"It  used  to  be  Pfingst  &  Gusthaler,"  Klinger  went 
on,  "in  the  rubber  goods  business  on  Wooster  Street. 
First  they  made  it  raincoats,  and  then  they  went  into 
rubber  boots,  and  just  naturally  they  got  into  bicycle 
tires,  and  then  comes  the  oitermobile  craze,  and  Gust- 

352 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

haler  dies,  and  so  Pfingst  sells  oitermobile  tires,  and 
now  he's  in  the  oitermobile  business." 

1  'Certainly,  he  got  there  gradually,"  Abe  com- 
mented. 

"Maybe  he  did,  Abe,"  Klinger  said,  "but  he  also 
got  pretty  near  a  million  dollars,  and  you  know  as 
well  as  I  do,  Abe,  a  feller  what's  a  millionaire  already 
don't  got  to  marry  off  his  daughter  to  a  crook,  y 'un- 
derstand. No,  Abe,  I  changed  my  mind  about  that 
feller.  I  think  Kleebaum's  a  pretty  decent  feller, 
and  ourselves  we  sold  him  goods  for  twenty-five  hun- 
dred dollars." 

Abe  puffed  hard  on  his  cigar  for  a  moment. 

"Couldn't  you  get  from  the  old  man  a  guarantee 
of  the  account  maybe?"  he  asked. 

"I  sent  Klein  around  there  this  morning,  Abe/' 
Klinger  answered,  "and  Pfingst  says  if  Kleebaum 
is  good  enough  to  marry  his  daughter,  he's  good 
enough  for  us  to  sell  goods  to,  and  certainly,  Abe, 
you  couldn't  blame  the  old  man  neither." 

Abe  nodded,  and  a  moment  later  he  rose  to  leave, 

"You  shouldn't  look  so  worried  about  it,  Abe," 
Sol  Klinger  said.  "Everybody  is  selling  that  feller 
this  year." 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried  on  Tuesday  morn- 
ing, "I  got  to  confess  that  I  ain't  learned  nothing 
new  about  that  feller  Kleebaum.  Everybody  what 
I  seen  it  speaks  very  highly  of  him,  Mawruss,  and 
the  way  I  figure  it,  he  bought  goods  for  fifty  thou- 
sand dollars  in  the  last  four  days.  Klinger  &  Klein 

353 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

sold  him,  Sammet  Brothers  sold  him,  and  even 
Lapidus  &  Elenbogen  ain't  left  out.  I  couldn't  un- 
derstand it  at  all." 

" Couldn't  you?"  Morris  retorted.  "Well,  I 
could,  Abe.  That  feller  is  increasing  his  business, 
Abe,  because  he's  got  good  backing,  y 'understand. 
He's  engaged  to  be  married  to  Julie  Pfingst  and  her 
father  Joseph  Pfingst  is  a  millionaire." 

'  *  Sure,  I  know,  Mawruss,  I  seen  lots  of  them  mil- 
lionaires in  my  time  already.  Millionaires  which 
everyone  thinks  is  millionaires  until  the  first  meet- 
ing of  creditors,  and  then,  Mawruss,  they  make  a 
composition  for  twenty  cents  cash  and  thirty  cents 
notes  at  three,  six  and  nine  months.  Multi-million- 
aires sometimes  pay  twenty-five  cents  cash,  but 
otherwise  the  notes  is  the  same  like  millionaires, 
three,  six  and  nine  months,  and  you  could  wrap  up 
dill  pickles  in  'em  for  all  the  good  they'll  do  you." 

"What  are  you  talking  nonsense,  Abe?  This  fel- 
ler, Pfingst,  is  a  millionaire.  He's  got  a  big  oiter- 
mobile  business  and  sells  ten  cars  a  week  at  twenty- 
five  hundred  dollars  apiece.  Here  it  is  only  Tues- 
day, Abe,  and  that  feller  sold  two  oitermobiles  al- 
ready. 

"Did  you  count  'em,  Mawruss?"  Abe  asked. 

' '  Sure,  I  counted  'em, ' '  Morris  replied.  He  looked 
boldly  into  Abe's  eyes  as  he  spoke.  "One  of  'em  he 
sold  to  Sol  Klinger  and  the  other  he  sold  to  me. ' ' 

If  Morris  anticipated  making  a  sensation  he  was 
not  disappointed.  For  ten  minutes  Abe  struggled 

354 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEB 

to  sort  out  a  few  enunciable  oaths  from  the  mass  of 
profanity  that  surged  through  his  brain  and  at  length 
he  succeeded. 

"I  always  thought  you  was  crazy,  Mawruss,"  he 
said  after  the  first  paroxysm  had  exhausted  itself, 
' '  and  now  I  know  it. ' ' 

* '  Why  am  I  crazy  ? ' '  Morris  asked.  '  *  When  a  fel- 
ler lives  out  in  Johnsonhurst  you  must  practically 
got  to  have  an  oitermobile,  otherwise  you  are  a  dead 
one.  And  anyhow,  Abe,  couldn't  I  spend  my  money 
the  way  I  want  to?" 

"Sure,  you  could,"  Abe  said.  "But  you  didn't 
spend  it  the  way  you  wanted  to,  Mawruss.  Klee- 
baum  got  you  to  buy  the  oitermobile.  Ain't  it? " 

"Suppose  he  did,  Abe?  Kleebaum  is  a  customer 
of  ours.  Ain't  it?  And  he  got  me  also  a  special 
price  on  the  car.  Twenty-one  hundred  dollars  he 
will  get  me  the  car  for,  Abe,  and  Fixman  looked  over 
the  car  and  he  says  it's  a  great  piece  of  work,  Abe. 
He  ain't  got  the  slightest  idee  what  I  am  paying  for 
the  car  and  he  says  it  is  well  worth  twenty-five  hun- 
dred dollars." 

Abe  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"All  right,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "It's  your  fun- 
eral. Go  ahead  and  buy  the  oitermobile;  only  I  tell 
you  right  now,  Mawruss,  you  are  sinking  twenty- 
one  hundred  dollars  cash." 

"Not  cash,  Abe,"  Morris  corrected.  "Pfingst  is 
willing  to  take  a  six  months'  note  provided  it  is  in- 
dorsed by  Potash  &  Perlmutter. ' ' 

355 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEB 

It  seemed  hardly  possible  to  Morris  that  more 
poignant  emotion  could  be  displayed  than  in  Abe's 
first  reception  of  his  news,  but  this  last  suggestion 
almost  finished  Abe.  For  fifteen  minutes  he  fought 
off  apoplexy  and  then  the  storm  burst. 

"Say,  lookyhere,  Abe,"  Morris  protested  at  the 
first  lull,  "you'll  make  yourself  sick." 

But  Abe  paused  only  to  regain  his  breath,  and  it 
was  at  least  five  minutes  more  before  his  vocabulary 
became  exhausted.  Then  he  sat  down  in  a  chair  and 
mopped  his  brow,  while  Morris  hastened  off  to  the 
cutting-room  from  whence  he  was  recalled  a  minute 
later  by  a  shout  from  Abe. 

"By  jimminy,  Mawruss!"  he  cried  slapping  his 
knee.  '  *  I  got  an  idee.  Go  ahead  and  buy  your  oiter- 
mobile  from  Pfingst  and  I  will  agree  that  Potash  & 
Perlmutter  should  endorse  the  note,  y 'understand, 
only  one  thing  besides.  Pfingst  has  got  to  guaran- 
tee to  us  Kleebaum's  account  of  twenty-one  hundred 
dollars." 

"I'm  afraid  he  wouldn't  do  it,  Abe,"  Morris  said. 

"All  right,  then  I  wouldn't  do  it  neither,"  Abe 
declared.  "But  anyhow,  Mawruss,  it  wouldn't  do 
no  harm  to  ask  him.  Ain't  it?  "Where  is  this  here 
feller  Pfingst?" 

"At  Fiftieth  Street  and  Broadway,"  Morris 
said. 

"Well,  lookyhere,  Mawruss,"  Abe  announced 
jumping  to  his  feet,  "I'm  going  right  away  and  fill 
out  one  of  them  guarantees  what  Henry  D.  Feld- 

356 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

/nan  fixes  up  for  us,  and  also  I  will  write  oat  & 
note  at  six  months  for  twenty-one  hundred  dol- 
lars and  indorse  it  with  the  firm's  name.  Then  if  he 
wants  to  you  could  exchange  the  note  for  the  guaran- 
tee, Mawruss,  and  we  could  ship  the  goods  right 
away. ' ' 

Morris  shook  his  head  doubtfully,  while  Abe  went 
into  the  firm's  private  office.  He  returned  five  min- 
utes afterward  flourishing  the  guarantee. 

It  read  as  follows: 

In  consideration  of  one  dollar  and  other  good  and  valuable 
considerations  I  do  hereby  agree  to  pay  to  Potash  &  Perlmutter 
Twenty-one  hundred  dollars  ($2100)  being  the  amount  of  a  pur- 
chase made  by  J.  Edward  Kleebaum  from  them,  if  he  fails  to 
pay  said  twenty-one  hundred  dollars  ($2100)  on  May  21st,  1909. 
I  hereby  waive  notice  of  Kleebaum's  default  and  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter  shall  not  be  required  to  exhaust  their  remedy  against  the 
said  Kleebaum  before  recourse  is  had  to  me.  If  a  petition  in 
bankruptcy  be  filed  by  or  against  said  Kleebaum  in  considera- 
tion aforesaid  I  promise  to  pay  to  Potash  &  Perlmutter  on  de- 
mand the  said  sum  of  twenty-one  hundred  dollars. 

"If  he  signs  that,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "you  are 
safe  in  giving  him  the  note." 

Morris  put  on  his  hat  and  lit  a  cigar. 

"I  will  do  this  thing  to  satisfy  you,  Abe,"  he  said, 
"but  I  tell  you  right  now,  Abe,  it  ain't  necessary, 
because  Kleebaum  is  as  good  as  gold,  y 'understand, 
and  if  you  don't  want  to  ship  him  the  goods  you 
don't  have  to." 

Abe  grinned  ironically. 

4*— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  357 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

"How  could  you  talk  like  that,  Mawruss,  when 
the  feller  is  doing  you  a  favor  by  selling  you  that 
oitermobile  for  twenty-one  hundred  dollars?"  he 
said.  "And  besides,  Mawruss,  if  we  ship  him  the 
goods  and  he  does  bust  up  on  us,  Pfingst  is  got  to 
pay  the  twenty-one  hundred  dollars,  and  he  couldn't 
make  no  claims  for  shortages  or  extra  discounts 
neither.7' 

"The  idee  is  all  right,  Abe,"  Morris  replied  as  he 
opened  the  show-room  door,  "if  the  feller  would  sign 
it,  which  I  don 't  think  he  would. 

With  this  ultimatum  he  hastened  uptown  to 
Pfingst 's  warerooms,  where  he  assured  the  automo- 
bile dealer  that  unless  the  guarantee  was  signed, 
there  would  be  no  sale  of  the  car,  for  he  flatly  de- 
clined to  pay  cash  and  Pfingst  refused  to  accept  the 
purchaser's  note  without  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  in- 
dorsement. After  a  lengthy  discussion  Pfingst  re- 
ceded from  his  position  and  signed  the  guarantee, 
whereupon  Morris  surrendered  the  note  and  returned 
to  his  place  of  business. 

On  April  21st  Potash  &  Perlmutter  shipped  Klee- 
baum's  order,  and  one  week  later  Morris  moved  out 
to  Johnsonhurst.  Five  days  after  his  migration  to 
that  garden  spot  of  Greater  New  York  he  entered  the 
firm's  show-room  at  a  quarter  past  ten. 

"We  got  blocked  at  Flatbush  Avenue  this  morn- 
ing," he  said  to  Abe,  "and " 

But  Abe  was  paying  no  attention  to  his  partner's 
excuses.  Instead  he  thrust  a  morning  paper  at  Mor- 

358 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

ris  and  with  a  trembling  forefinger  indicated  the  fol- 
lowing scarehead : 

RICH    GIRL    WEDS 

OWN    CHAUFFEUR 

PFINGST   FAMILY    SHOCKED   BY 

JULIA'S    ELOPEMENT 

PAIR  REPORTED  IN  SOUTH 

HEIRESS  WAS  ABOUT  TO 

WED  WEALTHY  MERCHANT 

BEFORE  FLIGHT  OCCURRED 

"What  d'ye  think  of  that,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried. 

Morris  read  the  story  carefully  before  replying. 

"That's  a  hard  blow  to  Kleebaum  and  old  man 
Pfingst,  Abe,"  he  said. 

"I  bet  yer,"  Abe  replied,  "but  it  ain't  near  the 
hard  blow  it's  going  to  be  to  a  couple  of  concerns 
what  you  and  me  know,  Mawruss.  Klinger  told  me 
only  yesterday  that  Kleebaum  would  get  twenty  thou- 
sand with  that  girl,  Mawruss,  and  I  guess  he  needed 
it,  Mawruss.  Moe  Eabiner  says  that  they  got  weather 
like  January  already  out  in  Minnesota,  and  every  re- 
tail drygoods  concern  is  kicking  that  they  ain't  seen 
a  dollar's  worth  of  business  this  spring." 

"But  Kleebaum 's  got  a  tremendous  following  in 
Minneapolis,  Abe, ' '  Morris  said.  "  He 's  got  an  oiter- 
mobile  delivery  system." 

"Don't  pull  that  on  me  again,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
broke  in.  "Women  ain't  buying  summer  garments 
in  cold  weather  just  for  the  pleasure  of  seeing  the 
goods  delivered  in  an  oitermobile,  which  reminds  me, 

359 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTER 

Mawruss:  Did  Pfingst  deliver  you  his  oitermobile 
yet?" 

Morris  blushed. 

"It  was  delivered  yesterday,  Abe,"  he  replied. 
"But  the  fact  is,  Abe,  I  kinder  changed  my  mind 
about  that  oitermobile.  With  oitermobiles  I  am  a  new 
beginner  already,  so  I  figure  it  out  this  way.  Why 
should  I  go  to  work  and  try  experiments  with  a  high 
price  car  like  that  Pfingst  car?  Ain't  it?  Now,  you 
take  a  feller  like  Fixman  who  is  already  an  expert, 
y 'understand,  and  that's  something  else  again.  Fix- 
man tried  out  the  car  last  night,  Abe,  and  he  thinks 
it's  an  elegant  car.  So  I  made  an  arrangement  with 
him  that  he  should  pay  me  fifteen  hundred  dol- 
lars cash  and  I  would  swap  the  Pfingst  car  for  a  1907 
model,  Appalachian  runabout.  That's  a  fine  oiter- 
mobile, Abe,  that  Appalachian  runabout.  In  the 
first  place,  it's  got  a  detachable  tonneau  and  holds 
just  as  many  people  as  the  Pfingst  car  already,  only 
it  ain't  so  complicated.  Instead  of  a  six  cylinder 
engine,  Abe,  it's  only  got  a  two  cylinder  engine." 

"Two  is  enough  for  a  start,  Mawruss,"  Abe  com- 
mented. 

"Sure,"  Morris  agreed,  "and  then  again  instead 
of  a  double  chain  drive  its  only  got  a  single  chain 
drive,  y  'understand. ' ' 

Abe  nodded.  To  him  planetary  and  selective 
transmission  were  even  as  conic  sections. 

"Also  it's  got  dry  battery  ignition,  Abe,"  Morris 
concluded  triumphantly,  "instead  of  one  of  them — 

360 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

now — magneto  arrangements,  which  I  ain't  got  no 
confidence  in  at  all." 

Abe  nodded  again. 

* '  I  never  had  no  confidence  in  dagoes  neither, ' '  he 
said.  "Fellers  which  couldn't  speak  the  English 
language  properly,  y 'understand,  is  bound  to  do  you 
sooner  or  later." 

' '  So  Fixman  and  me  goes  around  last  night  to  see 
a  feller  what  lives  out  in  Johnsonhurst  by  the  name 
Eleazer  Levy  which  Fixman  got  it  for  a  lawyer,  and 
we  drew  a  bill  of  sale  then  and  there,  Abe,  and  Fix- 
man give  me  a  check  for  fifteen  hundred  dollars  on 
the  Kosciusko  Bank." 

"Was  it  certified?"  Abe  asked. 

"Well,  it  wasn't,'1''  Morris  replied,  "but  I  stopped 
off  at  the  Kosciusko  Bank  this  morning  and " 

"You  done  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  interrupted. 
' '  The  first  thing  you  know  Fixrnan  would  claim  that 
the  oitermobile  ain't  the  same  shade  of  red  like  the 
sample,  Mawruss,  and  stops  the  check." 

"Fixman  ain't  that  kind,  Abe,"  Morris  retorted. 
1  i  The  only  reason  I  certified  the  check  was  that  I  hap- 
pened to  be  in  the  neighborhood  of  the  bank,  because 
when  you  are  at  the  Bridge,  Abe,  all  you  got  to  do  is 
to  take  a  Third  Avenue  car  up  Park  Row  to  the  Bow- 
ery and  transfer  to  Grand  Street.  Then  you  ride 
over  ten  blocks  and  get  out  at  Clinton  Street,  y 'un- 
derstand, and  walk  four  blocks  over.  So  long  as  it's 
so  convenient,  Abe,  I  just  stopped  in  and  got  it  cer- 
tified." 

361 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"A  little  journey  like  that  I  would  think  con- 
venient, too,  if  I  would  got  to  travel  to  Johnsonhurst 
every  day,  Mawruss,"  Abe  commented,  "and  any- 
how, Mawruss,  in  a  swap  one  of  the  fellers  is  always 
got  an  idee  he's  stuck." 

"Well,  it  ain't  me,  Abe,"  Morris  protested,  "and 
just  to  show  you,  Abe,  me  and  Minnie  wants  you  and 
Rosie  you  should  come  out  and  take  dinner  with  us 
on  Sunday,  and  afterwards  we  could  go  out  for  a  ride 
in  the  runabout." 

"Gott  soil  hiiten,"  Abe  replied  piously. 

"What  d'ye  mean!"  Morris  cried.  "You 
wouldn't  come  out  and  have  dinner  with  us?" 

"Sure,  we  will  come  to  dinner,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
said,  "but  if  we  want  to  go  for  a  ride,  Mawruss,  a 
trolley  car  is  good  enough  for  Rosie  and  me. ' ' 

Nevertheless  the  following  Sunday  found  Abe  and 
Rosie  snugly  enclosed  in  the  detachable  tonneau  of 
the  Appalachian  runabout,  while  Morris  sat  at  the 
tiller  with  Minnie  by  his  side  and  negotiated  the  easy 
grades  of  rural  Long  Island  at  the  decent  speed  of 
ten  miles  an  hour. 

"Ain't  it  wonderful,"  Abe  exclaimed,  "what 
changes  comes  about  in  a  couple  of  years  already! 
Former  times  when  a  lodge  brother  died,  I  used  to 
think  the  ride  out  to  Cypress  Hills  was  a  pleasure 
already,  Mawruss,  but  when  I  think  how  rotten  the 
roads  was  and  what  poor  accommodations  them  car- 
riages was  compared  to  this,  Mawruss,  I'm  surprised 
that  I  could  have  enjoyed  myself  at  all.  This  here 

362 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEE 

oitermobile  riding  is  something  what  you  would  call 
really  comfortable,  Mawruss." 

But  Abe's  observations  were  ill-timed,  for  hardly 
had  he  finished  speaking  when  the  runabout  slowed 
down  to  the  accompaniment  of  loud  explosions  in  the 
muffler.  Eosie's  shrieks  mingled  with  Abe's  excla- 
mations, and  when  at  length  the  car  came  to  a  stand- 
still and  the  explosions  ceased  Abe  scrambled  down 
and  helped  out  the  half-fainting  Eosie. 

"Any  car  is  liable  to  do  that,"  Morris  explained  as 
Minnie  searched  for  a  bottle  of  liquid  restorative. 
"I  could  fix  it  in  five  minutes." 

At  length  Minnie  found  the  bottle  in  the  tire  box, 
which  contained,  instead  of  a  tire,  two  dozen  sand- 
wiches, eight  cold  frankfurters,  some  dill  pickles  and 
a  ringkuchen,  for  they  did  not  contemplate  returning 
to  Johnsonhurst  until  long  past  supper  time. 

Morris'  estimate  of  the  repair  job's  duration 
proved  slightly  inaccurate.  He  messed  around  with 
his  tool  bag  and  explored  the  carburetter  again  and 
again  until  two  hours  had  elapsed  without  result. 
During  this  period  only  a  few  motor  cars  had  passed, 
for  the  road  was  not  a  popular  automobile  thorough- 
fare. At  length  a  large  red  car  bore  down  on  them, 
and  as  it  came  within  a  hundred  yards  it  slowed  down 
and  came  to  a  stop  beside  the  Appalachian  runabout. 

"Well,  well,"  cried  a  familiar  voice,  "if  this  ain't 
the  whole  firm  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter." 

Abe  looked  up. 

"Hallo,  Kleebaum,"  he  exclaimed,  "I  thought  you 

363 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

was  home  in  Minneapolis.  What  are  you  doing  in 
New  York?" 

"This  ain't  New  York  by  about  forty  miles, "  Klee- 
baum  replied.  He  was  seated  at  the  side  of  a  square- 
jawed  professional  chauffeur  who  eyed  with  ill-con- 
cealed mirth  Morris '  very  unprofessional  handling  of 
automobile  tools. 

"Lemme  look  at  it,"  the  chauffeur  said,  as  he 
climbed  from  his  seat.  He  gave  a  hasty  glance  at  the 
dry  battery  ignition  and  laughed  uproariously. 

"You'se  guys  will  stay  here  till  Christmas  if  you 
expect  to  get  that  car  into  running  condition,"  he 
said.  "The  only  thing  for  you'se  to  do  is  to  let  me 
give  you  a  tow  into  Jamaica.  They'll  fix  you  up  at 
the  garage  there." 

"I'm  much  obliged  to  you,"  Morris  replied. 

"Don't  mention  it,"  the  chauffeur  went  on.  "1 
won't  charge  you  unreasonable.  Ten  dollars  is  my 
figure. ? ' 

' '  What ! ' '    Abe  and  Morris  cried  with  one  voice. 

"Why,  you  wouldn't  charge  these  gentlemen  noth- 
ing," Kleebaum  said  with  a  violent  wink.  "They're 
friends  of  mine. ' ' 

"I  know  they  was  friends  of  yours,"  the  chauffeur 
replied,  * '  and  that 's  why  I  made  it  ten  dollars.  Any- 
one else  I'd  say  twenty." 

For  almost  half  an  hour  Abe  and  Morris  haggled 
with  the  chauffeur.  They  were  vigorously  supported 
by  Kleebaum,  who  punctuated  his  scathing  condemna- 
tion of  the  chauffeur's  greed  with  a  series  of  surrepti- 

304 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

tious  winks  which  encouraged  the  latter  to  remain 
firm  in  his  demand.  Finally  Morris  peeled  off  two 
five-dollar  bills  and  an  hour  later  the  Appalachian 
runabout  was  ignominiously  hauled  into  a  Jamaica 
garage. 

The  chauffeur  alighted  from  his  car  and  drew  the 
proprietor  of  the  garage  aside  into  his  private  office. 

" Billy,"  he  said  in  a  hoarse  whisper,  "this  here 
baby  carriage  is  got  the  oldest  brand  of  dry  battery 
ignition  and  one  of  the  wires  has  come  loose  from  the 
binding  screw.  It'll  take  about  a  minute  and  a  half 
to  fix." 

The  proprietor  nodded  and  passed  over  a  dollar 
bill.  Then  he  sprang  out  onto  the  floor  of  the 
garage. 

"Eyan,"  he  bellowed  to  his  foreman,  "get  the  big 
jack,  and  tell  Schwartz  to  start  up  the  motor  lathe." 

Then  he  turned  to  Abe  and  Mawruss. 

'  *  This  here  '11  be  a  two  hours '  job,  gents, ' '  he  said, 
"and  I  advise  you  to  get  your  supper  at  the  hotel 
acrosst  the  street." 

"But  how  much  is  it  going  to  cost  us!"  Morris 
asked. 

For  five  minutes  the  proprietor  figured  on  the  back 
of  an  envelope. 

"Fifteen  dollars  and  twenty-two  cents,"  he  said, 
and  Abe  and  Morris  staggered  to  the  street,  followed 
by  their  wives. 

Twenty  minutes  later  Kleebaum  and  the  chauffeur 
drew  up  in  front  of  a  road  house 

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POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"Your  blow,'*  the  chauffeur  cried. 

Kleebaum  nodded. 

"Come  across  with  that  five  first,"  he  said,  and 
after  the  transfer  had  been  made  they  disappeared 
into  the  sabbatical  entrance. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  exclaimed  when  Morris  en- 
tered the  show-room  at  ten  o'clock  the  next  morning. 
"What  did  I  told  you  last  week!  Wasn't  I  right  1" 

"I  know  you  told  me  that  one  party  to  a  swap  was 
practically  bound  to  get  stuck,  Abe,"  Morris  ad- 
mitted, "but  with  an  oitermobile " 

"Again  oitermobile!"  Abe  cried,  "You  got  oiter- 
mobile on  the  brain,  Mawruss.  Whenever  I  open  my 
mouth,  Mawruss,  you  go+  an  idee  I'm  going  to  talk 
about  oitermobiles.  This  is  something  else  again. 
Didn't  you  get  a  morning  paper,  Mawruss?" 

Morris  shrugged. 

"When  a  feller  lives  out  in  a  place  called  Johnson- 
hurst,  Abe,"  he  replied  sadly,  "he  is  lucky  if  he 
could  get  a  cup  of  coffee  before  he  leaves  the  house. 
Our  range  is  busted." 

"Something  else  is  busted,  too,  Mawruss/'  Abe 
said  as  he  handed  the  morning  paper  to  Morris.  The 
page  which  contained  the  "Business  Troubles" 
column  was  folded  at  the  following  news  item: 

J.  EDWARD  KLEEBAUM,  Minneapolis,  Minn.  The  Wonder  Cloak 
and  Suit  Store,  J.  Edward  Kleebaum,  Proprietor,  was  closed 
up  by  the  sheriff  under  an  execution  in  favor  of  Joseph  Pfingst, 
•who  recovered  a  judgment  yesterday  in  the  Supreme  Court  for 
$5800,  money  loaned.  Kleebaum  is  supposed  to  be  in  New  York 

366 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

trying  to  make  some  arrangements  with  his  creditors.  Later 
in  the  day  a  petition  in  bankruptcy  was  filed  against  him  by 
Kugler,  Jacobi  and  Henck  representing  the  following  New  York 
creditors :— Klinger  &  Klein,  $2500;  Sammet  Brothers,  $1800; 
Lapidus  &  Elenbogen,  $750. 

Morris  handed  the  paper  back  to  his  partner. 

4 'Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "what  are  we  going  to  do 
about  it?" 

"We  already  done  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied,,  "I 
sent  down  Pfingst's  guarantee  to  Henry  D.  Feldman 
at  nine  o'clock  already,  and  I  told  him  he  shouldn't 
wait,  but  if  Pfingst  wouldn't  pay  up  to-day  yet  to  sue 
him  in  the  courts. ' ' 

Morris  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"We  shouldn't  be  in  such  a  hurry,  Abe,"  he  said. 
"Pfingst  treated  us  right,  and  why  shouldn't  we 
give  him  a  chance  to  make  good!" 

"Because  he  don't  deserve  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  re- 
joined as  he  started  off  for  the  show-room.  "If  he 
would  of  took  better  care  of  his  daughter  she 
wouldn't  of  run  off  with  this  here  chauffeur,  and 
Kleebaum  wouldn't  got  to  fail.  Also,  Mawruss,  you 
shouldn  't  talk  that  way  neither,  because  if  it 
wouldn't  be  for  Pfingst  you  wouldn't  got  stuck  with 
that  oitermobile  which  we  rode  in  it  yesterday. ' ' 

"Well,  I  ain't  out  much  on  it,  Abe." 

"What  d'ye  mean  you  ain't  out  much  on  it?"  Abe 
exclaimed.  "It  stands  you  in  six  hundred  dollars, 
ain't  it?" 

' '  Sure,  I  know, ' '  Morris  replied, ' '  but  this  morning 

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POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

I  come  downtown  with  the  feller  what  rents  us  the 
house  out  in  Johnsonhurst  and  you  never  seen  a  fel- 
ler so  crazy  about  oitermobiles  in  all  your  life,  Abe. ' ' 

"Except  you,  Mawruss,"  Abe  broke  in. 

"Me,  I  ain't  so  crazy  about  'em  no  longer,"  Mor- 
ris declared.  "So  I  fixed  it  up  with  this  feller  that 
he  should  take  the  Appalachian  runabout  off  my 
hands  for  four  hundred  dollars  and  he  should  also 
give  me  a  cancellation  of  the  lease  which  we  got  of 
his  house.  Furthermore,  Abe,  he  pays  our  moving 
expenses  back  to  a  Hundred  and  Eighteenth  Street." 

Abe  sat  down  in  the  nearest  chair. 

"So  you're  going  to  move  back  to  a  Hundred  and 
Eighteenth  Street,  Mawruss,"  he  exclaimed.  "Why, 
what's  the  matter  with  Johnsonhurst,  Mawruss?  I 
thought  you  told  it  me  Johnsonhurst  was  such  a  fine 
place. ' ' 

"So  it  is,  Abe,"  Morris  admitted.  "The  air  is 
great  out  there,  Abe,  but  at  the  same  time,  Abe,  the 
air  ain't  so  rotten  on  a  Hundred  and  Eighteenth 
Street  neither,  y 'understand,  and  the  train  service 
is  a  whole  lot  better." 

"You're  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "and  with 
all  these  oitermobile  rides  and  things  you  waste  too 
much  time  already.  A  feller  should  always  con- 
sider business  ahead  of  pleasure. ' ' 

Morris  looked  at  his  bruised  and  oil  stained  hands. 

"Oitermobile  riding!"  he  cried.  "That's  a  pleas- 
ure, Abe.  Believe  me  I'd  as  lief  work  in  a  rolling 
mill." 

368 


POTASH  &  PEELMUTTEP 


CHAPTER  XVI 

MORRIS  PERLMUTTER'S  front  parlor  rep- 
resented an  eclectic  taste,  and  the  fine  arts 
had  been  liberally  patronized  in  its  decora- 
tion.    On  the  wall  hung  various  subjects  in  oil,  in- 
cluding  still   life,   landscapes,   marine   scenes   and 
figures,  all  of  which  had  been  billed  to  Morris  by  a 
Fourteenth  Street  dealer  as: 

A  dozen  assorted  oil  paintings @  $96    $64 

A  dozen  shadow  boxes  for  paintings @    12        8 


$72 

But  it  was  not  at  the  oil  paintings  that  B.  Rash- 
kin  gazed.  His  eyes  sought  instead  the  framed  and 
glazed  certificate  of  membership  of  Morris  Perlmut- 
ter  in  Harmony  Lodge  41,  Independent  Order  Mattai 
Aaron. 

"Them  very  people  hold  the  mortgage,  Mr.  Perl- 
mutter,  ' '  Rashkin  said, ' '  and  with  the  influence  what 
you  got  it  in  the  order,  why " 

"Lookyhere,  Rashkin,"  Perlmutter  interrupted, 
"you're  a  real  estater,  and  if  you  don't  get  up  at 
eight  o'clock  then  you  get  up  at  nine,  and  it's  all 
the  same;  but  me,  I  am  in  the  cloak  business,  and 
I  got  to  get  downtown  at  seven  o'clock,  and  so  I'm 
going  to  tell  you  again  what  I  told  it  you  before.  Go 

369 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

and  see  Abe  to-morrow,  and  put  this  proposition  up 
to  him  like  it  was  something  you  never  told  me  noth- 
ing about,  y 'understand  f  Then  if  he  makes  the  sug- 
gestion to  me,  Eashkin,  I  would  say  all  right.  Be- 
cause if  it  should  be  me  what  would  make  the 
suggestion  to  him,  y 'understand,  he  wouldn't  have 
nothing  to  do  with  it.  And  even  if  he  should  con- 
sent to  go  into  it,  and  if  we  lost  money  on  the  deal, 
Eashkin,  I  wouldn  't  never  hear  the  end  of  it. ' ' 

Eashkin  nodded  and  seized  his  hat. 

"All  right,"  he  said,  "I  will  do  what  you  say,  Mr. 
Perlmutter.  But  with  them  three  lots  it's  like  this: 
they're  owned  by " 

Morris  yawned  with  a  noise  like  a  performing  sea 
lion. 

"Tell  it  to  Potash  to-morrow,  Eashkin,"  he  said, 
and  led  the  way  to  the  hall  door. 

Accordingly  the  next  morning  Eashkin  entered  the 
salesroom  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter,  where  Abe  was 
scanning  the  "Arrival  of  Buyers"  column  in  the 
Daily  Cloak  and  Suit  Eecord. 

"Good  morning,  Mr.  Potash,"  B.  Eashkin  said. 
"Ain't  it  a  fine  weather?" 

"Oh,  good  morning,"  Abe  cried. 

"You  don't  know  my  face,  do  you?"  Eashkin  said. 

"I  know  your  face,"  Abe  said,  "but  your  name 
ain't  familiar.  I  guess  I  seen  you  in  Seattle,  ain't 
it?" 

B.  Eashkin  nodded.  He  had  never  been  farther 
West  than  Jersey  City  Heights. 

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POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 


"Well,  how  is  things  in  Seattle,  Mister — er -*• 

"Rashkin,"  B.  Rashkin  supplied. 

"Rashkin?"  Abe  went  on,  and  then  he  paused,  but 
not  for  an  answer.  "Rashkin — why,  I  don't  know 
no  one  from  that  name  in  Seattle." 

"No?"  Rashkin  replied.  "Well,  the  fact  is,  Mr. 
Potash,  I  ain't  come  to  see  you  about  Seattle.  I 
come  to  see  you  about  three  lots  up  in  Two  Hundred 
and  Sixty-fourth  Street." 

The  urbane  smile  faded  at  once  from  Abe's  face 
and  gave  place  to  a  dark  scowl. 

"Oh!"  he  exclaimed,  "a  real  estater.  I  ain't  got 
no  time  to  fool  away  with  real  estaters." 

"This  ain't  fooling  away  your  time,  Mr.  Potash," 
Rashkin  said.  "Let  me  explain  the  proposition  to 
you. ' ' 

Without  waiting  for  permission  he  at  once  di- 
vulged the  object  of  his  visit,  while  Abe  listened  with 
the  bored  air  of  an  unemployed  leading  man  at  a 
professional  matinee. 

"Yes,  Mr.  Potash,"  B.  Rashkin  concluded,  after 
half  an  hour's  conversation,  "I  seen  it  bargains  in 
my  time,  but  these  here  lots  is  the  biggest  bargains 
yet." 

"Vacant  lots  ain't  never  bargains,  Rashkin,"  Abe 
commented.  "What's  the  use  from  vacant  lots,  any- 
way? A  feller  what's  got  vacant  lots  is  like  I  would 
say  I  am  in  the  cloak  business  if  I  only  get  it  an 
empty  store  with  nothing  in  it." 

Abe  glanced  proudly   around   him  at  the  well- 

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POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

stocked  racks,  where  the  new  season's  goods  were 
neatly  arranged  for  prospective  buyers. 

"But  the  real-estate  business  ain't  like  the  cloak 
business,  Mr.  Potash,"  B.  Rashkin  said. 

"Real  estate!"  Abe  interrupted.  "Vacant  lots 
ain  't  no  real  estate,  Rashkin.  Vacant  lots  is  just  imi- 
tation real  estate.  You  couldn't  say  you  got  it  real 
estate  when  you  only  got  vacant  lots,  no  more  as  a 
feller  what  buys  a  gold  setting  could  say  he's  got  it 
a  diamond  ring." 

"Diamonds  is  something  else  again,"  said  B. 
Rashkin.  "I  ain't  no  judge  of  diamonds,  Mr.  Potash, 
but  about  real  estate,  Mr.  Potash,  I  ain't  no  fool 
neither,  y 'understand,  and  these  here  three  lots  what 
I  talk  to  you  about  is  the  only  three  vacant  lots  in 
the  neighborhood. ' ' 

"Might  you  think  that's  a  recommendation, 
maybe,  Rashkin,"  Abe  replied,  "but  I  don't.  You 
come  around  here  to  try  to  sell  it  me  a  couple  of 
lots,  and  you  got  to  admit  yourself  they're  stickers." 

"They  ain't  stickers,  Mr.  Potash,"  B.  Rashkin 
protested. 

"No?"  Abe  said.  "What's  the  reason  they  ain't 
stickers,  Rashkin?  If  they  ain't  stickers  why  ain't 
somebody  built  on  'em?" 

"You  don't  understand,"  B.  Rashkin  explained. 
"Them  lots  is  an  estate  that  was  in  litigation,  and 
it's  only  just  been  settled  up;  so  that  they  couldn't 
sell  'em  no  matter  who  would  want  to  buy  'em.  Now 
I  got  'em  to  entertain  an  offer  of  eighty-three  thirty- 

372 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEK 

three  apiece,  or  twenty-five  thousand  for  the  three 
lots,  all  cash  above  a  blanket  mortgage  of  ten  thou- 
sand dollars  held  by  the  Independent  Order  Mattai 
Aaron.  I  seen  it  also  Milton  M.  Sugarman,  the  at- 
torney for  the  L  0.  M.  A.,  and  he  tells  me  that  they 
would  probably  be  agreeable  to  make  a  building  loan 
on  them  lots  of  twenty-five  thousand  on  each  thirty- 
seven  six  front." 

''That  don't  interest  me  none  neither,"  Abe  re- 
plied, "because  I  ain't  in  the  building  business,  Bash- 
kin  ;  I  am  in  the  cloak  and  suit  business. ' ' 

"Sure,  I  know,"  said  Eashkin;  "but  this  is  an 
opportunity  which  it  wouldn't  occur  again  oncet  in 
twenty  years." 

"Don't  limit  yourself,  Eashkin,"  Abe  retorted. 
"Make  it  fifty  years.  It's  all  the  same  to  me,  be- 
cause I  wouldn't  touch  it,  Eashkin." 

"But,  Mr.  Potash,"  Eashkin  broke  in,  "if  your 
partner,  Mr.  Perlmutter,  would  be  agreeable, 
wouldn'  you  consider  it?" 

"What's  the  use  asking  me  hypocritical  questions, 
Eashkin?"  Abe  replied.  "Mawruss  would  no  more 
touch  it  as  I  would.  You  don't  know  what  a  crank  I 
got  it  for  a  partner,  Eashkin.  If  I  would  just  hint 
that  I  wanted  to  buy  real  estate,  y 'under stand,  that 
feller  would  go  all  up  in  the  air.  And  even  if  he 
would  buy  it  with  me  yet,  and  we  should  lose  maybe 
a  little  money,  I  would  never  hear  the  end  of  it. 
That's  the  way  it  goes  with  a  feller  like  Mawruss 
Perlmutter,  Eashkin. ' ' 

*4—Potath  &  Perlmutter,  373 


B.  Rashkin  put  on  his  hat  and  rose  sadly. 

"Well,  Mr.  Potash,"  he  concluded,  "all  I  can  say 
is  you  lost  a  splendid  opportunity.  Why,  if  I  could 
only  get  it  a  feller  to  take  over  one  of  them  thirty- 
seven  six  parcels,  I  would  buy  the  other  one  myself 
and  put  up  a  fine  building  there!" 

"I'm  sure  I  ain't  stopping  you,  Rashkin,"  Abe 
said.  "Go  ahead  and  build,  and  I  wish  you  all  the 
luck  you  could  want;  and  if  you  should  get  somebody 
else  to  take  the  other  one  and  a  half  lots,  I  wish  him 
the  same  and  many  of  'em.  Also,  Rashkin,  if  I  was  a 
real  estater  I  would  be  glad  to  fool  away  my  time 
with  you,  Raskin,  but  being  as  I  am  in  the  cloak 
business  I — you  ain't  going,  Raskin,  are  you?" 

Rashkin  answered  by  banging  the  door  behind 
him  and  Abe  repaired  to  the  cutting-room,  where 
Morris  Perlmutter  was  superintending  the  reception 
and  disposal  of  piece  goods. 

"Who  was  that  salesman  you  was  talking  to  a 
while  ago,  Abe?"  he  asked  innocently. 

"That  wasn't  no  salesman,  Mawruss;  that  was  a 
loafer,"  Abe  replied. 

"A  loafer!"  Morris  said.  "He  didn't  look  like  a 
loafer,  Abe.  He  looked  like  a  real  estater. ' ? 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  said  Abe,  "to  me  a  real  estater 
looks  like  a  loafer,  especially,  Mawruss,  when  he 
comes  around  with  a  bum  proposition  like  he  got 
it." 

"What  for  a  proposition  was  it,  Abe?"  Morris 
asked. 

374 


"Ask  me!"  Abe  exclaimed,  "That  real  estater 
gives  me  a  long  story  about  some  vacant  lots,  and  an 
estate,  and  the  Independent  Order  Mattai  Aaron,  and 
a  lot  more  stuff  what  I  don 't  believe  the  feller  under- 
stands about  himself. ' ' 

"But  there  you  was  talking  to  that  real  estater 
pretty  near  an  hour,  Abe,  and  you  couldn't  even  tell 
it  me  what  he  wants  at  all, ' '  Morris  protested. 

' '  To  tell  you  the  truth,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  replied,  *  *  I 
ain't  interested  in  what  real  estaters  says.  Real 
estaters,  insurance  canvassers  and  book  agents,  Maw- 
russ, is  all  the  same  to  me.  They  go  in  by  one  ear 
and  come  out  by  the  other." 

"Why,  for  all  you  know,  Abe,  the  feller  would  have 
maybe  some  big  bargains." 

"If  you  are  looking  for  bargains  like  that  feller 
got  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  retorted,  "you  could  find 
plenty  of  'em  by  green-goods  men.  If  you  give  me 
my  choice  between  gold  bricks  and  vacant  lots,  Maw- 
russ, I  would  say  gold  bricks. ' ' 

Morris  turned  away  impatiently. 

"What  do  you  know  about  real  estate,  Abe?"  he 
cried. 

"Not  much,  Mawruss,"  Abe  admitted,  "but  I 
know  one  thing  about  gold  bricks,  Mawruss:  you 
don't  got  to  pay  no  taxes  on  'em." 

That  evening  B.  Eashkin  again  presented  himself 
at  the  One  Hundred  and  Eighteenth  Street  residence 
of  Morris  Perlmutter,  and  with  him  came  Isaac 
Pinsky,  of  the  firm  of  Pinsky  &  Gubin,  architects. 

375 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

Mr.  Pinsky  had  a  roll  of  blue-prints  under  his  arm 
and  a  strong  line  of  convincing  argument  at  the  tip 
of  his  tongue,  and  the  combination  proved  too  much 
for  Morris.  Before  Eashkin  and  Pinsky  left  that 
evening,  Morris  had  undertaken  to  purchase  a  plot 
thirty-seven  feet  six  inches  by  one  hundred  feet,  ad- 
jacent to  a  similar  plot  to  be  purchased  by  Eashkin. 
Moreover,  he  and  Eashkin  engaged  themselves  to 
erect  two  houses,  one  on  each  lot,  from  the  plans  and 
specifications  that  Pinsky  held  under  his  arm.  Each 
house  was  to  be  identical  with  the  other  in  design, 
construction  and  material,  and  an  appointment  was 
then  and  there  made  for  noon  the  next  day  at  the 
office  of  Henry  D.  Feldman,  attorney  at  law,  for 
the  purpose  of  more  formally  consummating  the 
deal. 

Thus,  when  Morris  entered  the  show-room  the  next 
morning  it  became  his  duty  to  break  the  news  to  his 
partner,  and  he  approached  Abe  with  a  now-for-it 
air.  "Well,  Abe,"  he  said,  "you  was  wrong." 

"Sure,  I  was,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied  amiably. 
'  *  With  you  I  am  always  wrong.  What 's  the  matter 
now?" 

"You  was  wrong  about  that  feller  Eashkin,"  Mor- 
ris explained.  "He  was  up  to  my  house  last  night, 
and  put  the  same  proposition  up  to  me  what  he  told 
it  you  yesterday,  and  the  way  I  figure  it,  Abe,  we 
would  make  money  on  the  deal." 

"I  ain't  so  good  on  figures  what  you  are,  Maw- 
russ, ' '  Abe  replied.  ' '  All  I  can  figure  is  I  got  enough 

376 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTER 

to  do  to  attend  to  my  own  business,  Mawruss,  with- 
out going  into  the  building  business." 

1  'But  we  wouldn't  got  to  go  into  the  building  busi- 
ness, Abe,"  Morris  protested.  "All  we  got  to  do  is 
to  put  down  eight  thousand  dollars  for  the  lot.  Then 
the  I.  0.  M.  A.  makes  us  a  building  loan  of  twenty- 
five  thousand  dollars.  Rashkin's  got  plans  and 
specifications  drawn  by  Pinsky  &  Gubin,  a  first-class, 
A  Number  One  archy-teck  concern,  for  which  he 
wouldn't  charge  us  nothing,  and  then,  Abe " 

He  paused  to  fix  Abe's  attention  before  finishing 
his  explanation. 

"And  then,  Abe,"  he  continued,  "we  hire  my  Min- 
nie's brother,  Ferdy,  what  knows  the  building  busi- 
ness from  A  to  Z,  to  build  it  the  house  for  us.  All 
we  would  got  to  do  is  to  put  up  the  four  thousand 
apiece,  Abe,  and  when  the  house  is  finished  Rashkin 
says  we  could  sell  it  like  a  flash." 

"I  never  sold  a  flash,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said;  "and, 
anyhow,  Mawruss,  while  I  ain  't  saying  nothing  about 
your  Minnie 's  family,  y  'understand,  if  I  would  got  to 
go  into  a  deal  with  a  horse-thief  like  Ferdy  Roth- 
schild, y 'understand,  I  would  take  my  money  first  and 
deposit  it  for  safety  with  some  of  them  fellers  up  in 
Sing  Sing.  Such  a  show  I  should  have  of  getting  it 
back,  Mawruss." 

"Lookyhere,  Abe,"  Morris  said,  "before  you 
would  make  some  cracks  about  my  Minnie's  family, 
how  about  your  Rosie's  brother,  the  one  what " 

"S'all  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  broke  in.     "I  ain't 

377 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEK 

saying  my  wife 's  brother  is  so  much,  neither.  This  is 
the  way  I  feel  about  a  feller 's  wife 's  brother :  If  he 
got  a  little  money  then  he  treats  you  like  a  dawg, 
Mawruss,  and  if  he's  broke,  y 'understand,  then  your 
wife  gives  him  all  your  cigars  and  ties,  and  if  you 
should  happen  to  have  the  same  size  neck,  Mawruss, 
then  all  your  life  you  are  buying  collars  and  shirts 
for  two.  No,  Mawruss,  I  ain't  got  no  confidence  in 
anybody's  wife's  brother,  especially,  Mawruss,  if  a 
feller  should  make  it  a  dirty  failure  like  Ferdy  Roth- 
schild did  and  then  takes  all  the  money  and  blows  it 
in  on  the  horse-races." 

"That's  from  old  times  already,"  Morris  pro- 
tested. "To-day  he's  a  decent,  hardworking  feller, 
Abe,  and  for  two  years  he's  been  working  for  the 
Rheingold  Building  and  Construction  Company. 
What  he  don't  know  about  putting  up  tenement 
houses,  Abe,  ain't  worth  knowing." 

"And  what  I  don't  know  about  putting  up  tene- 
ment houses,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "would  fill  one  of 
them  Carnegie  Libraries,  Mawruss;  and  also,  fur- 
thermore, Mawruss,  I  don't  want  to  know  nothing 
about  it,  neither.  And  also,  Mawruss,  if  you  should 
stand  there  and  talk  to  me  all  day  it  wouldn't  make 
no  difference.  If  you  want  to  build  tenement  houses, 
Mawruss,  you  got  my  permission;  but  you  could 
leave  me  out.  I  got  my  own  troubles  with  cloaks." 

Morris  rose. 

"All  right,  Abe,"  he  said.  "I  give  you  your 
chance,  Abe,  and  you  wouldn  't  take  it. ' ' 

378 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

"What  d'ye  mean,  Mawruss?"  Abe  asked. 

'  *  I  mean,  Abe,  that  I  will  go  into  this  alone  by  my- 
self, and  only  one  thing  I  beg  of  you,  Abe :  don't  come 
to  me  in  six  months'  time  and  claim  that  I  wouldn't 
let  you  in  on  a  good  thing.  I  have  done  my  best. ' ' 

The  air  of  simple  dignity  with  which  Morris  deliv- 
ered his  ultimatum  was  marred  to  some  extent  by  a 
raucous  laugh  from  Abe. 

"Don't  do  me  no  favors,  Mawruss,"  he  jeered. 
"All  I  got  to  say  is  that  if  I  was  you,  Mawruss,  I 
would  get  this  here  archy-teck  and  B.  Rashkin,  and 
also  your  brother-in-law,  Ferdy,  together,  and  I 
would  make  'em  an  offer  of  settlement  for,  say,  three 
thousand  dollars,  Mawruss.  Because  the  way  I 
figure  it  out,  this  thing  would  stand  you  in  as  much 
money  as  that  and  a  whole  lot  of  worry,  too." 

"You  shouldn't  be  so  generous  with  your  advice, 
Abe,"  Morris  retorted. 

"Oh,  I  don't  charge  you  nothing  for  it,  Maw- 
russ, ' '  Abe  said,  as  he  turned  to  the  '  *  Arrival  of  Buy- 
ers" column,  and,  for  lack  of  appropriate  rejoinder, 
Morris  snorted  indignantly  and  banged  the  show- 
room door  behind  him. 

For  the  remainder  of  the  afternoon  Abe's  face 
wore  a  malicious  grin.  It  was  there  when  Morris  left 
to  keep  his  appointment  at  Henry  D.  Feldman's  office, 
and  when  he  returned  four  hours  later  the  malice,  if 
anything,  had  intensified. 

"Well,  Mawruss,"  Abe  cried,  "I  suppose  you  fixed 
it  all  up?" 

379 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTEE 

"It  don't  go  so  quick,  Abe,"  Morris  replied.  His 
manner  was  as  cheerful  as  only  that  of  a  man  who  has 
struggled  hard  to  repress  a  fit  of  violent  profanity 
can  be — for  the  meeting  at  Henry  D.  Feldman's  ofSco 
had  been  fraught  with  many  nerve-racking  incidents. 
Imprimis,  there  had  been  Feldman  's  retainer,  a  gen- 
erous one,  and  then  had  come  the  discussion  of  the 
building-loan  agreement  with  Milton  M.  Sugarman, 
attorney  for  the  I.  0.  M.  A. 

Feldman  assured  Morris  that  it  was  customary  for 
the  borrower  to  pay  the  fees  of  the  attorney  for  the 
lender,  incidental  to  drawing  and  recording  the  neces- 
sary papers,  and  Morris  had  also  learned  that  the 
high  premiums  of  insurance  for  the  building  to  be 
erected  would  come  out  of  his  pocket.  Moreover,  he 
had  seen  B.  Eashkin  credited  with  commissions  for 
bringing  about  Morris'  purchase  of  the  lot,  and  for 
the  first  time  he  had  ascertained  that  he  also  owed  B. 
Eashkin  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  commission  for 
procuring  a  building  loan  from  the  I.  0.  M.  A. 

So  far  he  reckoned  that  his  investment  exceeded  B. 
Eashkin 's  by  a  thousand  dollars,  and  when  he  consid- 
ered that  B.  Eashkin  would  be  his  own  superintend- 
ent of  construction,  while  he,  Morris,  would  be  obliged 
to  hire  Ferdy  Eothschild,  at  a  compensation  of  seven 
hundred  and  fifty  dollars,  to  perform  that  same  office 
for  him,  Abe's  advice  appeared  too  sound  to  be 
pleasant. 

"No,  Abe,"  he  said,  "it  don't  go  so  quick.  I  got 
another  appointment  for  next  week." 

380 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTEE 

Abe  grunted. 

"All  I  got  to  say,  Mawruss,"  he  commented,  "you 
shouldn  't  forget  you  are  a  partner  in  a  cloak  and  suit 
business. ' ' 

"Don't  worry,"  Morris  replied;  "you  wouldn't  let 
me  forget  that,  Abe. ' '  He  strode  off  toward  the  cut- 
ting-room and  once  more  Abe  resumed  his  fixed  grin. 

It  must  be  confessed  that  through  the  entire  six 
months  of  his  building  operations  Morris  maintained 
a  stoic  calm  that  effectually  hid  the  storm  raging 
within  his  breast.  All  the  annoyances  incidental  to 
building  a  house  were  heaped  on  Morris,  and  both 
he  and  Eashkin,  equally,  suffered  petty  blackmail  at 
the  hands  of  the  attorney  and  the  architect  for  the 
building-loan  mortgagee. 

In  the  meantime  Abe 's  grin  gained  in  breadth  and 
malice,  and  on  more  than  one  occasion  Morris  had 
foregone  the  pleasure  of  assaulting  his  partner  only 
by  the  exercise  of  remarkable  self-control. 

"Do  me  the  favor,  Abe,"  he  said  at  length,  "and 
let  me  in  on  this  joke." 

"It  ain't  no  joke,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied.  "I 
thought  you  found  that  out  already." 

"If  you  mean  the  house,  Abe,"  Morris  answered, 
"all  I  got  to  say  is  that,  if  there  should  be  any  joke 
about  it,  Abe,  the  joke  is  on  you,  for  that  house  is 
pretty  near  finished." 

"I'm  glad  to  hear  it,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said.  "I 
suppose  Ferdy  Eothschild  did  it  a  good  job  on  the 
house. ' ' 

381 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

"Sure,  he  did,"  Morris  said. 

"He  didn't  get  no  rake-offs  from  material  men  or 
nothing,  Mawruss.  What?"  Abe  asked. 

' '  Rake-offs ! ' '  Morris  cried.  ' '  What  d  'ye  mean  by 
that?" 

"I  mean  I  seen  it  Gussarow,  the  glass  man,  on  the 
subway  last  night,  Mawruss,"  Abe  explained,  "and 
he  says  that  for  every  pane  of  glass  what  went  into 
your  house,  Mawruss,  Ferdy  Rothschild  gets  his  rake- 
off." 

"Well,  what  do  I  care?"  Morris  retorted.  "If 
Gussarow  could  stand  it,  Abe,  I  can. ' ' 

"Gussarow  can  stand  it  all  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
said  reassuringly.  "All  he's  got  to  do  is  to  put  it  on 
the  bill." 

"Well,  if  he  put  it  on  my  bill,  Abe, ' '  Morris  replied, 
"he  also  put  it  on  Rashkin's  bill,  because  him  and  me 
bought  the  same  building  material  all  the  way 
through,  and  I  wouldn't  pay  no  bills  till  I  saw  that 
Rashkin  don't  get  charged  less  as  I  do." 

This  was  conclusive,  and  Abe's  grin  relaxed  for 
several  inches,  nor  did  it  resume  its  normal  width 
until  some  days  later  when  Morris  began  to  negotiate 
for  his  permanent  mortgage  loan.  Once  Morris 
remonstrated  with  him  for  his  levity. 

"Must  you  go  around  looking  like  a  crazy  idiot, 
Abe?" 

"I  must  got  to  laugh,  Mawruss,"  Abe  protested, 
"when  I  seen  it  Sam  Feder,  of  the  Kosciusko  Bank, 
this  morning,  and  he  tells  it  me  you  got  a  permanent 

382 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

mortgage  from  the  I.  0.  M.  A.  He  says  Milton  M. 
Sugarman  told  him  you  got  it  ahead  of  Rashkin,  be- 
cause you  got  influence  as  a  lodge  brother  of  Sugar- 
man.'* 

"Sure,  I  did,"  Morris  admitted. 

"And  then,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "Rashkin 
hears  that  the  I.  0.  M.  A.  is  going  to  make  you  a  per- 
manent loan,  so  he  goes  to  see  Sugarman  too." 

' '  That 's  right, ' '  Morris  agreed. 

"And  he  says  to  Sugarman  that  so  long  as  Sugar- 
man is  got  to  search  the  title  to  your  house  he 
wouldn  't  have  to  search  the  title  to  Rashkin 's  house, 
because  both  houses  stands  on  the  same  piece  of  prop- 
erty. So  he  makes  a  proposition  that  if  Sugarman 
would  charge  him  only  a  hundred  dollars  he  would 
put  in  an  application  by  the  I.  0.  M.  A.  for  a  per- 
manent loan.  Otherwise  he  would  get  it  from  a  life- 
insurance  company. ' ' 

Morris  nodded  ironically. 

"And  Sugarman  says  he  would  do  it,  I  suppose," 
he  broke  in.  "No,  Abe,  Sugarman  ain't  built  that 
way.  It  costs  me  five  hundred  dollars  for  that  loan, 
Abe." 

"I  know  it  did,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said,  "and  Feder 
says  that  Sugarman  told  him  he  charges  you  five  hun- 
dred dollars,  and  so  he  don't  want  to  be  a  hog,  Maw- 
russ, and,  therefore,  he  closes  with  Rashkin  for  a  hun- 
dred and  fifty." 

Morris'  jaw  dropped  and  he  stared  at  Abe. 

"Furthermore,  Mawruss,"  Abe  went  on,  "Rash- 

383 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

kin  comes  in  to  see  Feder  the  other  day  and  tells 
Feder  he  would  be  glad  to  make  a  quick  turn.  And 
he  tells  Feder  that  house  stands  him  in  eight  thou- 
sand dollars  cash  and  he  would  be  glad  to  sell  it  for 
forty-four  five,  all  cash  above  the  new  first  mortgage 
of  thirty-three  thousand. " 

Morris  nodded. 

"But,  Abe,"  he  croaked,  "how  could  he  do  that? 
Reckoning  all  the  mortgages  and  everything,  and 
what  I  invested  and  paid  out  for  building  material 
over  and  above  the  building  loan,  that  house  stands 
me  in  just  eleven  thousand  two  hundred  and  fifty 
dollars  cash.  If  I  would  come  out  even  on  that  house 
I  got  to  sell  it  for  forty-five  seven-fifty,  and  I  reck- 
oned on  forty-seven  thousand  as  a  fair  price  for  the 
house." 

"Sure,  you  did,"  Abe  said  cheerfully. 

"And  how  that  feller,  Rashkin,  could  claim  that 
his  house  stands  him  in  eight  thousand  dollars  cash 
is  more  as  I  could  understand,  Abe,"  Morris  said. 
"Because  while  I  know  it  I  spent  for  commissions 
and  for  Ferdy  Rothschild  a  couple  thousand  more  as 
Rashkin,  A.be,  our  building  material  cost  the  same, 
Abe." 

"Sure  it  did — on  the  bills,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied; 
"but  Gussarow  says  that  of  course  he  don't  know 
nothing  about  the  other  material  men,  but  when  he 
sends  the  bill  to  you  he  also  sends  the  same  bill  to 
Rashkin,  and  when  you  send  him  a  check  for  your 
bill,  Ferdy  Rothschild  gets  five  per  cent.  Also  Rash- 

384. 


kin  sends  Gussarow  a  check  for  his  bill  with  five  per 
cent,  discount,  and  Ferdy  Rothschild  schmiers  Rash- 
kin  a  twenty-dollar  note,  and  that's  the  way  it  goes." 

Morris  sat  down  in  the  nearest  chair  and  blinked 
helplessly  at  Abe. 

"What  do  you  think  for  a  couple  of  crooks  like 
that,  Abe  f "  he  croaked. 

"What  do  I  think,  Mawruss?"  Abe  repeated.  "I 
think  that  one  of  'em  is  a  brother-in-law,  Mawruss, 
and  the  other  is  a  real  estater,  Mawruss,  and  that's 
a  bad  combination. ' ' 

"But  I  could  make  'em  arrested,  Abe?"  Morris 
declared,  "and,  by  jimminy,  I  will  do  it,  too/ 

Abe  shrugged. 

"You  couldn't  do  that,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "be- 
cause in  the  first  place,  Mawruss,  your  Minnie 
wouldn't  stand  for  it;  and  in  the  second  place,  them 
two  fellers  would  fix  up  a  fine  story  between  'em 
and  the  judge  would  let  'em  go.  And  then,  Maw- 
russ, they  would  turn  around  and  go  to  work  and 
sue  you  for  false  arresting;  and  the  first  thing  you 
know,  Mawruss,  it  would  stand  you  in  a  couple  of 
thousand  dollars  more." 

Morris  nodded  sadly. 

"I  believe  you're  right,  Abe,"  he  murmured. 

"Sure,  I'm  right,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said;  "and  also, 
Mawruss,  while  I  wouldn't  want  to  say  nothing  to 
make  you  feel  worse  already,  I  got  to  say,  Mawruss, 
that  if  you  would  believe  I  was  right  six  months  ago 
yet,  you  wouldn't  got  to  believe  I  was  right  now." 

335 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

Morris  nodded  again.  He  was  thoroughly 
crushed,  and  he  looked  so  appealingly  at  his  partner 
that  Abe  was  unable  to  withhold  his  comfort  and 
advice. 

"Lookyhere,  Mawruss,"  he  said,  "a  feller's  got 
to  make  a  mistake  sometimes.  Ain't  it!  And  if  he 
didn't  get  stuck  for  a  couple  of  thousand  dollars 
oncet  in  a  while  he  wouldn't  know  the  value  of  his 
money.  Ain't  it?  But  as  this  thing  stands  now, 
Mawruss,  I  got  an  idee  you  ain't  stuck  so  bad  as  what 
you  think." 

' '  No  f "  Morris  said.     ' '  Why  ain  't  I,  Abe  ? " 

"Well,  Mawruss,  I'll  tell  you,"  Abe  began,  with 
no  clear  conception  of  how  he  would  finish.  "You 
know  me,  Mawruss;  I  ain't  a  feller  what's  got  a 
whole  lot  to  say  for  myself,  but  I  ain't  got  such  bad 
judgment,  neither,  Mawruss." 

"I  seen  fellers  with  worser  judgment  as  you, 
Abe,"  Morris  said. 

Abe  could  not  forbear  a  stare  of  astonishment  at 
this  grudging  admission. 

"At  last  you  got  to  admit  it,  Mawruss,"  he  cried; 
"but  anyhow,  Mawruss,  go  ahead  and  finish  up  this 
here  permanent-mortgage-loan  business,  and  then, 
Mawruss,  I  will  do  all  I  can  to  help  you  out." 

Morris  rose  to  his  feet. 

"Well,  Abe,"  he  began  in  shaking  tones,  "I  must 
got  to  say  that  I " 

"Lookyhere,  Mawruss,"  Abe  broke  in  savagely, 
4 'ain't  we  fooled  away  enough  time  here  this  morn- 

386 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEE 

ing?  Just  because  you  got  your  troubles  with  this 
here  building,  Mawruss,  ain't  no  reason  why  we 
shouldn't  attend  to  business,  Mawruss." 

He  handed  Morris  a  black  cigar,  and  as  they 
started  for  the  cutting-room  they  gave  vent  to  their 
pent-up  emotions  in  great  clouds  of  comforting 
smoke. 

The  next  fortnight  was  fraught  with  so  many  dis- 
agreeable experiences  for  Morris  that  he  appeared  to 
age  visibly,  and  once  more  Abe  was  moved  to  ex- 
press his  sympathy. 

"You  shouldn't  take  on  so,  Mawruss,"  he  said, 
the  morning  after  the  permanent  loan  was  closed. 
"The  first  thing  you  know,  Mawruss,  you  will  be 
getting  a  nervous  break-up,  already." 

' '  I  bet  yer  I  would  get  a  nervous  break-up,  Abe, ' ' 
Morris  agreed.  "If  you  would  be  me,  Abe,  you 
would  get  a  nervous  break-up,  too.  In  the  first 
place,  Abe,  I  got  to  pay  them  suckers — them  archy- 
tecks,  Pinsky  &  Gubin,  a  hundred  dollars  before  they 
would  give  it  me  their  final  certificate,  and  then, 
Abe,  I  got  to  schmier  it  a  feller  in  the  tenement- 
house  department  another  hundred  dollars.  And 
then,  Abe,  I  told  it  them  other  two  crooks  what  I 
thought  of  'em,  Abe,  and  you  ought  to  hear  the  way 
that  horse-thief  talks  back  to  me,  already." 

"Horse-thief!"  Abe  said.  "Which  one,  Maw- 
russ!" 

' '  That  Ferdy  Rothschild,  Abe, ' '  Morris  continued. 
"So  sure  as  I  stand  here,  Abe,  if  that  feller  wouldn't 

387 


POTASH   &   PEELMUTTER 

be  my  wife's  brother,  I  would  make  for  him  a  couple 
blue  eyes  he  wouldn't  forgot  so  quick." 

"With  a  feller  like  that,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said, 
"you  shouldn't  bother  yourself  at  all.  If  you  make 
a  lowlife  bum  a  couple  blue  eyes,  he  will  make  you 
also  a  couple  blue  eyes,  maybe,  and  that's  all  there 
is  to  it,  Mawruss.  But  when  you  make  it  a  crook 
like  Ferdy  Rothschild  a  couple  blue  eyes,  then  that's 
something  else  again.  Such  a  schwindler  like  him, 
Mawruss,  would  turn  right  around  and  sue  you  in 
the  courts  yet  for  damages,  and  the  first  thing  you 
know  you  are  stuck  for  a  couple  thousand  dollars." 

"Well,  I  am  through  with  him,  anyhow,"  Morris 
replied,  "so  we  wouldn't  talk  no  more  about  him. 

A  dirty  dawg  like  him,  Abe,  ain't  worth  a — a " 

He  was  searching  his  mind  for  a  sufficiently  trivial 
standard  of  comparison  when  Abe  interrupted  him. 

"I  thought  you  wasn't  going  to  talk  about  him, 
Mawruss,"  he  said;  "and,  anyhow,  Mawruss,  what's 
the  use  talking  about  things  what  is  past  already? 
What  we  got  to  do  now,  Mawruss,  is  to  sell  that 
house." 

"I  know  it,  Abe,"  Morris  replied  ruefully,  "but 
how  are  we  going  to  sell  that  house  with  B.  Rashkin 
going  around  offering  to  sell  the  identical  same  house 
for  forty-four  five?  If  I  would  be  lucky  enough  to 
get  forty-five  seven-fifty  for  mine,  Abe,  I  would  still 
be  out  several  hundred  dollars." 

"You  talk  foolish,  Mawruss;  you  would  get  forty- 
seven  thousand,  sure,  for  that  house." 

388 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

' ' Would  I?"  Morris  cried.  "How  would  I  do 
that?" 

"Leave  that  to  me,"  Abe  replied. 

He  put  on  his  hat  and  coat. 

"Where  are  you  going,  Abe?"  Morris  asked. 

Abe  waggled  his  head  solemnly. 

"You  shouldn't  ask  me,  Mawruss,"  he  said.  "I 
got  an  idee. ' ' 

It  was  a  quarter  to  twelve  when  Abe  left  the  loft 
building  on  Nineteenth  Street,  and  he  repaired  im- 
mediately to  the  real-estate  salesroom  on  Vesey 
Street,  where  auction  sales  of  real  estate  are  held  at 
noon  daily.  To  this  center  of  real-estate  activity 
comes  every  real-estate  broker  of  the  East  Side,  to- 
gether with  his  brothers  from  Harlem  and  the  Bronx, 
and  Abe  felt  reasonably  sure  that  B.  Rashkin  would 
be  on  hand. 

Indeed,  he  had  hardly  entered  the  salesroom  when 
he  descried  B.  Rashkin  standing  on  the  outskirts  of 
a  little  throng  that  surrounded  the  rostrum  of  a 
popular  auctioneer. 

"Now,  gentlemen,"  said  the  auctioneer,  "what  am 
I  offered  for  this  six-story,  four-family  house.  Re- 
member, gentlemen,  it  is  practicaly  new  and  stands 
on  a  lot  forty  by  a  hundred. ' ' 

"Forty  thousand,"  said  a  voice  at  Abe's  elbow. 

"Come,  gentlemen,"  the  auctioneer  cried,  "we 
ain't  making  you  a  present  of  this  house,  exactly. 
Do  I  hear  forty-one?  Thank  you,  sir.  At  forty- 
one — at  forty-one — at " 

45— Potash  <Sf  Perlmutter.  389 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

Abe  sidled  up  to  B.  Bashkin  and  in  firm  tones  he 
made  the  next  hid. 

"Forty-one  five,"  he  said. 

"Forty-one  five,"  the  auctioneer  repeated,  and 
B.  Rashkin  turned  to  look  at  the  bidder.  He 
started  visibly  as  he  recognized  Abe,  who  bowed 
coldly. 

"Why,  hallo,  Mr.  Potash,"  Rashkin  exclaimed. 
"I  didn't  know  you  was  in  the  market  for  property." 

"Why  not!"  Abe  said. 

"Well,  on  account  you  got  a  partner  who " 

"You  don't  got  to  rub  it  in,  Mr.  Rashkin,"  Abe 
interrupted.  ' '  If  my  partner  did  know  a  good  thing 
when  he  seen  it,  Mr.  Rashkin,  I  don't  need  to  be  re- 
minded of  it." 

"A  good  thing!"  Rashkin  said  in  puzzled  accents. 
"Why,  I  ain't " 

He  stopped  in  time  and  forced  himself  to  smile 
amiably. 

"Yes,  Mr.  Rashkin,"  Abe  went  on,  as  he  imper- 
ceptibly edged  away  from  the  crowd.  "Would  you 
believe  it,  that  feller  tells  me  this  morning  he's  got 
already  a  fine  offer  for  the  house?" 

"You  don't  tell  me,"  Rashkin  said  as  they  ap- 
proached one  of  the  salesroom  doors.  He  too  was 
edging  away  from  the  crowd  and  congratulated  him- 
self that  Abe  had  made  no  further  bid.  "I'm  glad 
he  should  get  it.  For  mein  part,  Mr.  Potash,  I 
would  be  glad  to  sell  my  house,  too." 

Here  he  made  a  rapid  mental  calculation  and  ar- 

390 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTER 

rived  approximately  at  the  price  that  would  yield 
Morris  a  profit. 

"I  had  myself  an  offer  of  forty-six  seven-fifty  for 
my  house,  Mr.  Potash,"  he  hazarded. 

Abe  was  ostentatiously  surprised. 

"So!"  he  said,  with  an  elaborate  assumption  of 
recovering  his  composure. 

' '  Yes,  Mr.  Potash, ' '  Rashkin  went  on.  He  was  be- 
ginning to  feel  that  the  figure  was  too  low.  "That's 
the  offer  I  received  and  I  wouldn't  take  a  cent  less 
than  forty-eight." 

"Let  me  see,"  Abe  mused,  as  they  paused  in  front 
of  a  bakery  and  lunchroom  a  few  doors  down  the 
street.  "You  got  a  first  mortgage  thirty-three 
thousand  dollars,  and  that  would  give  you  a  pretty 
big  equity  there,  Mr.  Rashkin." 

"Wouldn't  you  come  inside  and  take  maybe  a  cup 
of  coffee,  Mr.  Potash?"  Rashkin  suggested. 

"I  shouldn't  mind  if  I  will,"  Abe  said;  and  they 
entered  the  bakery  together.  "Would  you  want  all 
cash  above  the  mortgage,  Mr.  Rashkin?" 

"Just  now,  Mr.  Potash,"  Rashkin  replied,  "I  want 
a  little  something  to  eat.  Give  me  a  piece  of  stollen 
and  a  cup  of  coffee." 

"Milk  separate?"  the  waitress  asked. 

B.  Rashkin  nodded  haughtily  and  then  turned  to 
Abe. 

"What  will  you  have,  Mr.  Potash?"  he  asked. 

*  *  Give  me  also  a  cup  of  coffee  and  a  tongue  sand' 
wich, ' '  he  announced  to  the  waitress. 

391 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTER 

4 

11  White  or  rye  bread?"  said  the  waitress. 

"Rye  bread,"  Abe  replied. 

"We  ain't  got  no  rye  bread;  I  could  give  you  a  roll 
sandwich,"  she  declared  solemnly. 

"All  right,  give  me  a  roll  tongue  sandwich,"  Abe 
concluded,  and  once  more  addressed  B.  Rashkin. 

"Of  course  you  would  take  back  a  second  mort- 
gage, Mr.  Rashkin,"  he  said. 

"Well,  I  might  take  two  or  three  thousand  dol- 
lars, a  purchase-money  mortgage,  but  no  more," 
Rashkin  replied,  as  the  waitress  returned  empty- 
handed. 

"Rolls  is  all  out,"  she  said.  "I'll  have  to  give 
you  white  bread." 

"All  right,"  Abe  replied. 

"Did  you  say  Swiss  cheese  or  store  cheese!"  she 
inquired  mildly. 

"Tongue!"  Abe  and  B.  Rashkin  roared  with  one 
voice. 

"Well,  don't  get  mad  about  it,"  the  waitress 
cried,  as  she  whisked  away  toward  the  coffee  urns. 

"I'll  tell  you  the  truth,  Mr.  Potash,"  B.  Rashkin 
continued.  "I  give  that  house  to  a  number  of  real 
estaters,  already,  and  I'm  considering  a  good  offer 
from  a  feller  what  Ferdy  Rothschild  brings  me.  The 
feller  makes  me  a  fine  offer,  Mr.  Potash,  only  he 
wants  me  to  take  back  a  second  mortgage  of  five 
thousand  dollars ;  and  I  told  Ferdy  Rothschild  if  he 
could  get  his  customer  to  make  it  all  cash  above  a 
second  mortgage  of  three  thousand  dollars  I  would 

392 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTER 

consider  it.  Ferdy  says  he  expects  his  customer  in 
to  see  him  this  afternoon,  already,  and  he  will  let 
me  know  before  I  go  home  to-night." 

In  this  rare  instance  B.  Eashkin  was  undergoing 
the  novel  experience  of  speaking  the  truth  only 
slightly  modified,  for  that  very  morning  Ferdy 
Eothschild  had  produced  a  purchaser  who  was  will- 
ing to  pay  forty-six  thousand  dollars  for  Eashkin 's 
house.  This  deal  the  purchaser  proposed  to  con- 
summate by  taking  the  property  subject  to  a  first 
mortgage  of  thirty-three  thousand  dollars,  by  ex- 
ecuting a  second  mortgage  of  seven  thousand  dol- 
lars, and  by  paying  the  six  thousand  balance  of  the 
purchase  price  in  cash. 

B.  Eashkin  had  told  Ferdy  that  if  the  customer 
would  agree  to  pay  eight  thousand  five  hundred  dol- 
lars in  cash  and  to  reduce  the  second  mortgage  pro- 
portionately, the  deal  would  be  closed;  and  Ferdy 
had  promised  to  let  him  know  during  the  afternoon. 

"Lookyhere,  Eashkin,"  Abe  said  at  length, 
"what's  the  use  beating  bushes  around!  You  know 
as  well  as  I  ^do  that  me  and  my  partner  don't  get 
along  well  together,  and  I  would  like  to  teach  that 
sucker  a  lesson  that  he  shouldn't  monkey  no  more 
with  real  estate,  y 'understand.  I'll  tell  you  right 
now,  Eashkin,  I  would  be  willing  to  lose  maybe  a 
couple  hundred  dollars  if  I  could  get  that  house  from 
you  and  sell  it  to  the  feller  what  makes  the  offer  to 
Mawruss  Perlmutter." 

"You  and  Perlmutter  must  be  pretty  good  friends 

393 


POTASH  &  PERLMUTTER 

xr- 

together, "  Rashkin  commented.  "But,  anyhow,  I 
•am  perfectly  willing  to  help  you  all  I  can,  because 
^nen  a  feller  practically  calls  you  a  bloodsucker  and 
a  horse- thief,  Mr.  Potash,  naturally  you  don't  feel 
too  friendly  toward  him.  But  one  thing  I  got  to 
say,  Mr.  Potash,  and  that  is  I  couldn't  sell  my 
house  for  a  penny  less  than  forty-eight  thousand 
dollars." 

Abe  put  down  his  cup  of  coffee  and  stared  at  Rash- 
kin. 

"That's  a  lot  of  money,  Mr.  Rashkin,"  Abe  said, 
"and  that  would  mean  pretty  near  twelve  thousand 
cash." 

B.  Rashkin  nodded  calmly  and  Abe  pondered  for 
a  moment. 

"Well,  Rashkin,"  Abe  said,  "I  am  willing  I 
should  spend  some  money,  y 'understand,  and  so  I 
would  make  you  this  offer:  Would  you  give  me  an 
option  on  the  house  at  forty-eight  thousand  for  two 
weeks,  supposing  I  paid  you,  we  will  say,  two  hun- 
dred dollars?" 

Rashkin  shook  his  head. 

"We  will  say  then  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars," 
Abe  said ;  but  Rashkin  declined. 

Immediately  they  commenced  to  bargain  vigor- 
ously, and  at  intervals  of  five  minutes  each  modi- 
fied his  price  for  the  option,  until  half  an  hour  had 
expired,  when  they  met  at  four  hundred  dollars. 

"All  right,"  B.  Rashkin  cried,  "let  us  go  and  see 
Milton  M.  Sugarmen  and  draw  up  the  option." 

394 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

"I  am  agreeable,"  Abe  said;  "any  lawyer  could 
draw  it  up,  so  far  as  I  am  concerned." 

They  rose  from  the  table  without  leaving  the  cus- 
tomary nickel  for  the  waitress  and,  as  they  passed 
out  of  the  door,  she  glared  after  them  and  indig- 
nantly adjusted  her  pompadour  with  both  hands. 

"Pipe  them  two  high-livers,"  she  hissed  to  the 
waitress  at  the  next  table.  * '  I  knew  them  guys  was 
going  to  pass  me  up  as  soon  as  I  laid  me  eyes  on 
'em." 

She  heaved  a  tremendous  sigh. 

"Y'orter  heard  the  roar  they  put  up  about  a 
tongue  sandwich, ' '  she  said.  ' '  Am 't  it  funny,  Kitty, 
how  tightwads  is  always  fussy  about  their  feed!" 

When  Abe  returned  to  his  place  of  business  a 
couple  of  hours  later,  he  found  Morris  adding  up 
figures  on  the  back  of  an  envelope. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  cried,  "what's  new  about 
the  house?" 

"I'll  tell  you  what's  new,  Mawruss,"  Abe  replied. 
"Just  add  four  hundred  dollars  to  them  figures  on 
that  envelope,  and  you'll  find  out  what  that  house 
costs  you  up  to  date." 

"WTiat  do  you  mean?" 

"Never  mind  what  I  mean,  Mawruss,"  Abe  said. 
"I'll  tell  you  later  what  I  mean.  The  thing  is  now, 
Mawruss,  I  got  to  know  one  thing  and  I  got  to  know 
it  quick.  Where  could  I  find  this  here  lowlife 
brother-in-law  of  yours!" 

"Let  me  see,"  said  Morris.    "It's  already  two 

395 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

o'clock,  so  I  guess,  Abe,  you  would  be  liable  to  get 
him  in  the  back  room  of  Wasserbauer's  Cafe.  Him 
and  a  feller  by  the  name  Feinson  and  that  lowlife 
Rabiner  plays  there  auction  pinochle  together." 

"But  ain't  he  got  no  office,  MawrussT'  Abe  asked. 

"Sure,  he's  got  an  office,"  Morris  replied.  "He's 
got  it  desk-room  with  a  couple  of  real  estaters  on 
Liberty  Street,  Abe.  Look  him  up  in  the  telephone 
book.  He's  got  a  phone  put  in  too,  Abe,  with  my 
money,  I  bet  yer." 

Abe  consulted  the  telephone  book  and  again  put 
on  his  hat. 

"Where  are  you  going  now,  Abe?"  Morris  asked. 

"I'm  going  down  to  Ferdy  Rothschild's  office," 
Abe  replied. 

"But  you  wouldn't  find  him  in,  Abe,"  Morris  pro- 
tested. 

*I  hope  not,"  Abe  replied;  and  for  the  second  time 
that  day  he  left  his  place  of  business  and  boarded  a 
downtown  L  train. 

Ferdy  Rothschild's  office  was  tucked  away  in  an 
obscure  corner  of  a  small  office  building  on  Liberty 
Street,  and  as  Abe  plodded  wearily  up  three  flights 
of  stairs  he  overtook  a  short,  stout  gentleman  headed 
in  the  same  direction. 

"A  feller  what's  got  his  office  on  the  top  floor  of  a 
back-number  building  like  this, ' '  said  the  exhausted 
traveler,  "should  keep  it  airships  for  his  custom- 
ers." 

"I  bet  yer,"  Abe  gasped,  as  they  reached  the  land- 

396 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

ing  together,  and  then  in  silence  they  both  walked 
side  by  side  to  the  office  of  Ferdy  Rothschild. 

Abe  opened  the  door  and  motioned  his  companion 
to  enter  first,  whereat  the  stranger  nodded  politely 
and  walked  into  the  office. 

1  'Is  Mr.  Rothschild  in?"  he  said  to  the  office-boy, 
who  was  the  sole  occupant  of  the  room. 

"Mr.  Rothschild,  now,  telephoned,"  the  boy  re- 
plied, "and  he  says,  now,  that  if  a  guy  comes  in  by 
the  name  of  Marks  to  tell  him  he  should  wait." 

"Did  he  say  he  would  be  right  in?"  Mr.  Marks 
asked. 

"No,"  the  boy  answered,  "but  he'll  be  in  soon, 
all  right." 

"How  do  you  know  that?"  Abe  asked. 

"Because,  now,  I  heard  him  tell  the  other  boys 
that  he  wouldn't  set  no  longer  time  limit,"  the  boy 
replied;  "but  he  says  he'd  play  four  more  deals  and 
then  he'd  quit.  See?" 

Mr.  Marks  looked  at  Abe  and  broke  into  a 
laugh. 

"That's  a  fine  lowlife  for  you,"  he  said.  "That 
feller  tells  me  I  should  be  here  at  three  o'clock  sharp 
and  he  fools  away  my  time  like  this." 

Abe  nodded. 

"What  could  you  expect  from  a  feller  like  that?" 
Abe  commenced,  and  then  broke  off  suddenly — "but 
excuse  me.  He  may  be  a  friend  of  yours. ' ' 

"Gott  soil  huten,"  Mr.  Marks  replied  piously. 
"All  I  got  to  do  with  him  is  that  he  brings  me  a 

397 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEB 

proposition  I  should  buy  a  piece  of  property  which 
he  got  it  to  sell." 

"That's  a  funny  thing,"  Abe  said.  "I  came  here 
myself  about  a  piece  of  property  what  I  just  bought, 
and  I  understand  he  tried  to  sell  the  property  for 
the  feller  what  I  bought  it  from." 

Abe  took  the  option  from  his  breast  pocket  and 
opened  it  on  his  knee,  while  Mr.  Marks  glanced  at 
it  furtively,  not  unnoticed  by  Abe,  who  aided  his 
companion's  inspection  by  spreading  out  the  paper 
until  its  contents  were  plainly  visible. 

"Why!"  Mr.  Marks  cried.  "Why,  that  is  the 
house  what  this  here  Rothschild  said  he  would  sell 
it  me." 

Abe  looked  up  sharply. 

"You  don't  say  so?"  he  said.  "How  could  he 
sell  you  that  house  when  I  got  this  here  option 
on  it  this  morning  for  forty-eight  thousand  dol- 
lars?" 

"Forty-eight  thousand  dollars!"  Mr.  Marks  ex- 
claimed. "Why,  he  says  I  could  buy  it  for  forty-six 
thousand  dollars." 

Abe  laughed  with  forced  politeness. 

"Well,  if  you  could  of  got  it  for  forty-six  thou- 
sand you  should  of  took  it, ' '  he  said.  ' '  I  want  forty- 
nine  thousand  for  it." 

It  was  now  Mr.  Marks'  turn  to  laugh. 

"You  couldn't  get  forty-nine  thousand  for  that 
house,"  he  said,  "if  the  window-panes  was  dia- 
monds already." 


POTASH   &  PEELMUTTEE 

"No?"  Abe  retorted.  "Well,  then,  I'll  keep  it, 
Mister " 

"Marks,"  suggested  Mr.  Marks. 

* ' Marks, ' '  Abe  went  on.  "I'll  keep  it,  Mr.  Marks, 
until  I  can  get  it,  so  sure  as  my  name  is  Abe  Potash. ' ' 

"Of  Potash  &  Perlmutter?"  Mr.  Marks  asked. 

"That's  my  name,"  Abe  said. 

"Why,  then,  your  partner  owns  yet  the  house  next 
door!"  Mr.  Marks  cried. 

"That  ain't  no  news  to  me,  Mr.  Marks,"  Abe  said. 
'  *  In  fact,  he  built  that  house,  Mr.  Marks,  and  I  got  so 
tired  hearing  about  the  way  that  house  rents  and 
how  much  money  he  is  going  to  get  out  of  it  that  I 
bought  the  place  next  door  myself. ' ' 

"But  ain't  that  a  funny  thing  that  one  partner 
should  build  a  house  and  the  other  partner  shouldn't 
have  nothing  to  do  with  it  ? "  Mr.  Marks  commented. 

"We  was  partners  in  cloaks,  Mr.  Marks,  not  in 
houses,"  Abe  explained.  "And  I  had  my  chance  to 
go  in  with  him  and  I  was  a  big  fool  I  didn't  took  it." 

Mr.  Marks  rose  to  his  feet. 

"Well,  all  I  can  say  is,"  he  rejoined,  "if  I  got  it 
a  partner  and  we  was  to  consider  a  proposition  of 
building,  Mr.  Potash,  we  would  go  it  together,  not 
separate. ' ' 

"Yes,  Mr.  Marks,"  Abe  agreed,  "if  you  had  it  a 
partner,  Mr.  Marks,  that  would  be  something  else 
again,  but  the  partner  what  7  got  it,  Mr.  Marks,  you 
got  no  idee  what  an  independent  feller  that  is.  I 
can  assure  you,  Mr.  Marks,  that  feller  don't  let  me 

399 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

know  nothing  what  he  is  doing  outside  of  our  busi- 
ness. For  all  I  would  know,  he  might  of  sold  his 
house  already." 

' 'You  don't  mean  to  say  that  his  house  is  on  the 
market,  do  you?"  Marks  said  sharply. 

"I  don't  mean  to  say  nothing,"  Abe  replied,  as  he 
started  to  leave.  "All  I  mean  to  say  is  that  I  am 
tired  of  waiting  for  that  lowlife  Rothschild,  and  I 
must  get  back  to  my  store." 

"Wait  a  bit;  I'll  go  downstairs  with  you,"  Marks 
broke  in. 

As  they  walked  down  to  the  elevated  road  they  ex- 
changed further  confidences,  by  which  it  appeared 
that  Mr.  Marks  was  in  the  furniture  business  on 
Third  Avenue,  and  that  he  lived  on  Lenox  Avenue 
near  One  Hundred  and  Sixteenth  Street. 

"Why,  you  are  practically  a  neighbor  of  Mawruss 
Perlmutter, "  Abe  cried. 

"Is  that  sol"  Mr.  Marks  said,  as  they  reached  the 
elevated  railway. 

"Yes,"  Abe  went  on,  "he  lives  on  a  Hundred  and 
Eighteenth  Street  and  Lenox  Avenue." 

"You  don't  say  so?"  Mr.  Marks  replied.  "Well, 
Mr.  Potash,  I  guess  I  got  to  leave  you  here." 

They  shook  hands,  and  after  Abe  had  proceeded 
half-way  up  the  steps  to  the  station  platform  he 
paused  to  observe  Mr.  Marks  penciling  an  address  in 
his  memorandum  book. 

When  he  again  entered  his  show-room  Morris  had 
just  hung  up  the  telephone  receiver. 

400 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTER 

"Yes,  Abe,"  he  said,  "you've  gone  and  stuck  your 
feet  in  it  all  right." 

"What  d'ye  mean?"  Abe  asked. 

"Ferdy  Rothschild  just  rung  me  up,"  Morris  ex- 
plained, "and  he  says  you  went  down  to  his  office 
while  he  was  out,  and  you  seen  it  there  a  feller  what 
he  was  going  to  sell  Rashkin  's  house  to,  and  you  went 
and  broke  up  the  deal,  and  that  he  will  sue  you  yet  in 
the  courts." 

"Let  him  sue  us, ' '  Abe  said.  ' '  All  he  knows  about 
is  what  the  office-boy  tells  him.  I  didn't  break  up  no 
deal,  because  there  wasn't  no  deal  to  bust  up,  Maw- 
russ." 

"Why  not?"  Morris  asked. 

"Because  if  the  deal  was  to  sell  Rashkin 's  house,'* 
Abe  explained,  "Rothschild  ain't  in  it  at  all,  because 
I  myself  is  the  only  person  what  could  sell  that 
house. ' ' 

He  drew  the  option  from  his  breast  pocket  and 
handed  it  to  Morris,  who  read  it  over  carefully. 

"Well,  Abe,"  Morris  commented,  "that's  only 
throwing  away  good  money  with  bad,  because  you 
couldn't  do  nothing  with  that  house  in  two  weeks  or 
in  two  years,  neither." 

"I  know  it,"  Abe  said  confidently,  "but  so  long 
as  I  got  an  option  on  that  house  nobody  else  couldn  't 
do  nothing  with  it,  neither.  And  so  long  as  Rashkin 
ain't  able  to  undersell  you,  Mawruss,  you  got  a 
chance  to  get  rid  of  your  house  and  to  come  out  even, 
Mawruss.  My  advice  to  you  is,  Mawruss,  that  you 

401 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTER 

should  get  a  hustle  on  you  and  sell  that  house  for 
the  best  price  you  could.  For  so  sure  as  I  sit  here, 
after  this  option  expires,  and  Eashkin  is  again  offer- 
ing his  house  at  forty-five  thousand,  you  would  be 
positively  stuck." 

1  'I  bet  yer  I  would  be  stuck,  Abe"  Morris  agreed. 
"But  I  ain't  going  to  let  no  grass  grow  on  me, 
Abe.  I  will  put  in  an  ad.  in  every  paper  in  New 
York  this  afternoon,  and  I'll  keep  it  up  till  I  sell  the 
house." 

"Maybe  that  wouldn't  be  necessary,  Mawruss," 
Abe  said,  with  a  twinkle  in  his  eye. 

"What  d'ye  mean?"  Morris  asked. 

Whereupon,  Abe  unfolded  at  great  length  his  ad- 
ventures of  the  day,  beginning  with  his  meeting  B. 
Rashkin  at  the  Real-Estate  Exchange,  and  conclud- 
ing with  Mr.  Marks'  penciled  memorandum  of  Mor- 
ris' address. 

"And  now,  Mawruss,"  Abe  concluded,  "you  seen 
the  position  what  I  took  it,  and  when  that  feller 
Marks  calls  at  your  house  to-night  you  should  be 
careful  and  not  make  no  cracks.  Remember,  Maw- 
russ, you  got  to  tell  him  that  as  a  partner  I  am  a 
crank  and  a  regular  highbinder.  Also,  Mawruss,  you 
got  to  tell  him  that  if  I  wasn't  held  by  a  copartner- 
ship agreement  I  would  do  you  for  your  shirt,  y 'un- 
derstand?" 

Morris  nodded. 

"I  know  you  should,  Abe,"  he  said. 

"What!"  Abe  roared. 

402 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTEB 

"I  mean  I  know  I  should,"  Morris  explained;  "I 
know  I  should  tell  this  here  Marks  what  you  say." 

Abe  grew  calm  immediately,  but  he  left  further 
tactics  to  Morris'  discretion;  and  when  Mr.  Marks 
called  at  the  latter 's  house  that  evening  Morris 
showed  that  he  possessed  that  discretion  to  a  degree 
hardly  equaled  by  his  partner. 

"Yes,  Mr.  Marks,"  he  said,  after  he  had  seated 
his  visitor  in  the  easiest  chair  in  the  front  parlor 
and  had  supplied  him  with  a  good  cigar,  "it  is  true 
that  I  got  it  a  house  and  that  the  house  is  on  the 
market  for  sale.'" 

He  paused  and  nodded  sadly. 

"But  I  also  got  it  a  partner,  Mr.  Marks,  and  no 
doubt  you  heard  already  what  a  cutthroat  that  feller 
is.  I  assure  you,  Mr.  Marks,  that  feller  goes  to 
work  and  gets  an  option  on  the  house  next  door  which 
you  know  is  identical  the  same  like  my  house  is.  Yes, 
Mr.  Marks,  he  gets  an  option  on  that  house  for  forty- 
seven  thousand  five  hundred  dollars  from  the  feller 
what  owns  it,  when  he  knows  I  am  already  negoti 
ating  to  sell  my  house  for  forty-seven  seven-fifty.' 

This  willful  misstatement  of  the  amount  of  thfc 
option  produced  the  desired  result. 

"Did  you  seen  it  the  option!"  Marks  asked  cau- 
tiously. 

"Well,  no,  I  ain't  seen  it,  but  I  heard  it  on  good 
authority,  Mr.  Marks,"  he  said,  and  allowed  himself 
two  bars'  rest,  as  the  musicians  say,  for  the  phras* 
to  sink  in, 

403 


POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTER 

"Yes,  Mr.  Marks,  on  good  authority  I  heard  it 
that  Potash  pays  five  hundred  dollars  for  a  two- 
weeks'  option  at  forty-seven  thousand  five  hundred 
dollars. ' ' 

"Forty-seven  thousand  five  hundred  dollars?" 
Marks  said  with  a  rising  inflection. 

"Forty-seven  thousand  five  hundred,'*  Morris  re- 
plied blandly,  "and  I  guess  he  got  a  pretty  cheap 
house,  too.'* 

"Well,  I  ain't  got  the  same  opinion  what  you  got," 
Marks  retorted.  "I  got  an  opinion,  Mr.  Perlmut- 
ter,  that  your  partner  pays  a  thousand  dollars  too 
much  for  his  house." 

"Is  that  so?"  Morris  replied,  and  then  and  there 
began  a  three-hours'  session  which  terminated  when 
they  struck  a  bargain  at  forty-seven  thousand  dol- 
lars. Ten  minutes  later  Marks  left  with  a  written 
memorandum  of  the  terms  of  sale  on  his  person, 
while  Morris  pocketed  a  similar  memorandum  and 
fifty  dollars  earnest  money. 

The  next  morning  an  executory  contract  of  sale 
was  signed  in  Henry  D.  Feldman's  office,  and  pre- 
cisely two  weeks  later  Mr.  Marks  took  title  to  Mor- 
ris '  property  which,  after  deducting  all  expenditures, 
netted  its  builder  a  profit  of  almost  two  thousand  dol- 
lars. This  sum  Morris  deposited  to  the  credit  of  the 
firm  account  of  Potash  &  Perlmutter,  and  hardly  had 
the  certified  check  been  dispatched  to  the  Kosciusko 
Bank  when  the  door  opened  and  Eashkin  and  Ferdy 
Rothschild  burst  into  the  show-room. 

001 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTER 

"Bloodsucker!'*  Rashkin  cried,  shaking  his  fist 
under  Abe's  nose.  "What  for  you  didn't  take  up 
your  option  ? " 

Abe  stepped  back  hurriedly  and  put  a  sample  table 
between  himself  and  B.  Rashkin. 

"Must  I  take  it  up  the  option?"  he  said  calmly. 
"Couldn't  I  let  you  keep  it  the  four  hundred  dollars 
if  I  wanted  to?" 

Rashkin  looked  at  Ferdy  Rothschild. 

"That's  a  fine  murderer  for  you.  What?"  he  ex- 
claimed. 

"Him,  I  ain't  surprised  about,"  Ferdy  Rothschild 
replied,  "but  when  a  feller  should  do  his  own  wife's 
brother  out  of  a  commission  of  four  hundred  and 
sixty-five  dollars,  Rashkin,  what  a  heart  he  must  have 
it.  Like  a  piece  of  steel." 

"Don't  talk  that  way,  Ferdy,"  Morris  commented, 
without  emotion.  "You  make  me  feel  bad.  I  got 
lots  of  consideration  for  you,  Ferdy,  after  the  way 
you  treated  me  already.  Yes,  Ferdy,  I  think  a  whole 
lot  of  you,  Ferdy.  You  could  come  to  me  with  your 
tongue  hanging  out  from  hunger  yet,  and  I  wouldn't 
lift  a  little  finger." 

Ferdy  turned  and  appealed  to  B.  Rashkin. 

"Ain't  them  fine  words  to  hear  from  my  own 
brother-in-law?"  he  said. 

"Nobody  compels  you  to  stay  here  and  listen  to 
'em,  Rothschild,"  Abe  interrupted.  "And,  anyhow, 
Rothschild,  you  could  make  it  more  money  if  instead 
you  stayed  here  you  would  go  downtown  to  Henry 

»6— Potash  &  Perlmutter.  405 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEK 

D.  Feldman's  office  and  sue  this  here  Rashkin  in  the 
courts  for  your  commission.  I  was  telling  Feldman 
all  about  it  this  morning,  and  he  says  you  got  it  a 
good  case." 

"Rothschild,"  Rashkin  cried  pleadingly,  "where 
are  you  going?" 

"You  shouldn't  talk  to  me,"  Rothschild  answered. 
"Potash  is  right.  I  brought  this  here  Marks  to  you 
and  he  was  ready  and  willing  to  purchase  at  your 
terms,  and  so,  therefore,  you  owe  me  a  commission 
of  four  hundred  and  sixty-five  dollars." 

The  next  moment  he  banged  the  door  behind  him 
and  five  minutes  later  he  was  followed  by  B.  Rashkin, 
who  had  filled  that  short  space  of  time  with  an  ex- 
haustive and  profane  denunciation  of  Potash  &  Perl- 
mutter,  individually  and  as  copartners. 

Five  days  afterward  Morris  examined  the  list  of 
real-estate  conveyances  in  the  morning  paper,  after 
the  fashion  of  the  reformed  race-track  gambler  who 
occasionally  consults  the  past  performances  of  the 
day's  entries. 

He  handed  the  paper  to  Abe  and  pointed  his  finger 
to  the  following  item: 

264th  St.  2044  East  37.6x100.10;  Baruch  Rashkin  to  the 
Royal  Piccadilly  Realty  Co.  (mtg  $33,000),  $100. 

"That's  only  a  fake,"  Abe  said.  "I  seen  in  the 
paper  yesterday  that  Rashkin  incorporated  the  Royal 
Piccadilly  Realty  Company  with  his  wife,  Goldie 
Rashkin,  as  president;  and  I  guess  he  done  it  be- 

•M 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTEE 

cause  he  got  scared  that  Eothschild  would  get  a  judg- 
ment against  him.  And  so  he  transfers  the  house  to 
the  corporation." 

"But  if  he  does  that,  Abe,"  Morris  cried  gleefully, 
"Ferdy  Eothschild  would  never  collect  on  that  judg- 
ment, because  that  house  is  all  the  property  Eash- 
kin's  got." 

"I  hope  you  don't  feel  bad  about  it,  Mawruss," 
Abe  said. 

"I  bet  yer  I  feel  terrible,  Abe,"  Morris  said  iron- 
ically. * '  But  why  did  Eashkin  call  it  the  Eoyal  Pic- 
cadilly Eealty  Company,  Abe?" 

"For  the  sake  of  old  times  yet, "Abe  answered. 
"I  hear  it  from  Sol  Klinger  that  before  Eashkin 
busted  up  in  the  waist  business  he  used  to  make  up  a 
garment  called  the  Eoyal  Piccadilly. '  * 

"Is  that  so?"  Morris  commented.  "I  never  heard 
he  busted  up  in  the  waist  business,  Abe.  Why 
couldn't  he  make  a  go  of  it,  Abe!" 

"Well,  Mawruss,  it  was  the  same  trouble  with  him 
like  with  some  other  people,  I  know,"  Abe  replied 
significantly.  "He  was  a  good  manufacturer  but  a 
poor  salesman ;  and  you  know  as  well  as  I  do,  Maw- 
russ, any  fool  could  make  up  an  article,  Mawruss, 
but  it  takes  a  feller  with  judgment  to  sell  it." 


4t7 


POTASH  &  PEBLMUTTEE 


CHAPTER 

««T~^VlD  the  sponger  send  up  them  doctors  yet?" 

J    said  Morris  with  a  far-away  look  in  his 

bloodshot  eyes,   as  he  entered  his  place 

of  business  at  half  past  seven  one  morning  in  March. 

"Doctors?"  Abe  repeated.  "What  are  you  talk- 
ing about — doctors!" 

Morris  snapped  his  fingers  impatiently. 

"Doctors!  Hear  me  talk!"  he  cried.  "I  meant 
kerseys." 

* '  Listen  here,  Mawruss, '  '  Abe  suggested.  * '  What 's 
the  use  you  monkeying  with  business  to-day?  Why 
don't  you  go  home?" 

"Me,  I  don't  take  things  so  particular,  Abe," 
Morris  replied.  "Time  enough  when  I  got  to  go 
home,  then  I  will  go  home." 

"You  could  do  what  you  please,  Mawruss,"  Abe 
declared.  "We  ain't  so  busy  now  that  you  couldn't 
be  spared,  y 'understand.  With  spring  weather  like 
we  got  it  now,  Mawruss,  we  could  better  sell  arctic 
overshoes  and  raincoats  as  try  to  get  rid  of  our  line 
already.  I  tell  you  the  truth,  Mawruss,  I  ain't  seen 
business  so  schlecht  since  way  before  the  Spanish 
War  already." 

"We  could  always  find  something  to  do,  Abe,"  said 
Morris.  "Why  don't  you  tell  Miss  Cohen  to  get  out 
them  statements  which  you  was  talking  about?" 

iOS 


POTASH   &   PEKLMUTTER 

"That's  a  good  idee,  Mawruss,"  Abe  agreed. 
"Half  the  time  we  don't  know  where  we  are  at  at  all. 
Big  concerns  get  out  what  they  call  a  balancing  sheet 
every  day  yet,  and  we  are  lucky  if  we  do  it  oncet  a 
year  already.  How  long  do  you  think  it  would  take 
her  to  finish  'em  up,  Mawruss?" 

The  far-away  look  returned  to  Morris*  eyes  as  he 
replied.  "I  am  waiting  for  a  telephone  every  min- 
ute, Abe,"  he  said. 

Abe  stared  indignantly  at  his  partner,  then  he 
took  a  cigar  out  of  his  waistcoat  pocket  and  handed 
it  to  Morris. 

"Go  and  sit  down  and  smoke  this,  Mawruss,"  he 
said.  "Leon  Sammet  gives  it  to  me  in  the  subway 
this  morning,  and  if  it's  anything  like  them  souve- 
nirs which  he  hands  it  out  to  his  customers,  it'll 
make  you  forget  your  troubles,  Mawruss.  The  last 
time  I  smoked  one,  I  couldn't  remember  nothing  for 
a  week." 

Morris  carefully  cut  off  the  end  of  Abe's  gift  with 
a  penknife,  but  when  he  struck  a  match  the  telephone 
bell  rang  sharply.  Immediately  he  threw  the  cigar 
and  the  lighted  match  to  the  floor  and  dashed  wildly 
to  the  firm's  office. 

"Do  you  got  to  burn  the  place  up  yet?"  Abe  cried, 
and  after  he  had  extinguished  the  match  with  his 
foot,  he  followed  his  partner  to  the  office  in  time  to 
view  Morris*  coat  tails  disappearing  into  the  eleva- 
tor. For  two  minutes  he  stood  still  and  shook  his 
head  slowly. 

40» 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTER 

"Miss  Cohen,"  lie  said  at  length,  "get  out  them 
statements  which  I  told  it  you  yesterday,  and  so  soon 
you  got  the  drawing  account  finished,  let  me  have 
it.  I  don't  think  Mr.  Perlmutter  will  be  back  to- 
day, so  you  would  have  lots  of  time  to  do  it  in." 

It  was  almost  two  o'clock  before  Miss  Cohen 
handed  Abe  the  statement  of  the  firm's  drawing  ac- 
count, and  Abe  thrust  it  into  his  breast  pocket. 

"I'm  going  out  for  a  bite,  Miss  Cohen,"  he  said. 
"If  anybody  wants  me,  I  am  over  at  Hammersmith's 
and  you  could  send  Jake  across  for  me." 

He  sighed  heavily  as  he  raised  his  umbrella  and 
plunged  out  into  a  heavy  March  downpour.  It  had 
been  raining  steadily  for  about  a  week  to  the  com- 
plete discouragement  of  garment  buyers,  and  Ham- 
mersmith's rear  cafe  sheltered  a  proportionately 
gloomy  assemblage  of  cloak  and  suit  manufacturers. 
Abe  glanced  around  him  when  he  entered  and  se- 
lected a  table  at  which  sat  Sol  Klinger,  who  was 
scowling  at  a  portion  of  Salisbury  steak. 

"Hallo,  Sol,"  Abe  cried.  "What's  the  trouble. 
Ain't  the  oitermobile  running  again?" 

"Do  me  the  favor,  Abe,"  Sol  replied,  "and  cut 
out  them  so  called  alleged  jokes." 

He  turned  toward  a  waiter  who  was  dusting  off 
the  tablecloth  in  front  of  Abe. 

"Max,"  he  said,  stabbing  at  the  steak  with  a  fork 
held  at  arm's  length  and  leaning  back  in  his  chair 
as  though  to  avoid  contagion.  "What  d'ye  call  this 
here  mess  anyway!" 

410 


POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

The  waiter  examined  the  dish  critically  and 
nodded  his  head. 

"  Sally  's-bury  steak,  Mr.  Klinger,"  he  murmured. 
"Very  nice  to-day.'* 

"Is  that  so?"  Sol  Klinger  rejoined.  "Well, 
lookyhere  Max,  if  I  would  got  it  a  dawg  which  I 
wanted  to  get  rid  of  bad,  y  'understand,  I  would  feed 
him  that  mess.  But  me,  I  ain  't  ready  to  die  just  yet 
awhile,  y 'understand,  even  though  business  is  rotten, 
so  you  could  take  that  thing  back  to  the  cook  and 
bring  me  a  slice  of  roast  beef;  and  if  you  think  I  got 
all  day  to  sit  here,  Max,  and  fool  away  my  time " 

"Right  away,  Mr.  Klinger,  right  away,"  Max  cried 
as  he  hurried  off  the  offending  dish,  and  once  more 
Sol  subsided  into  a  melancholy  silence. 

' '  Don 't  take  it  so  hard,  Sol, ' '  Abe  said.  '  *  We  got 
bad  weather  like  this  schon  lots  of  times  yet,  and 
none  of  us  busted  up.  Aint  it  ? " 

"The  weather  is  nix,  Abe,"  Sol  replied.  "If  it's 
wet  to-day  then  it's  fine  to-morrow,  and  if  a  concern 
ain't  buying  goods  now — all  right.  They'll  buy  'em 
later  on.  Ain't  it?  But,  Abe,  the  partner  which 
you  got  it  to-day,  Abe,  that's  the  same  partner  which 
you  got  it  to-morrow,  and  that  sucker  Klein,  Abe, 
he  eats  me  up  with  expenses.  What  that  feller  does 
with  his  money,  Abe,  I  don't  know." 

"Maybe  he  buys  oitermobiles,  Sol,"  Abe  sug- 
gested. 

"Supposing  I  did  buy  last  spring  an  oitermobile, 
Abe,"  Sol  retorted.  "That  is  the  least.  I  bet  yer 

411 


POTASH   &   PEBLMUTTEB 

that  feller  Klein  spends  enough  on  taxicab  rides  for 
customers,  and  also  one  or  two  of  'em  which  she  ain't 
customers,  as  he  could  buy  a  dozen  oitermobiles  al- 
ready. No,  Abe,  that  ain't  the  point.  The  first  year 
Klein  and  me  goes  as  partners  together,  he  over- 
draws me  two  hundred  and  fifty  dollars.  Schon  gut. 
If  the  feller  is  a  little  extravagent,  y 'understand,  he's 
got  to  make  it  up  next  year." 

Sol  paused  to  investigate  the  roast  beef  which  Max 
had  brought,  and  being  apparently  satisfied,  he  pro- 
ceeded with  his  narrative. 

"Next  year,  Abe,"  he  continued,  "Klein  not  only 
ain't  made  up  the  two  hundred  and  fifty,  Abe,  but 
he  gets  into  me  three  hundred  dollars  more.  Well, 
business  is  good,  y 'understand,  and  so  I  don't  kick 
and  that's  where  I  am  a  great  big  fool,  Abe,  because 
every  year  since  then,  Abe,  that  sucker  goes  on  and 
on,  until  to-day  our  balance  sheet  shows  I  got  five 
thousand  more  invested  in  the  business  as  Klein  got 
it.  And  if  I  would  tell  him  we  are  no  longer  equal 
partners,  Abe,  he  would  go  right  down  to  Henry  D. 
Feldman,  and  to-morrow  morning  there  would  be  a 
receiver  in  the  store." 

Sol  plunged  his  fork  into  the  slice  of  roast  beef 
as  though  it  were  Klein  himself,  and  he  hacked  at  it 
so  viciously  that  the  gravy  flew  in  every  direction. 

"Max,"  he  roared,  clapping  his  handkerchief  to 
his  face,  "what  the  devil  you  are  bringing  me  here — 
soup?" 

It  was  at  least  five  minutes  before  Sol  had  ex- 

412 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

hausted  his  stock  ot  profanity,  and  when  at  length 
the  tablecloth  was  changed  and  Abe  had  ministered 
to  the  front  of  his  coat  with  a  napkin  dipped  in  water, 
Sol  ceased  to  upbraid  the  waiter  and  resumed  his 
tirade  against  his  partner. 

"Yes,  Abe,"  he  said,  "you  are  in  luck.  You  got 
a  partner,  y 'understand,  which  he  is  a  decent  re- 
spectable feller.  I  bet  yer  Mawruss  would  no  more 
dream  of  overdrawing  you,  than  he  would  fly  in  the 
air. ' ' 

"Wait  till  they  gets  to  be  popular,  Sol,"  Abe  re- 
plied. "You  could  take  it  from  me,  Sol,  Mawruss 
would  be  the  first  one  to  buy  one  of  them  airyplanes, 
just  the  same  like  he  bought  that  oitermobile  yet." 

"That's  all  right,"  Sol  said.  "Mawruss  is  a 
good  live  partner.  He  sees  people  round  him — good, 
decent,  respectable  people,  mind  you — is  buying 
oitermobiles,  Abe,  and  so  he  thinks  he  could  buy  one, 
too.  There  ain  't  no  harm  in  that,  Abe,  so  long  as  he 
keeps  inside  his  drawing  account,  but  so  soon  as  one 
partner  starts  to  take  more  as  the  other  money  out 
of  the  business,  Abe,  then  there  is  right  away  trouble. 
But  certainly,  Abe,  Mawruss  wouldn't  do  nothing  like 
that." 

"Sure  not,"  Abe  replied,  "because  in  the  first 
place,  Sol,  he  knows  I  wouldn't  stand  for  it,  and  in 
the  second  place,  Mawruss  ain't  out  to  do  me,  y 'un- 
derstand. I  will  say  for  Mawruss  this,  Sol.  Of 
course  a  partner  is  a  partner,  Sol,  and  the  best  of 
partners  behaves  like  cutthroats  at  times,  but  Maw- 

413 


POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

russ  was  always  white  with  me,  Sol,  and  certainly  I 
think  a  whole  lot  of  that  feller.  Just  to  show  yon, 
Sol,  I  got  Miss  Cohen  to  fix  it  up  for  ns  a  statement 
of  our  drawing  account  which  I  got  it  right  here  in 
my  breast  pocket,  and  I  ain't  even  looked  at  it  at 
all,  so  sure  I  am  that  everything  is  all  0.  K." 

"I  bet  yer  you  overdrew  him  yet/'  Sol  observed. 

"Me,  I  ain't  such  a  big  spender,  Sol,"  Abe  replied 
as  he  unfolded  the  statement.  "I  don't  even  got  to 
look  at  the  statement,  because  I  know  we  drew  just 
the  same  amount.  Yes, — here  it  is  Sol.  Me,  I  drew 
six  thousand  two  hundred  dollars,  and  Mawruss 

drew — six  thousand  two  hundred  and .  Well, 

what  do  you  think  for  a  sucker  like  that?" 

"Why,  what's  the  matter,  Abe?"  Sol  cried. 

Abe's  face  had  grown  white  and  his  eyes  glittered 
with  anger. 

"That's  a  loafer  for  you!"  he  went  on.  "That 
feller  actually  pocketed  fifty-two  dollars  of  my 
money." 

"Fifty-two  dollars?"  Sol  repeated.  "What  are 
you  making  such  a  fuss  about  fifty-two  dollars  for?" 

"With  you  I  suppose  fifty-two  dollars  is  nothing, 
Sol?"  Abe  retorted.  "I  suppose  you  could  pick  up 
fifty-two  dollars  in  the  streets,  Sol.  What?  Wait 
till  I  see  that  robber  to-morrow.  I'll  fix  him.  Ac- 
tually, I  thought  that  feller  was  above  such  things, 
Sol." 

"Don't  excite  yourself,  Abe,"  Sol  began. 

"I  ain't  excited,  Sol,"  Abe  replied.     "I  ain't  a 

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POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

bit  excited.  All  I  would  do  is  I  will  go  back  to  the 
store  and  draw  a  check  for  fifty-two  dollars.  I 
wouldn't  let  that  beat  get  ahead  of  me  not  for  one 
cent,  Sol.  If  I  would  sit  down  with  my  eyes  closed 
for  five  minutes,  Sol,  that  loafer  would  do  me  for 
my  shirt.  I  must  be  on  the  job  all  the  time,  Sol, 
otherwise  that  feller  would  have  me  on  the  streets 
yet." 

For  a  quarter  of  an  hour  longer  Abe  reviled  Mor- 
ris, until  Sol  was  moved  to  protest. 

"If  I  thought  that  way  about  my  partner,  Abe," 
he  said,  "I'd  go  right  down  and  see  Feldman  and 
have  a  dissolution  yet." 

"That's  what  I  will  do,  Sol,"  Abe  declared. 
"Why  should  I  tie  myself  up  any  longer  with  a  cut- 
throat like  that  ?  I  tell  you  what  we  '11  do,  Sol.  We  '11 
go  over  to  the  store  and  see  what  else  Miss  Cohen 
found  it  out.  I  bet  you  he  rings  in  a  whole  lot  of 
items  on  me  with  the  petty  cash  while  I  was  away 
on  the  road." 

Together  they  left  Hammersmith's  and  repaired 
at  once  to  Potash  &  Perlmutter's  place  of  business. 
As  they  entered  the  showroom  Miss  Cohen 
emerged  from  her  office  with  a  sheet  of  paper  in  her 
hand. 

"Mr.  Potash,"  she  said,  "when  you  were  in 
Chicago  last  fall  you  drew  on  the  firm  for  a  hun- 
dred dollars,  and  by  mistake  I  credited  it  to  you 
on  your  expense  account.  It  ought  to  have  been 
charged  on  your  drawing  account.  So  that  makes- 

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POTASH   &  PEKLMUTTER 

your  total  drawing  account  sixty-three  hundred  dol- 
lars. " 

Abe  stopped  short  and  looked  at  Sol. 

"What  was  that  you  said,  Miss  Cohen?"  he  asked. 

"I  said  that  I  made  a  mistake  in  that  statement, 
and  you're  overdrawn  on  Mr.  Perlmutter  forty- 
eight  dollars,"  Miss  Cohen  concluded. 

"Then  hurry  up  quick,  Miss  Cohen,"  Abe  cried, 
"and  draw  a  check  in  my  personal  check  book  on 
the  Kosciusko  Bank  to  Potash  &  Perlmutter  for 
forty-eight  dollars  and  see  that  it's  deposited  the 
first  thing  to-morrow  morning." 

He  handed  Sol  a  cigar. 

"Yes,  Sol,"  he  said,  "if  Mawruss  would  find  it 
out  that  I  am  overdrawn  on  him  forty-eight  dollars, 
he  would  abuse  me  like  a  pickpocket.  That  feller 
never  gives  me  credit  for  being  square  at  all,  Sol.  I 
would  be  afraid  for  my  life  if  he  would  get  on  to 
that  forty-eight  dollars.  Why,  the  very  first  thing 
you  know,  Sol,  he  would  be  going  around  telling 
everybody  I  was  a  crook  and  a  cutthroat.  That's 
the  kind  of  feller  Mawruss  is,  Sol.  I  could  treat  him 
always  like  a  gentleman,  Sol,  and  if  the  smallest  little 
thing  happens  to  us,  'sucker'  is  the  least  what  he  calls 
me." 

At  this  juncture  the  green  baize  doors  leading  into 
the  hall  burst  open  and  Morris  himself  leaped  into 
the  show-room.  His  necktie  was  perched  rakishly  un- 
derneath his  right  ear,  and  his  collar  was  of  the 
moisture  and  consistency  of  a  used  wash  rag.  His 

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POTASH   &  PERLMUTTER 

clothes  were  dripping,  for  he  carried  no  umbrella, 
and  his  hair  hung  in  damp  strands  over  his  fore- 
head. Nevertheless  he  was  grinning  broadly,  as 
without  a  word  he  ran  up  to  Abe  and  seized  his  hand. 
For  two  minutes  Morris  shook  it  up  and  down  and 
then  he  collapsed  into  the  nearest  chair. 

' '  "W  ell,  Mawruss, ' '  Abe  cried,  *  *  what 's  the  matter  ? 
Couldn't  you  say  nothing?  What  did  you  come 
downtown  again  for?  You  should  have  stayed  up- 
town with  Minnie." 

"S'all  right,  Abe,"  Morris  gasped.  "S'all  over, 
too.  The  doctor  says  instead  I  should  be  making  a 
nuisance  of  myself  uptown,  I  would  be  better  off  in 
the  store  here.  He  was  there  before  I  could  get 
home. ' ' 

' *  Who  was  there  ? ' '  Abe  asked.    « '  The  doctor  ? ' ' 

"Not  the  doctor,"  Morris  went  on.  "The  boy  was 
there.  Minnie  is  doing  fine.  The  doctor  said  every- 
thing would  be  all  right." 

"That's  good.    That's  good,"  Abe  murmured. 

"Y'oughter  seen  him,  Abe.  He  weighed  ten 
pounds,"  Morris  continued.  "I  bet  yer  he  could 
holler,  too, — like  an  auctioneer  already.  Minnie  says 
also  I  shouldn't  forget  to  tell  you  what  we  agreed 
upon." 

"What  we  agreed  upon?"  Abe  repeated.  "Why 
we  ain't  agreed  upon  nothing,  so  far  what  I  hear, 
Mawruss.  What  d'ye  mean — what  we  agreed 
upon?" 

"Not  you  and  me,  Abe,"  Morris  cried.     "Her  and 

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POTASH   &  PEBLMUTTEB 

me.  We  agreed  that  if  it  was  a  boy  we'd  call  him 
Abraham  P.  Perlmutter  already.'* 

He  slapped  Abe  on  the  back  and  laughed  uproari- 
ously, while  Abe  looked  guilty  and  blushed  a  deep 
crimson. 

"Abraham  Potash  Perlmutter,"  Morris  reiterated. 
" That's  one  fine  name,  Sol." 

It  was  now  Sol's  turn  to  take  Morris'  hand  and 
he  squeezed  it  hard. 

"I  congradulate  you  for  the  boy  and  for  the  name 
both,"  he  said. 

Once  more  Abe  seized  his  partner's  hand  and  shook 
it  rhythmically  up  and  down  as  though  it  were  a 
patent  exerciser. 

"Mawruss,"  he  said,  "this  is  certainly  something 
which  I  didn't  expect  at  all,  and  all  I  could  say  is 
that  I  got  to  tell  you  you  would  never  be  sorry  for 
it.  Just  a  few  minutes  since  in  Hammersmith's  I 
was  telling  Sol  I  got  a  partner  which  it  is  a  credit 
and  an  honor  for  a  feller  to  know  he  could  always 
trust  such  a  partner  to  do  what  is  right  and  square 

and  also,  Mawruss,  I Miss  Cohen, ' '  he  broke  off 

suddenly,  "you  should  draw  right  away  another 
check  in  my  personal  book  for  a  hundred  dollars." 

"To  whose  order?"  Miss  Cohen  asked. 

Abe  cleared  his  throat  and  blinked  away  a  slight 
moisture  before  replying. 

"Make  it  to  the  order  of  Abraham  P.  Perlmut- 
ter," he  said,  "and  we  will  deposit  it  in  a  savings 
bank,  Mawruss,  and  when  he  comes  twenty-one  years 

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POTASH   &   PERLMUTTER 

old,  Mawruss,  we  will  draw  it  out  with  anything  else 
what  you  put  in  there  for  him,  Mawruss,  and  we  will 
deposit  it  in  our  own  bank  to  the  credit  of  Potash, 
Perlmutter  &  Son." 

Sol  Klinger's  face  spread  into  an  amiable  grin. 

"You  could  put  me  down  ten  dollars  on  that  sav- 
ings bank  account,  too,  boys,"  he  said  as  he  reached 
for  his  hat.  "I've  got  to  be  going  now." 

"Don't  forget  you  should  tell  Klein  it's  a  boy," 
Morris  called  to  him. 

"I  wouldn't  forget,"  Sol  replied.  "Klein'll  be 
glad  to  hear  it.  You  know,  Mawruss,  Klein  ain't 
such  a  grouch  as  most  people  think  he  is.  In  fact, 
taking  him  all  around,  Klein  is  a  pretty  decent  fel- 
ler." 

As  he  turned  to  leave,  his  eye  met  Abe's,  and  both 
of  them  smiled  guiltily. 

"After  all,  Abe,"  Sol  concluded,  "it  ain't  what 
partners  says  about  each  other,  Abe,  but  how  they 
acts  which  counts.  Ain't  it!" 

Abe  nodded  emphatically. 

"An  old  saying  but  a  true  one,"  Morris  declared. 
"Actions  talk  louder  as  words." 


THE  END. 


419 


ETU 


m  V "  i  I  | 


